Thank God for donuts, double stuffed oreos and grocery store cake with lots of frosting. When the going gets tough the tough eat bakery goods!

Prayers always,

Lianne

Sent by Lianne Friedman | 7:57 AM ET | 07-30-2008

Hello Laurie...hope it was a perfect doughnut, rich and chocolatey!

I would encourage BOTH of you to get the August issue of the Washingtonian magazine and read the article written by Leslie Milk. Titled "Life Lessons", and detailing the experience of your friend's, Ted Koppel, barber, it would be valuable reading for anyone debating when or if to use hospice.

Cherish today.

Peggy

Sent by Peggy | 8:09 AM ET | 07-30-2008

Yes. This is new territory. Courage! Jane

Sent by Jane Copes | 8:16 AM ET | 07-30-2008

Dear Laurie,
My heart aches for you. Not too long ago, I walked in your shoes.The frustration of watching a loved one suffer and having to stand by knowing you can't help them is horrendous. If donuts can calm you, eat more of them. Here are some of the other "Bandaids" that I've tried: ice cream, popcorn, cookies, walks, reading this blog, etc. When my husband was sick for 18 months, it felt like time stood still. Once he was gone, it seemed like the illness flew by in a flash. Live day by day, Laurie. It's hard to do but it's the only thing that really works.

Sent by Elaine | 8:17 AM ET | 07-30-2008

This is funny!! But also very understandable as to what stress can do. Laurie, seek the comforts for your body, mind and soul where you can find them and never feel guilty. Indulge yourself if need be....milkshakes, banana splits, a different donut flavor each day...to ease your pain and help calm your mind.

You are special! Of course, Leroy already knows this. A life giver, an angel without wings providing the sustenance of life, your love, for Leroy amongst all of the daily tasks that must be done.

I salute you, Laurie and all caregivers (life givers)everywhere. How special you all are!

Blessings and prayers as always.

Sent by Al Cato | 8:18 AM ET | 07-30-2008

God Bless both of you!

Laurie ~ next time you feel very maxed, try washing down that donut with a martini. Couldn't hurt and just may help:-)

We're praying for both of you.

Sent by Tracy | 8:21 AM ET | 07-30-2008

tears. followed by laughter. followed by tears again while reading today's entry. continued prayers for both of you and a heart-felt burden, not wanting your entries to stop.

Sent by anita - pittsburgh | 8:21 AM ET | 07-30-2008

Darn it, Leroy and Laurie. I hate to sound like a broken record, but if Laurie says she can no longer ease the pain, it is time for hospice! It just sounds like a no-brainer at this point.

My 93 year old aunt is on hospice, and she loves it. And right now she is in an improvement mode - no matter, they will stick with her. Her quality of life is great, thanks to them. So, what's keeping you from trying it? Time to make a leap of faith and get with the program.... So many people have urged you to take this step. You can do it!

Sent by Wendy | 8:30 AM ET | 07-30-2008

We do what we need to do. Laurie don't be too hard on yourself but also take care of yourself. Hopefully you have both social and physical outlets. It is easy to become consumed with the intensity of the situation. It sounds like you all are both doing okay under the circumstances and keeping your sense of humor. Peace

Sent by Dona | 8:31 AM ET | 07-30-2008

Dear Laurie,

Sorry to hear about the donut. It is the chocolate chip cookies that call my name when I feel stressed.

Keeping both of you and Leroy in our prayers.

Sent by barbara j | 8:33 AM ET | 07-30-2008

Leroy and Laurie,
Whatever it takes guys...whatever it takes!
Thanks again- for keeping it real.
We're all out here sending you our thoughts and prayers.

Sent by Deb | 8:36 AM ET | 07-30-2008

Leroy and Laurie, My thoughts and prayers continue to be with both of you, as you venture into this territory, I'm so sorry to see that what has gone before is now viewed as the easy part in your hindsight. No one deserves the kind of difficulties that chicken soup cannot ease. Surely no one has done anything "wrong." It's doing what one needs to do to get through the minutes, hours and days that is important. Sending love to you both, though I know that is not enough.

Sent by Sheara | 8:44 AM ET | 07-30-2008

Laurie -

It has been my experience, when I was feeling the worst, and medication was giving no relief from pain and discomfort, just the presence and touch of my caregiver, my wife, that made me feel better. The pain may not have gone away, but for the time she was there, there was some relief. I am sure that Leroy feels some relief when you are there. Kind of like when a mom would kiss and hug the "boo boo" away. May God bless you for being there.

Sent by Randy Jeffries | 8:46 AM ET | 07-30-2008

It is very difficult to accept that from now on it is going to be hard going. Very brave of you to admit so, and THEN eat donuts. You go girl. You show'em!!!!
Prayers,
Wanda Amorose

Sent by Wanda Amorose | 8:47 AM ET | 07-30-2008

Everyone deserves to break a rule now and then. With what Leroy, Laurie, and every survivor and caregiver that follows this blog are having to put up with on a daily basis, what are a few rules broken now and then? Cancer does'nt follow any rules so why should we? Have a rule breaking day everyone.

Sent by Terrell W in Bay City Tx | 8:50 AM ET | 07-30-2008

A donut? Just one donut? You poor sweet dear. You can dunk them in chocolate syrup if it makes you feel better.

I used to pray like this - where did You put the answer to this problem. And it was really true that the answer was somewhere at hand. I learned that I could not fix everything, I learned to do things step by step, focusing on the day's tasks. Each day was enough without looking too far ahead.

Hang in there and enjoy each other.

Sent by irene | 8:52 AM ET | 07-30-2008

Dear Laurie and of course Leroy,

I am so sorry by this turn of events, and do understand the frustration, stress type eating you're experiencing. My stress food is of all things Licorice Snaps, especially fresh ones.

Please allow others to help, talk with hospice about better pain control and additional assistance for you. They are not just about the "patient" they are there for the family as well. And by all means take care of yourself and him. Allow yourself your emotions and feelings. What is happening to and with him, is also happening to you. Find an ear away from your home and vent, scream, and cry. Enjoy and donut or two occasionally, it is probably good for the soul.

Prayers and love,

Sent by Sue Chap | 8:55 AM ET | 07-30-2008

It's causing you BOTH pain and discomfort. If donuts can be like a narcotic for you then have one every four hours, as needed! Is another look/see regarding hospice for Leroy's pain a consideration at this time? I don't think donuts will help him much..unless they're laced with something. Hmmm. Tender hugs all around.

Sent by Susan | 9:01 AM ET | 07-30-2008

It's not the donut that makes me laugh, but that you define all you've done up to now as "the easy part". Can you imagine saying that before you'd done it, say, 2 years ago? The lessons we learn...
It also makes me tremble because I know you're right: the hardest part is yet to come.
Strength to us all, and peace in these difficult days.
(Now you've got me thinking about donuts.)

Sent by Ceese Stickles | 9:05 AM ET | 07-30-2008

Dearest Laurie and Leroy,
You know, Laurie, you are allowed a donut - or the whole dozen. THIS IS STRESS AND HURT AND ANGER AND HEARTACHE. When one is hurt or suffering the other person hurts almost as much. You know that my prayers and love are with you both at all times.
Jan

Sent by Janice Goldberg White | 9:14 AM ET | 07-30-2008

i thought this was cute in a poignant (how the hell do you spell that word?)way.

Sent by Laura | 9:15 AM ET | 07-30-2008

The last months of being a "life giver" I turned to Bear Claw Danish. It gave a lot of comfort when needed. Laurie it's okay ... what ever helps you through and remember - No Guilt about those donuts.

Sent by Kris | 9:19 AM ET | 07-30-2008

Laurie, every caregiver does something or starts to eat something they never thought they would. It's not a big deal, but your craving probably will cause a temporary spike in sales at the local doughnut shop. When I was taking care of my father, it was hot fudge sudaes with extra nuts from the DQ for me. However, the last time I had one, I started to cry so hard that I couldn't finish it. That was probably four or five years ago. So, sit back and enjoy those sugary gobs of fried flour!

Dude, hope you're enjoying one or two with her.

I wish you peace.

Sent by Joyce in FL | 9:20 AM ET | 07-30-2008

Laurie, hope the donut had chocolate and sprinkles, those are the most powerful to fight the worries and pain. Keep going one day at a time.
hugs.

Sent by Candace | 9:28 AM ET | 07-30-2008

Laurie, do whatever you need to do to give yourself support. The same goes for Leroy. Survival is doing what you need to for that moment. Know how much we all care for both of you.

Sent by Karen | 9:28 AM ET | 07-30-2008

As a caregiver to my husband who is living with NSCLC, I've eaten a few donuts for much the same reason. I hear you Laurie.

bev

Sent by bev | 9:29 AM ET | 07-30-2008

I know you are not beating yourself up over eating a donut...just taken back by what your actions mean. Just take the realization and love yourself and take care of yourself. You have help with Leroy, accept any help you can for your own release and comfort from others. The best thing you can do for Leroy is be whole and healthy in spite of the beast attacking. You are both in my daily prayers, with love, Diana

Sent by Diana Santamaria | 9:31 AM ET | 07-30-2008

My favorite is the chocolate donut with glaze :)

My bad is cake making - anything chocolate, like the cake I made for my dad's birthday. Next cool day I just might have to make it again! Break the rules and enjoy it.

Give each other hugs for us all!

Danni

Sent by Dannielle Higgins | 9:32 AM ET | 07-30-2008

Laurie,
Hang on friend. Your good humor eases pain and pushes back at the cancer that threatens all that is precious. It may not feel like enough but it is. My eyes are brimming while I smile.

Perhaps there will be a doughnut shortage today as we all indulge in solidarity with you. Me, I'm on my way to Dunkins for a maple-frosted-honey-dipped. "This fight has taken a turn in the road" - Indeed! And we shall turn it's own weapon against it, one powered-sugared-lemon-filled at a time.

Dammit I hate this disease.

Sending you strength and love,
Debra Altschiller

You

Sent by Debra in New Hampshire | 9:34 AM ET | 07-30-2008

Laurie,
I think that donut has had your name on it for awhile now! Don't worry, Liz L. and I are on the way with a big bottle of tequila....lets just dunk donuts!11 lol
ARE YOU READY YET, LIZ L.????
Love and laughter,
Liz Z

Sent by liz Zimmerman | 9:34 AM ET | 07-30-2008

May God bless you both. It's uplifting to feel the love you have for each other even in these, the hardest of days. I hope it was a Boston Cream, Laurie!

Sent by Donna G. | 9:45 AM ET | 07-30-2008

Leroy and Laurie: What to say? It is so hard. Can you feel my hug.

Sent by diana from kc | 9:47 AM ET | 07-30-2008

I think that I understand the meaning of your message this morning. Yes my dears, Comfort foods do help during difficult times. I have always relied on them also, the h--l with the figure at this point. I prefer eclairs and creamy stuff myself. Leroy, I believe, likes cream frosting too.
Much love goes to you guys with this.

Sent by J C R | 9:48 AM ET | 07-30-2008

Dear Leroy,
Tie a knot and hang in there... I pray that you're at peace with the situation.
Dear Laurie,
You too, hang in there... It's OK to "scream your heart" out if it'll later bring peace. Take care both of you.

Rose
Penang, Malaysia

Sent by Rose | 9:48 AM ET | 07-30-2008

We will gladly share our donuts with your Laurie. I don't know what else to say other than I hate, hate, hate this disease and what it is doing to you, Leroy and the rest of us. I can only continue to keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Bless you. Janie

Sent by Janie | 9:50 AM ET | 07-30-2008

At some moments, chocolate does the same for me.
Long live chocolates and donuts to give a little relief.

Sent by Rochelle | 9:51 AM ET | 07-30-2008

They don't call it "comfort food" for nothing! Does Leroy have any comfort foods that still appeal?

Sent by Ellen | 9:51 AM ET | 07-30-2008

Laurie,
If that donut makes you feel better, even just for a little while, I say "go for it!"

I am in my own battle with stage 4 breast cancer and I have 2 young daughters and when I need a little help to get through the day, I open the pantry. I know it is wrong, but it is my coping mechanism and it has worked for more than 2 years now. So I did laugh when I saw your post and I know where you are coming from, but sometimes you just have to do what you need to do! Just make sure that you enjoy it!

Leroy,
I hope you are breaking the rules once in a while too! I hope you have a good day today!

Sent by Linda | 9:57 AM ET | 07-30-2008

Laurie,

I'm sorry. This is SO hard to watch and live through. I hope you've taken good care of yourself as some of us have suggested in the past--you're going to need that reserve energy and strength.

Please know that there are a lot of us life saver survivors out here who understand what you're going through and who are praying for both you and Leroy.

Be strong. God bless and don't worry about the donut.

Sent by Kathy B. | 10:00 AM ET | 07-30-2008

MMmmmm Donut
Make Homer proud.

Sent by Tim | 10:03 AM ET | 07-30-2008

There is nothing like a good donut! The more icing on it the better. (Leroy, I know you appreciate your icing).

Here is a little something to make you laugh....

January 2007 is when my cancer started. My first oncology consultation report read that I was a "well nourished 39 year old woman". I think that was another way of saying I was a little on the heavy side. LOL I am a size 12-14, and short, so every pound makes a big difference.

While in chemo, radiation, surgeries, more chemo, ect. they weigh you every week and insist the importance of eating, and not losing weight. "YOU MUST KEEP YOUR WEIGHT UP" Nevermind the fact that nothing taste good and most of it doesn't stay down anyway. So again, you get weighed and they stress the importance of "keep your weight up". blah blah blah

Now the treatments have ended, time has passed, and you go into the oncologist office for a check up. You get weighed. The first words out of his mouth are, "Well, I see you have gained weight." Are you kidding me???? Of course I have gained weight. I can eat again and actually enjoy it. I have layed on the couch or in the bed for almost a year. I have no mussle left, no stamina, and no energy to do much of anything. The hot flashes and headaches are enough to make a person completely mad. Running the sweaper still makes me winded and I have to sit down and rest for 15 minutes when I am done. So yes, I have gained weight!!! Do they think I don't notice it? Do they think after going through all of this that it doesn't upset me that I have put on pounds??? Like being bald wasn't bad enough, cancer's cruel joke now is let's see how fat we can make her!

I ask them what can I do? They remind me that my body has been ravaged and it takes time to build back up again and be able to excercise like I need to. "It will take time" they say.

After that depressing visit there was only one thing to do. I headed straight for the bakery. As I ate my donut I smiled a giggled. Whats a few more pounds??? A good donut can make everything seem better.

ENJOY!

Sent by Amy Welbaum | 10:07 AM ET | 07-30-2008

Why not break the rules? Eat donuts - chocolate - eat whatever you want to!!! Break all the rules - eat a donut for me!!!

Sent by Deb from Michigan | 10:08 AM ET | 07-30-2008

Take your strength where you can find it, Laurie. If it's a donut, it's a donut. Treat yourself with kindness now, so you can be strong for Leroy.

Sent by Amy | 10:08 AM ET | 07-30-2008

Having been through this with my husband two years ago, your comments today tell me that it is time to get hospice in to help. They know what to do to help with pain. They will not let Leroy's pain get out of hand. They have all kinds of tricks to use that have developed from years of experience. Even the doctors wouldn't know these tricks.
One of the things hospice told me when we were struggling with this decision is that families don't call hospice in early enough. Calling them before they are greatly needed allows them to get to know Leroy and to be there when you need them. It takes a week or two to get them on board and often it is too late to really be of much help. It allows you, Laurie, to be with Leroy and give him your attention and love and not have to struggle with the question of what to do next or right now to make him more comfortable. Now is the time. God bless.

Sent by Carol Harrnacker | 10:08 AM ET | 07-30-2008

There comes a time in a womans' life when she has to say the hell with the carbs and eat the damn donut. I hope that at least it was a quality donut, Laurie. I hope that you didn't fall off of the wagon for one of those dry, dense powdered sugar covered horrors from the grocery store.
Leroy, it's hard to know that you're going through so much pain, and that your condition is bad. We've all prayed for the best for you, but this is the part that makes for long silences....what can one say?
My friend Barbaras' husband Diccon, a brilliant statistician, and a much loved colleague and teacher, as well as father and husband died last week from a cancer that took him out about two months after diagnosis. Barbara has been dealing with breast cancer for a few years. This is one of those situations where I think that God has a lot of explaining to do.
Blessings to you both.

Sent by Nancy K. Clark | 10:12 AM ET | 07-30-2008

Yes, donuts are a solace. Although I live in the south - in Krispy Kreme territory - I recommend Dunkin' Donuts chocolate cake donut with chocolate frosting. But on a really bad day, try a jelly-filled donut covered with powdered sugar - and throw it at something!
You both remain in my thoughts & prayers - Pam

Sent by Pam | 10:13 AM ET | 07-30-2008

Laurie.
Did you get sick after you ate the donut hole ?

Sent by Nancy Goldberg | 10:15 AM ET | 07-30-2008

Laurie,

I threw things. I went into the bathroom and threw things at the tile walls. That was New Year's Eve when my husband's disease had began accelerating. I guess we all have our breaking points.

My heart goes out to you both.

Jennifer

Sent by Jennifer Le Doux | 10:15 AM ET | 07-30-2008

Dear Leroy and Laurie
My comments yesterday didn't get through - I don't mind about that, but I dearly want you both to know that I and, I am sure, every one of your dear friends on this blog are with you in thoughts and spirit. I wish we could be there with you, just quietly holding you both with love. I wish we could ease your pain, as you ease ours by being close to us and understanding.
I send you my fondest love - and, just a suggestion-why don't you throw thst donut on the floor next time and stamp on it. In fact I am going to do that today for you and for all of us.
God bless

Sent by Tina from Alton, IL | 10:21 AM ET | 07-30-2008

Good Morning Leroy and Laurie,
Whatever it takes to get thru the low days and back to a high day is OK. Doughnuts, candy, massage, ice cream etc. Both of you need to be good to yourselves and try to make every day as good as possible. God Bless You Both.

Sent by Teresa in WV | 10:22 AM ET | 07-30-2008

50 years ago, the bakery truck rolled through the streets of our early subdivision, with beautiful wooden drawers that slid out to reveal sooo many donut choices. To get one was a rare treat...deciding wasn't easy. I wish us all that innocence, even for just the few moments it takes to savor our choice...I'll take crumb please.

Thank you L&L.

Sent by Joan S. | 10:24 AM ET | 07-30-2008

Dear Laurie,
I pray you are wrong -- that you have been through the HARDEST part, and it will get easier now. I definitely can relate about the donut! Last night I had a bag of Cheetos and glass of red wine, followed by ice cream with peaches and caramel sauce on top. So much for my healthy, anti-cancer diet! We have some painful family stuff going on right now (not cancer,but heartbreaking, nevertheless) and I took a little mental mini-vacation via junk food yesterday. Today, maybe we should both find a healthier escape? Maybe a long walk or a massage or lunch with a friend...

Please, Leroy, just talk to the hospice folks. Maybe they can give you enough pain medication so that you and Laurie don't have to suffer so much.I hope so.

Sending loving thoughts your way today and every day.

Sent by Doris | 10:27 AM ET | 07-30-2008

with all the pain medications out there...can't they find one that works for Leroy....I feel so bad that he has to live in pain...sue

Sent by sue | 10:30 AM ET | 07-30-2008

We've heard about the support Leroy is getting from his friends. Laurie- I hope you're getting some help and comfort from loved ones as well. Remember, you'll do a better job supporting Leroy if you take care of yourself. That said, the occasional donut can be a very helpful thing!

Sent by Leslie C | 10:38 AM ET | 07-30-2008

feed your face with as many donuts as it takes you deserve them.

just stay away from dunkin' donuts... they have enough market share.

Sent by bill blake | 10:43 AM ET | 07-30-2008

Doesn't Eddie Murphy say in Coming to America, "If loving you is wrong, then I don't want to be right."

I say go ahead and eat the donut! Go visit the Fractured Prune near you and have one made to order!

Sent by Dan W. | 10:52 AM ET | 07-30-2008

Honey, if a doughnut makes you feel better, go for it! Myself--I need ice cream to get me through every crisis.

It has been hard; it's hard now; and it's going to continue to be hard. Such is the stuff of life--so grab a cup of coffee and a doughnut and keep on fighting.

You two remain in my prayers, and thank you so very much for sharing with us.

Sent by Pamela | 10:54 AM ET | 07-30-2008

Laurie,
I know what you mean. We have a game on our computer that I can get easily sucked into- so much that I downloaded a program so I could set a time limit of 10 minutes (I actually downloaded this program so I can limit the amount of time the kids spend online). When I got my pathology report, I played the game and I disabled the time limits. Sometimes you just need to do that, and then the next day, you get back on track and do what you've been doing- live each day the best you can.

Sent by Margaret | 10:57 AM ET | 07-30-2008

Dear Laurie, I'm sure we can all get together and have donuts deliverd to your home! or any other treat that strikes your fancy. Many of us out here know all to well your situation as significant other & caretaker. And I know we all want you to get some good care taking for yourself, donuts included.

Do anything it takes to keep you going, and the only thing I suggest is, don't feel guilty! or aplogize to anyone about whatever methods you use to cope.

Sent by Kathlelen | 10:58 AM ET | 07-30-2008

Ah, Laurie. My domestic partner has mets from breast cancer and we are 2 and a half years out from the diagnosis of mets. If they had a tumor marker for fat, mine would be through the roof. Sometimes you take your comfort where you can get it. Please also feel the support of all who have come to care so very much about you both. I have only written once before, but I read every day. I like it a lot when you write.

With caring and warm thoughts

Sent by Connie Confer | 11:00 AM ET | 07-30-2008

Hi Laurie,
I also discovered how hard it can be caring for a loved one with cancer. What I learned is that there is no right or wrong in the things we have to do to make it through,(as long as it is not illegal, immoral, unethical, or really damaging ourselves or others.) I finally had to accept how I was feeling and do those things in the moment that helped me to get through. There are too many responsibilities, decisions and things to do to add guilt. It is what it is.
It will be year on Sunday, my birthday, since my Mom passed. As I look back on those brief moments of "doing something wrong" to just get through the moments or the days, the only regret I have is not taking better care of myself during the months and especially the final weeks and I think my Mom would agree, if she was here, the rest of my family and friends certainly do. Laurie, do take care of you. The road is hard and long, and we do not know how hard or long it will be. At the same time, we have to prepare to go on, because we have to walk out the path of our own life and purpose. This is also a way to honor what our loved one has given us. That is very, very difficult to do if we allow ourselves to go to the point of utter exhaustion.

Please ask for help, care giving is hard and I found some relief with just asking. I hope you will too.

I hope that you will take time to be still, time to nurture yourself, and time to rest during this time. Most of all, I wish you peace.

P.S. Byron Katie's book "Loving What Is" also helped.

Sent by Nicole | 11:08 AM ET | 07-30-2008

Cut loose... indulge the donut & explore avenues for dumping your anguish. I walk with my ipod tunes cranked. Maybe you guys can walk somewhere together.

http://iddontknowcheckwithmywife.blogspot.com/2008_07_01_archive.html

Hold Fast

Don MacLeod

Sent by Don Macleod | 11:08 AM ET | 07-30-2008

Laurie, sweetheart and you are a sweetheart. We often forget how hard this is for the partner, the caregiver, the one that is always there. I have taken to going to the gym at least 4 to 5 times a week. This is my outlet. I actually do know how difficult this is for you. Hang in there the best you can.

Sent by Barb | 11:09 AM ET | 07-30-2008

Laurie and Leroy,

You both are so INTREPID! Most of us would have had some "basket case" time, but if you have, it doesn't show. A donut is fine - and so is anything else that strikes either of you as helpful.

Blessings

Sent by Diana Kitch | 11:11 AM ET | 07-30-2008

Dear Laurie and Leroy, let your new mantra be: whatever works! I just wish I could send you a hot from the oil donut from the Shenandoah Valley Mennonite Relief sale later this year and have it arrive still meltingly warm. They truly melt in your mouth leaving only the most divine memory of flavor. We wait all year to have that annual donut!

Beyond that, I wish you profound and deep-rooted reserves that grow daily to meet the emerging challenges.

You are on sacred ground, even as the territory gets rockier. Your love makes it possible to make this journey together, but please call in reinforcements BEFORE you need them, so that you can both have a little energy for more than just the necessities each day.

With love, care, clear-eyed support, and prayers that your way may be eased,

Sent by Sarah | 11:15 AM ET | 07-30-2008

Leroy and Laurie,
You've helped so many family and friends understand the strange cancer journey that we went through with a loved one. Now, we're here to help you with this part.

Laurie, we ate all sorts of things - some odd, some old favorites. The cancer has a huge ripple effect that shows up in the most odd ways. For me, I kept losing the same item over & over -a stupid tube of mascara. Before cancer, I would have searched for it, saved money,keep it in the right place. But when I got to the point you where you are, I got so mad that it was stealing precious moments that I just gave up and grabbed a new one - I was at the drugstore a lot anyway. Now, I've found ALL of them - absolutely everywhere. I've pitched each in the trash and thought -it's the cancer again.

I think I did whatever I could to cope and ease some of my pain so I could keep going for my loved one. You'll find yourself doing the same, and it's o.k.
love to both of you,

Sent by Karen - with you since Sept. 2006 | 11:16 AM ET | 07-30-2008

God bless you both. I am sending supportive vibes your way!

Sent by Beth S | 11:20 AM ET | 07-30-2008

When my mother was sick, I would do things like eat the donut. She liked whipped cream and we ordered a cake with a lot of whipped cream on it and we all ate it. In the moment it was good, but a little after I felt so sad. I think it is a struggle to feel good when everything seems to difficult. It is part of the human condition. I hope the donut helps or whatever you can do. I think about you and Leroy everyday and hope that you can find some solace in this time you have together.

Sent by Kami | 11:32 AM ET | 07-30-2008

In our family we often talk about "The Magic Wand". If you could wave a magic wand and make anything happen what would it be? Of course, at the top of the list is a cure for cancer. A favorite of mine has always been that doughnuts would be health food.I just love doughnuts.My bathroom scale does not. My magic wand seems to be a little low on juice these days. But, that still doesn't keep me from waving it like mad.

Sent by Penny Coeur d'Alene, Idaho | 11:34 AM ET | 07-30-2008

Laurie, It is so okay to give in to what might bring comfort. As someone who has struggled with a life-long sugar addiction, I can tell you why you had a doughnut...Your heart is breaking and you are exhausted and carbs/sugar makes one feel like one has a bit of fuel to go on. You'll get no nutrition lecture here. I know, part of you was being humorous and part of you was really bugged- since you aren't a doughnut eater.
We all love you so much. I think it's the not being able to take the pain away part that bothers you the very most.
When I have helped women giving birth, naturally, they would always tell me, that even in their agony, just my presence made it better. I know your love does that for Leroy. He probably is worried he is too much of a burden, etc.
We have thresholds of endurance we reach, and just when we can't handle anymore, we reach a new threshold ( that goes for you and him). Endorphins (or sugar!) can help pull you through the "labor" of love a caretaker must endure. What ever it takes, natural or not- do it. You need a hug and I wish I could give you one.

Sent by NancyGM | 11:34 AM ET | 07-30-2008

What a shock! Clearly a cry for help, that donut. I once worked for DC Hospice, and found it such a wonderful organization. Like others here, I encourage you to approach your area hospice anew. It seemed that your first contact was uninspiring and marred by poorly chosen words of the first person you met. I wish I could send you DC's nurse Bob - he was the best. Nevertheless, you two deserve relief, competent pain management, body and soul, as the song goes. Your hospice staff will not abandon you if you linger too long, but they will go away if you get well (you never know). Maybe try them again? (but make them send a different person.) You're the executive producer, Leroy, and you will be still with hospice. Donuts are a gateway food, aren't they? Ooh, think about it. (I lovingly, very concernedly, and parenthetically kid).

Sent by Eve | 11:34 AM ET | 07-30-2008

Leroy and Laurie, So long as Leroy finishes the rest of the "Bakers Dozen", you both should be just fine. Sorry to hear the pain is so much worse. Never good to add more to the equation, but that is what Cancer seems to do. I do hop you have a good day, but avoid donut shops, if possible. Love to you both. Stan

Sent by Stan Wozniak | 11:36 AM ET | 07-30-2008

Laurie and Leroy:

Go for it! donuts canreally help. We eat ice cream every night before going to sleep even though that's a major no-no. It helps.

Vaya con Dios

John Shippee

Sent by John Shippe | 11:47 AM ET | 07-30-2008

Dearest Laurie: Both my husband and I have been cancer patients. Do you know a band-aid is no longer helpful when it is overused? You have been a band-aid for so long! You need to be refreshed anyway you want. "He ain't heavy, he's my beloved." I love you both very much.

Sent by TC | 11:47 AM ET | 07-30-2008

Good Morning Leroy & Laurie,
From the sounds of your comments, the situation that your dealing with is getting worse. Please consult Hospice, managing the affects, pain, anguish,.... etc, is important, please consider. You have nothing to lose, and much to gain.Your not giving up, you are asking for more assistant.
Page Hendryx - Gresham Oregon

Sent by Page Hendryx | 11:51 AM ET | 07-30-2008

I recieved this link yesterday and thought of you both. So today when I read about the "evil donut" I thought this might take you away for just a moment. Hope you can reach this site.
http://www.e-water.net/irishblessing_en.html

Sent by Patty | 11:54 AM ET | 07-30-2008

Hi Leroy and Laurie,

I work for a company that makes fabulous donuts. I'd be glad to send some your way. Where would you like them sent?

Thinking of both of you.

Sent by Kristin | 11:57 AM ET | 07-30-2008

Leroy and Laurie,
Considering the level of your current difficulties, it is even more remarkable that the tenor of your postings has not changed. You both continue to impress.
We hope you can somehow find some comfort and peace.

Sent by Gene Koeneman | 12:07 PM ET | 07-30-2008

Leroy and Laurie:

Rules...what rules?? The Beast knows no rules! So why should we? Comfort food- YES - Try pizza next time! There MUST be a cancer cure somewhere in some of that stuff...therefore you have my permission to eat lots and lots of comfort food on behalf of the betterment of us all and the entire medical community. Maybe you could get a grant from the National Institute for Health to pay for it. Wow! I can see the headlines now "Journalist and wife find cure for cancer at Dunkin Donuts and Dominos Pizza". Maybe the Beast will give up if it thinks we are crazy! HA!

Fondly with love and indigestion! Graham from Sag Harbor.

Sent by Graham G. Hawks | 12:17 PM ET | 07-30-2008

Thank you for your continued honesty and humor in light of this difficult situation. Find comfort wherever you can! I am sending both of you both warm and caring thoughts today!

Sent by Mary | 12:20 PM ET | 07-30-2008

Dear Leroy,

Today, I'll gratefully continue tipping my beverage glasses to you; each time, saying prayers for your comfort and peace and sweet bright spots in the day.

And Dear Laurie,

Today you are in my heart, with prayers for your peace, as well -- Donuts and coffee (copious amounts) have been a part of my therapeutic regime when in turmoil, and I swear they help! ;o)

To you both,

If wishes could only turn things around, you'd be playing and relaxing on the beaches of Hawaii, with those delicious mai tai's in hand, and we'd all be so very happy for you.

There you go, in our hearts ~

With love,

Kim Forester

Sent by Kim Forester | 12:24 PM ET | 07-30-2008

Hi Leroy and Laurie,
God bless both of you!
My vice during the time I took care of my mom was Sonic's root beer floats. I'd buy two - one for me and one for Mom. I'd help her try to drink it and eat the ice cream. Those moments are etched in my heart and memory forever. Food is comfort so enjoy anything you want!! Much love and prayers to you both.
Susan Johnson

Sent by susan johnson | 12:36 PM ET | 07-30-2008

What you are doing here is showing me the way. Now, I understand you don't "want" to be the ones to walk this path, but selfishly, I'm so very grateful you are taking us with you. Through this blog you've given insight and yes, hope. Thank you both.
Hail to the Power of the Donut

Sent by Susan | 12:39 PM ET | 07-30-2008

I think I read somewhere that hospice provides donuts. Give them a call. It couldn't hurt, and as a matter of fact, they will do just the opposite. Thinking of you both daily.

Sent by Sharon | 12:45 PM ET | 07-30-2008

Donuts are a rule?! Bah, humbug I say, throw caution to the wind and have a whole CAKE!

Time for hospice. Leroy, you need loving pain management. You deserve it. You'll write more inspired under heavy drug use. Just think of the 60's by God. Kurt Vonnegut Jr. at the commune inspired.

Laurie, you need not watch your loved one suffer more than necessary. That's cruel and unusual punishment. You don't have to do it like this.

Hospice shop. There are many, many competent ones. I intend to when I get to where you are. I HATE pain, it makes me want to give up fast! Pain relief is golden - and they have the fairy dust.

Use it. Please.
We love you both.

Sent by Anita Apodaca | 12:49 PM ET | 07-30-2008

Hate that the pain is not being managed. I think of you both daily. There is nothing wrong with a good donut, but hope that there might be some different pain meds. that will help Leroy. Love to you both.

Sent by Jen | 12:50 PM ET | 07-30-2008

Since others have done so, too, I am going to suggest that it is time for hospice.. Hospice doesn't mean dying, hospice means living. You both would be able to live a life that is fuller and richer and more comfortable. You can spend more quality time with each other. You can get some much needed rest and eat more donuts and birthday cake.. They saved my and my husband's life when his mom was ill.

This is just a loving suggestion, not an order!! SMILE

Sent by Patsy Elmore | 12:52 PM ET | 07-30-2008

Whatever you do, Laurie, don't settle for glazed. Go for the bavarian creme-filled with chocolate icing, or something equally decadent. These are the days you need to get the most out of every moment - and every bite. Donut cheers to a sweeter day for you and Leroy!

Sent by Patte | 12:55 PM ET | 07-30-2008

Yesterday I stopped by a deli on my way back from a challenging breast biopsy to get a chicken salad sandwich paired with a cup of potato soup. Then I saw several chocolate pastries. Which one to get, they each would taste yummy & comforting. So I bought them both which of course was the right thing to do. Before my appt, I took in a 1hr cycle class that really helped me escape from the anxiety of the day's medical event. Chocolate & exercise: comforts for my soul. Here's hoping you both find daily comforts!

Sent by Marge from Texas | 12:58 PM ET | 07-30-2008

Eat all the donuts of the world, specially Chcolate!! May God bless you and keep you both know that He is within in you and He is walking this path with you.
Peace be with you both. Have a pin free day.
Marelly

Sent by Marelly | 1:08 PM ET | 07-30-2008

You go for it Laurie. If a do-nut gives you satisfaction and/or comfort, have one. Hell's Bell's have two. You've earned it, you deserve it.

Sent by Robert Sheehan | 1:17 PM ET | 07-30-2008

Dear Leroy and Laurie,

As I read today's entry, I thought of the Elton John/John Lennon song, "Whatever it Takes to Get You Through The Night." I THINK that's correct. During this phase, deny yourself NOTHING. I don't think there is a person on earth, or a God above who would fault you for doing whatever it is you need to do, to get by. I mean, of course, any drug, any food, any indulgence. You deserve it. What you are enduring is a nightmare,... hell. My heart goes out to both of you. I had an MRI recently, and am extremely claustrophobic, even in an open MRI. As I lay there terrified, praying (even with the help of a Valium) singing hymns, and squeezing my eyes shut and trying not to feel the "football face mask" around my head, I felt one hand suddenly grow warmer than the other in a freezing room. Now this may have been the Valium, but I imagined it to be all the people who love me, the loving spirits of those gone and the loving support of the living, and the Lord, holding my hand. It was a tremendous comfort. I hope you can figuratively feel all of us holding your hands as you go through these awful days. You are not alone. Love and prayers to you and everyone, always.

Sent by Connie | 1:33 PM ET | 07-30-2008

Laurie:

The AARP magazine sited a report that said overweight people who exercise live longer than slim people who do not exercise....so walk in place while you eat those donuts and you will be OK! :>)

I have no advice today, just love for both of you.

Nikki

Sent by Nikki In Kansas | 1:35 PM ET | 07-30-2008

Lauri, it is amazing what helps. During one of our hospital stays, we were given a diagnosis that was a setback. I found myself walking down the stairs to the cafeteria in a state of numbness. I ordered a serving of potato salad and calmly sat there and ate it. Then I went back upstairs, revived and ready to face the next challenge. It was such a strange experience. I think that my mind and my heart shut down that day. Somehow, my body just took over and got me through it by sending me to my comfort food.

Lauri, as everyone has so beautifully said today, take your comfort from where you can get it.

Much love to you both.

Sent by Sandra Mann | 2:16 PM ET | 07-30-2008

Pulling out my donut pans as we speak.

Sent by Tess | 2:18 PM ET | 07-30-2008

God Loves You Lorie,
God Bless You Leroy and Lorie, and I will eat donuts with you, also death by cho. chip cookies my daughter makes.(3X"s the amount of chips a normal cookie SHOULD HAVE). And we will enjoy every morsel.
My doc ate cho. chip dough for dinner when she was a resident. She has been my oncologist for 23 years she knows what is best. =)
You are in my prayers, Blessings and Peace to us all.

Sent by Sandy in Ohio | 2:26 PM ET | 07-30-2008

Oh, Laurie --

PLEASE say you've heard this. It's FANTASTIC!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L1Yzb3WhnQo

Sent by Tracy | 2:26 PM ET | 07-30-2008

Dear Leroy,

I shall echo recommendations from others. Please consider trying hospice not only for yourself but for Laurie, too. I have worked as a hospice nurse, and we always felt we were there to give care and support to the entire family. Knowing there was someone coming routinely who would help shoulder the load was a relief and provided respite for the life givers. So this would benefit Laurie as well (and they'd probably eat donuts with her!)

So please talk with Laurie about trying this as it would be, in a sense, care for both of you.

And if they are no d---ed good, fire them! And get someone else. You still hold the reins, and there are plenty of excellent hospice workers out there.

Linda

Sent by Linda | 2:35 PM ET | 07-30-2008

Well, Laurie, at least you didn't eat the hole of the donot. More seriously, I wish I could share your pain a bit more so that you can rest awhile. We all take our turn, yet it is never easy. This is perhaps the hardest thing you have ever experienced in your life. I wish I could say more that meant more. My thoughts are with you both.
Susan

Sent by Susan | 2:43 PM ET | 07-30-2008

Leroy and Laurie,
This advice is probably not necessary but I recommend you NOT publish your address or you two will be swimming in donuts of all kinds...
More unsolicited advice- add me to the group of caring souls who recommend hospice as a help for both of you-and you can then buy a dozen donuts and work on the box together with much less guilt!

Sent by charlotte | 3:03 PM ET | 07-30-2008

When I was taking care of Dad, it was Manhattans! We learned early on Dad had to already be in bed before he had his Manhattan, but we had a ritual that I smile when I think about a year after his passing. You do what you have to do to get through the day....and remember to try to do it with style and a sense of humor!

Sent by Karen | 3:10 PM ET | 07-30-2008

Dear Leroy and Laurie,

As always your honesty and openess is inspiring.

My husband and I have both had cancer and we have agreed that watching each other go through months of treatment was harder than being the patient.

Nothing hurts more than seeing the one person you love the most suffering.

What a journey it has been. It seems that human nature keeps us from really treasuring the goodness of the good times until we no longer have them.

In the cancer trip it is only natural to think that what we are enduring is the worst of it until we travel that road a little further down and discover that maybe that was the best part of the journey.

I am six years out from a stage III breast cancer diagnosis.

My husband is sixteen years out from a Lymphoma stage IV diagnosis, he has currently been in remission for six years.

He is also five years out from a melanoma diagnosis.

We have won the cancer lottery !! But we are living with it and enjoying our treats too.

Life isn't fair and cancer sucks !!!

love and peace to you both

susan
california

Sent by susan | 3:17 PM ET | 07-30-2008

Doughnuts (and everything else, practically) in moderation are OK!!!

We need small rewards all of the time. Life is hard enough not to treat one's self.

Sent by Scott S. | 3:23 PM ET | 07-30-2008

I know I need to lose weight but our life is so deprived now that I can't imagine adding food deprivation. Donuts don't really call my name but almost everything else does. I wish I could give some of my extra pounds to my husband who needs them.

Leroy and Laurie, thank you so much for this blog. It really helps. Eat all the donuts you want!

Cancer sucks!! Big time.

Sent by Lyda Rose | 3:35 PM ET | 07-30-2008

Rules? We don't need no stinking rules!

Sent by Dave Utrata | 4:02 PM ET | 07-30-2008

For my family, our luxury in the face of cancer was eating she-crab soup from my father's favorite restaurant. We were wishing it wouldn't be his last, but it was. How could I regret the time or the gas or the calories?! Being together in those moments - making those memories - indulging ourselves when we should have been doing something "important" - words can't describe it. Just thinking of that buttery creamy sweet soup reminds me of him in better days and how it brings my family together even now.

By the way, either Betty Crocker or Duncan Hines makes these microwave bowls of chocolate divinity that are out of this world for a moment of weakness... Enjoy your donuts!

Sent by Cancer PT | 4:54 PM ET | 07-30-2008

I have not had much to say the last few days, dealing with my own struggles...the after effects, the financial mess, etc.
My heart goes out to you, Laurie. Indulge, do what it takes to give you the strength you need to help Leroy and yourself today. Today is all you need to worry about, tomorrow is another day. Donuts will always be there, find what it takes to keep you going! Just know you have lots of us out here sending cyber hugs and much love and prayers!

Sent by Laurie Hirth | 5:26 PM ET | 07-30-2008

Dear Leroy and Laurie:

Not only did I smile and then tear up when I read about the first donut but then I remembered that as a caregiver, I was The Donut Guard 30 years ago. What you've shared has brought a very wonderful memory back to me so I thank you for as always giving so much to all of us. I'd entirely forgotten that my 14 yr old little brother would sneak into my mom's dressing room and eat the large box of Hostess powdered, cinnamon and plain pack ofdonuts that she had stashed up there because she needed to eat more...I guess she figured donuts were the quickest way to accomplish caloric expansion first thing in the morning. She put me on patrol when I was in the house to listen for his footsteps creeping into her dressing room and I rescued many of her donuts over many months. The other great donut choice today are the Enterman's chocolate-glazed donuts and I'm going to pick up a box for the first time since college in your honor next time I'm at Safeway.

Seriously - my heart goes out to you both but I think many of us here are very certain that you have a love that will sustain you and humble you anew each day and that is a gift that no beast can touch.

All the best,

Brin

Sent by Brin | 5:57 PM ET | 07-30-2008

Sometimes we all need to eat "comfort food" As a caregiver I know exactly how you are feeling. It is very difficult watching your loved one suffer. Do whatever it takes.

Prayers to all.

Sent by sasha | 6:22 PM ET | 07-30-2008

Better donuts than wine in the AM, Laurie, but whatever, whenever, does the job is the necessary. God bless you both and continue to realize how fortunate you are traveling this road as a pair, sharing the pain and the joy as one.

Sent by Lucy of Alaska | 6:36 PM ET | 07-30-2008

Laurie,
I can so relate to your story today except that I am a donut lover. I rarely have one but sometimes it is just to much to deal with and I succumb. I don't beat myself up over it because it helps get me through the day sometimes. Since my husbands diagnosis 4 years ago I have often wanted to break things and I was relaying this to the receptionist at the doctors one day. She told me of an acquaintance who had lost a child to a violent crime and some months later when she was still having a horrible time her husband bought her a box of light bulbs and a pair of goggles and took her to a concrete basement wall that was empty and told her to destroy them. I can't think of a more loving gesture. A friend picked up oxygen tanks for us today and our daughter has taken my husband out for the evening so I can have some time to myself. We take what we can get to relieve the stress and wallow in it.

Leroy,
As much as I look forward to your blog everyday please know that we understand if some days you just don't want to do it. You deserve to do just what you want sometimes.

God bless us all.

Sent by Kathie | 6:38 PM ET | 07-30-2008

I am a caretaker....justwas in the ER yet again with the most wonderful person in the world....laughed inside as I made my usual boring smalltalk as I watched the pulseox improve and the BP return to normal.It is just your presence,thats all.Entemanns feels so right because it's so wrong!!

Sent by suebee | 6:59 PM ET | 07-30-2008

It's time for hospice, Laurie. They will help with the pain so that you and Leroy can use the time left to just love each other.

Sent by Kay Crosson | 7:15 PM ET | 07-30-2008

I was angry at the whole situation a few days ago, nothing set it off, I just got mad, mad to my core. I took off the braclet that said pancreatic cancer support and I cut it into about 40 piecees, give or take a few. Now I felt better for a while but now I miss the damn bracelet that was a part of me for the past 18 months. Next time the donut sounds better. Mary

Sent by mary fitzpatrick | 7:27 PM ET | 07-30-2008

Laurie,
A donut is temporary, a bike ride lasts for hours. Optimal, have both!
Missy

Sent by Missy Patterson | 7:49 PM ET | 07-30-2008

You guys are great. Love those senses of humor and those wonderful writing styles. A match made in heaven. "It's time to make the donuts."

Sent by Joyce Smith | 8:59 PM ET | 07-30-2008

Dear Leroy (and Laurie),

I have read your blog for about a year now. I started reading right around the time when my dad's battle with metastatic ocular melanoma turned ugly. My mom cared for my dad. I live far away and I know it was harder on her than I'll know; she's an angel. I called every day visited for long weekends as often as I could. All the feelings, routines you have been writing about in your recent posts rings like a bell in my head, like yesterday. It just sucks.

My dad called in hospice as soon as it came up. I have always believed that his choosing hospice care was like a gift to all of us. Our team helped him feel as good as possible (really relatively little discomfort!), they helped us help my dad. It helped us to fight the battle in a different way, to enjoy each other, and spend our time hugging and visiting. He was larger than life and was taken too soon...the way he lived his final months and weeks showed me a kind of grace I had not known personally, and a new way to live.

Wishing you both strenth, comfort, peace, wonderful moments with each other, family, and friends...and lots of donuts. Peace,
Eleanor

Sent by Eleanor | 10:17 PM ET | 07-30-2008

Laurie, I think Homer SImpson says it best. "Mmmm, donuts..." To be as oblivious as Homer, now that is a gift! The list of things my siblings and I ate when my mom was sick haunts me to this day! Actually it makes us laugh, still.

Sent by Amy | 10:24 PM ET | 07-30-2008

In the words of that famous philosopher, Homer--as in Simpson, "aaaaaaaah, donuts!"

Sent by N. Holmes | 10:35 PM ET | 07-30-2008

OK, it's not bad that I live close to this place
http://randys-donuts.com/
or that they are open 24/7. It's not bad that they make a great apple fritter and a great apple crepe (like a deep fried burrito filled with apple pie filling). It's my bad that I can't decide which I like better so I get one of each. I can get you some over night any time, just let me know.

Sent by Walt from Los Angeles | 11:06 PM ET | 07-30-2008

I enjoyed two glasses of wine this evening - the pain of what we're going through somehow eases for just a short while, and for that, I'm grateful. Gratitude is found in many guises...

Sent by Julie J. | 11:24 PM ET | 07-30-2008

Enough already---where do we send the donuts?...and the martinis?...and the chocolate...? and whatever it is that makes you both feel better and gives you great laughter? ....bikini underwear..for Leroy?

Hugs and laughter... notthing better in the whole world

Sent by Kim from Columbia | 11:43 PM ET | 07-30-2008

it's everest. you are at the mercy of nature, and mountaineering burns a lot of calories.

Sent by mary | 12:22 AM ET | 07-31-2008

Leroy and Laurie, I care. I am so sorry both of you are suffering. Just appreciate every moment togeather. Will keep you both in my prayers.

Sent by dorothy in oregon | 2:35 AM ET | 07-31-2008

Eat those donuts and smile. It is these small pleasures that get us through sometimes. Prayers and peace to you both. With care...

Sent by anne lumberger | 6:35 AM ET | 07-31-2008

Laurie, you deserved it! I think one of the hardest parts of being close to the person going through the disease is feeling like you always have to be strong. Breaking down a little -- in whatever the form -- somehow helps conjur the strength for the next challenge. That, and support of others -- please know how much support & love is sent your way!!!

Sent by Tammy Reasoner | 1:03 PM ET | 07-31-2008

I remember a line from Steele Magnolias "laughter through tears is my favorite emotion." This is me most days when I read your blog, you guys touch my heart every day with your poignant words...even when talking about food! Thanks for sharing even when the going gets tough.

Sent by Faun | 6:30 AM ET | 08-01-2008

Haven't you figured out yet, that even though Leroy is physically suffering, many of us on the blog believe that the emotional toll often is on the caregiver?

Donuts bad? If that is the worst sin you have Laurie, then I think you are totally amazing.

In my family the caregivers have usually turned to alcohol... donuts are a much better option!

Sent by Liz L. | 6:19 AM ET | 08-10-2008