It seems no step is an easy step at this stage in Cancer World.

But remember you don't have to take it alone, Leroy. Laurie is there and we are too and your other close friends. This really sucks. I mean, as you've been saying the last week or so things are getting harder. It's really, really hard. I understand. It's scary. That's o.k. I wish there was an easier solution. You just have to test yourself over a week or so, every day see what your body can do and then settle into accepting the new level. Remember, home is the place for you as long as possible. You must also be tired, though, from the intensity of all the radio stuff two days ago. although it must be uplifting to help others so much: It has to be draining too. I know you helped me a great deal. It is so comforting listening to your voice and hearing your words, feeling your strength amidst your vulnerability. It was so helpful hearing how important it is to you to continue to be around people as much as possible and not isolate. Here's to you Leroy! Love, Graham from Sag Harbor.

Sent by Graham G. Hawks | 11:45 PM ET | 07-10-2008

Leroy,

The changes come as quickly as they do gradually. One day you'll be able to do, the next you won't. As long as you can get past the "I can't do this" stage and accept Laurie's help, or hospice, or whoever, you'll be OK. I know with Terry and I, wiping and showering were the toughest intimate activities to get past.

But we do it because we love you, not because we have to. I can't tell you how many soaked showers I had with my clothes on :-)

But it was OK.

Not because it's something you or we enjoy.

It's what we pay to stay close to the people who mean the most to us. Please don't forget what you mean to Laurie. If she didn't want to be there, she'd have given up the "life-giver" role way back when.

We finally had to get a toilet chair because Terry couldn't even get in to our bathroom. How humiliating that had to be, and how heartbroken I was...but we got through. It still makes me sad, but we had to do what we had to do.

Hugs

Sent by Bruce | 11:49 PM ET | 07-10-2008

...And a helping hand a few times? That's what home hospice does.

Don't forget them. They let us stay at home several extra weeks.

Sent by Bruce | 11:52 PM ET | 07-10-2008

Leroy, have you looked into home nursing care? I depended on my home health nurses to draw blood, vitals, change pic line dressings. Since I live alone, they were angels of mercy and all experienced RNs. I listened to your NPR sessions of yesterday - you still have the chops for speaking well to your audience. Thanks for sharing your voice with us.

Sent by Dorothy - Los Angeles | 12:00 AM ET | 07-11-2008

Hi Leroy,
I'm not sure if you have this service where you live, but we had "home help" come in to help my mother-in-law out twice a day. She wasn't ready for a nursing home or hospital either, but did need some assistance. They helped her into the shower and washed her hair as well as making her meals and ensured she was eating. They even did her grocery shopping and laundry! It was a huge help not only to her but to her family. I imagine the hardest part for you on this subject is just asking for help. But Leroy, don't be afraid to ask. Everyone needs help at different times in their life. You are in my thoughts.

Sent by Laurie | 12:02 AM ET | 07-11-2008

Please take whatever help is available to assist Laurie in caring for you in your home. If home health aides can come in to help with laundry and cleaning then have them do as much as they can. A dear friend of mine became very frail and used the services of an agency called "Home Instead" which provided help with bathing and dressing and cooking. There may be a similar agency near you. The hours that home health aides are in your home could give Laurie time to nap knowing that other eyes and ears are attentive to your needs. Knowing what help you need is only part of the big picture. Both you and Laurie also have to be willing to accept the help that Laurie needs, too. Is it possible that the good people at NPR can cover the expense of providing home health aides for at least a few hours every day? Leroy, you give so much to help others, it is time to accept some for yourself and Laurie.

Sent by Ned Toknow | 12:27 AM ET | 07-11-2008

Leroy,
Those sound like questions you and Laurie will have to figure out together. I'm stage 4 breast cancer who had the same back surgery you had. I remember a few months after surgery telling my cousin that I was going to paint my living room. She succintly said "Are you #$%$! nuts?" I was surprised then realized Wow, I can't physically do what my mind thinks I can do. And I needed that honest feedback. So you and Laurie will talk it thru each step of the way as you've done all along, and she'll give you feedback you might not want to hear, but it will be with love. We're right here with you, Leroy.
Kate

Sent by Kate from California | 12:43 AM ET | 07-11-2008

Dear Leroy,

A helping hand a few times a day can be so very beneficial, for both you and Laurie. Find yourself a good person(s); one(s) with whom you both feel confident and comfortable; and let them do whatever needs tending to.

Walker or wheelchair? Maybe some days it'll be one; other days it'll be the other, depending on what your body tells you.

I don't get the Discovery Channel here at home, but today I watched some clips of "Living With Cancer" online, and was moved by all that I saw and heard, just as I was yesterday with the TOTN interview and the following Q & A session. Your integrity shines through in such a clear and honest manner.

You have made a (HUGE)difference; you still do make a (HUGE) difference; and you will for a very, very long time.

Rest in the care of the many who are thinking of you, both near and far ~

With gratitude,

Kim Forester

Sent by Kim Forester | 12:44 AM ET | 07-11-2008

I don't know you, but maybe you need some home health visits with an RN or aide who can provide you with occasional assistance. Skilled nurses can give you any kind of therapy (physical, medications,etc) that you may need. Definitely have it set up through your doctor. Don't be afraid to ask for what you "want."

If you need other assistance, someone to cook meals, etc. Ask your doctor's office, church, hospital or local cancer organization for referrals. You or someone you know should maybe call around to find what you need. I bet you will find it. : )

I'm sorry it's difficult for you right now.

Sent by stacey | 1:30 AM ET | 07-11-2008

Life can get hard, but we have to keep on "keeping on". Prayers your way from California.

Sent by Michele | 1:38 AM ET | 07-11-2008

Hi -- I finally got to listen to your Talk of the Nation with Ted Koppel and Elizabeth Edwards. Also listened to your Q&A. Whew! You're a braver man than I am, Gunga Din! So is she. For that matter, so's Ted. And in my book, Laurie gets some sort of medal-- you are lucky in love ....

Sent by Victoria Ferreira | 1:46 AM ET | 07-11-2008

Leroy, whatever you need to do you will do or you will have help to do it. You have already done much more than you thought you could do and certainly more than the doctors thought you could do. You have "spread around your strength of will" to all of the readers of this blog. Accept the love and adulation of all of us. And I'll bet you can even make using a wheel chair fun when that time does come! Have a great day!

Sent by Lucy | 1:52 AM ET | 07-11-2008

Hi Leroy - I feel for you, you seem to have more questions than answers. Do you have someone from your local hospice service dedicated to you? I work for the local hospice here in England but I'm afraid I've no idea how the system works in the USA. It sounds like you need to find someone from hospice who can go through all your choices, options etc. This would be good for you and your partner. I speak from experience here, when my husband was terminally ill the hospice was there as much for me as for him. Try and get yourself a dedicated worker who can help you plan ahead - then you don't have to make knee jerk decisions as things change. If you plan ahead, even if you can't control the cancer, you CAN control your response to it and be cared for in the way you want, when you want, by whom you want. My prayers are with you.

Sent by Lisa Burt | 2:50 AM ET | 07-11-2008

Is home health care an option? A nurse to come in and be there as often as needed?

Sent by Linnea | 6:22 AM ET | 07-11-2008

When my dad got to the point where he needed help going from the bed to the chair, I was lucky to be there for him. I have never felt the presence of God more clearly than when I was helping my dad. It is an honor to help your loved ones in their time of need.

Sent by Trish Whittaker | 7:36 AM ET | 07-11-2008

The key word here is "life" Leroy and you are still living it. When you figure out that next step, don't be afraid. Your family, friends and this community of bloggers are here, with you all the way.

Today, I hope you can feel the warmth of the sun shining down on you and can find some answers. Peace dear Leroy!
Continued prayers!

Eileen P., I have not seen you here for a while, I am keeping you in my prayers!

Sent by Laurie Hirth | 7:42 AM ET | 07-11-2008

Numbers

That's 46 kids in the picture. All happy, healthy, athletic, having fun, goofing around, innocent. That's the number of kids who will be diagnosed with cancer today.

And tomorrow. And the day after. All through next week. All month. All year. Ad infinitum. Until we stop it.

Look again, totally randomly, 7, black, white, orange, yellow, brown, green, 2 days old, 20 years old, it don’t matter. That’s the number of kids who will die from cancer today.

And tomorrow. And the day after. All through next week. All month. All year. Ad infinitum. Until we stop it.

When you read the stats, when you see the numbers, NEVER EVER forget that those numbers have NAMES...faces full of love, Moms & Dads, brothers & sisters, friends & families, hopes & dreams.......futures.

Stop Childhood Cancer the #1 Killer Disease of our Kids

Sent by AJs Dad | 7:59 AM ET | 07-11-2008

Leroy,

You are an inspiration. Our prayers and thoughts are with you.

Sent by Graydon | 8:32 AM ET | 07-11-2008

Hey Leroy, how ya doing.
I'm thinking of your dilema, and I hope you resolve it today. Should you ride or walk, hell of a question.
You have a good lady waiting to help. So just like your good friend Ted was willing to help, take the help and ride.
I pray you will be back to your old self soon, but until you are, please take all the help you can, while you can.
Have a good weekend big guy, and
Find your strength in Love.

Sent by Donato Salazar | 8:33 AM ET | 07-11-2008

Don't be afraid of the wheelchair. It will help you get onto the porch for a beautiful view with less trouble. Think of Franklin Roosevelt.

Sent by Mary Lynne Carlisle | 8:37 AM ET | 07-11-2008

I don't know the answer but just some thoughts....have hospice come to evaluate and recommend some choices/options; look for some devices to help you do the difficult things....something you could use to pull on to help you get out of bed or stand once you are on the side of the bed; look for a motorized wheelchair if your home is easily accessible or perhaps could be made so; ask your family and friends to take shifts of time just to be with you to help you as needed (they would readily do this to feel as if they are helping and to erase their feelings of helplessness). Just some thoughts and certainly you've already thought of these.

Just know that I continue my prayers for you and Laurie...and remember that the little flame of HOPE continues to burn.

Sent by Al Cato | 8:43 AM ET | 07-11-2008

Hi Leroy, This topic is really sucking me back in time to caring for my dad. He was a lot like you, a strong, strapping, take charge kinda guy. The helper not helpee. Very,very proud. I was doing all I could, trying not to be overbearing. Then a silent understand came over us and I started staying with my parents. My husband had lost his first wife to cancer so he was incredibly understanding. I would get up in the morning, get my dad situated, make sure my mother could handle everything else and then I'd go to work. I'd go into work a little later and leave a little earlier each day, until I knew I should not go in at all. It was a very clear, and again an unspoken understanding. I knew it was terribly hard for dad to ask for any help. So I just did it. Everyone says I am so like him, which is why I knew what to do. Maybe so. It was hard for me to see my strong dad like that, but it was an honor to help him. And I don't remember him with limits. In my heart and dreams he is as strong and funny and powerful as he ever was. I wish you peace in whatever way you find it. Namaste.
Susan

ps. Thank you so much for the interview and blog chat the other day. It brought us even closer to you. And it must have been exhausting, thank you, thank you.

Sent by Susan | 8:43 AM ET | 07-11-2008

why? i was wondering why you see all these new devices and treatments they are discovering like microscalpels that can destroy cancer one cell at a time but whenever you go to some ones cancer blog its the same treatment surgery and chemo and almost always death. when and were are they gonna start using these things on cancer patients.

Sent by kim parris | 8:49 AM ET | 07-11-2008

Leroy,

Isn't it funny how we all love to help others but when it comes to asking for help ourselves we feel bad about it? What is it about that? You have helped so many people in so many ways through this blog and you continue to do so every day. Thanks for all your encouragement. Remember, we're all in this together.

Sent by Jan | 8:54 AM ET | 07-11-2008

Hospice Leroy. They really are noninvasive and may offer suggestions to make manuevering in your life easier. Just a thought. It's not giving up or giving in, it would be giving you and Laurie a break. Thinking about hospice seems to bring about thoughts of the end. But what if it was just thought of as a new family member that comes in whenever you want them to to visit with you and see how you are doing, what you may need and then quietly leave you alone to your life. I think this is the part where you really start letting folks into your life to help instead of using all of your energy just trying to figure things out for yourself.

Take care and God bless you Leroy.

Oh yeah, the Brewers won 11-1 over the Rockies last night. Will the Brewers take over first place from the Cubbies? Stayed tuned. It's getting exciting!!!

Judy

Sent by Judy Voller | 8:56 AM ET | 07-11-2008

These are questions that I know we all hoped you would never have to ponder, much less answer.
You are still such an inspiration to me, I only hope I will have the dignity and grace that you have during this time.
Thank You.

Sent by Brit | 8:58 AM ET | 07-11-2008

i completely understand how you feel. I hate asking for help for anything but sometimes we all have to ask for help even though we would rather not.

Sent by sarah | 8:59 AM ET | 07-11-2008

Leroy, have you considered contacting Hospice? They offer a great deal of support and assistance, and can provide much more than you might think. Our family was surprised at how much help they were during my father-in-law's recent illness.

Blessings to you and Laurie,

Sent by Lesa in Kansas | 9:00 AM ET | 07-11-2008

To Leroy and to all of us who are dealing with the effects of cancer --

Leroy, I learn from you. As a cancer survivor and now a volunteer peer counselor for a national breast cancer hotline, I have come to realize that life is a workaround. Things shift and change, from hour to hour, from day to day. Sometimes we have to push on through, sometimes we have to come at things at an angle, sometimes we go around, and sometimes we must let something go, either temporarily or permanently, so that we can get on with the life we have. Best wishes to you. When you write, we learn. You have become a checkpoint for my day.

Sent by Leslie Bjorncrantz | 9:10 AM ET | 07-11-2008

Leroy -
I would love to discuss the daily political situation with you! What are your thoughts on the presidential race?

Sent by nancy | 9:10 AM ET | 07-11-2008

Leroy,
I think as long as you feel comfortable with Laurie helping as much as she is able, that you will feel more independent. If and when it becomes too much for her, you and she will know. It will just be the sensible thing to do to give in to the wheelchair. I hated seeing it come to that for my husband but it made it possible for him to still get out and at least go to his mothers. We got the lightweight transporter chair, it made it easier for me.
It seems like all of the things we needed to do just fell into place. The time for the hospital bed all of it just happened when it needed too.
I know it has to hurt to see your surroundings change but if any of it gives you rest or causes less pain, by all means do it.
Please hang in there.

Sent by Janice from Troy AL | 9:13 AM ET | 07-11-2008

Hi Leroy - Having seen my little brother and my Mom struggle with cancer and my Dad with advance diabetes we had to come up with some sort of 'criteria' for when it was time to seek outside assistance. We agreed in advance so that if they became mentally incapacitated, we would understand their wishes. So, we made it simple and it was really as much for the caregiver's benefit as the patient and it was if they couldn't toilet themselves... it was time.
I really hope and pray you never reach that level of incapacity.

Sent by Tim | 9:17 AM ET | 07-11-2008

You ask what do you need? Hmmm...you mean besides us. Do you feel you have given up some of the battle if you go into the wheelchair? Is it denial that you it may be time to have someone called in for assistance. I SAY NO! Leroy you are still blogging everyday. Hang in there with us till you do fall down! Damn this cancer. I pray Leroy - I have the will and strong determination as you. When the pain is unbearable use the meds to knock yourself out, take it easy. Just take it day-by-day.

Sent by Carolyn | 9:17 AM ET | 07-11-2008

You need to basically accept the stuff that life or G-d or whomever is throwing at you. You need Laurie to be there with you and for you. You may need either daily caregivers there during the day for a few hours or maybe hospice could come in. Leroy, I hate to suggest that; BUT, first of all, they CAN BE FIRED if and when you feel better please G-d. But the main thing that they are there for is to assist you and make certain that you are not in pain. Take care, Leroy and I hope that your weekend is some down time for you and Laurie. G-d bless you.
Jan

Sent by Janice Goldberg White | 9:22 AM ET | 07-11-2008

Have never commented before but have been following for a long time. My father died of accute lukemia, and faced much of what you are now facing. My mother was his primary, as Lauri so aptly put it, 'life giver' and I cannot tell you what a huge help Hospice was with the exact things you are now describing, Leroy. I cannot say enough about what they did for my parents, and the rest of the family, as we navigated this new territory. I urge you to contact Hospice...we could not have had the incredibly positive experience we had as my father lived with change if they had not been involved. Hospice care is not about dying, but is about helping you and your family and friends live the fullest life you can where you are at this moment...and in the future, whatever that may be.

Sent by janel | 9:24 AM ET | 07-11-2008

For some of us, a family member can move in as a constant companion, on call via a bell so you can have privacy or space. Others hire an aide to be present for whatever the day brings. If you need to hire someone, talk to your local hospice about resources. There may even be a volunteer group that can rotate people to fill in the gaps you need in coverage of your day. Every area is different. I hope you find the right person soon! It will uncomplicate your days.

Sent by Celeste | 9:27 AM ET | 07-11-2008

I really hope you are talking with hospice folks about the services they can offer you to help you remain at home even as you get weaker. From what I understand, they are pros at knowing what's available and helping with arrangements.

I am so sorry life is getting more complicated around this and that it's happening to you. Most of us of us who aren't fated to die in sudden accidents will probably go through this in some form or another--the loss of the ability to be as independent as we would like. But really that independence is an illusion anyway. Doesn't mean it doesn't suck though!

Sent by N.R. | 9:29 AM ET | 07-11-2008

Dear Leroy,
It hurts to see you struggling with everyday activities. I hope you can regain a measure of your independence. But if not, can you have someone in a few times a week to help you out? I do so hope that this all will get better. It seems everything went to hell after you had that infection. Could you still be recuperating from that? Much love to you and Laurie

Sent by Alycia Keating | 9:33 AM ET | 07-11-2008

I read every day but don't post too often. It's hard right now having been a "life giver" twice in 3 years with both parents who both were just slightly older than you when they passed. In yesterday's post you talk about putting pride aside. I don't know if Laurie works or is able to be at your side 24 -7 but understand the help you need may not be your decision to make. Laurie, as strong and as much help as she can provide can only do so much, and the caregivers of hospice are true angles. They are there as much for you, Leroy as they are for you Laurie. When my Dad was sick, we had him at home for hospice, my mom having to continue to work to keep the insurance. With my mom we went from hospice nurses to a live in facility because as much as my wife, my sister, myself and my mom's friends all pitched in to help, it was still not enough. My mom was in the hospice facility for 1 week before she passed, but it was a full week of quality time we were able to spend together because the weight of caregiving was off of us to be able to spend quality time with her. Granted we still did most all of the care giving still because that is what we were used to. The hospice facilty we found was more like a bed and breakfast than a nursing home, a lot more of the facilities are like that now. The room outside of the bed was filled with all of her furniture from home. the Bathroom was only 10 steps away, and help was a pull cord away which gives you a bit of normalcy by giving you the care when you want it. It is unfortunate that they are so expensive but was worth every penny that was spent for the peace of mind that she was safe. Peace in your journey

Sent by Paul | 9:34 AM ET | 07-11-2008

Leroy - wish I knew the right words to comfort you and bring you peace of mind. Hope you feel the warm embrace of all the prayers and good wishes coming to you, and they bring you some comfort.
We're all in this together - and we're all here for you!
Have a restful weekend!

Sent by Ruth Chermok | 9:41 AM ET | 07-11-2008

Dear Leroy and Laurie,

I have been on both sides of this challenge you face. I love the LifeGiver image Laurie, that is brilliant. Leroy, my advice to you is that any time someone says "I'd do anything for you" then reply to them "Call me when you have a free hour". You may need them that day to take back library books or walk your cat or sit and chat with you while Laurie takes a nap, or....well, you get the picture. I often asked people to come get me and take me for walks.

You will find a path to avoid the round the clock care for quite a while I predict.

Blessings on all who share here,
Ann

Sent by Ann Van Tassell | 9:41 AM ET | 07-11-2008

Dear Leroy and Laurie,

I have been on both sides of this challenge you face. I love the LifeGiver image Laurie, that is brilliant. Leroy, my advice to you is that any time someone says "I'd do anything for you" then reply to them "Call me when you have a free hour". You may need them that day to take back library books or walk your cat or sit and chat with you while Laurie takes a nap, or....well, you get the picture. I often asked people to come get me and take me for walks.

You will find a path to avoid the round the clock care for quite a while I predict.

Blessings on all who share here,
Ann

Sent by Ann Van Tassell | 9:42 AM ET | 07-11-2008

You're showing us the way, Leroy. Thank you for daring to be open.

Sent by Perry Colmore | 9:45 AM ET | 07-11-2008

For months I have been a lurker, drawn to your blog because my Dad has been battling colon cancer for 6 years. He, unlike you seldom wants to talk about his cancer. I honor his wishes which is not always so easy. Your sharing has really helped me to understand the day to day struggles and achievements my Dad experiences. Thank you, Leroy!!

Sent by Judith Sharko | 9:47 AM ET | 07-11-2008

One day at a time, Leroy! Please don't let your fears for tomorrow inhibit what you CAN do today! Are you still a candidate for PT to keep in check what you can actually do?

Talk to Laurie - and those others around you about what you WANT.

Thinking of you!

Have a good weekend, fellow readers.

Sent by Liz L. | 9:47 AM ET | 07-11-2008

Those of us without an illness are gradually having limitations put on our abilities, whereas you are having to take it in one big dose. Very tough I'm sure. I hope you can find the strength to face it with grace. Have a sweet, meaningful week-end.

Sent by Susan | 9:47 AM ET | 07-11-2008

Leroy, you talked yesterday about the blow to your self-esteem that physical infirmities were causing. You talked about how you were used to being the one who helps others and how the reversal felt bad. I know. I get that. Anyone would hate it.
But don't forget, Leroy, how much you're helping others. It's much harder to do what you're doing with words and emotions than it is to load the sofa on a truck or open that tough jar. And it's much more important. You've done both now. You've been the big, strong guy physically and now you're the big, strong guy emotionally. Even sharing how difficult it is helps others to cope themselves. You've been thrust into an opportunity that no one would want. But you're using it wonderfully to make a huge lasting difference. A million thanks.

Sent by Laura | 9:50 AM ET | 07-11-2008

It's so unfair, Leroy! I'll be thinking about you and Laurie this weekend. Please, stay strong in your spirit. Mets cannot go there. I pray that as your body grows weak that your spirit will grow and glow with unbounded strength and beauty!
with love...

Sent by Linda Lee | 9:54 AM ET | 07-11-2008

Thank you for sharing these unchartered waters. You are a brave person to be guiding us through this time. Your wise words provide guidance to me every day. Thank you Leroy.

Sent by Lisa | 10:09 AM ET | 07-11-2008

A home health aide would be helpful. During my mother's last years we had a wonderful Jamaican lady live in and care for her. My brother and I took turns over the weekend. An aide experienced with cancer patients and caring for the ill could be quite helpful. I admire your courage and outspokenness about your situation. I have HNPCC and have been through 2 cancers and avidly read your entries and the comments offered.
Best wishes,

Sent by Susan Lewis | 10:13 AM ET | 07-11-2008

I feel for you Leroy and Laurie. I wish we could help more - I hope you know that every one of your blog angels is holding on to you both.
Sasha - how are you today? You are so brave.

Sent by Tina from Alton IL | 10:16 AM ET | 07-11-2008

Hey guys
My dad was/is in a similar predicament, he is now in his 80s. His number one caregiver, my sister died suddenly from cancer 2 years ago. My mum died 25 years ago. All of us kids are all over the world living our lives so it was up to his 23yr old grandaughter to step in and do for him. He is very stubborn though and would not let any kind of help into the house, he kept saying that Claire could look after him. She is married with a job and a 2 year old, not easy and she was not going for it. Then he fell and broke his leg and ended up lying on the floor for 5 hours before anyone found him and spent 2 months in hospital. Now he has a nurse that comes in twice a day to get him up and showered and to bed at nite etc. He also has meals on wheels to bring him dinner, plus my niece to help out doing whatever she can. This is in the UK mind and the only thing he pays for is a nominal fee for his meals.
It is great having someone beside you to help no matter what, but there comes a time when that is not enough. You will know when that time comes. Don't be a stubborn old fart like my dad, ask.
Peace to you today, we have some much needed rain here in AZ, it is glorious.

Sent by fay, gilbert az | 10:24 AM ET | 07-11-2008

It is amazing the level of care that can be provided in your own home. I know it made the world of difference for my sister-in-law. Hospice provided help in arranging things.

Sent by Karen | 10:26 AM ET | 07-11-2008

WOW, not sure what happened to my link, but I didn't find your post today until I got the e-mail notification. Go figure, at least I can sigh relief, because I was getting concerned.

Do what you can when you can, but keep trying. That is what is important.

You will find ways to do things that work out the best. Listen to your body, investigate assistive devices and keep trying.

Sent by Sue Chap | 10:31 AM ET | 07-11-2008

Your entries and the issues shared by cancer fighters are very much like those faced by all of us as we age: weaker bodies, physical discomfort and pain, diminished energy, and the worry of what is to come as time progresses.

You are leading us in this experience, and I truly appreciate that.

Peggy

Sent by Peggy | 10:31 AM ET | 07-11-2008

Nothing to add today, Leroy. You've gotten some good, sound advice.

Have a peaceful weekend surrounded by the people and things you care about.

Sent by Kathy B. from Michigan | 10:40 AM ET | 07-11-2008

Maybe it would be easier to accept help if you could somehow think of these decisions as temporary, reversible? My mom had hospice for a few months, and then she was "fired" because she got better. My husband recently spent a few weeks in a wheelchair due to an accident, but now he is walking again. By the way, even though he's also a strong and independent guy, he liked the chair because it enabled him to get around on his own. He even did yard work in it. I know -- your situation is far harder. But maybe just thinking of one day at a time would help? (a Wendell Berry poem someone posted recently mentions wild creatures who do not trouble themselves with "forethought of grief"). And the same goes for hiring a visiting nurse or asking for hospice workers to come as needed. Seems to me they could make your life less complicated -- and Laurie's too.

I loved hearing your voice again on Talk of the Nation Wednesday. Your courage and honesty and continuing sense of humor are awe inspiring. I think of you daily and send heartfelt wishes to you and Laurie for a good day together and a weekend of love and laughter.

Sent by Doris | 10:43 AM ET | 07-11-2008

Dear Leroy,
Talk with hospice and home health care people. Hospice was a blessing when my husband died. Home health care was wonderful during the year and half I was getting daily hydration at home. See what services are available through your health plan and providers.
With the proper help you may do better than you expect.
I know you will find the solutions that are right for you. You are a pilar of strength!
Charlotte in Rural Ridge, PA

Sent by Charlotte Kewish | 10:49 AM ET | 07-11-2008

I'm sorry it is getting harder to avoid all of these questions. I wish you ease in making these kind of decisions. And peace, always peace, if possible for you and Laurie. Rest this weekend and enjoy the outdoors if possible. We will be thinking of you.

Sent by Sarah | 10:51 AM ET | 07-11-2008

Remember hospice...they are about being as comfortable as possible and with as little pain as possible...for as long as possible...that is their expertise and a good hospice nurse, social worker and aide are worth their weight in gold. much love and best wishes for peace...

Sent by Sandra Yudilevich | 10:52 AM ET | 07-11-2008

I can imagine how difficult these decisions must be. I know there are some people who take great value in staying at home and dying at home. I have never seen this as important and have discussed it with my family. I want to go into a hospice facility because I think it will be too hard on my family to take care of me at the end.

However, it sounds like in your current situation home health and some back up help for Laurie might be the answer. I do think knowing all your options and making your wishes clear now are very important.

I listened to the NPR program on Wednesday night after my clinical trial long day in Nashville. Stength and Courage! Peace,

Sent by Dona | 10:58 AM ET | 07-11-2008

Physical therapists have helped both Mom and me gain more strength in the muscles that worked. They can come to the house, help with exercises that focus on what can be made stronger.

Wheelchairs are liberating! Even though they seem to represent a loss, they can move you around, let you get out of the house a bit, even let you locate the lost TV remote. You can fix your own peanut butter sandwich.

The physical therapist can fit you to the right chair that will be comfortable for your height and your back problems.

And home health aides can be a great help too. With Mom, Alice came a couple of mornings a week at first so I could get a break. Later, aides were with us for many more hours.

Don't worry too far into the future, however. What you need will be there when you need it.

Love to you and Laurie.

Kate

Sent by Kate Murphy | 11:03 AM ET | 07-11-2008

Leroy,

Please. Call. Hospice.

They can assess your needs and respond appropriately. AND, you are always the boss.

Blessings.

Sent by Diana Kitch | 11:08 AM ET | 07-11-2008

Hi Leroy,

Does listening to music help at all?

Would having a drum to beat on be helpful?

I just saw "The Visitor" (movie) last night, and was so moved. Seems like drums can speak when words cannot.

Keeping you in our prayers.

Take good care,

Kim & Virgie

Sent by Kim & Virgie | 11:09 AM ET | 07-11-2008

Leroy,
Hospice is worth a try. I think they provide a varied team that works in conjunction with your doctor. It will make it easier for you to stay home. Not only would they be able to help you, they can also help Laurie. They care for patient and family.

Sending thoughts and prayers for you and Laurie.

Margaret

Sent by Margaret Fowler | 11:17 AM ET | 07-11-2008

Leroy, please consider HOSPICE. As an RN who has worked for our local Hospice I can assure you that the comfort, compassion, care, strength and support that they can provide is truly remarkable. Hospice not only cares for you but also for your family. They truly do wrap you in their loving care and walk with you and your loved ones through this most difficult journey.
God Bless you

Sent by Debbie Barron | 11:31 AM ET | 07-11-2008

Leroy,
As a healthcare worker and Social Work student, I see alot of this. You have a couple of options..1) home health. A RN will come to your house and assist you ...talk to your Doc about setting this up.
2) a private sitting service (again, ask your docs office bout this)
3) most CNA's who work in hospitals are looking for extra jobs on the side. and...since this is what they do...assisting in meals, baths, walking etc you can somtimes get them to come in a couple of times a week or what ever you need. Talk to a nurse friend about the CNA's.
Ofet your insurance will cover these cost.
At the very end...talk to your doc about hospice. They are specially trained to help with end of life things for you and your loved ones.This is where I hope to specialize when I grad in 2009.
Good luck my friend,
Love
Liz Z

Sent by liz Zimmerman | 11:46 AM ET | 07-11-2008

I didn't want to get to the point of a wheelchair for my husband, but one of his favorite things to do is to go to dinner. He would spend a lot of time shuffling into the restaurant and then when we were walking to our table he would hold on to the back of everyone's chair as he moved forward. It's not as if anyone complained, but it was uncomfortable bothering others. Two weeks ago we purchased a wheelchair, it was used, on Craigs List. It has been a life saver. Now we can take him out to his favorite restaurants with a modicum of ease. We still encourage him to walk as much as possible at home. I know each step is not one we want to take and we push everything to the edge. If need be use the wheelchair and try to get out more.

Sent by Barb | 11:49 AM ET | 07-11-2008

Good Afternoon Leroy and Laurie,
I'm not going to talk about "C" today. It is a sunny, warm, blue sky day here in Applachians. I wish you both could be here to enjoy the beauty of the day with me. I hope each one here on the blog family have a good and painfree weekend and may angels watch over all of us. God Bless

Sent by Teresa in WV | 12:06 PM ET | 07-11-2008

Leroy, Scans then Doctors appointments. Well some good news, but mostly bad. More in my Lungs, larger mass on the Adrenal, in the Lympth Sytem behing the Heart. The Brain Tumor has reduced some in size. Overall sort of confusing.Maybe more radiation, certainly more Chemo. I got the look from one of the Doctors, you know the one, what are you still doing here? I hate that look.

I am disappointed in your situation, I have lost much, but not near so much as you. I hope you and Laurie can deal with the ravages of the disease yourselves. I would not want a Care Facility or fulltime help either, and put that chair away, Please.

Take Care-- Both of you--Thoughts,
Stan

Sent by Stan Wozniak | 12:14 PM ET | 07-11-2008

Dude, my father used to say that he would do what he could do until he couldn't do it anymore and then he would go to "plan B." We never knew what "plan B" was, but somehow, he did what he needed to do until he couldn't do it anymore. And we got through the next phase just fine. And you will, too.

And trust me, the 'ol First Shirt wasn't exactly a Zen type of guy, but this approach served him and us, his family, well. You'll make it through and then you go from there. The hows and the whys have a way of working out.

I wish you peace.

Sent by Joyce in FL | 12:14 PM ET | 07-11-2008

Leroy: Can you rent a "power chair"? Not the scooter kind, but a chair with controls that allow you to move around by yourself.

I remember when Burge, a big guy like you, had to ask for help. He hated it, and yes like Laurie, I told him it didn't matter (it didn't) but he still wanted to do as much for himself as possible. He did not want others doing the private things for him ever, so I showered him...usually getting as wet as he did...and did all his personal things while others picked up my household jobs, changed the bedding, and other non-personal things. It was a big help to me and allowed us to keep some privacy in Burge's life.

I couldn't give shots or take blood, but with the port, I could give all IV's, meds, etc. that he needed daily, but it was nice to have home health come by to check that I was doing things right, and, finally to have hospice come sit with us.

Just remember, often, the only thing we life-givers can do is help and be close. Allowing us to do that is your gift to us as much our helping you is a gift to you. We NEED to help.

Nikki

Sent by Nikki in Kansas | 12:14 PM ET | 07-11-2008

Leroy, when my husband's cancer was advancing, we were stubborn (and both very young in our early 30's) and refused any outside help. We wanted to have our life the way we wanted for as long as we wanted and to have our privacy for us and for our daughter who was 12 at the time. For us, Leroy, it was a good decision. I recognize that it is not for everyone. Social workers recommended a nursing home for him. At that time, no one suggested hospice. We did it our way in our time and we had no regrets. Listen to your heart, Leroy, speak with Laurie, and the two of you will make the decisions you need to make to make your life the best it can be. Thank you for being you and for sharing. You have a great deal of love and support here. You mean a great deal to us.

Sent by Ann | 12:21 PM ET | 07-11-2008

Hi Leroy,
You have been given good advice by people who truly care. You and Laura need to discuss the matter of your health care, but Hospice sounds pretty darn good. They are great!
Page - Gresham, Oregon

Sent by Page hendryx | 12:25 PM ET | 07-11-2008

Oh Leroy, what a difficult crossroad you've reached. We all know that this day will come, but it's not supposed to be today.
Hospice seems to many of us like giving up. But it isn't! If you just KNOW that you're not ready for hospice (you'll know when it's time) then set up a schedule with home health aides. In my experience, the majority of health care workers are kind, gentle, and very helpful. These workers can be found in the yellow pages, although I'd recommend word of mouth as my first choice for finding competent help.
As a long term caregiver myself (31 years), I know just how much a little help really does help. Laurie will always be with you but she needs a bit of a break herself.
The showering, shampooing, and yes, even toileting thing is something you can learn to do with assistance. This is what the aides are trained to do and although you won't like needing assistance you need it and that's that. So just suck it up and plan to arrange for help in the near future.
I caught a bad flu bug last month and was appalled at how weak and dependent I became. For the first time, I caught a glimpse of my future and I hated it. Then I made the decision not to waste my energy on something I couldn't control. It's not easy but it can be done.
You are in my thoughts as we travel this bumpy road together.
Sue

Sent by Sue Mersic | 12:32 PM ET | 07-11-2008

Dear Leroy,

I salute your determination, it is so easy to take physical fitness for granted.

Whatever help you need, you can get it at home with the apppropriate hospice care.

It is difficult for the loved ones to be the care givers. Without mentionning that the loved ones also have to carry your friends' sadness after they are done visiting with you. Many tears ended on my shoulder.
Some spouses are better at giving care than others, I think I was very good, until reaching a point where I did not want our relashionship to be that way... I needed some quality time with my spouse and time was shrinking...

Get hospice care even before you really need it, in my experience These folks were extremely nice but sometimes "a step behind"; bringing what you need when you are past the stage of needing it.

Carpe Diem

Fran.

Sent by Fran from Boston | 12:39 PM ET | 07-11-2008

You make me smile.
Testing yourself, you're a pistol!
Test on, keep testing, push a little more, look how far you've come.
You are indeed the strongest guy in room still, as evidenced by your appearance on Talk of the Nation, what a show! You may be physically challenged today, but emotionally you move mountains.
I find your strength breathtaking.
Have a restful weekend,
Much love to you and Laurie,
Debra Altschiller

Sent by Debra in New Hampshire | 12:53 PM ET | 07-11-2008

Actually it appears life gets less complicated.... choices become less and the next step just becomes the logical one. One day at a time, sometimes one hour at a time. Thanks for being there and voicing concerns all of us have in our minds if we are unable to voice.

Sent by Jo Ann Baswell (formerally Margate, FL) | 12:56 PM ET | 07-11-2008

Stay tough, friend. Here's a little chuckle for you.
Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of Tampax, and proceeded to the checkout counter. The man at the counter asked the older boy, "Son, how old are you?"
"Eight," the boy replied.
The man continued, "Do you know what these are used for?"
The boy replied, "Not exactly, but they aren't for me. They're for him. He's my brother. He's four. We saw on TV that if you use these you would be able to swim and ride a bike. He can't do either one."

Maybe Tampax is the answer!

Have a good day today and a good weekend! I found out Monday my cancer issue is back. To spite the beast, I'm going to have a good weekend, too! We love you, Leroy, today and all the days ahead.

Sent by Martha | 1:00 PM ET | 07-11-2008

You're breaking my heart, Leroy. I will pray that these decisions and changes come as easily for you as possible. Don't be afraid to ask for help - it isn't the sign of weakness we all feel it is.

Sent by Nancy | 1:12 PM ET | 07-11-2008

Hi Leroy,
A home health aide sounds like exactly what you need. They don't need to be there all the time but can be very helpful. I enjoyed listening to the questions and answers session. Please know that you have made a difference in so many people's lives and surely that will be your most precious legacy,

Prayers and blessings to you,

Lianne

Sent by Lianne Friedman | 1:21 PM ET | 07-11-2008

Yesterday, I was talking with my dr about the use of a walker.

The doctor asked me if I wanted a walker. I could feel my eyes well up with tears. I am 43. I didn't want one. Why? Pride? control? embarrassment? when I was young I would have loved the attention. When I was driving home I remembered taking my (late) Grandma, who had issues walking, to the mall for some xmas shopping. I went to pull out her wheel chair. Her eyes welled up and she started to protest using the chair. I knew that she could not do any major shopping with a cane. I looked at her and talked her into it;
Grandma, it will be okay. Now we can shop longer! She reluctantly agreed and we had a great time.

Now I know how she felt. Bless your heart grandma, I understand now.

Sent by Janis | 1:37 PM ET | 07-11-2008

Leroy, what a brave, incredible man you are to share so openly, your thoughts, doubts and concerns with all of us!!
Thank you for doing so. Reading your blog aloud to my loved one who is suffering like you, has given us the opportunity to open up and talk about topics we were not brave enough to bring up to each other before. Thank you for this precious gift.
What do you do now?
Ask for help when you need it. Those around you will be happy to help. They want to know what they can do to help you every step of the way. Don't let pride be your guide, let LOVE be your guide. You show your love for them by trusting them enough to let your pride move aside and to ask for help with things that you used to do for yourself. Others show their love for you, by being there and helping you do the things you cannot do.
My heart goes out to you and your loved ones!! You are all in my thoughts and prayers!

Sent by M Fischer | 1:39 PM ET | 07-11-2008

Dear Leroy,
A friend sent me your blog today. I work for a non-profit Hospice in Michigan. I would like to advise you to look in to Hospice Care. I know itcan be a scary idea - however, there are some terrific non-profit Hospice's that provide care in people's home. Many people believe that if you sign on to Hospice care you are signing your death warrant - that is really not the case.
The earlier Hospice can begin to help you the better quality of life you can have during this time. A motto at the National Hospice and Palliative Care Organization is "It's About How You Live" - and that is the truth.
I hope you'll agree to look into the possibility of this care in order to experiance the most freedom and the best quality of life that you can during this important journey.
You can visit the National Hospice and Palliative Care Organization online at: www.nhpco.org

Sent by Sara | 1:46 PM ET | 07-11-2008

Take a leap of faith and trust me when I ask you to contact the local hospice organization. The services and support that they can provide to you and your loved ones is enormous.

Sent by Sandra Veach | 1:51 PM ET | 07-11-2008

Hi you two -

There was a time in our country when every person knew how to care for and be with their loved ones during life and death. Births and deaths were at home events and the community stepped up and enfolded those whose lives were changing in love and support (and hotdishes too!).

A time when aging, illness and death were part of the vocabulary of life. You, Laurie and Leroy, are reclaiming that knowledge and resurrecting that vocabulary, through this blog and npr.

Todays new vocabulary word is hospice, and it comes with its own community. A community that doesn't try to assimilate either of you, (sorry Borg), but instead offers its knowledge and assistance to use as you desire.

The only downside I've seen is that they don't make hotdishes. But the neighbors do!

peace

tally

Sent by tally | 1:52 PM ET | 07-11-2008

Keep on going, Keep on going.....Leroy!!
and Keep on trying!!!
Peace be with you Leroy and have a pain free weekend.
Marelly

Sent by Marelly | 1:57 PM ET | 07-11-2008

the two-word echo..

home hospice.

not only will they come and help you with the essentials; they will ensure that you have any painkillers and other meds you might need at your fingertips. and a very very useful phone number for peace of mind. that would be a number laurie could call in the middle of the night if you were uncomfortable and she wasn't sure what to do. night can be so strange. it's good to have that phone number.

hospice makes *life* easier.

Sent by mary | 2:07 PM ET | 07-11-2008

Hi Leroy, I'm finally listening to your Q & A broadcast while reading today's posts. Instead of comment on your post today, I just want to say thank you for such an informative, candid program, and thanks to your producers, etc, all who created this opportunity to hear your voice and the questions of others. The show really covered all the basis and brought out to the surface a lot of questions and possible answers that my mind hadn't quite formed. I liked the way you mentioned that you still do things you enjoy, like have a glass of wine, and that you expect people to do and be just who they are and not every conversation be about cancer. I think people have misconceptions in reaction to avoiding "not talking" the opposite is just focusing on the illness all the time. Your comments about providing normalcy...very helpful, and I realize how this is different from "pretending things are normal." I appreciate the sound of your authentic voice, and feel I know you as a regular guy who stops and talks about something he is very knowledgeable, meets people and their questions, and injects a little humor. I appreciate what you said about "people are there to the extent they can be..." also that comment about the bus. Yes, "The Bus" has been on my mind for two years. After my husband was diagnosed, we were in an turmoil and before his surgery we went to Seattle. Some relatives took us out to a new restaurant downtown, and we were laughing and making our way down the street, and over to the right a block or so, was a yellow tape around a danger zone where some accident had occurred. We read in the paper next day that a pedestrian, just standing there, had been hit by a bus and died. My heart just went out to her, somebody I didn't even know, and I thought a lot about that when my husband and I went to our appointment at the cancer care alliance in Seattle to consult with someone who might help him. So...you have a point, we don't know, and "the bus" cliche is the truth. And now I am listening to you say how cancer lets you take time to say goodbye and think things through, whereas a sudden accident takes that opportunity away. Well, I'd better sign off. Thanks for the live broadcast...It put my mind at ease. For the time being I'm much more comfortable talking about cancer and what might eventually happen. He went through a terrible anxiety and depression but seems to have come through to the other side...and we are enjoying our days and what he is able to do still. Thanks a lot for your blog, it is such a gift. I was so glad to hear that you have hopes/are making plans that the blog will continue. Well bye for now, and you keep writing and I'll keep reading! God bless you--and I thank you for your hard work on the blog, and being such a welcome change from signing in to the "popular press" browsers with their asinine focus on celebrities and botox. Thanks to you and NPR for dealing with the hard questions and the problems of real people. I'll close by saying THANK you for saying "be the friend you were before cancer." That has helped me so much. Nice to hear your voice now saying "thanks for having me" as you close out your broadcast. See you on Monday!

Sent by Sally in Spokane | 2:15 PM ET | 07-11-2008

Dear Leroy,
First, research your local area health care resources...find out what's available. There are people who can help from a little bit to total care and anything in between. Think of getting help in degrees, as much as you need at the time. I presume that you have good health insurance. You may be surprised how much can be provided at no, or low cost. Also, talk to your oncologist and ask who the best hospice is in your area. They'll come out to your home and they know exactly what you need. As with so many things in life, it's all about resourcing. As a journalist, you must be very good at this. Remember, too, that you can always say: "Too much, Not enough, You're fired, or Stop." You are in control. I wish you peace.
Hugs,
V. Murray, Los Angeles

Sent by Victoria B. Murray | 2:40 PM ET | 07-11-2008

Hi Leroy, I really loved hearing your voice on NPR. You sound strong. But the reality seems to be that you're not as strong physically but don't know how far you can go. Take gradual steps. Maybe you go from walker to wheelchair to hover round. Like everyone has said, please ask friends and family for help. By helping they feel that they are making a difference - don't take that away from them. When the time is right you'll know to call in a part-time home care professional to handle the things that you and Laurie cannot. And I agree with the others, there is no harm in contacting hospice for an assessment. As with everything, you can take what you need or is helpful and leave the rest. Good luck to you. You are a role model. Many of us will face these same challenges and we can always think back, "well, if Leroy can do it, I can do it".

Sent by Kim in Jax | 2:44 PM ET | 07-11-2008

When I awoke this morning the first thing I did was check for your Blog post.After reading it I sat at the computer wondering what I could possibly say that would make any difference in how you feel right now.I was moved by your words and yet I sat and stared blankly at the screen..frustrated...
What hope can I offer you?
What funny delightful story can I share that will make you smile..forget your worries and cares?
I've been a part of the team that has followed you on this cancer expedition for a couple of years now.
Yet I sit here in Silence...
I feel like after all you have given to thousands of us..I have nothing of value to give you.
So,simply..from the bottom of my heart I want to say although I am a stranger to you ..I truly deeply care about the road you are traveling on.Although it is not the road any of us would have chosen for ourselves it is a road that you are paving for all of us..what you've done here these past 2 1/2 years is show us that through every trial and tribulation there is still much joy and Love in life.I asked you a few days ago "What would you like your legacy to be?" You answered something like this "I'd like to think I left this world a little better place because I was here."
I found this,it reminded me of you:

"I maybe here for a short while, gone tomorrow into oblivion or until the days come to take me away. But, in whatever part you play, be remembered as part of a legacy...of sharing dreams and changing humanity for the better. It's that legacy that never dies"

You have already left a Living Legacy Leroy.
May God grant you many more sunrises and sunsets.None of us are ready to let you go.
"Thank You..for teaching me what Dignity means."

Sent by Allecia | 2:49 PM ET | 07-11-2008

One of the "lurkers" who has read and benefitted greatly from your blog as I go through my own cancer journey, I was so touched by your radio program and your blogs yesterday and today that I feel compelled to write. Accepting help from others is very difficult, one of the hardest parts of cancer world for those of us who have been independent and self-sufficient. You are a gift to all of us. As hard as it is, let others give you the gift of help.

Sent by Roz | 3:14 PM ET | 07-11-2008

Leroy,
Have a good weekend. The grace of God will lead you, and help you deal with what is to come...accepting extra help..accepting that the changes coming are inevitable. Any reaction to these things are normal. We all differ in how we react, but we know we are not alone.
Prayers,
Wanda Amorose

Sent by Wanda Amorose | 3:35 PM ET | 07-11-2008

Leroy, you might contact the local Center for Independent Living (consumer-directed resource centers for living independently regardless of challenges disability may present)or consider speaking with home health care agencies. It is possible that one or both may be able to help you assess what assistive technology (bedside commode, Hoyer lift, environmental control systems, etc. could help you maintain maximum functional ability if your mobility focuses your domain into a smaller space (bed or otherwise). Power chairs with reclining systems are another option for boot-scooting. In-bed hairwashing and bathing, unless you modify a bathroom for shower chair access, are other options. And hospice care is another route, if and when you elect to switch gears from active treatment to palliative care. Many people expert in the arena can help you forecast needs, and be on target to access items as needed when the time for each comes. No need to guess at this alone if you really want support. Best to shop around now for options before you face more urgent needs. Also, if it comes to wanting to be in a more accessible environment with care, there are facility-based hospice programs, and some long term care facilities worth looking at too. But if staying at home is your preference, decide if you want to use agency-based services, hospice, or hire your own folks to be on tap for when you want assistance. Make sure they are not the kind who believe it is their job to literally be looking at you their entire shift. Compatibility is very important! This is new ground, but you have options. Talking to Centers for Independent Living and others in your area to find what providers have a good reputation for reliability, ability, and consumer-responsiveness may shorten the list of ones you want to consider. I wish you gentle journey with total comfort and control over all of your choices.

Sent by Sarah | 3:58 PM ET | 07-11-2008

P.S. VERY NIFTY RESOURCE for anyone whose circle of family and friends want to coordinate their collective efforts of support: http://www.lotsahelpinghands.com/home/

Sent by Sarah | 4:01 PM ET | 07-11-2008

Cancer truly does complicate life. Both yours and the people who love you.

Sent by Joan Marie | 4:35 PM ET | 07-11-2008

Hi Leroy. My brother, sister and myself, all adults, helped care for dad all through his cancer, and of course as he was end stage. He did need a lot of help towards the end.

Unfortunately, his stubborness didn't ever let up. Instead of opening himself to the help surrounding him, he frequently would attempt something on his own. This resulted in falls, spills, broken objects, and scary moments for both sides. I know it was absolutely terrifying for us as caregivers to deal with (more injuries--him, and us! its not easy to lift someone off the floor who has fallen into a very tight spot, ow, my back). As you figure things out with yourself and all those who are there with loving help.... please allow them to help by asking when you need it. I never felt put upon by dad, not once in the 3 months end stage which was all consuming. I had a lot of pride for my dad the times that I could help him by request, because I understood what that took inside himself to ask. Changes can happen rapidly, its very scary.

You really to get to the heart of the matter quite often in your blog. Thank you. Oh, by the way, a multi-disc portable cd player w/remote is great if you don't have one.... fill it up with all the Metallica, Van Halen and Enya (oops!!! how'd that get in there???) you can fit, and then you can fiddle with the remote anytime you need a fix. Hang tough.

Sent by Jen | 4:36 PM ET | 07-11-2008

My heart is breaking. I want to scream "try more chemo, is there some other way to fight a little longer! FIGHT!" But I know you and your doctors have already gone down that road and have made those decisions. I respect that, but feel so helpless, as if you are my own family member.
As always, I am praying healing prayers for you, Leroy.

Sent by Stacy | 4:57 PM ET | 07-11-2008

Get the home help.... Teach them to play cribbage & backgammon. Between games you might do some PT & learn some position and balance "Oomph" tricks to cut down on the second try disappointments.

Hold Fast & Invest in your freedoms.

Don MacLeod

Sent by Don MacLeod | 5:09 PM ET | 07-11-2008

Leroy- Years ago I wanted t go to Disneyland with my girlfriend who has MS. She claimed she couldn't go because she couldn't be on her feet all day. I talked her into a wheelchair for the day and off we went. This as a wheelchair as just a vehicle which will allow you freedom to go where you want. Also, remember how much time everyone spends sitting vs standing.Just think of it as sitting.

Leroy we all love you and deeply appreciate your thoughts.I have a difficult issue in my life right now- not related to Cancer. You help me each and every day.Your strength is where it counts- in your head.

Sent by linda h. | 5:51 PM ET | 07-11-2008

Dearest Leroy,
Please find the hospice group that is right for you. If you did not like the first group you talked to, talk to another until you are comfortable. Then take the help you need. We all need help sometimes...its ok. We don't think less of you, we love you always.

Sent by Mary C | 6:36 PM ET | 07-11-2008

Leroy,
No surprise that Guernica is your favorite work of art. Would that this huge painting was replicated, to scale, all over the world, and all were required to spend an hour in its presence.

Stan Wozniak, you are such a warrior and with such a strong Spirit! Your last advice to Leroy was funny: "Put that chair away, Please!"

Finally, Leroy your favorite book, Gates of Fire, is not a surprise either. (Shhhh You just might be that hero you've admired.) Hmmmm!

Sent by Cathi | 6:52 PM ET | 07-11-2008

Hard to turn these corners and make some hard choices. You will always be who you are, Leroy, no matter what you can or can't do. I agree with the others; home health care or hospice may be a good option. It would provides some support for both of you. These are hard times and we are with and beside you.

Peace and much love,

Betsey

Sent by betsey in albany | 8:25 PM ET | 07-11-2008

Today was a special day. I babysat my two grandchildren, ages 3 and 1. For three hours we played outside, barefoot in the grass, running through the sprinklers. We blew giant bubbles into the afternoon sky, we made play dough animals. For three hours, I didn't think about colon cancer. Today was a beautiful day! Leroy, I hope this weekend brings you some joy.

Sent by Michele | 8:28 PM ET | 07-11-2008

My husbands cancer got to the point where I did need some help but not to much. It was then that our family doctor contacted Hospice. They only came in once a week at first and then gradually came in more. It was left up to me and my husband how often we wanted or needed them here. The last two days they were here 24/7 to help. My family also took turns helping us out around here. Hospice without a doubt is one of the best organizations that I have ever dealt with. They can help you too Leroy and Laurie. They have so much to offer. I would recommend them highly.

Sent by Deb from Michigan | 8:35 PM ET | 07-11-2008

leroy - whatever you need...that is my wish for you.

Sent by beth | 9:34 PM ET | 07-11-2008

Leroy: You will never know when you will touch someone and it will change everything for them. I didn't even know of the term "lurkers" until I listened to TOTN! You are golden!

Sent by N. Holmes | 10:48 PM ET | 07-11-2008

Leroy and Laurie,

I hope you will both have a good weekend. Relax and just try to enjoy each other. Take care.

Sent by dorothy in oregon | 3:05 AM ET | 07-12-2008

Hi Leroy! Many, many moons ago when you worked the desk at KTVU, you had the talent of juggling multiple phones and two-way radios with unflappable calm, determination and integrity. And then, as the years rolled on, it was so neat to see you, one of the truly "good guys," make it all the way to the top of the networks--and I knew you were doing it the same way you had always done it--with good humor and a ton (and a half)of hard work. What you have now accomplished with your blog obviously goes well beyond any one news story, and I just want to add my name to the list of folks sending you love and gratitude. You are a wonderful writer.
There's only one Leroy. xxxx

Sent by Carrie Manley | 3:19 AM ET | 07-12-2008

I've not been to your site for some time as
I have you bookmarked in a place I seldom
use. I'm sooooo sorry you are having to endure what this disease has thrown at you.

I think losing strength is a much bigger issue to a man, than a woman (not that it's easy for women), but it's so much more of a man's makeup. It bothered my
husband terribly.

I'm headed for back surgery this week &
the outcome (altho all surgery is a risk)
seems relatively straight forward. And, I'm trepadatious w/that. I've lost my main sources of support - altho I still have a lot - the closest ones are gone.

Yesterday I actually accepted the offer to move to the front of the line based on
my current back issues, & 2 mos. ago I
wouldn't even have considered this purely
on my own principles. And this is nothing.

I can't imagine your feelings of 'weakness' or whatever you wish to call it. You are anything, but weak. I am
astounded you maintain this site in light of your health. The 'AMAZING MAN'.

Sent by J Petrich | 11:57 AM ET | 07-12-2008

We seem to be at about the same level of physical abilities. My walker is is one corner for the "Loopy" times I have I don't know how else to explain them, just loopy. I've read your journey all the way and is kind of funny to know that our ends are so close in as far as physical things. I'm 54 and have pancreatic cancer, have had it for longer than the average live span is suppose to be, what that? So I think I will look you up when I get to heaven and maybe have a face to face chat, (if we have faces at that point) But I see you off looking for Abe Lincoln or some other wonderful person of the past, save some room for us little people O K? See you, hopefully not real soon, but we never know. First one there saves a seat. Thanks for all you've done to keep me in tune every day, many days it was the high spot of the day. God Bless you, Mary Fitzpatrick

Sent by mary fitzpatrick | 1:46 PM ET | 07-12-2008

Leroy, I got to listen on the computer your and Elizabeth Edwards' words on "Talk of the Nation." So very good. My 35 year-old son became completely bedridden the last 7 weeks of his life. He was always so self-sufficient. My husband moved down to his condo to live with him so he could die in his condo. Sadly, Andrew couldn't get out of bed, so weak. We had hospice and my husband's dedicated loving care of our son. It is so sad to be humbled by this cancer. In the end, my husband put the pills in his mouth because he couldn't work his hands. My husband put a plastic container with tape on the bed rail so Andrew could dring his soda or water. The hospice people cleaned and shaved Andrew. Tom, his dad, cleaned him, too. We did everything we could to keep him comfortable. His last days were difficult because he had trouble breathing. Hospice brought in an oxygen tank and we gave him meds to relieve the breathing and anxiety. We were with him in the end. He had suffered so much. We did the best we could. He was a wonderful son and we miss him. I so appreciate your blog, and getting a chance to hear you and Elizabeth Edwards. We were always honest with Andrew - no cliches. I did get to tell him a funny story in the hospital after his brain surgery. I am sad I couldn't comfort him the last weeks so I was just quiet and nearby. I understand Laurie's pain and struggles.

Sent by Maureen | 2:50 PM ET | 07-12-2008

I don't have cancer. I have a very rare autoimmune disease that is incurable, unknowable (ie, prognosis) and pretty horrific treatment-wise. As I read a lot of people's comments along the lines of "you should just accept help," my heart is broken, because I know the pain in losing one's independence. It is very easy for others to tell us how brave we should be, or how we should stop being prideful, to accept help, etc.... But they're not in this situation, and odds are they'd be kicking up a storm if they were. It's not that they intend to be hurtful, it's just too facile to give such cheerleading advice without having experienced it for themselves. Eventually we will all grow accustomed to receiving these kinds of help. I'm not sure that the deeper pain of the loss of choice ever goes away,though. My prayers are with you for strength and courage.

Sent by Christie | 6:10 PM ET | 07-12-2008

You've given all of us an incredible gift these past few years. I wish I could give you something. All I have is this: I am holding you and your family in my thoughts.

Sent by Grace from Boston | 2:05 AM ET | 07-13-2008

Leroy,

I have not posted for a long time, but your last post hit me hard.

This takes me back to a few weeks after my wife Jodi was diagnosed with melanoma stage iv all through her body. The dr had his nurse say to go into hospice as there was nothing more they could do. Like you, the cancer was relentless and treatment to her spine and brain failed. Jodi had home hospice for four months. She had gone from walker to wheelchair to bedridden in less than a month. Like you she never gave up her fighting spirit and I rarely heard her complain about anything. The hospice people were very helpful and between them and my daughter we helped Jodi be as confortable as possible. I slept beside her at night to be next to her. It was a good decision. I am praying for you and Laurie. I know as a "life-giver" it is very hard to see this happen. Hospice gave me time to be with Jodi right to the last March 19, 2007 and focus on her and us. Like Bruce and others I did her personal care with the Hospice aides and nurses.

You have helped so many of us cope and yes, grow with this hideous disease of loss. You and Laurie are angels giving to all of us that have walked the Cancer World path.

Jodi is free from pain and loss now. I have been forever changed by what I went through, learning first hand what living A Day at a Time is. I also share my condolence to all those around Tony Snow who just passed away, another warrior lost.

Steve F

Sent by Stephen Faulkner | 11:15 AM ET | 07-13-2008

Everytime I read this:
"For better or worse, cancer and I know each other now. It can still hurt me, or at least try to But it's going to have to work a lot harder to scare me."
I can't help but wonder if you regret writing it...and if you've considered altering it. Are you still happy with the sentiment?

Sent by Jill | 4:42 PM ET | 07-13-2008

Dear Leroy,
I hope you have someone next to you as you test yourself--no sense making things worse by falling over.....But seriously, it's that pesky Hospice nurse again, to say please try it again. If you did not hit it off with the first organization you spoke to, there are probably several others to chose from, and you might look for an organization that has a residential unit where you could go if things get too rough at home. Hospice also offers respite care, so you could be somewhere safe and receive the assistance you need, while Laurie gets a rest for a few days.
You would be a big hit at a nursing home! Just think, a "patient" who talks and makes sense and is fun to be around when he is awake! All the staff would love you and be happy to do anything you wanted, so it would be interesting, to say the least.
The standard Hospice package includes RN visit, home health aides (which is what you need most) social work, spiritual care, and a variety of volunteers. Some programs offer massage, music, art, and aroma therapies which are distracting and calming, esp. to those who do not want to give up control of everything.
Finally, it is hell to give up that role as the helper. But remember how much satisfaction it always gave you to do for others, and how you did not begrudge your time or energy--helping is just who you are. Now you get to give again--Give others the satisfaction and joy and fulfillment of helping you. Why do you think nurses do Hospice work?

Sent by Rachel, Philly Hospice Nurse | 6:22 PM ET | 07-13-2008

Thank you for expressing all of our thoughts. Look to hospice to help out. It is hard to have someone else do for you but accept the help and smile. You are in my thoughts daily. with care and a smile.

Sent by anne lumberger | 6:43 AM ET | 07-14-2008

Leroy

I just had the privilege (and yes it was a privilege) to be with my dear sister during her last week with us. I was the one who with her made the call that yes it was time for Hospice care. My sister suffered for 6 years with Multiple Myleoma. She was a single woman who managed to maintain her independence until just 2 weeks before her death.

The hospice team helped us all spend quality time with Mary. We were able to contact her dearest friends and everyone had a chance to celebrate her life and say goodbye. The hospice team gave us the coaching we needed to be able to provide her comfort in her last days. It meant so much to be the "doer" and not just the "observer" while someone else did things to help her. Cancer makes us all feel so darn helpless .. but that last week we were not helpless.

This precious time helped us prepare our children for the loss of a favorite and doting aunt. 7 year old twins went to the woods and picked "flowers" for Aunt Mimi, because they saw friends streaming in with flowers. They were not afraid to hold her hand, or kiss her cheek. While the loss is deep and painful, Mary's death was not feared.

I will continue to pray for you .. that when the time comes, you and your loved ones will all find peace.

Sent by Anne P | 8:59 AM ET | 07-15-2008

I have very little experience with the type of pain you are suffering from. But I have seen many patients with terminal cancer outliving younger healthy adults. Please don't consider the decision you are making as giving up. Doctors don't know everything. My grandfather puzzeled his doctors by living 6 years with liver cancer after they stopped all the treatments, during that time my young aunt died in a car accident.

In 70 years, almost all people reading this bog will be dead. Many of us won't have the opportunity to die gracefully. But you are brave and you are making a difference. Please keep writing your blog, and don't give up whatever your decision will be.
I have to tell you that your blog moved me very deeply. I can't look at life the same way.

Sent by Maryam | 3:59 PM ET | 07-15-2008