Thank you for the advise Leroy. I'll be thinking of this when I talk to the parents I work with at the hospital.

Sent by Lisa | 8:01 AM ET | 07-02-2008

Leroy,
I appreciate how you continue to teach options in "being" with others and ourself. "What to say" (or not) is such a huge issue and keeps many people away fearing the discomfort of saying the wrong thing. Because of you, some communication bridges will be built and crossed...and who can know where that may lead. Not all ills can be cured, most can be healed...and so it is. Once again, 'thank YOU, for introducing, naming, welcoming and integrating the elephant in the room.
Sandi in Phoenix

Sent by Sandi | 8:29 AM ET | 07-02-2008

View it in widescreen mode... Have a nice tripppppp.....

http://www.brightcove.tv/title.jsp?title=1438490562

Hold Fast

Don Macleod

Sent by Don MacLeod | 8:30 AM ET | 07-02-2008

When I was first diagnosed with BC I wanted to talk about it. Now with my recent progression, I don't. I don't feel like sharing, I don't want to talk about it. I just want to be normal and not the one with cancer.

Sent by Janis | 8:37 AM ET | 07-02-2008

Leroy, I really agree with you. The last few months of my husbands life there were so many friends that would come visit or phone, maybe take him to lunch to just visit about things they had been interested in doing over the past years. Things he could no longer do but still showed an interest in. It gave him a chance to escape from the cancer world for just a little while. He always seemed to feel so much better afterwards. I will allways be so greatful to these special friends. I am sure there were times they shared feelings about the cancer and where it was going but to just share that outside world was fantastic.

Leroy I so appreciate you and what you are going through as well as Laurie. It is a tough road. This blog community helped me deal with my husbands cancer and passing so much. I talked to him about you and this blog quite a bit and would have loved for him to read all but he just couldn't. I know it is not easy but please just keep takeing one day at a time and make the most out of every day. Sometimes a day almost seems to be too much and then I just go one step at a time, one foot in front of the other. Give Laurie a big hug and share your feelings with her as much as you can. Talk...

Please have a good day and draw strength from all of us.

Sent by dorothy in oregon | 8:37 AM ET | 07-02-2008

True, very true. No one likes to be reminded of their illness, or potential losses with every encounter. There is life outside of what is immediately in front of us. It is around us all the time, sometimes we just have to look harder to find something else. Caregivers, patients, families, significant others do not to be constantly reminded of illness, losses, or painful moments.

Sent by Sue Chap | 8:38 AM ET | 07-02-2008

Good Morning! It is gloriously sunny and bright today, BUT it promises to be hot and getting hotter. Looks like we shall have a beautiful, typical, Fourth here in VA. This is wonderful expecially since so many have opted to stay home and celebrate with family in a good ole fashioned holiday. Fly the flag, sing songs, and try to re-capture some of the Patriotism we used to all feel when we were a "peaceful Nation" and not trying to "Manage the World". Our own Country needs us. We must focus on it!

Sent by J C R | 8:41 AM ET | 07-02-2008

Leroy, Your post this morning is so perfectly timed. I was walking yesterday and realized that my "sleeping with my kids gives me peace" comment from yesterday may seem insensitive of the people who have children with cancer who come to this blog for comfort. If I offended anyone yesterday with my comment, I am so sorry!

So Leroy, in terms of "the best conversations being about things other than cancer" can't you promise a future blog where you write about a topic on something like the state of the world, when oil prices will drop (you can try to wing that one!), Iraq/Afghanistan, or the election??? Inquiring minds want to know your opinion on those things too (book/movie reviews OK too)... :-)

It's kind of funny: I don't care if I offend people with my political comments (don't get me started on "W") but I say one thing about hugging my kids and I spend hours wondering if I said the wrong thing!And that's here in this open community. Not face to face with someone! Why is that?

Sent by Liz L. | 8:51 AM ET | 07-02-2008

So Leroy, who are you voting for this year? Inquiring minds really want to know ;0)

Have a great day!

God bless you.

Judy

Sent by Judy Voller | 8:54 AM ET | 07-02-2008

Keeping cancer out of the room. I like that Leroy. Now accomplishing it requires great skill and compassion! Lots to think about today! Hope today is a good day for you and that you find some peace and fun throughout it!

Sent by JaeMoyer | 9:01 AM ET | 07-02-2008

Ok - Leroy. I have been reading and posting and following this blog. I know about your cancer and what is going on with that. "Just say anything" -- let's talk of something else tomorrow. How about your family - do you have brothers or sisters?? Parents? Kids? Gkids? Have you always lived in the same town? How long have you been with Laurie? What was your favorite job? What is your favorite outside activity? Summer or Winter? Fall or Spring?

Sent by Deb from Michigan | 9:10 AM ET | 07-02-2008

So, Leroy, you are a bright and intelligent man, and I am totally confused about this election; who do you think would be the best for our next president; and what are the most important issues? I am getting to the point of being at a loss.
Take care and love to you and Laurie.

Sent by Janice Goldberg White | 9:11 AM ET | 07-02-2008

Leroy,

The month of May was the last 30 days I spent with my dear sister at the hospital when she was terminal. Helen would like to watch game shows and see who was the smartest. She also loved being read to or listening to music, and boy did she love it when I would stroke her forehead. My sister passed away on June 3rd of this year as peacefully as can be.

But I know from 3 years experience that cancer is the last thing she wanted to talk about. Treat them like you treated them before, like a mother, father, sister, brother or friend.

Leroy I have been reading your column since day one, it has helped me understand my sister's illness better. Thank you for being you and touching so many peoples lives.

God Bless

Sent by Linda | 9:17 AM ET | 07-02-2008

I treasure days where cancer does not have to be discussed. I think about it enough on my own. As I am getting ready to leave to see my oncologist today and see if I am beyond chemo or what, I would rather be talking about the new French chocolate store that opened recently in my nieghborhood.
Thanks for your insight...It is always on point for me.

Sent by Miriam | 9:18 AM ET | 07-02-2008

How 'bout those Red Sox! :-)

Love you Leroy & Laurie
Have a blessed 4th of July holiday!!

Sent by Linda Lee | 9:19 AM ET | 07-02-2008

Leroy, thanks for this. It speaks volumes about the kind of person that you are that you take the time to make those of us who feel kind of tongue-tied and at a loss for what to say more at ease. I've been checking in on this blog since it began, and you and everyone here have been an absolute inspiration. The truth is, I think part of not knowing what to say stems a little bit from being in awe of what you're going through and the grace with which you're handling it. In the face of that, so many other things seem incredibly insignificant.

I continue to keep all of you in my thoughts and prayers, and I'm pulling for you. You've already hung tougher than anyone could have possibly expected.

So. What do you think about these Olympics? After seeing the algae bloom on the yellow sea and hearing about the pollution in Beijing, I keep thinking that's the last place I'd want to be an athlete.

And if there's any way you can get a screener or DVD of Wanted (I'm not sure I'd recommend anyone sit in the theater for it, much less someone dealing with discomfort and wanting/needing to be at home), do so. It's fantastic summer fun, and I can practically hear your booming laugh as I replay some of the sillier parts in my head.

Sent by Lisa | 9:19 AM ET | 07-02-2008

Leroy,

I totally agree that distraction from the disease is a gift others can give cancer patients. There is some sort of "awe" when in the presence of cancer that keeps us from cracking jokes or talking about the weather - which is exactly what we need to be doing!

People are still who they have always been and cancer doesn't change that at all.

Blessings.

Sent by Diana Kitch | 9:20 AM ET | 07-02-2008

Leroy, you are so right about people not knowing what to say or being afraid to say anything at all. I find that my very black sense of humor helps, but often takes people aback. A typical response when asked how I am is " Good, I'm not dead yet!" I get some funny looks, but I also get many smiles.
People are just afraid - of their own mortality and of yours. When someone they know has an illness, especially a cancer, I think it reminds them that it could be them.
I hope every day that I can add a smile to someone's face and help us to enjoy the now - the time we have whatever it is. Your writings and thoughts bring me many smiles and help me to deal with my Cancer World.

Sent by Kate | 9:21 AM ET | 07-02-2008

I notice there's an audio link on the Minnesota public radio site...I'll have to listen to the broadcast tonight after I get home from work.

Sent by Bruce | 9:22 AM ET | 07-02-2008

Dear Leroy~ The more I think about your latest message, the more I believe that this will be my last participation in your "family" We have said it all and there really are no "right" words" any longer. I have enjoyed putting "my two cents worth" in and have grown very fond of you all. However life goes on and we all must know when it is time to pick up our chips and go home. Love you Leroy and Laurie.

Sent by J C R | 9:26 AM ET | 07-02-2008

Judy Voller: great minds think alike, eh???? "inquiring minds" (two people writing the same comment at the same time in two completely different places!!!)

Sent by Liz L. | 9:30 AM ET | 07-02-2008

Hi Leroy,
I may not always write to you, but I always read your blog first thing in the morning. For some reason, your post today really resonated with me. During the week that my sister was dying, she was at home with hospice, surrounded by all she loved, and those that loved her. I was one of those people.We talked about (almost) everything except her illness. As far as I was concerned, she was alive, coherent, and above all, still "my sister." Our conversations consisted of all topics from recipes (she loved to cook and bake), her favorite foods and those that she fantasized about eating (she couldn't eat anymore but still had the appetite and desire), her favorite movies (Hello Dolly and Ben Hur, which she was still watching them ad nauseam), and above all, her beloved NY Giants (a fanatical fan). Sometimes we threw in the news, and politics in particular. Now that she is gone (something that I still can't accept and cannot find "peace" with), I am so grateful that we continued to dialogue in our usual way. I often think about you and your "life" and career, etc., and how many different facets have comprised your life. What was it like being a journalist in life threatening situations, for example. When I think of you, I wonder about so much more about who you are rather than just your cancer. Just wanted to let you know that.
Hope you have a relatively good day. I'll be here tomorrow and the day after that. (God willing.)

Carpe Diem.

Sent by Donna R. in NJ | 9:39 AM ET | 07-02-2008

I feel too that anything said can help...they help us without knowing, that we are not, or ever will be the living,dead. These are the times we want to engage in. Love, friendship, and anything that builds each day for us.
I can well imagine you had good questions.
Prayers,
Wanda Amorose

Sent by Wanda Amorose | 9:40 AM ET | 07-02-2008

Hi Leroy -
I have mixed feelings about your comments - I would agree with you, but only if my friends knew everything they wanted to know (and what I was willing to share) about my illness. Once they felt comfortable - then there probably wouldn't be a need to discuss the cancer any further. I guess I'm trying to say, I don't want the elephant in the room to be ignored. Let's introduce it to our friends... and move on.

Sent by Tim | 9:42 AM ET | 07-02-2008

Need a light movie? I watched "Kinky Boots" with my kids the other night and got a lot of giggles out of it. It's British, off-beat, and has a great cross-dresser musical number at the end. All the ingredients of a great movie.

If you ever want to blog about anything but C go for it. How about a survey of everyone's favorite book?

Marcia

Sent by Marcia Greer | 9:44 AM ET | 07-02-2008

Hi Leroy~I was on my way to work and heard your interview on MPR. I turned it on just in time for the brain surgery joke! Thank you for a great morning!

Sent by Nancy Kelly | 9:50 AM ET | 07-02-2008

I think in the past, I may have been one of those who just said nothing, out of fear of saying something offensive or hurtful -- not just to people who had cancer, but to those dealing with other serious illness or family tragedy. Now, I jump right in. Experience is a good teacher.I do think that the "elephant in the room" needs to be at least mentioned before moving on to other subjects.That's just me, though.

Sent by Doris | 9:50 AM ET | 07-02-2008

Good Morning!

It's a "scor-cha" here, as we say up in "New Hampsha"!

Don MacLeod: Holy Crap!! My heart is pounding from that video, it was awesome!!! I gripped my chair at the 1:42 spot!! Thank you!!!!!

Linda Lee: GO SOX!!!! Saturday's game is going to be wicked awesome!!! Justin Masterson is starting, hopefully he's learned a thing or two from our boy Lester. Another no hitter would be sweet!

Got to go buy some fireworks. I am relabeling them for every surgical procedure, chemo drug, radiation treatment and scan I've had. There is something very cathartic about being the one to light the fuse and blow up my cancer externally. I'll fire up some for all of you too! Any preferences Leroy?

Love and explosives,
Debra

Sent by Debra in New Hampshire | 9:52 AM ET | 07-02-2008

I once had an acqaintance say to me, "I'm glad you're here. I mean, I'm glad you're HERE." And you know what, I believed him. I don't know this man very well, but this little comment meant so much to me.

Sent by Lisa Picker | 9:57 AM ET | 07-02-2008

I have been reading this blog on and off for a year now. My mother died from colon cancer 19 years ago today.

Perhaps I read this so I can get some insight into her life with cancer. Perhaps I read becasue I have this incredible guilt about not returning home right away to help with her treatments and somehow I can do that vicariously through others experiences. I was able to justify not going home because of all the help from church and other friends. I was able to make her cancer world somewhere else. Her cancer world lasted only 4 months. By the time I did get home, she could no longer talk very well. I spent time at her side listening to her breath and talking about what ever came up.

Thanks for your plain talk. Perhaps for those that don't have the disease, cancer world means just sitting and listening to someone breath. I choose to believe mom heard me talking and still hears me cry as I type this in.

It's sunny in Seattle today. What a blessing!

Sent by Todd P | 10:25 AM ET | 07-02-2008

Morning Leroy,
If you don't have a dog, maybe you should get one....(stroking them is a great stress reliever). Set some fireworks off this July 4th, have some ice cold watermelon and a hotdog, watch a great movie. Give God thanks for another glorious day of life. Love and Hugs

Sent by Teresa in WV | 10:34 AM ET | 07-02-2008

Thinking of you today, Leroy, and wishing you well. Say, what do you think of the '08 presidential campaign so far? Have you been watching Regis on Million Dollar Password? Do tell.

Sent by Nancy from Canada | 10:37 AM ET | 07-02-2008

Dear Leroy
You are so right. David and I discuss our garden which we love doing, and we are planning the flowers we want to grow for next year. We always loved travelling together too - just backpacking (despite being in our fifties!)and David wants to go to Egypt next year. We have to have these dreams and we still have to go for them.

Sent by Tina from Alton IL | 10:50 AM ET | 07-02-2008

So let me take you for a moment to San Pedro, where I am spending a few nights with daughter in a youth hostel overlooking the Pacific. I ate fresh fish (she's a vegan--rice & beans) on the waterfront amidst a diverse cliental listening to a Meriachi band.
Soon we'll be off to Yosemite.
Will think of you as I stand beside a waterfall.
Best, Judy

Sent by J. Ron | 11:00 AM ET | 07-02-2008

Debra

How bout we get togetha and invite everyone up for a lobstah bake?

Whad ya think Leroy... are ya up fa some sweet New England lobstah?

:-))

Sent by Ron Bye (NH) | 11:01 AM ET | 07-02-2008

having cancer is already bad enough and talking about it with everyone is even harder.

Sent by arthritis-treatments | 11:05 AM ET | 07-02-2008

www.henryscott.blogspot.com

a 10 year old boy's battle with cancer, son of dear friends and a real trooper himself.

Leroy: remember freshman year? Are discussions about things long ago a useful ditraction?
Scott Finn, Montgomery Alabama

Sent by J.Scott Finn | 11:31 AM ET | 07-02-2008

Leroy, My Friends and Family have yet to fully come to terms with my diagnosis. I have always been the doer, so they expect I will do this. It's nice to know how much confidence all have, but it leaves me pretty isolated.

You are always right on with these comments, I am sure there are many in the same position as I am. Just sometime without Cancer is a gift; I know I will fight it for all days, but how may is that? Thoughts, Stan

Sent by Stan Wozniak | 11:38 AM ET | 07-02-2008

Amazing Leroy, it is so simple, we even forget how to just be friends when we are caregivers. We don't want to talk about cancer all the time either. I just wanted my friend back and it was as simple as being able to just 'be' a friend and talk about other things. With my dad we played gin rummy right until the very end. When we were tired of the "Beast" dominating our lives one of us pulled out the cards and it triggered talking and laughing about a whole host of things other than sickness and disease. That bastard cheated right 'til the very end!! My ol' dad could deal from the bottom of the deck and I could never see it. He would start chuckling and I knew he'd done it again! He would always let on that he was pulling the wool over my eyes. I can't belive it...it's been 11 years and I haven't related that story in a very long time. It still brings tears to my eyes...friends until the end. Thank you Leroy...YOU are a sweetheart.

I love you too. Graham from Sag Harbor

Sent by Graham G. Hawks | 11:41 AM ET | 07-02-2008

I have read this week you have broken down a few times, and I think it shows the strength of character you are .. simple as men "aren't suppose to cry" Bravo on you for being not only open about all your experiences, but also for showing the world, men have as strong a feelings as us women -- and its ok to cry now again man or woman :}

Sent by Jill Curtis | 11:54 AM ET | 07-02-2008

Leroy,
Greetings from glorious Albany NY! Thanks to those who wished me a happy birthday as I have been celebrating all day and it's not officially until tomorrow.

I will never forget the day years ago when one of my buddies from work (a shy, sweet guy) pulled me aside and just said, "I really care about you but I just don't know what to say to you." (I had been dx'd with breast cancer a month or so beforehand and was back at work, trying to get my life back into some kind of routine) To this day, I remember how we went on to talk about how glad I was that he could at least TALK to me; others had retreated or said nothing.

On a different note, I smiled when I read that you were on a talk show just yesterday, talking about all of this stuff. You are quite the guy, Leroy!

I send you moments of peace on this beautiful day. Take good care!

Sent by betsey in albany ny | 12:13 PM ET | 07-02-2008

Dear Leroy,

I know this is a "Cancer Blog", but is there ANY way that we could talk about something else at least two or three days a week? I know many people would like to hear your thoughts on other topics, as many have already said. I know I would. Write about those, and take that precious hour or two away from the cancer topic as well as often as you can. Your life experiences, personality, and beliefs define you as a person, not cancer. You are so much more than that. We love you no matter what you talk about. Be good to yourself.

Sent by Connie | 12:20 PM ET | 07-02-2008

Good Morning Leroy and thank you for your honesty and stregth of character!!!
It is beautiful morning today in L. A., the sky is bright blue and fortunately will not be a scorching day. Peace be with you and Laurie.
Marelly

Sent by Marelly Young | 12:26 PM ET | 07-02-2008

So glad to hear your wonderful voice my brother. You sounded as strong as ever.
I had a talk with another cancer patient yesterday (the docs I work with send me in often cuz I am the resident survivor at my hospital)she had just received "the News" about her mets.
We laughed and cried and meditated for a while. Her sister caught me out in a hall and asked me "How do you know what to say? " I told her to say the same things she would say at a big Thanksgiving Day dinner BEFORE the cancer was involved.
Sometimes its about the life....not the cancer.
Great interview Leroy.
Stay strong!
Liz Z

Sent by liz Zimmerman | 12:38 PM ET | 07-02-2008

Dear Leroy,

As always, RIGHT ON! It's a catch-22 ... You/we don't want to ignore the elephant in the room, and yet, you/we don't want to be sat upon and squashed by the very same elephant. Thank you for voicing the need for normalcy beyond the realm and presence of cancer.

My mom's last day here at home with us was spent singing, reading poetry, telling really baaaad jokes (and laughing and snorting until the tears and noses flowed)-- We were punch drunk, no doubt, due to having been up all night, "just in case" ... The intermittent goofiness was such a gift to us all, in light of the understood and wrenching sadness. Of course, there were tears and heartfelt wishes for godspeed and wings and prayers... But the laughter was soooo good.

Please add me to the list of good folks who would love to know more about you, and/or more about your opinions on books, music, movies, politics, sports -- Feel free to share all of the above and more! I've gained so much from others' mentions of music and books and blogs and websites in your Salon. What a fine forum and what a stellar community you have welcomed and inspired ~

Wishing you and Laurie a marvelous day today,

Kim Forester

Sent by Kim Forester | 12:43 PM ET | 07-02-2008

...so. we know you enjoyed harry potter. feel like telling us about any other books that have meant something in your life? ('pure enjoyment' counts.) if you felt like sharing, i mean.

Sent by mary | 12:46 PM ET | 07-02-2008

I've been reading since day 1, but have never posted. My husband's diagnosis came just about the time the blog started so we've been down the road almost simultaneously, although I'm hoping ours paths can diverge from where yours appears to be going at this point.

One of the most interesting things to me is how differently we all seem to handle being "invited" to Cancer World. Very few of my work friends and associates even know about my husband's condition. It seems essential to me to stay as normal as possible, even kidding and complaining about the maddening things our spouses do every day. He, on the other hand, wants to talk about it with anyone who will stand still long enough. We are lucky to have a large, loving extended family, so he and I each get a little of what we need most at "Friday Night", our weekly family gathering.

Here's hoping that we have your blog to read for a long time into the future.

Sent by Chris | 12:58 PM ET | 07-02-2008

Leroy - I enjoyed the MPR interview of you. And you discussed something which has been on my mind - what will happen to the blog when you are no longer able to write it?

If I may say so, we will all feel abandoned if it is just dropped. It has really come to belong to all of us, and I read it to hear from others as well as from you. It is a major support group.

How can we continue it? As you asked during the interview, is there another person with cancer who wants to take it over? I don't know a lot about blogs and other technological processes, but I would like to see this group continue on, supporting one another. That is a splendid legacy for you.

Let us know any thoughts you have on this.

Sent by Wendy | 1:31 PM ET | 07-02-2008

Hey, Leroy --

Laugh at the cats yet today? http://icanhascheezburger.com/
If you're not familiar, it's the cure for high-brow comedy.

Sent by Tracy | 2:06 PM ET | 07-02-2008

PS to my earlier posting -- I just listened to your interview on MPR and have to say how wonderful it was to hear your voice in conversation! Thank you for touching upon your commitment to your blog and your community of friends here ... It's impossible to imagine this blog ever being guided and inspired by anyone other than yourself; and yet, I know we would all feel tremendous sadness should the community fall silent. Perhaps one of the testaments of your transcendence will be the ongoing flow of this family. (That said, please don't ever leave us!... While we all wish you to remain present in your physical form, I know we'll be grateful for the continuity of your spiritual presence.)

Okay, I'm tearing up now ~

Kim Forester

Sent by Kim Forester | 2:11 PM ET | 07-02-2008

I listened to you on MPR yesterday. I don't usually listen to the pod casts - I read your blog every day. It was nice to hear your voice again although it was hard to hear some of things you said. How does one wrap up a life? How do we prepare to leave while still savoring life?

Thanks for sharing your thoughts and feelings so openly with us.

Sent by K. Ives, Duluth, MN | 2:19 PM ET | 07-02-2008

Dear Leroy, When talking to a dear friend or beloved family member who has any kind of a serious disease or illness, I always have a packet of kleenex in my pocket. While chatting if they tear up or I do, I whip out a clean tissue and keep on talking. The tears just have a way of leaking out so just take them as normal and have another cup of tea. With affection, Barbara

Sent by barbara leighton | 2:22 PM ET | 07-02-2008

Thanks; good post. The cancer I suppose is the 800 pound elephant in the room, but it doesn't need to be/or should be, the focus of one's life in many ways.

I read an article called something like hope in the terminally ill, and it said that hope doesn't vanish as one becomes sicker, it just changes direction, so to speak.

From a hope for a cure or a reprieve, it changes to hope for one's children, or one's family, that they survive and carry on. Parents want to know that their children will survive and get along with each other, and support one another.

Sent by Scott S. | 2:43 PM ET | 07-02-2008

I typed an entire paragraph and then decided the only thing to say is that I hope you're having a good day.

Sent by Gyla | 3:00 PM ET | 07-02-2008

Dear Leroy,
There have been so many times that I have wanted to write you over the last year and a half. Your blog has helped me endure the deaths of the two people I loved the most: my life partner and my mother. Both died of glioblastoma almost exactly eleven months apart. At times during their ordeal, I felt that my true feelings ("How can I bear to live without you?") would be too burdensome to them. At other times I was so focused on the day-to-day care-giving activities that my true emotions were inaccessible. That made me feel as though I were squandering precious time. What remained consistent was the flood of love and sense of privilege that came with that caregiving. I have never done and will probably never do anything more important. I only hope they knew that.

Again, I thank you for all you continue to give to your multitude of readers.

Sent by Gail | 3:18 PM ET | 07-02-2008

I have been following your blog and through that, your progress. My prayers have been with you and will continue. In the beginning of my IBC Diagnosis, No One Wanted To Talk To Me About It! I was like an "Elephant In The Room".It made me feel uncomfortable. So now that time has past, I do regular 4 month check ups with my Oncologist, and seem to be progressing nicely.I continue to go through my everyday life, and act as though it never really happened.People do not ask me about the cancer I had, it just is never mentioned.If it ever is I will answer the question they ask.So I have avoided having the Cancer issue envelope me.
I agree with Deb from Michigan. I would like to hear about your thoughts on things, sports, your family, etc. I am not demeaning Cancer,or the difficulties you are encountering. I am just saying, you are much more than the Cancer World that you tell us about.
Page Hendryx - Gresham, Oregon

Sent by Page Hendryx | 3:25 PM ET | 07-02-2008

Hey Leroy:

So, I'll tell you my favorite lawyer joke (I'm a lawyer) and risk the wrath of some people who have a lot of control in my life:

"What do you call a lawyer with an I.Q. of 80?"

"Your honor!"

As I've said before, I work out in a gym with no prosthesis. This had led me to experience what people with disabilities experience everyday, the sideways glances, children running over and whispering to their friends "She only has one boob." In the weight room the new guys will look anywhere but at me, although the regulars are used to me. I thought of getting a shirt that says "Yes, I only have one" or "I've lost something. If you see it let me know."

The funniest time was when I was sweating away on an elliptical trainer and these two adolescent (about 13) boys came in. As they walked past they glanced up at me. Soon they returned with two more friends, all surreptiously (not VERY surrpetiously) glance my direction. Eventually there was a parade of little boys marching past my ellipitical. I have finally learned to laugh at this.

But really, what I want to say is "This is what breast cancer looks like", as I think the media has made it seem like you bop in get a lumpectomy, bop out, and go on with your life as if nothing happened.

But, life is short, and yesterday I say these really cool red beetles with black polka dots on the whorled milkweed that grows on the ditchbank.
They were soooooo cool.

Peggy

Sent by Peggy Carey | 3:37 PM ET | 07-02-2008

Leroy, I think that you have gone around a bend in the road with your readers! The last few days I have not left comments as often as before because I didn't want to be glib and just post a remark for the sake of responding. Somewhere along the way you have become more "real". I felt like I was listening to on old friend when I heard your voice again yesterday. And then today so many people have asked you to share a more personal side of your life and opinions vs. just your thoughts on cancer. Is it just me, or have you and others noticed this also? And how do you feel about it? And I'm not asking you to do so. I'm just observing. And still appreciating your viewpoint.

Sent by Susan | 3:41 PM ET | 07-02-2008

A conversation on any topic except cancer is always a welcomed relief. The distraction gives our minds and emotions a respite from the "elephant in the room". The family, friends and acquaintances who visit to talk about anything but cancer convey by their visit their sensitivity and caring because they don't discuss it.

Mind you, I go out of my way to help those who are newly diagnosed, those who are no longer NED and those patients/caregivers who just need someone who knows the cancerworld to talk to. They are always my first priority.

I keep my family and friends updated as necessary but the conversation is most often very brief about my status. I am truly blessed in that I am NED at this time. I continue to give myself a shot per day for 14 days each month to hope that this will continue to keep NED close to me.

Prayers and blessings as always.

Sent by Al Cato | 3:53 PM ET | 07-02-2008

Thank you Leroy, this is great advice.
I have two very close friends fighting cancer right now and I always bring up their cancer - now I'm going to talk about something else- thank you my friend.
God bless you!!

Sent by Shannon in Joshua Tree | 3:58 PM ET | 07-02-2008

Leroy,
I just listened to your MPR interview. I love to listen to your voice. You sound terrific. We find it is difficult for some of our friends to be around us now that cancer is apart of our lives. Others have been so wonderful about just checking in to see how we are holding up, and not afraid to include us in some fun. We just LOVE normal. Normal is not what we get to often. Your are so right about the brotherhood that you find -instantly- with others who are going through treatments or have gone that way already.
Your willingness to speak frankly about the "what if's " is so admirable! Where you are in this cancer journey is so similar to ours- Similar to how we feel as a couple with one of us treating cancer as vigorously as possible.
Thank you.

Sent by Debbie | 5:38 PM ET | 07-02-2008

What movies are you watching??

Sent by julie | 6:04 PM ET | 07-02-2008

Dear Leroy,

Days without talk of cancer are days to be enjoyed.

Hope both you and Laurie have a peaceful holiday weekend.

Sent by barbara j | 6:13 PM ET | 07-02-2008

Great advice. Peace to you..

Sent by anne lumberger | 6:13 PM ET | 07-02-2008

Leroy: In the last months, a couple of Burge's friends came by and just watched favorite movies with him...well, lots of times I'd find them asleep, but they already knew the movies by heart. :>) It was just knowing they were there, without words, that said so much.

Last night, for Burge's Birthday, we had our usual fried chicken, mashed potatos and gravy, cake and ice cream supper in the harvest field. It was such a beautiful night with no lights for miles. I even decorated the cake like I did the first year we were married...white & John Deere green.

We had an ice tea toast to both Burge and Leroy. May the day find you at peace, Leroy, I know Burge is.

Nikki

Sent by Nikki in Kansas | 6:15 PM ET | 07-02-2008

Tracy, I love the LOLCATS at http:\\Icanhascheezburger.com. It always makes me laugh. There is an LOLDOG site too for you dog lovers out there. You can't help but laugh out loud. Kim

Sent by Kim Barbato | 6:26 PM ET | 07-02-2008

Thank you for addressing this issue. I'm a fellow producer who, after completing treatment for lung cancer, wrote a book about what people with cancer want others to know. In my research, I found that listening is just as important as speaking. Rather than advising, educating, or inquiring, why not just be there and listen? As the saying goes, "You have two ears and one mouth; use them in proportion." Or as the Dalai Lama said, "Sometimes silence is the best answer."
Let the patient take the communicative lead.
With love, respect and appreciation,
Lori Hope

Sent by Lori Hope | 6:42 PM ET | 07-02-2008

Hi Leroy - When my Mom was sick with cancer, she wanted her family and friends to talk about anything other than cancer. She just wanted her life to remain as normal as it possibly could.

I just had a chance to listen to you on MPR and it was great to hear your voice. It is so strange how you can care about someone and feel like they are a good friend when you've never even met them in person or actually had a "live conservation" with them.

Since I'm about your age, I know if I were in your shoes, I would feel the same way -- just wanting more time to do the normal things. I really, really hope you get lots more time. I also hope you do realize that you have made such a difference in so many lives with this blog.

Sent by Teresa from Missouri | 6:53 PM ET | 07-02-2008

Dearest Leroy,
Like so many others, I've been reading your blog daily, probably selfishly hoping to glean some wisdom should I ever find myself in a comparable position. My mother-in-law was recently diagnosed with stage IV breast cancer (bones, brain), having been clean since 1998.
I so appreciate your advice to talk about other things, but must say that when I think about people who are dealing with cancer, I almost feel guilty talking about the mundane...as if my job matters, or politics matter, or anything matters...how can it? I also feel guilty...why should it be that I can go about my business, and the other person cannot? I worry that there'd be an understandable envy...similar to how I sometimes feel when I talk to old friends about my (knock on wood) healthy sons, when their child has had spinal surgery for tumors before he was two, and is now autistic. I guess it feels like it just underscores how unfair life can be. But your point is well-taken, and I'll be sure to talk to my mother-in-law about how she's feeling, as well as gardening, recipes, and the latest finds at TJMaxx.

Sent by With wishes for peace, Gail in Peabody MA | 7:28 PM ET | 07-02-2008

We didn't talk much about the actual death event, but we did discuss the fact that the days were most definitely numbered and we had much to cram into very little space. Paperwork, all of that...That stuff takes away the time you want to spend with the person.

But I also agree with the others...what else do we want to talk about?

Caregiving/cancer does get tiring day in and day out. You can lead the discussion, Leroy.

The tone of the day here is entirely up to you (unless one of us derails the theme with a completely unrelated post)

To snap back to the cancer topic, who would YOU choose to helm the blog in your absence? From what I understand, Laurie doesn't want the attention. I'm not sure who among us might be qualified or willing to write daily blogs. Ted? Probably not enough time nor experience in this cancer world to do it. Your producers? Again, no experience (or not enough) in this place. It's a tough question. I don't envy you that choice.

Much love...

Sent by Bruce | 8:02 PM ET | 07-02-2008

Loved your blog. Friends offer wonderful support and a diversion to normalcy. Since I have lived far beyond my six months prognosis I wonder low long they have worked on grieving. Will the final end be a relief, a shock? I think some feel I will find a way to survive forever because I have managed for three years. And still I have other colleagues who do not know about my illness. Sometimes this is a wonderful gift! A true retreat to normalcy. We were reviewing board terms and the Executive director told me my term went through 2010. I didn't want to say "that's longer than I will probably need."

Thanks for the great blog! Peace,

Sent by Dona | 8:29 PM ET | 07-02-2008

Leroy,
A co-worker has recently found out her cancer has "gone beyond it's boundaries" and some of her friends wanted to know what to say to her and her husband. Being the resident caregiver in the office they asked for advice and I told them to tell her and her husband how sorry they are, offer to help in anyway and after that move onto anything normal...and cancer ain't normal!! Now, having given that piece of advice to everyone, I almost feel guilty talking about something else because my husband suffers so. Cancer is a hard one to win.

Sent by Kathie | 8:42 PM ET | 07-02-2008

Dear friend:
I just listened to your appearance on the Minnesota station, and read through the community's comments.
You continue to be so rare and so special. Your wisdom, your honesty, your insights and your transparency.... you and this blog are so one-of-a-kind, and such a gift to all of us.
I truly believe you feel and are enriched by the love, admiration and appreciation that comes from each of us.
We love you now and we will love you forever. You are a part of our being and will always be. We treasure each day you continue to be a part of our lives...........you will always be a part of our lives for so long as each of us has a breath left in us. You are family.

Sent by Harriet | 9:44 PM ET | 07-02-2008

Today, I returned from a week at the beach (three generations)and as soon as I could, I sat down and read all the postings (terrific!) and really enjoyed the photos. Even my favorite Bible verse was there(Proverbs 3:5,6)! It is true that little things in life that make all the difference. Thanks everyone.

Sent by N. Holmes | 9:55 PM ET | 07-02-2008

Hi Mr. Sievers, I'm sorry but after listening to the interview (which I really enjoyed) I have a quick cancer question. Now that you are done attacking medically...how about trying some of the alternative ideas now? (Wheatgrass, visualization, etc...)

Sent by Nichole in FL | 10:01 PM ET | 07-02-2008

I've been watching the Cubs-Giants game on mute and listening to the podcast of your interview. Thank you for your forthcoming comments which are so typical of you. I have seen my best friend so incapable of dealing with my husband's cancer and others who I barely knew came alongside he and I. Our lives are different now. People we never would have thought of having as friends are now an intimate part of our life...an exclusive club where membership is a keen price to pay. We see the regulars at chemo or radiation, we know who to expect, and there are no Hippa laws in those sacred portals. The doctors and nurses are gifted with a painful calling. We wish we'd never gotten to know them, but we love them so much and they are closer than family in many ways. I wonder if those who suffer from other deadly diseases have the blessing we in the cancer world have because of you, Leroy. You talked about when you'd stop writing the blog. I dread that day, but I know it will come. And, like the day we got the diagnosis, we will suck it up and put one foot in front of the other, but our lives will be different.

Sent by Carol | 12:39 AM ET | 07-03-2008

I heard the whole show on Public Radio yesterday. Your public service and overall message is so very appreciated and helpful. I'm in your corner in case you were unaware you had one.

Sent by Keith | 1:59 AM ET | 07-03-2008

Thank you Leroy for the input on what to say. Your advise means a lot.

Sent by Robert Sheehan | 11:22 AM ET | 07-03-2008

Leroy - thanks to you and NPR for getting a downloadable version of the interview for those of us who don't podcast.

We are thankful for your insights.

Sent by Marie in Minneapolis | 9:35 PM ET | 07-04-2008

I'm tired of the 'just say anything bullshit' I know what George Carlin would said about that concept. If people don't talk about their cancer then you should follow suit and keep your mouth shut. It is as simple as that.

Sent by Art Johnston | 6:39 PM ET | 07-06-2008

I wish that just "saying anything" could be true, but I found out the hard way it is not. A good friend and co-worker of mine had advanced cancer. When I went to visit, I told her of some of the work "gossip" -- things we had talked about and shared for years. She just looked at me and said, "You know, I really don't care about all of that anymore". I have never felt insensitive or stupid in my life. No, don't just say "anything".

Sent by P Booth | 8:47 AM ET | 07-07-2008

I am really sick of people just *saying anything* or if I bring it up they start talking about small as well as such trival things they are sweating. Its just really annoying.
I guess my thing is if you have other diseases people still talk to you like your human.Bring cancer in to the picture and everyone acts differently.

Sent by Kerry in Michigan | 9:12 PM ET | 07-08-2008