My Cancer

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What Happens to This Blog?

07:00 am

July 18, 2008

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by Leroy Sievers

Unfortunately, I think these pages need to be filled by someone who has looked the beast in the eye.

There's a very touchy subject that we're going to have to deal with eventually.

We can't ignore it forever.

What would we do with the blog when I can't do it any longer?

Should we find someone else to write it each day?

That could be a little difficult. I can see the job posting now. WANTED. BLOGGER. MUST HAVE CANCER.

I don't think we could do that.

On the other hand, could the blog be written by someone who doesn't have cancer? I don't think so.

Unfortunately, I think these pages need to be filled by someone who has looked the beast in the eye.

I may be able to go on writing the blog every day for years or at least months. I don't know.

I have no idea how I will ever be able to say farewell to all of you if and when that time comes, so I'm not going to think about that at all.

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Discussions for this story are now closed. Please see the Community FAQ for more information.

Hi Leroy,
Imagining the future can be so terrifying, especially when you are a person with a powerful imagination! Living in the present may be the best blessing. I really feel for you.

Sent by crow | 7:23 AM | 7-18-2008

Hmmm.... I had honestly never thought this blog would go on in your absence. This blog is about YOUR experience. If others wish to create a similar themed blog they can, but it would, to my eyes, be a shame for this blog to be written by anyone but you.

Sent by anna | 7:26 AM | 7-18-2008

Read your entry this morning, Leroy. And it was like being punched in the chest. I think we've all been ignoring the elephant in the room. And I'd rather keep ignoring it. It's not about the blog for me. It's about you writing the blog. You and Laurie. Can't imagine anyone else. And i still can't, don't want to wrap my mind around saying farewell. You are deeply loved.

Sent by Anita - Pittsburgh | 7:27 AM | 7-18-2008

Leroy,
I have in the last few weeks, thought of this question often. It's like thinking about the days when my husband may not be here..I constantly think about remaining positive versus being realistic. I always invoke the Scarlett O"Hara rule it seems. I hope you and Laurie are able to spend some happy time together in the middle of all the worries. God bless.

Sent by Kathie | 7:29 AM | 7-18-2008

Leroy,
The reality of your words this morning brought tears to my eyes. I don't know what I would do without this little garden you have grown. This is my connection to Neil. This is the support and strength I need every day to get up and face the world. This is where everyone knows how I feel and what I deal with now that he is gone. I am not alone here. I can face my future here. None of us know what tomorrow will bring.
I can talk about my fears and my feelings with my family and my friends, but here is where I know you will understand. This is where I can cry and I know someone will be here to wipe away my tears and give me that cyber hug I so desperately need. For that I will be eternally grateful. Keep writing Leroy, the answers will come in their own time!

Sent by Laurie Hirth | 7:39 AM | 7-18-2008

I do not plan to volunteer, even though I have Stage IV prostate cancer. I do not plan to have this disease much longer, either, since my PSA has dropped 95% since I started chemo. This is the only time I think about the future, when my cancer will be gone. I do not think about when it may come back or how much longer I have in this life. I just know it will be gone and that today I am blessed. So I cannot take the job, because someday I would have to worry about my replacement.

This is your story Leroy. When you are finished with your blog, that's it. You have said what you want to say. Years from now, people will still be reading your blog and be inspired.

I am surprised that you worry about the future so much. Is it because you are trying to avoid the present? The future will take care of itself. You need to take care of the present. This is where we live. I think about my cancer about every other second, but in between, I think about how blessed I am.

It is good to not worry about saying farewell. That is in the future, as well. Each day you share your life with your friends. We value that more than anything else you can say. We treasure each day we can be together in the present.

Sent by Tom Escott | 7:44 AM | 7-18-2008

Leroy, as I was going down this road with my husband, I had no idea how things would play out. The unknown and the thought that I wouldn't be able to cope with it terrified me.

I believe that most people die as they have lived. Their personalities don't really change, even though their abilities and behaviors might.

What ended up happenning to us is that, with the support of family, friends and medical staff, we figured things out and made things up as we went along. In the heat of the battle, we were true to ourselves. We did things as we always did, only better.

And, we never said "good-bye". Just,"thanks".

Have a peaceful, pain-reduced weekend, Leroy.

Sent by Marilyn | 7:59 AM | 7-18-2008

Dear friend:
Again, you've voiced thoughts that have gone unspoken because, like our cancers, we don't always want to speak out loud the scary thoughts in our heads.
I don't know if she would want the job/burden, but certainly Laurie has long been one of us and has always made such moving contributions to these pages.
As your health declines, only she will know if she wants to share her thoughts and herself with us.
And you, my dear friend, there will never be a good bye.....never. For as long as I live you will live within my heart and my memory. Many of your most special postings are tucked away in a folder so that I will always be able to access them easily.
I have one wish ........I wish there were a way for many of us to come and see you face to face.......to hold your hand and embrace you and let you feel the love right there on your skin and within your soul. But could you handle it.........and could we?
My indebtedness to you is beyond explanation. You and this blog have been a gift that I know will keep on giving.
I love you Leroy, not as a woman loves a man, but as a person loves their family members,as a patriot loves their country, as a religious person loves their God.
If only I were as articulate as you are, I would say it so much better.
And now, words escape me.

Sent by Harriet | 8:00 AM | 7-18-2008

How about putting together a team of five people, each with a different type of cancer? Each person takes one day a week -- but the conversation on the blog continues across these five stories as each of them unfolds -- e.g., Sue blogs about her journey with breast cancer on Mondays, Jim does his lung cancer on Tuesdays, etc. We could read about, comment on, and root for each of them in turn each week. And rename the blog Our Cancer.

Sent by Virginia | 8:12 AM | 7-18-2008

Hi Leroy,

There it is, the elephant in the room. Yes, you could be writing this for years, months, or not. But the not is looming as a possibility, and you are dealing with it, as are we. It's not something I want to think about. Not now, not ever.

I've grown to feel what feels like love for you. For Laurie. You've shared your honesty, compassion, sense of humor, struggles, successes, your inner and outer life, actually, in a way that leaves me with feelings of deep respect, and like, and yes, love, for you, someone, I have never actually met, face-to-face. Just here in cyber-land.

Maybe I'm being too mushy, but I never want you to stop writing this blog. NEVER. Get it?? So, for what it's worth, you never have my permission to die. Gosh, I'm not good at trying to be funny while being serious. You keep my heart going. You help me not to give up. You give a gift of yourself every day, and I so much appreciate you and your gift.

So, one of my deepest wishes is that you are able, feel well enough, to keep doing this blog for a very long time. That once again, somehow, some treatment helps you....that the cancer goes away.

I want a miracle. As I'm pretty sure everyone does, for you and for themselves. Yes, I'm selfish in this way, I cannot imagine a world without you, here, blogging, everyday. Monday through Friday. Heck, weekends are tough enough, but I pretty much count on you being back on Mondays. And everybody deserves at least a couple of days of time off! :-)

So, Leroy, you matter. I love you.

As for what happens to the blog -- well, you know what I think, now. So, to borrow a line from Scarlett O'Hara..."fiddlesticks, I'll just think about that tomorrow."

Heartlight and love,

Kim & Virgie

Sent by Kim Blankenship & Virgie Bletsch | 8:18 AM | 7-18-2008

And you thought Hospice was a big decision!!!

Just know: no one can replace you here! But, I would be heartbroken if the blog didn't live on in some form or another once you decided you can't do it anymore.

This sounds nutty: but would/could Laurie be an "interim host" for the days when you don't feel up to it? It might be therapeutic for her. When you were hospitalized she did a fantastic job.

Another option: hand pick someone from this audience who writes well... there are several names that come to mind (but several are caregivers or former caregivers).

That's my two cents.

Stay cool!

PS: whoever suggested Little Miss Sunshine - I saw my husband had it tivo'ed, so I put it on at about 11:30 ish last night and COULDN'T TURN IT OFF. The morning bird was up until after 1am! Thanks for the tip on a great movie - gosh how I laughed.

Sent by Liz L. | 8:22 AM | 7-18-2008

Leroy, this blog and your legacy here is solid and I have a hunch you don't need to worry about it. You, along with so many others including my brother, have squared off with that beast and have battled back mightily, with honor, dignity and grace. Soon enough, someday, it won't be the eyes of the beast you see but the warm and sparkling eyes of all those you touched before their crossing. We all know the comfort and community provided by you, your writings, and the writings of so many others. So, may you share the comfort, community and love of the eternal shining paradise you deserve.

Sent by Dan | 8:31 AM | 7-18-2008

Leroy, what a thought to give us on Friday. You are the blog! Over the last couple of years you have been my support group. Thank you so much for the strength you have given to me and always your honesty and shareing of yourself and Laurie. The thought of you not being able to do the blog any longer makes me very sad. But you also have to do what is best for you. But like you said, don't think about farewell for now, just take things ONE DAY AT A TIME.

Thanks also to all of the others who post here. With all of you being so strong through such difficult times you have helped me to be stronger. Al Cato, their is always such a comforting feeling when reading your posts to Leroy. Sasha, Bruce, and Laurie's when I read your posts it is almost as if you have been in my home, shareing the same experience..Thanks again to everyone of this blog family.

Have the best weekend that you and loved ones can.

Sent by dorothy in oregon | 8:42 AM | 7-18-2008

Leroy

I too have had the same thoughts. Although I do not have cancer, my dad does and this blog has helped me more than I had ever imagined. It is the only site that I am aware of with this much interaction.

I am hopeful the blog will continue somehow, someway.

In the meantime, keep up the good work.

Pam

Sent by Pam | 8:43 AM | 7-18-2008

Dear Leroy,
Today's blog made me very sad. I often wondered about saying farewell too. All I can say is try and hang on dear friend. You are always in my thoughts and prayers.

Sent by sasha | 8:44 AM | 7-18-2008

We won't say goodbye. We will say until we meet again.

You can not be replaced Leroy. So don't even try. This was your blog and you allowed us to be a part of it. When you are too tired to write anymore just let us know and we will be ok. Sad. But ok.

We love you Leroy.

God bless you.

Judy

Sent by Judy Voller | 8:52 AM | 7-18-2008

I too am conflicted by that question... afterall... this blog IS YOU and I find it difficult to even THINK about ANYONE else doing it justice..........

A question for another time Leroy....

Let's cross that bridge when we get there and not prematurely

Sent by Ron Bye (NH) | 8:53 AM | 7-18-2008

I am sure that that thought has crossed all of our minds. Me personally, I keep pushing it back. I agree with previous posts that all of our thoughts, wishes, and tears should be put into print for a reference, guide, and window to this world. Whether you are patient, life giver, or whatever.

Sent by Sue Chap | 8:58 AM | 7-18-2008

Toughest read for me thus far Leroy. I can face many things - but not this blog without you. Can't deal with that one just yet. Let's just see where things take us. I have a feeling the natural solution will evolve eventually. For now, you are the captain and this is your ship.

Sent by JAEMoyer | 9:01 AM | 7-18-2008

Hi Leroy,

I think your point is valid. I certainly could'nt pick this blog up for example, I'm not qualified. I would fall in to the category of one left behind. I personally don't want to say goodbye to you, at least not yet, not now. But as you say, eventually a decision must be made. My best guess is, to deal with it when it's time....hopefully not soon. Take care of yourself sir, my best blessings to you and Laurie.

Sent by Charles Willingham | 9:01 AM | 7-18-2008

Good morning!! We've got another week-end to enjoy and I hope that you're able to really enjoy it. Soon the Olympics start and they offer you a new TV diversion. Leroy, this blog is a dialog between YOU and US, so don't worry about who can replace you. You can't be replaced. Someone, somewhere, will have a dialog going and will fill a need in their unique way. For now and for US, You are the unique place/person. As long as you live and breath we want to know about you, and we'll be letting you know we're checking in. To echo your last line, so don't think about it at all. Don't you feel special? :) You are!

Sent by Susan | 9:04 AM | 7-18-2008

I've been amazed at how long you've done this already. I've often thought that I could not look my cancer square in the face everyday and deal with it like you do. I agree it has to be someone who is dealing with the beast. It's our common experience that makes this so good. I'm not sure what should happen next. I hope you'll be able to continue for a long time but will certainly understand when you cannot any longer.

Sent by Kim | 9:06 AM | 7-18-2008

When there is an elephant in the room, introduce it. Today's topic has been on my mind and, I would guess, the minds of many of us who follow along on your daily journey. It would be hard to imagine anyone being able to fill your shoes completely, but then again, there are many blog posts out there that are well written and so thoughtful and insightful. I would like to think I will continue to read daily and post as I feel moved to. And yet.....it is also nearly impossible to put my mind around the day that you are not posting, and we are not hearing your voice on the radio. On another note, this has been expressed so many times before, I do hope you are considering having these past two years of blogs and comments bound into a book so that we may have your pearls to read and share forever. Blessings to you and Laurie and all of us in cancerworld today!

Sent by Karen | 9:09 AM | 7-18-2008

Maybe you could have some guest bloggers in in the beginning (auditions, sort of). You could have some patients, caregivers, and people from the medical professsion. That could give you a break on days when you don't feel like writing or don't feel like you have anything to say that day. (Just give us a two line comment at the top "more of the same" so we know you are somewhat okay.)

Long term, well figuring that out will be harder, but maybe a one of the voices of your guest bloggers will strike a chord with Leroy's Army/Leroy's Garden.

I wish you peace and good A/C to hide from this code red day.

Sent by Robin L. | 9:09 AM | 7-18-2008

Leroy,
you have so much on your plate right now that I, as a regular reader of your blog, am honored that you can put so much energy and care into writing everyday.

As you've mentioned before, many tough decisions lay ahead. This is one of them. On one hand, writing this may take energy that you're finding hard to muster, but on the other hand, writing the blog has its own therapeutic value.

Whatever you decide, please know that your contribution has been valuable beyond words for me and many, many others.

Continued prayers for you and your loved ones.

Sent by Patty | 9:10 AM | 7-18-2008

Hello Leroy,

There are many on-line sites where cancer fighters, survivors, and caregivers are able to vent and learn and share their experiences.

This blog is yours Leroy and, in my mind, would be totally different if it ever became the voice of anyone else.

Tell the folks at NPR we intend to extend your contract; no expiration date noted.

Peggy

Sent by Peggy | 9:10 AM | 7-18-2008

one hurdle at a time Leroy....

I hate goodbyes and don't want to think about this blog being gone and especially you...so, i'm not going to think about it either....so there! :)

Sent by jenngie | 9:14 AM | 7-18-2008

The "My Cancer" blog belongs to you. While you might generously pass it on it's going to be a sadly empty space without you.

NPR might, when you need it, redirect "My Cancer" hits to other cancer blogs. During that moratorium I hope they'll consider working up a "My Cancer Too" blog plan as part of their ongoing public service obligation.

In my future farewell, I plan to smile and take some defiant satisfaction in knowing it's also my own cancer's end.

Hold Fast, Its going to be a good weekend....

Don MacLeod

Sent by Don MacLeod | 9:19 AM | 7-18-2008

Leroy,
None of us wants to think about that either. So we won't. Regardless, I am reminded of that saying "Some people come into our lives and quietly go. Others stay for awhile and leave footprints on our hearts and we are never the same." Over time, because of you, we have all left footprints on each others' hearts...and that is all that really matters.

Sent by Dan | 9:20 AM | 7-18-2008

Leroy, from the minute you came into my
life,I have wondered if I would outlast
you! I can't imagine a day without "hearing" your words. You have been an answer for the questions I ask myself. Don't stop now! God Bless You.

Sent by Peter in Colorado | 9:21 AM | 7-18-2008

Thank you, Leroy, for thinking of this blogosphere community. for being concerned about us. I am so certain that, having given voice to the unmentionable, our collective imaginations will give rise to some thing, more powerful and healing than any one person could imagine. So, thank you for asking the hard questions, once again, and don't spend too much time in turmoil over it--we are all in this together.

Sent by Kay from PA | 9:23 AM | 7-18-2008

Leroy,

I cannot imagine this blog if you did not write it. It would not be your blog; sure, someone may continue, however, how could it be your blog? It would be a blog and that is it.

I believe energies, love, continue beyond this time and space (the physical energy field. It is difficult to let go from this physical energy field and you teach me continually how to do so. As a participant in CancerLand, as I call it, I have experienced the gradual letting go of some old ways and attachments. You just seem to do it so much better.

I hope you will be writing for a long time. Your wisdom guides me, although our journeys may be different.

In healing,
Deborah

Sent by Deborah | 9:26 AM | 7-18-2008

Oh goodness. I guess it's always a good idea to think ahead but this seems premature. As long as you feel up to it, we'll always be here waiting to read your words.

Sent by Linnea | 9:27 AM | 7-18-2008

Leroy:
Once again you amaze me by thinking not of yourself but what will happen to the My Cancer blog audience when you can no longer write this. Your thoughts are right on target. After listening to you on Talk of the Nation, I'd suggest Elizabeth Edwards. Thanks for all you've done to help me understand what my brother-in-law is going through.

Michael Last

Sent by Michael Last | 9:27 AM | 7-18-2008

Leroy: "What would we do with the blog when I can't do it any longer?" This is YOUR Blog with US...when you can no longer do it - then you can no longer do it. We are following you, loving you, praying for you (and of course Laurie too). This blog should just cease......as you know many people have gone since you are started this blog....but you are still here. When you are no longer here or able to write the blog....then that should be it. No One can replace you. When you feel you can no longer do this,.....just say I'm done....we love you and are praying for you! THIS IS YOUR BLOG WITH US!

Sent by Joan, Front Royal, Va | 9:30 AM | 7-18-2008

Dearest Leroy,

You're right , nobody wants to think about the day you can't do this anymore. And who among us ever knows how to say goodbye with grace. But, you are also correct in knowing that we should deal with it now as a community.

I don't know the answer. Maybe we should have yet another election!! However, as a short term, interim solution I'm proposing that Laurie take it over. She will be your mouthpiece, our connection to you and your world, and we all will have each other. This may be a big imposition on her at a time when her resources will have many demands placed on them, but I truly believe it would be good for her as well. Think about it please.
Love & prayers,
Kathleen

Sent by Kathleen | 9:30 AM | 7-18-2008

Nobody but you can write this blog. This is your child. Nobody!

However, perhaps if you would want something to continue, maybe once a week someone from the cancer world could contribute a post and people could comment as usual. Beyond that I can think of nothing.

I rather just go back and read the old ones than to have someone fill in for you. I come here to read your thoughts.

We love you.

Sent by Lori | 9:32 AM | 7-18-2008

I, too, have wondered about this question. My suggestion is that Laurie should continue the blog as long as she has the time and interest.

Sent by judy | 9:33 AM | 7-18-2008

Dear Leroy, I realize what you must be going through but PLEASE try to not let it dominate whatever good time you have left with those who love you and are going to remember these last times with you as long as THEY live. You still may have a lot of living to do if you keep your mind focused on what is real, now. These are precious times and you too, will take these moments, hours, weeks, months - whatever - with you along your journey. Love you Leroy & Laurie.

Sent by J C R | 9:36 AM | 7-18-2008

Dear Leroy,
This must be very hard for you to address. Yes, I think it would have to be someone who has faced the beast. It would also have to be someone who has writing talent (like you). Can it be someone who is NED but knows the other shoe can drop at any time? Is there someone out there who fits that description? Is there anyone out there willing to take on the responsibility? I hope so for the sake of all our friends on this blog.
Thanks so much for all you have given and are still giving us.
Charlotte in Rural Ridge, PA

Sent by Charlotte Kewish | 9:37 AM | 7-18-2008

ACTUALLY, No one can take your place in our hearts and mind, so you may as well start thinking about "HANGING IN THERE!

Sent by J C R | 9:39 AM | 7-18-2008

No one could fill your shoes, Leroy. Your insights and humor are uniquely yours. I wonder if you have thoughts of turning the blog into a book? I find that I am a better friend to the friends in my life with cancer because of your blog, but I admit, I do bring cookies even when asked not to, and I would to you too. Cookies and hugs cannot be denied.
Peace to you,

Sent by Candace | 9:39 AM | 7-18-2008

I have been reading 'Leroy's MyCancer' for many months. I would hope NPR would place this entire blog in a special archive that would be accessible whenever a viewer would like to 'go back in time' and retrieve some of the special words that have been posted here. To me, this has been Leroy's journey, joined by so many. My sister-in-law and I discussed many end of life issues before she died. She and I even created a memorial card with her favorite hymn "Be Not Afraid". Maybe this blog can be your memorial card for those of us who have been with you in spirit.

Sent by Marleen Salo | 9:41 AM | 7-18-2008

Hello Leroy and All,

Comments are late to post today, and I really wanted to read some others thoughts before I said anything.

I think this blog should continue. Unfortunately there will be someone to take Leroy's place, and an audience to listen and share. I have always thought we need to also start a proper memorial (and I am getting choked up even writing that) to Leroy, and the posters who have gone before us.

So the idea of Leroy's Army is something I think we should start. It could be something as simple as a community blog and forum, or it could become a political action group that uses it's power to make changes in how cancer patients are treated, or something that raises money to help people who don't have insurance cover the cost of treatment, or the cost of living when unable to work.

We are the most prepared to understand what people who have cancer are dealing with, we are also at the least somewhat computer literate. We can use that to make the world a better place, even slightly. We have the ability, no we should just act accordingly.

Stay strong Leroy.

Sent by Brit | 9:42 AM | 7-18-2008

Hi Leroy,
I know you didn't ask for suggestions or help, but here it is, anyway.
I think one day, one moment, you will know you want to stop writing this blog, and then you stop. No worries about your obligations, your responsibilities to me, us, or anyone. You have my personal permission to do and say and be what and who and whenever you want. It can be today, even, or this moment. I remember when this occurred for my Mom, a woman who always thought of others first. It was good. Selfishness is not a bad thing.
Anyway, it's just a thought.
Many hugs
Diane

Sent by Diane McNeil | 9:43 AM | 7-18-2008

Oh Leroy....you are precious in our sight!! We do love you, and we do not want to say goodbye my friend...'cept til Monday.

Sent by Linda Lee | 9:45 AM | 7-18-2008

I started reading your blog when my beloved sister in law was diagnosed with melanoma. She passed on a year ago-I haven't commented much but your posts have really helped get through it all when I was her caregiver on the weekends. I wish I knew the answer to your question. Just wanted to say thanks

Sent by Cheryl | 9:47 AM | 7-18-2008

Dude, I can only speak for myself, but the way I see it is that this blog is your legacy and gift to the world. Sequels and "cast replacements" rarely work, so why would you want to mess with perfection?

Not to get all Whitney Houston on you, but your blog is "one moment in time." To me, it really wouldn't be right (or maybe even interesting) for somebody to take it over. This is YOUR work, Dude, not somebody else's.

Not that you asked, but I'm going to give you my opinion about what I think I would do....if this was my blog, I'd call it a day when the time came but before I did that, I would make arrangements to have the blog published as a book (with pictures) after I've left the building and have all the profits go to NPR (maybe it would sell enough to eliminate one or two yearly pledge drives!) and a cancer research organization. And a no-kill animal shelter.

So, that's just my two cents. I hope you celebrate your 80th birthday with a special edition of the blog, but if you don't, we understand. And remember, it will be just as difficult for all of us to say farewell to you, too. So, let's be like that great Southern woman role model, Ms. O'Hara, and think about that tomorrow, OK?

Sent by Joyce in FL | 9:49 AM | 7-18-2008

You are right. That is a question we are all asking. Who and how does the blog go on if and when you can't write anymore. Hopefully, that is far far in the future. Because of the value of the blog I know that God will make a way for it to continue. There are many talented people out there who could carry it forward. My second thought for you is on hospice. Scary as it is to set up for hospice care, perhaps making the decision to get it started rather than agonizing over when to make the call will give you great relief.
Maybe you could set up hospice care in Hawaii or at least in a Hawaiian atmosphere. Keep the Mai Tais coming.
Thanks for everything you and Laurie have shared.

Sent by Judy Van Lishout | 9:49 AM | 7-18-2008

I hope that when continuing the blog becomes impossible for you, that you will find someone with metastatic cancer to continue it. That's a perspective that gets ignored too often -- and you've been great in helping us all see what living with a diagnosis that is eventually going to kill you really means.

Also, selfishly, I'm hoping to have colorectal cancer and its treatment be the focus. Colon cancer just doesn't get talked about enough.

But, my biggest wish is for many, many more posts from you.

Sent by Kate Murphy | 9:52 AM | 7-18-2008

Your blog has given those in the cancer club a voice...I do not want to think that you will not be here each morning, But understand that one day, The man who I have never met, that I consider my friend and fellow club member might have to say farewell......This blog has become so important and is a lifeline to us all. I feel selfish wanting it to continue, and then the friend in me wants you to be kind to yourself and rest.

Sent by Miriam | 9:52 AM | 7-18-2008

Please make plans to archive your blog. It is unique, and can be mined in the future by anyone facing cancer - your topics and everyone's comments are timeless. I plan to put the url to my blog http://cheekylibrarian.blogspot.com in my memorial record (maybe even on my tombstone!), so if anyone is facing head/neck cancer, they might find some useful bits in it, even years into the future. I hope that NPR forever gives your blog the server space it deserves, and keeps the url running like a lighthouse, so future cancer sailors can find their way in the dark days.
Thank you for shining a light for me!

Sent by Teresa | 9:53 AM | 7-18-2008

The fact is that this is uniquely YOUR creation which has taken on a life of its own. It's a beautiful legacy, and as hard as it is for all of us to accept and embrace change, turning this over to someone else would dilute and destroy this creature. It would become THEIR life, THEIR own. I can't imagine that this is the right path. Grace & peace to all from steamy NOLA

Sent by Jen | 10:02 AM | 7-18-2008

Leroy -

I am very grateful that you have openly started this discussion.
I disagree with most who have posted so far - with the exception of Brit, I think.
It would be wonderful to have a plan for the blog IF something happens.
This blog is powerful because it has put the real cancer journey out on the table for discussion.
I would love to see it go on. I am not certain that it would be something for Laurie to take on. If I recall - either here or on the Discovery special - I do believe it was shared that this is not something she wanted to do.
I would ask that we keep the blog focused on the cancer patient's journey. Guest bloggers could come in and share the view from the caregivers perspective and so on. But one main blogger is, from where I sit, required.
Thanks also to NPR for the flexability to allow us to discuss this so openly as a community.
Hoping the weekend is good to you. See you Monday :)!
Keep focused on the power and purpose of the mission of the blog Leroy and it will all come to you.

Sent by Melissa T | 10:03 AM | 7-18-2008

My sweet dear, you are not replaceable. You are the blog. All of us have different needs; for myself, I couldn't shift to someone else. When you're gone, that's it for me. I will carry you with me as I walk in your footsteps. I am forever in your debt. Salee

Sent by sajenkins | 10:09 AM | 7-18-2008

Leroy,
The reality of your words this morning brought tears to my eyes. Selfish of me, I know, but I don't know what I would do without this little garden you have grown. This is my connection to Neil. This is where I go to get the support and strength I need every day to get up and face the world. This is where everyone knows how I feel and what I deal with now that he is gone. I am not alone here. I can face my future here. None of us know what tomorrow will bring.
I can talk about my fears and my feelings with my family and my friends, but here is where I know you will understand. This is where I can cry and I know someone will be here to wipe away my tears and give me that cyber hug I so desperately need. For that I will be eternally grateful. Keep writing Leroy, the answers will come in their own time!

Sent by Laurie Hirth | 10:13 AM | 7-18-2008

Good Morning Leroy, Laurie and All,

Leroy, Your subject today about who will continue the blog if you become unable to do so is certainly one that none of us want to think about. I know I can't imagine my life without you, Laurie and all the bloggers in it. Your blog has been such a source of comfort to me. Even on days that I don't post, I do read the blogs and catch up on ones that I have missed.

Leroy, I hope with all my heart that you can stay on for a very long time. But I know that you have to look to possible events in the future also, as painful as that can be. Whatever your decision, I know you will make the right one. But I want to thank you for all the dedication you have given to all of us. Your honesty and strength have been a guiding light for all of us and it has been a true priviledge to meet you, Laurie and the NPR staff in cyber-space!

Laurie, I know these are heart wrenching times for you. The decisions that have to be addressed now are the most difficult that you and Leroy can
possibly face. But I hope you will give some consideration to continuing the blog, if Leroy can't do it himself. You certainly have experience in the emotional impact of this journey through Cancer World. And you have the talent to bring that experience to life for all of us, as well.

To All, I know that none of us want to even consider that fact that we may, at some point, have to say goodbye to Leroy. Just the thought makes the tears flow! But the fact of life in Cancer World is that we often, yes too often, we have to say goodbye. I think that is why it is so important that we have each other now. And the love that lives on this blog is the light that sustains each and every one of us!
God Bless!

Eileen Pruyne
Charlotte, NC

Sent by Eileen Pruyne | 10:16 AM | 7-18-2008

Leroy,

When you're done with the blog, so am I. The blog is yours and yours alone, as far as I'm concerned. No conflict for me.

Blessings.

Sent by Diana Kitch | 10:16 AM | 7-18-2008

Oh Leroy,
I knew one day you would address this. Like so many others have said, this blog is YOU and you are unique.

I cannot imagine checking the internet and not being able to connect with you. I do know a time will come when you will not be up to this.

As a former caregiver, I don't know how Laurie would be up to it. Her world will not be the same either. It might not be fair to expect so much from her.

I truly wish we could meet like someone mentioned in an earlier post. When I lost my husband, the dearest person in the world to me, well it was the hardest thing I've ever done. To think about losing a friend I've never met seems so hard and another loss we will have to suffer. How will we go on? I just can't seem to let the Cancer World go. It has such a hold on me and right now you are my closest connection. I so want you to make it.

Sent by Janice, Troy AL | 10:20 AM | 7-18-2008

Leroy, the blog couldn't continue without you. It is and has been your story, your thoughts, your words. That is why it is so special to so many. Prayers and peace always, my friend.

Sent by Julie | 10:21 AM | 7-18-2008

Oh Leroy, what strength and love you and Laurie have given us! We have loved & trusted you this long - so whatever you decide will be the correct answer.

Sent by Betty O'Connor | 10:22 AM | 7-18-2008

Good Morning today, Leroy. As if we aren't given enough subjects to think on and solve!: you're a veritible CSI of Cancer World! But in this case we are made to think on the inevitable, our loss of you. Whether we came to you early or late, we are your bloggers. Who'd have thought I would blog?? How to grasp that another person would continue your conversations with us is a new twist on the day's subject. most of us have a glimmer of what we'd do to say "good-bye" to our family and friends or how we are going to face hospice-or not, but to have another anchor in the chair? It's not that easy:-) If you have candidates lined up at the door-yep, they better have cancer-go ahead and choose one. They should know in advonce that Laurie's good advice is expected. Otherwise, Maybe Ted would be the best person to choose for you and leave that decision to another time. Thank you always for thinking of us first...Jo-Ellen

Sent by Jo-Ellen | 10:22 AM | 7-18-2008

Leroy:
As soon as I found you in the earliest days of your very public, yet personal sojourn with metastatic colon cancer, I knew it would be a limited engagement. I thank you for ALL you have shared. I expect you will continue to reach out until you can't ....& one day I'll open up the expected email & it'll be Laurie telling me it's over.....this is/has been your story, when you've signed off no one can/will replace you for me....as a practicing oncology physician with more than a quarter century in the trenches & back alleys fighting the Beast of Cancer World I commend you on your run, what you've done for me & countless others is extraordinary! If I hear from you tomorrow, it'll make me smile, reflect, pause & take stock....focusing on why I come back each day in spite of overwhelming odds....it is because of you, ALL of you, who woke up one day & asked "why me, what now?"

Sent by Tom | 10:24 AM | 7-18-2008

Leroy: You and Laurie, and my dear friends in Leroy's Army give me strength when I have none, and understanding when I feel lost and alone. You mean the world to me.
Don't go Leroy, I can't bear it.

Sent by Tina from Alton, IL | 10:25 AM | 7-18-2008

Oh my.
I can feel you "putting things in order" in a way that we can all understand.

My thought is like many others, that you should post when you are up to it and perhaps have someone at NPR update us when you are not up to it...much like they did when you have surgeries.

I love you and love the support I have felt from you and the others who have posted, but I don't see this blog as belonging to anyone but you. You named it MY cancer for a reason, didn't you?

For now, I join in the group who says, "blog for as long and as often as you feel you can." When posting feels like a burden, don't post.

Thank you for making us all face this with you. My husband and I have talked about this a lot: What will happen to the blog? Does Leroy feel like it is a burden? Does his spend valuable psychic energy worrying about the readers? But now we will all have to work this out.

Peace.

Have a wonderful weekend with Laurie.

We love you both.

Sent by Robin Smith | 10:27 AM | 7-18-2008

Dear Leroy,

I have been following this blog since its inception, and have a tough time dealing with the concept of potential disappearance. It is the homepage for my browser, and the first site I hit before I start my day. I would like to offer a deeply and heartfelt thanks for all you have done, for sharing yourself with us. I have learned much.

Now back to the question at hand. What to do with the blog? I suspect that over the course of the life of this blog, you have encountered many who could document their experiences well, either verbally as this one started or in writing. Would now be the time to "interview" them and hand over the reins part time. This could help you have a comfort level with what will happen when you are no longer in at the helm and can help shape the next iteration? There are some tremendously talented writers on this blog who have a gift with words. Could the focus of the blog shift from one who is dealing with cancer within themselves, to someone who is supporting another with the beast?
I am sure that you will make the right decision, whatever it will be.
All my best,

Sent by Don Richard | 10:29 AM | 7-18-2008

Dear Leroy,
I just wanted to let you know how much a recent blog entry of yours has helped me to deal with the death of my best friend 3 years ago. It was your blog on the desire to have normalcy, without having cancer present.
I spent a week helping to care for my friend during the last days of her life. I thought I had gotten quite good at reading her signals as to whether cancer/health concerns should be discussed or whether it would be a normal day. During this time with her, I perceived that she wanted normalcy and that is what we did. For that entire week, we laughed, laughed and laughed. We talked about everything that was important to us about life. Recently, I have begun to question whether I misread her cues-surely we should have discussed cancer and her death. I felt that I might have let her down. After reading your blog and hearing your interview last week, I believe that all happened as she wanted. Looking back at that week, I remember the wonderful laughter and the joys of a special friendship. Her family remembers the laughter and a special time during a horrible time. At her request, we didn't say good-bye. She needed to hear that I would be ok and I lied and said yes. Then, she said that she would love to have lunch with me the following day, but she was busy. I indicated that I was busy the following day. She said that we would link up at the next available free time. There was nothing else that needed to be said-we had done that so much previously. So thank you for bringing a bit of peace to me.

As to your blog, you have enough to worry about. The solution to this will come. I have a hard time thinking of someone else doing this, as I come here to hear from you. On the other hand, I have come to care for the other bloggers too. Best solution would be for you to plan to be around for a very long time.
Hope you have a pain free and joy filled weekend. With much love, Jen

Sent by Jen | 10:30 AM | 7-18-2008

Thank you, Leroy, for always being honest and forthcoming! The thought of what would happen to the blog without you has hidden in the shadows of my mind for the last few weeks but, like others who have written today, I really didn't want to think about it. But that's just one of the things you have accomplished with this blog - helping all of us to deal with the realities of living in cancer world by acknowledging the ups and downs, the hopes we hold dear in our hearts, the promises we make "if only," and the transitions one must make. Thank you, Leroy. Thank you, Laurie.

Sent by Molly | 10:39 AM | 7-18-2008

Leroy,
When you're gone from this blog, I'm gone
too.
Cathy

Sent by cathy itri | 10:39 AM | 7-18-2008

This blog has been about your journey, you and Laurie have always shared and I'm sure protected us from things you didn't thing we could bear to hear, so in a sense we have become your children.
Roles eventually reverse and we as children protect our parents. So now it is our turn to take care of you both. Make decisions as you need to, and not before. Whatever your decision, we will not question. We love you both unconditionally,

Sent by Linda | 10:54 AM | 7-18-2008

Good morning, Leroy. To add to everyone else, THIS IS WHO YOU ARE AND THIS PARTICULAR BLOG IS YOURS, with notes from Laurie, when necessary!
A friend of mine was fighting the beast when I heard about you and Ted Koppel being on the Discovery Channel. I missed that show; but, discovered this blog. Eddie's blog stopped when he could no longer go to the computer. His son wrote a couple of times to let us know how he was doing, etc. THIS IS YOURS - WE ALL LOVE YOU SO MUCH AND WANT THAT MIRACLE THAT MAY OR MAY NOT COME. We do want to know HOW YOU ARE when you can no longer get to the computer, BUT NOBODY ELSE IS YOU. As always prayers and love to you and Laurie.
Jan

Sent by Janice Goldberg White | 11:00 AM | 7-18-2008

I have debated whether or not to send this email and still not sure I should. I have to know whether or not you would deal with the beast the same way again. The posts you have done regarding your treatment have at times been almost too painful to read but I have read every one and hurt along with you. If today you were just starting your "trip" knowing what you know now would you consider the "quality" of life you have had worth all the physical pain?
I mean no disrespect and wish you nothing but the best. I admire you for the way you have handled your situation.

Sent by Jo Murdock | 11:05 AM | 7-18-2008

This is difficult for all of us, to say the least, Leroy. This question plucks at the dissonant chord in our collective hearts on this blog. The most important thing I can say is I love you very much...so much, for who you are...not so much for the blog but for what the blog has brought me...you...in all the glory, beauty, courage and humanness that you are: a wonderful and funny man living out a life stricken by the "Beast". In that light this blog is a work of art created by you. We are the paint with which you dip into with your brush to create a painting of the world of cancer as it effects your life with lots of answered and unanswered questions. The painting is not finished yet so do not fret about it. Since it is an original creation that is yours it should end when the last brush stroke is drawn across the canvas. And that last stroke is when you absolutely feel you can no longer continue. That will play itself out and needs not our human determination. It may take a completely different form once you are gone. But to me when you are done, in revenence and respect it is done. The blog should have a beginning and an end - like all great works of art in the hands of it's creator. Graham from Sag Harbor.

Sent by Graham G. Hawks | 11:07 AM | 7-18-2008

I agree with the other folks- this is your blog, and only you can tell your story. That doesn't mean that the story ends if you stop writing. You and all of the participants here have started a diaglogue that will "pay it forward" in ways we'll never fully see. People are opening up about their experiences, and in turn, educating others and forcing the issue of advocacy and quality of life into the spotlight.

We met you and Laurie in the waiting room recently. My fiance is a 26 year old lung cancer survivor. We recently learned that his treatments aren't working as well as we'd like, and we have to switch gears. So we're telling our own story now, as a couple & in our own words on our blog. http://waegerwillwin.blogspot.com/
I think we're able to be so open because of your example.

People will keep on writing their stories. That is one of your legacies. Your story will never end, it will just evolve.

Sent by M Rodgers | 11:13 AM | 7-18-2008

Leroy,
The Sidebar that introduces every blog says "About 'My Cancer'
...You can follow his story through this blog..."

Leroy, this is your story that you have shared with us. In return, we have shared our stories, our opinions, and our love with you.
But My Cancer is fundamentally your story. It all started with you and should end with you.
Like the song says, To everything there is a season. When you no longer write the blog, the season is over.
Seems right to me.
Myrna Baker

Sent by Myrna Baker | 11:16 AM | 7-18-2008

I like imaginative rehearsing of anticipated future changes -- a corrollary of anticipatory grief for me, it helps me get comfortable with likely developments, leaving reserves for the UNanticipated ones. I hope you know your spirit will remain part of all of our experience whether or not you continue writing the blog. I've been meaning to ask (and your entry today provides the opening to do so): will you, if your energy gets more limited over time, please consider mapping out your priorities and spending your energy only on those, whether or not that means letting go of the central role in the blog? I want you to have time, energy and focus for what is dearest to you. And everyone will understand if that personal prioritizing is a small inner circle, Leroy. We love the blog you've offered us, and look forward to it every weekday. but your well-being is a higher priority. If you do decide to step back, I think you could actually have a bit of fun offering input to the next phase (if there is to be one) for the blog. It is possible that another structure (rotating host duties among several folks, or having guest bloggers each week) could give you breaks or flexibility as wished for/needed. I'd love to read your entries for the rest of my life. I'm just saying I only want to do so if it is something that does not deplete you, or use up resources you need for more personal concerns and joys. You are a treasure!

Sent by Sarah | 11:19 AM | 7-18-2008

Leroy, you are irreplaceable. I thank you every day for your thoughtfulness, your writing ability, your openness. The gratitude list goes on and on. I want you to go on and on.

Sent by Nancy Abbott | 11:25 AM | 7-18-2008

Blogs aren't entities unto themselves. Blogs are electronic representations of people. *This* blog ends when you can no longer create e-Leroy. You have a party every day, and we are but the guests. Great guests, making for a terrific party! When we can't come to your party anymore, we might find another party, or we might find another way to spend the time. We will think of your wonderful parties often. We'll miss our host, but our souls will all remain stronger for having been fed by him.

Sent by keri | 11:28 AM | 7-18-2008

I have to be honest this is your blog and unless you are some how involved in it I do not see myself reading it. There is just too much of you here. To say you won't think about it right now, you just did. A sentence or two from you would do a lot to sustain your readers. You are an inspiration.

Sent by Barb | 11:34 AM | 7-18-2008

Dear Leroy,

I can't imagine you gone from this blog. I read them every day. Not only have I had cancer, but my career is helping people deal/cope with cancer. Your posts, with updates from Laurie, are food for the soul. When you and/or Laurie no longer post... I am shutting out the lights and going home. No one can carry this blog in the same wonderful way you have.

Sent by Holly Anderson | 11:35 AM | 7-18-2008

Good Morning Leroy & Family,
I have thought about that very same question "What will happen when the Blog ends?"
I must say that I will miss reading your entries, your insight and your compassion for others. It has made me personally understand that I truly am not the only one. You have put into to words, that my worry, doubt and sometimes anxiety is perfectly normal. "A person who has had cancer will always wonder what lies in the future for them".
As I said before I would miss you and the Blog, but when the times comes I will understand that I was priviledged to have met a wonderful person, who changed my life. I will miss you for a long, long time. But I will also know and accept that you are in a better place. You will still be with me, every time I think of you. So, you are not really gone, your in my heart forever!
Page Hendryx - Gresham Oregon

Sent by Page Hendryx | 11:39 AM | 7-18-2008

Reading today's message was like a punch in the stomach. NO! I don't want anyone else trying to fill your shoes, Leroy.It can't be done. And saying goodbye to all of us? Well, that's up to you, but it isn't necessary.

What I want to say to you is thank you, you have had a major impact on my life, I love you and will never forget you.

Sent by Doris | 11:42 AM | 7-18-2008

Just the idea of you having to say goodbye here brought a big lump to my throat. Like many people here, my first reaction is that I wouldn't want anyone else to do this after you have gone. But my second reaction is tht having this blog has allowed a community to form and helped so many people, it wouod be great to continue it since there are always new member sof Cancer World. I likes the idea of havig 5 different bloggers, one for each day of the week, with different perspecives. I don't think it has to be different cancers but maybe different perspectives. You could have someone who, like you, has metastatic cancer, a family member/"co-survivor", someone who has survived early stage cancer and is "dancing in limbo" as they try to get back to normal lifem(maybe someone like me who has some lasting injuries/disabilities from treatment to deal with), an oncologist or oncology nurse to give the human side of medical caretaking, etc.

Just my thoughts. Though truly, I can't imagine this blog without you.

Sent by N.R. | 11:43 AM | 7-18-2008

Nope, can't see anyone else writing this blog. This is YOUR time and YOUR experience. Hard to write thru the tears but those of us who go thru this all do it in our own ways. When you feel you no longer wish to write, a simple goodbye and we will all understand. As always, my thoughts are with you and Laurie.

Sent by Jenene K/AZ | 11:43 AM | 7-18-2008

Leroy and Laurie,
This thought has crossed my mind as well. I've been preparing for the day that I might check in to find that Laurie or someone from NPR might be saying that you are too weak or unable to write, so I'm always relieved to see a note from you. If and when you can't or don't feel you want to write anymore, please know how grateful I've been for this journey with you. I don't think anyone can replace you; this is your blog and your story. I would like to see NPR archive this or somehow make it available to others after you're not doing it. Maybe it could be a basis for a book or a story of some kind. Whatever; it's an important part of my day and of my own journey now.

My best to you and Laurie for a peaceful, pain free weekend.

Betsey

Sent by betsey in albany ny | 11:45 AM | 7-18-2008

Good Morning Leroy,
This blog it is YOU, you have shared with us your good and difficult times and helps us verbalized many of our hidden thoughts. Hopefully we can continue doing that, but like in everything in life there is an end to it and next we will see a re-birth a new start for another blog that will honor YOU and Laurie.
Have a pain free week end.
Peace Be With You Both
Marelly

Sent by Marelly | 11:46 AM | 7-18-2008

Leroy, let the NPR worry about that.FOr now, this is your blog about you. we want to know how you are doing and are hoping for the best for you.
About hospice, are you feeling the need yet? If not, hold off.Is there something you want to do before you die. Maybe you need to think about that first. Is there anything you can do that you want to do? Are there any pleasurable activities that you can engage in or are you in too much pain?
I do not have cancer but that is what I think of when I think of dying. What do I want to do before I go. I DO have diabetes so I do think of dying.
HOw could you get the most out of the time you do have. It is my understanding that increasing pleasure, increases endorphins and increasing endorphins, reduces pain. I wish you peace and some sort of pleasure and reduction of pain.

Sent by Jean Hughes | 11:52 AM | 7-18-2008

Dude:
It's been one of those weeks in which the side effect of tamoxifen, "fatigue", has taken on a new meaning for me, so I don't have what it takes to read all the posts. But those I scanned seemed to represent my belief: a blog is a personal voice. As with your real voice, when you are gone the blog should be gone. Perhaps NPR can archive the blog so that we can all go back and read things occasionally, like the way I replay the last message my father left me on my answering machine.

All of these issues, hospice, the blog, "putting your affairs in order", bring us all, you and your readers to the edge of abyss, where we contemplate our own non-being. The blessing and curse of mankind.

For me, that blessing made me stop and look at these little weird red and black waspy looking things that come out of holes in the path where I walk. There also appear to be some drones that look like big scarlet furry wingless ants. I'm already obsessed with indentifying birds and non-domesticated plants. Should I pick up a book on insects? (and are these guys insects?)

Peggy C.

Sent by Peggy Carey | 11:54 AM | 7-18-2008

Leroy, I haven't written in a long, long time, but I've never stopped checking in. I totally understand why you must ask the question. I am a planner too, and my need to plan and to know has been one of my greatest challenges in my cancer experience. I am a list-maker in times of uncertainty, but no amount of list-making calms the unease that comes when I wonder how my kids will get to school, or who will make sure the empty water bottles are outside on water delivery day. It's a maddening exercise, and it takes me far, far away from the already elusive place of peace I so miss. I would echo the sentiment of so many today in saying, simply, "Don't worry about it. However it turns out will be okay." The gift of this blog, of this community, of your wisdom, has already been given. Like someone else today said, I have many times printed yours or someone else's words, and carried them with me, literally and figuratively, for comfort or inspiration. I would be extremely sad if I no longer had access to what's been written to now.....is there a way we can ensure that it's all archived and accessible? The last idea I want to parrot is the one about wishing I could hold your hand for a minute. I'm not a very touchy-feely person (in fact, I think my family considers me kind of bristly) but there's something about touch which, in the perfect context, offers both toucher and touchee a way to give/receive the exact right unspoken message. It's the message I would give you right now if I could.
Much love, Ellen

Sent by Ellen in N.C. | 11:56 AM | 7-18-2008

Leroy,
I listened to your interview the other night and it was tough. I'm in remission from stage 3b non Hodgkins lymphoma from a year ago - and every word you say or type resonates with me. I can just nod my head and say - yeah, me too. I'm aware that me complaining about the difficulties of "surviving" may come across as insensitive to you as you prepare for a new phase of the cancer fight. Somehow we got ourselves in a club where we did not want to become a member. We don't want anymore members to join, and we don't want to lose any more members either. In the great words of the Beastie Boys, It's TRICKY! I started a blog right after diagnosis...to help get the updates of my condition out to everyone. The email "list" grew to be too big and hard to manage. Everyone wanted the information and people were getting their feelings hurt if someone else got the email first, or they didn't get it "from me" but rather FW by someone. It was interesting to say the least. So I said, "Hey everyone, I will own updating the blog as much as I can with all of the info, and you have to own checking in on it to get the scoop you want..." I simply couldn't make 20 phone calls a night. It was exhausting.
Now I still write my blog www.ichoosehope.com. It is about how a 37 year old single woman re-enters the world as a survivor. It is about me regaining my health enough to run the NYC Marathon this year on the Lance Armstrong team. It is about me eventually dealing with the possibility of me being infertile since that was a risk with my chemo. It is about all of the GOOD that can come out of cancer or when someone is facing their darkest days. Some where tucked away in all of the bad is a nugget of something good. Sure, harder to focus on the good, but well worth it.
I hang on to every word you write. Like everyone that visits this blog. You make it real. I appreciate you sharing every detail. That is brave.

Wishing you peace and comfort...
Amy Bartlett

Sent by Amy Bartlett | 11:56 AM | 7-18-2008

Leroy - you have become a dear friend and you are not replaceable. The blog should end when you no longer are around to write it. This blog is you and no one else can fill your shoes.

Sent by Sue Sheehan, Bothell | 11:59 AM | 7-18-2008

Leroy,
Reading your blog today brought tears to my eyes. I have been starting everyday for almost two years reading your blog with my morning latte. I am NED currently but the threat is always lurking in my mind. It is difficult to imagine a day when I won't be able to read this blog. But as many others have stated it is your blog and it wouldn't be the same unless it was about you and your journey. As always, though, the decision should be yours..i hope to be reading many more blogs...

Sent by Yvette | 12:00 PM | 7-18-2008

Dear Leroy:

I want to apologize up front if my opinions are too strong on this topic, but I must add my voice to others when I say that this blog is you, Leroy. You alone ... We're blessed to have Laurie's loving and poignant input, but again ... this blog is, has been, and will continue to be you. No one else ... Frankly, when the day comes and you are no longer posting, I will go into a long, deep, depressive funk. But then I will remember all of the smiles, chuckles, out-right guffaws, tears, anguish, and thoughtful "hmmmms" that you've given to me, and I will get out of bed, "put on my boots" and think, "what would Leroy want?"

This blog will always be yours, and yours alone. Even though we, your readers, are the leaves on your tree, you are the trunk and the branches and the root system. Other trees will grow in the forest. They will rise up from the soil on their own. Let others start their own blogs ... but yours? No, it is your spirit that inhabits this tree. You should not concern yourself about who will care and nurture your tree in future days, nor who will look after your special corner in this forest of Cancer World. The vital life force of your tree, of who you are, will continue on in the lives of your loved ones, friends, care-givers, readers ... all of those who've come to care deeply for a man named Leroy Sievers.

Sent by Peggy | 12:01 PM | 7-18-2008

Leroy, As I sit writing this, I can barely see the keyboard through the tears. I have never met you, and yet, I feel I have known you for years. These things are hard to face, as I read some of the comments, I guess I'm not alone.
It is your Blog, you are a professional writer, you are very good with the written word. This has all been about you, and for you and Laurie as you went down this terrible path. It brings strength to all who visit.

When you can't do it anymore, perhaps Laurie could, after all she is traveling this path with you. This would give all of us a continued connection. I don't really want to talk about this, I'm still looking through tears for you both.

Just keep going, I can't really think about what is obvious. Hurts too much!!
You do it forever, that's all there is to it. Love to you both, Stan

Sent by Stan Wozniak | 12:03 PM | 7-18-2008

A sad but real contemplation....that you will not be able to continue this wonderful blog forever! This is your special place, Leroy. You created it, nurtured it and most of all shared it with us. Without you, it would not work. As so many have said and out of reverence and respect for you, this blog should cease.

Have you ever read a book that was finished by someone else after your favorite author has died....the words are there but they don't have the same feeling or intensity. You are OUR author and this blog would not, could not and will not ever be the same without YOU!

I do believe that your blog over these last 2 years and counting plus the many posts should become a series of books....like the Chicken Soup books...for cancer patients and caregivers. There is nothing more REAL than what has been expressed here.

We are so blessed to have you and Laurie in our lives. I have never witnessed first hand how an individual faced with the most dire circumstances could turn it into such a special place. It is a privilege to come here and you have made it so. Without you, it would be just words because the feeling and intensity will not be here.

I continue to tend the little flame of HOPE. Prayers and blessings as always.

Sent by Al Cato | 12:20 PM | 7-18-2008

Dear Leroy,

Like everyone else, I felt such sadness when I read today's post. I don't even want to entertain the thought that you won't be able to write this blog. I think Laurie doing it is a bad idea, unless she feels differently. I feel for those who want to keep in touch with her, but I think that is too much to ask of her. I think the blog, as it is, should end, if you do,(God forbid)with a new beginning as a general cancer support blog. Many of the same people, hopefully, survivors, will be able to advise those, unfortunately, just starting on the journey. There simply is NO ONE who could ever replace YOU.

Love to you and Laurie, and prayers always sent your way.

Sent by Connie | 12:23 PM | 7-18-2008

Leroy, I agree you are the heart, soul and brilliance of the blog. I feel when I lose you, it will be another of many losses to cancer. But, its better to have loved and lost than never loved at all.
PLease take care of yourself and don't put too much pressure on yourself. I know you will do what feels right.
Thank you

Sent by cv | 12:25 PM | 7-18-2008

How can I agree with two opposing views? I agree with all those who have said it is your blog, your story, and it would be difficult for your community of friends to have someone else take it over.
On the other hand, it is your child, your creation, and all of us want the best for our children. We want the products of our minds, our bodies, our efforts, to continue forward and continue making an impact on the world at large. It is only natural for you to want to make that plan, not because you want to control the future, but because by making the plan, you are continuing to put your efforts into the product.

Whatever decision you make, I hope you are able to take comfort in knowing that you gave it your best, that you touched lives and hearts, and that you made a difference.
Praying for a weekend for you with reduced pain, Dianne
I love the idea of publishing the entire thing as a book, and would like a transcript of the documentary included.

Sent by Dianne Ericson | 12:25 PM | 7-18-2008

Dear Leroy,

It has been 2 years and 26 days since I first started reading this blog. I am saddened by the inevitability yet remain hopeful that there will be a miracle.

Your blog has served as an inspiration and strength to me in my battle against breast cancer. I have even started my own blog in www.mydragonflydaze.blogspot.com and I would love for you to read it and send me your comment.

If and when you cannot continue writing your daily blog, why not let the readers like myself post something about their own battle? I have found solace in this blog everyday and it shouldn't stop now. You have this whole community to continue this blog, your legacy, if you will.

Thank you, Leroy, for your strength. I will never forget you.

Love always,
Myrna

Sent by Myrna Adriano | 12:29 PM | 7-18-2008

Leroy, No one can pick up where you leave off! The blog should stop when you can no longer do it. My suggestion is that you start making arrangements now to have your blog published,as a book. Include every single entry you did and every post from everyone on the blog, starting from the beginning and ending at the time you feel that you can no longer do it. I'm sure it would be a best seller and all the proceeds could go to cancer research, if you choose to do that. What do you think?

Sent by Ruth White | 12:29 PM | 7-18-2008

I respect people's opinions who say 'once Leroy stops blogging I won't read'. OK... that's real, honest, and expresses the emotion we all feel at a loss that will come at some point, though we don't know when. And it's certainly true that if anyone were to feel they had to fill Leroy's shoes as a blogger, it wouldn't work- it's impossible, obviously!! This blog has its own character, Leroy's character.

But let's not conflate two things: it's not a new blog or nothing, it's not necessarily about continuing in some new form with a new blogger or stopping communication altogether.
Maybe an idea is to shift from thinking about another (sometime in the future) and to think instead of something a little different, an open forum for discussion with a moderator to screen the messages as is done now. In other words, isn't one of Leroy's many legacies this community to share ideas, comfort, and questions? And would some of the people in the community want to stay in touch, so that the community itself takes on a life of its own? Yes, it's DIFFERENT, and change is painful, but would it be valuable?

Sent by Barbara K | 12:33 PM | 7-18-2008

I have read a lot of blogs, many with cancer or some other illness and it's painful to have questions go unanswered. There are a lot of blogs where the person died and someone else wrote the finale. And there are some blogs where you know the person left or died and nothing was ever said and the blog sits there like an empty chair in a crowded room. I don't know what you should do but I will miss you when you are not posting any longer.

Sent by Janell | 12:38 PM | 7-18-2008

i have always hoped that you or someone would publish your blog and include some of the comments from all of us in the book. i truly think that this blog would be such an inspiration to families suffering from a devastating illness as cancer.
remaining in my heart and prayers.
marianne

Sent by marianne dalton | 12:44 PM | 7-18-2008

Good idea Barbara K... but for now, while there is coal in the furnace and steam in the engine Leroy, you keep on track and continue to help US to keep on track!

Sent by Jo Ann Baswell (formerally Margate, FL) | 12:50 PM | 7-18-2008

Leroy -- you have touched our lives in am unimaginable way. You have allowed us (patients and caregivers) to face cancer in a realistic way! This is a safe place where we get comfort from people who we have never met. I get more understanding here then from people who are close to me and it is because we all are walking down a similar road whatever the cancer may be -- cancer sucks in any form.

I too agree with alot of the bloggers that maybe Laurie, if she wanted to, could carry on. She has been there every step of the way. You are definitely irreplaceable but Laurie is a part of you and would be that connection. While I was 100% caregiver to my father this blog, these people, you being #1, is what gave me the strength to give him strength every day and it is what helps me get through the days now that he is gone.

This is like a family and we are all in it together I don't think it should end, but I also, don't think you should worry about it, not now, now is your time and you should enjoy your time and if you need to break then you break and just enjoy! You have given us so much already! You have so much love from everyone hear I don't think for a minute any one of us who has faced the beast or has watched and cared for someone who has faced it would not understand that! Leroy this is your baby your legacy but I can't imagine not checking in everyday to know how everyone is doing, how we can help in good and bad times, I can not imagine not knowing how Laurie is doing and it really might be great therapy for her too! I like the idea of guest speakers/bloggers, and the idea of your friend Ted maybe overseeing it but my 1st choice would be Laurie if she could or even would want to do it. I love the name: Leroy's Army -- Carrying on His Legacy Carrying on Our Cancer. I just can't imagine it being the end and never knowing what is going on with everyone. This has been a part of life since the Discovery Channel Living with Cancer aired last May and selfishly I don't want to live without it. I do believe it will take someone special, someone honest, someone realistic, someone not afraid to talk about it and all the pros and cons even facing the beast some people are just hard to relate to and Leroy you made it easy you made it real you were honest and that doesn't come along everyday. This is what makes you so special. Too many people always belief you should be positive and never speak of the bad or never whine about it but the reality is it is what it is and to try and dismiss that is an injustice. I had people telling me that all my dad needed was a positive attitude, juicing and a laugh seminar, and other holistic ideas were suggested and then he would be cured come on some of these things may have helped a little or may have made his life a little more bearable but come on Cancer is what it is and when you are so far gone nothing short of a miracle will help. I want to believe in miracles and some days I still do but alot of days its hard and nothing will take that away from the pain and loss cancer has caused only time and healing over my dear fathers struggle that was watched daily and the absence that came at too young of an age for him for a lot of you. Only time I guess will lessen it. But the walk that I took will never be forgotten. You will never be forgotten. You can never be replaced but your memory, and your legacy can be carried on and who better then Laurie! It will never be goodbye it will be see you around I am sure our paths will cross again. I hope everyone in heaven who has had to face the beast, is pain free and no longer in pain and are up there working to help us earthlings find the cure find a way to stop this. It is the living with the struggles and the god awful drugs and side effects if we could get something that to endure this would be 100% effective then I am all for it. Leroy you rest when you need to and know that we are all behind you in thought, in spirit and wishful, peaceful prayers for you and Laurie. You have done so much for all us now let us be there for you and for Laurie. God Bless, Sincerely Cori Swanson

Sent by Cori Swanson | 12:51 PM | 7-18-2008

Dear Leroy,

Well, dear soul, you touch all of us, each and every day, and today is certainly no exception. Thinking of us, your "community", at this time ... Bless you; bless Laurie; bless your friends and family for sharing you with us.

I know we all want you right here, M-F, posting your thoughtful questions and observations; never ever to leave us. We love you and we love one another, and changing that mix is too sad to contemplate. And yet ... In your depths and with your insight, I'm going to trust that you'll do whatever it is that LEROY best sees fit for this blog and the community comprising it. (WWLD?)

I never wish to cease communing with you and all the loving folks gathered here. On the other hand, I also realize that everything would be so very different if you were no longer posing the thoughts and questions that we gratefully (and heart-breakingly) ponder and "talk amongst ourselves" about. You are such a unique and special being ... and "My Cancer" truly is YOU.

Bottom line, we never want to lose you or your voice or your presence on this earth. We all love and cherish you and are grateful for the all that you bring to our lives each day. I know that we all want to wish you whatever will bring you a sense of peace and fulfillment. Whatever you decide, we'll all take care, so don't worry too much about us, okay?

With a full heart,

Kim Forester

Sent by Kim Forester | 12:57 PM | 7-18-2008

Leroy,
One of the things that makes this blog different is that it is sponsored by NPR...which implicitly says that your story is of universal interest. The association with public radio has ennobled your journey and expanded theirs. Your gentle thoughts have shown us ourselves and helped inform our choices, just as surely as "Guernica" shows us the consequences of another choice . Death is everyone's partner on the mat or - as you said earlier - is there "in the corner". This blog has made possible the connection we're all looking for.

My hope is that this blog will continue, and that someone with cancer will do it. Don Richard's method of "interview" and of handing "over the reins part time"...seems sound.

You have changed lives, Leroy: why should you stop?

Sent by Cathi | 12:59 PM | 7-18-2008

I agree with what so many have written before me. This blog, My Cancer, is your story. If Laurie (and having been in her shoes the last thing she probably wants is ANOTHER responsibility) is up to the job of sharing your story - then she who is closest to you, and to your days and nights could continue it until this stage of your journey ends.

But as you often do, I believe you are speaking not just of this blog - you are challenging us to look to the future -- when it is so painful that I for one can hardly bear it. Having seen and felt the support of this gathering of souls, I think it is clear that you want the power of the positive that you have inspired to live on, the support to those so fragile to continue, and the refuge -- the place where both the terrifying and the merely humbling can be brought forth into the light -- to survive. The power of your story has already spawned a steadfast and loyal army -- and maybe there in lies the answer.

I'm not just sure how, or who or what. We can't elect a new leader, we can't interview for a Leroy replacement, but this supportive, intelligent, and sometimes hilarious community should not grow silent. Your generous and loving legacy deserves much more.

Sent by eaf | 1:11 PM | 7-18-2008

Leroy,

This blog is about you and your life with cancer. It is unique and will not be replaced, but always by those of us who read it daily, will be remembered. As tough as it is, most of us realize your and our finite time on this earth, and with the finite nature of our being, the acceptance that somethings will end and never be replaced, while other things will begin anew and have their own time.

My two cents is for you to continue as long as you feel like doing it, possibly write a book on it (hint), and stop when you need/want to- we all understand.

Best regards to you and Laurie. Have a peaceful summer weekend.

Dave

Sent by Dave | 1:23 PM | 7-18-2008

Leroy,

No-one could or should continue this blog without you. You are what made this such a close and dear family. All of us in some way have lived through some sort of cancer be it ourselves or our loved ones. You are the head of this family. You always will be. There shall be on other!! We love you.

Sent by Pat Doyle | 1:25 PM | 7-18-2008

I hate to see you worry about this... you have too much else on your plate right now. In fact, I worry that you must sometimes feel compelled to continue to write because you care about us, when you would rather just lay back and rest. I think we would all understand if that is true.

I don't think that YOU need to make a decision about any of this. When you feel up to it and wish to write....then please do so.

If you prefer to have someone else write in your name and deliver your thoughts, that's good too.

If you wish to have someone just make a periodical posting to let us know how things are going with you, we can accept that. Whatever works for YOU Leroy... that's what we want.

As to the blog itself, I would like Ted, and the others behind the administration of this blog, to make it available, in perpetuity, for us and future others to read and re-read. This blog is you, Leroy.... and us. The words spoken and shared have brought us comfort, helped us to face tough truths, assisted us with making decisions, and opened all of our hearts to the wonder and glory of life and good friends. Where you or I or any of us will still be here to read these words, the words themselves will always be here and there will be others willing and anxious to read and to share their own thoughts. I believe that we can live on forever when our words and our thoughts continue for others to remember us, to know us and love us.

I don't think you should have to think about the logistics of how this could be. It could be as simple as just leaving the blog available, with whoever publishes a message first, setting the topic for the day, and allowing the rest of us to continue our postings, readings and sharings.

It doesn't really need a lot of macromanagement nor does it matter who takes the responsibility. What is important is that we have the opportunity of knowing how you are doing, all along this path that we have traveled together, patient, caregivers, friends and observers.... and that we can continue to read and re-read your words and those of others, who have helped us along the way. The icing on the cake would be if we were also able to continue our active posting as well.

Do not trouble your mind with this right now, Leroy. Let the powers that be, take care of the statistics. Just know that you have made a mighty contribution to the world and I would like to think that future generations would have the opportunity of knowing about this contribution and sharing it as well.

You are a special part of us Leroy, that will never die. We thank you for your gifts given and we wish you well, good friend.

Sent by Betty Obst | 1:26 PM | 7-18-2008

Hi Leroy,
Find another writer, maybe a woman perhaps, and keep the blog going. A bit of immortality.

Sent by Jill | 1:29 PM | 7-18-2008

I tried posting and had a problem so forgive me if this is a dupe. I'm with the others who have said when you're done...I'm done. Its your journey and we are better for having been a part of it. There are other online support communities that can fill a void for some who still want support and comeraderie. For me - it's a beautiful complete package that helped me through some difficult stuff. There is nothing I want to get from this blog without you. My reason for coming here every day has evolved into just plan really caring about you and Laurie. When you're not here anymore, I will try hard not to focus on cancer and just enjoy life.

I do hope when you are done here, that Laurie or someone close to you can muster the energy will update us a few more times. And when this blog is done, we will grieve terribly, we will have things to say to each other for a little while, we will hurt and miss you, and each other - but it will be a beautiful and complete legacy of your important work here and our special time with you. Gotta go, I've already started crying just thinking about it. :(

Sent by Your Friend Nichole in FL | 1:29 PM | 7-18-2008

This is your blog. Our relationship is with you, not your cancer. When you stop, the blog should stop. But, let's worry about it tomorrow, Scarlet.

Sent by Sandra Veach | 1:32 PM | 7-18-2008

Leroy, I would like to add my voice to the many other responses. I started reading your blog in its early stage and have not missed a day. Over time, my feelings for you grew and now there is that unique bond of love with never having met you. Would that I and the other bloggers can now use the strength we have drawn from you to confront your needs and assign them top priority. Do what you must to lighten your way. I, along with the many others, feel that this blog has been yours alone and, when you can no longer continue to write, I will not participate in another blog but will remember the life lessons you and the others have provided. Thanks for all that you have accomplished in our lives. Much love and peace to you and Laurie, Joyce

Sent by Joyce Hughes | 1:32 PM | 7-18-2008

Dear Leroy,

Perhaps you will choose not to share this response as part of your blog as it ventures far afield from the immediate question at hand. I find myself in tears writing this, but I thought you might find it of interest.

Around 2003 or '04 I followed a blog written by a young Englishman named Ivan Noble who worked for the BBC. He wrote of his battle with cancer, and his writings were published in a book which surely continues to offer support and hope to others with cancer. I know you have been sharing your story in various ways, and we will still have you in our hearts and minds for the rest of your and our lives.

I was particularly touched by his last posting which he had prepared ahead of time. He never stopped being there for his friends, and I continue to remember his brave and valiant fight. Here are links to BBC sites about Ivan.

Tumour diary: The time has come
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/4211475.stm

Bursary memorial for Ivan Noble
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/4562495.stm

I know you will find a way to continue what is in some ways a "ministry" to others living with cancer and to their families. Your life is such a blessing, and we are grateful for your friendship.

Fondly, Linda

Sent by Linda | 1:46 PM | 7-18-2008

Dear Leroy, This blog is your, your own personal journey (with lots of us chiming in). It is truly an example of the best that the internet offers. But I don't think anyone else can do it. Your loss, whether in weeks, months or hopefully much longer will be one for us all to grieve. And I think we have to grieve the end of the blog. I would like to suggest when that day comes, that NPR offer a number of days that posters can write in and express their thoughts and feelings. The community will need the time to say goodbye to you (and Laurie) and each other. Then as in many things in life it will be time to end. I would like to see this blog turned into a book, but understand from what you said on Talk of The Nation, that this is not likely. Perhaps that idea could be revisited. I wish you peace and comfort this day.

Sent by Linda | 1:50 PM | 7-18-2008

You just brought tears to my eyes.

Sent by Krupali Tejura MD | 1:52 PM | 7-18-2008

Many newspaper columnists write articles in advance for submission when they are on vacation or special events. You could do that as well. Also, who says you have to type it in to computer and that - get a small recorder and be able to say your thoughts instead of typing them. Laurie can do the input for you.

Sent by Maureen Kennedy | 2:19 PM | 7-18-2008

Leroy, none of us can imagine you not doing this blog either. I am choosing to think you will be at the helm for a long time to come.

Sent by Carolyn | 2:26 PM | 7-18-2008

I do think your blog should continue. We all pass torches to others at different times in our lives. I do believe this blog should be preserved and accessible to others maybe through a book???Thoughts and prayers as always
Debbie

Sent by debbie | 2:31 PM | 7-18-2008

Leroy - this is your blog and no one can replace you. You can stop this anytime you want and we will all support you in your decision. I do not think anyone should go on with it. If they wanted to start their own - ok, but this should end with you saying the final good-bye to everyone. Only you will know when that will be - I for one am in no hurry for you to end this. Keep on writing for as long as you can - then end our part of the journey with you.

Sent by Deb from Michigan | 2:41 PM | 7-18-2008

Dear Leroy & Laurie

I felt this subject coming as I logged on this morning...I couldn't write about my cancer every day, and honor what this 'sweet habit' of yours has become...this community.

Living on the edge for a number of years, has taught me to appreciate these moments of support we have shared and to accept that we all will pass...this has been a great intersection of energy and teaching...we are all stronger for it.

And we all will move on as need be. It's best not to be too dependent on any one person, place, job, doctor...reality. Change is the constant...I'm just waving to you all as I drift by on my own current.

Thanks to all for this beautiful outpouring. Write as you can.

Sent by Joan S. | 2:41 PM | 7-18-2008

Leroy:

I have been reading your blog for just a couple of weeks, but have found it to be quiet unique. I can understan those who say that it is you writing about your journey and without you it wouldn't be the same thing.

However, one the things that I first look at when I openned your blog was the names of those who respond daily. A lot of those folks are regular writers. That means they turn to the sight for support and companionship.

My friend, through your blog and participation in NPR, you have provided a voice for Cancer patients. And knowing that some powerful people are hearing that voice gives hope and courage for to many people battling for there lives.

And let's face it, you've done a good job with this thing and a lot of folks know about it. It is a powerful tool for support, sharing new break throughs in treatment, getting word out about important issues and just keeping patients and survicors informed.

I think that it would be a shame to let the site wither on the vine.

Of course, if you select someone to carry the torch, it should be someone with cancer or a survivor. That is the good thing about blogging my thought to you --- YOU HAVE LIKELY FELT, THOUGHT OR SAID THE SAME THINGS.

And finally, think about yourself for a second. You put a lot of effort into this, you shared many personal thoughts and discribed a lonesome, difficult journey so eloquently, that it would be a shame to allow it to die. It should be allowed to live on as the tribute to the legacy of a truly remarkable person.

That said, thank you for your work that has touched so many lives and for sharing your personal journey with us.

Sent by gerard mcmurran | 2:50 PM | 7-18-2008

Leroy,
I'm afraid that I'm not optimistic about the blog surviving you and I'm not even sure that it should.
This is a chronicle of your experience. Your personality, character and outlook are so central to everything this site has become that to have someone else take over seems like it would change it beyond recognition. There is no way to contrive the connection that you have with us. It would be a shame for it to lose this uniqueness and be just another forum. For myself, as much as it has become a part of my life, I would rather mourn its, and your, passing than see it diminish without you.
All our best to you and Laurie.

Sent by Gene Koeneman | 2:52 PM | 7-18-2008

Dear Leroy,
This blog is you, you've poured your heart and soul into it, your pain and your joy. As someone said before, I am hoping for a miracle, and that you are able to write for a long time to come. I have come to think of you as a great friend, someone who understands, someone with such keen insight into the feelings that cancer brings to us, the curses as well as the blessings. Just for today I am praying for your comfort and wellbeing, that you can live in the moment and be here in the eternal now.

Sent by Alycia Keating | 3:12 PM | 7-18-2008

Leroy, Laurie and Friends,
I began reading many moons ago and "lurked" in the background. My own cancer journey had begun and the whole thing was a shock to the conscience. I didn't want to be on this road.

Reading Leroy's posts and the comments from this community I started to feel that even though I was dragged into this battle, I was not alone. Lonely sometimes, but not alone. So I piped up, joined the conversation.

This morning I had an appointment at Dana Farber Cancer Institute. Every time I go in that building, the sounds, smells, the flashing of my blue card ('cause I'm a regular) shakes me up. I really dislike plastic bracelets.

This blog was the first place I came to when I got home. Seeing names of people I've never met but "know" is a great comfort. Some of your posts are like big hugs and reassurances, some of you make me nuts!

So there you have it. We are a family. Some stay, some go, some are taken from us too soon. We support, challenge and comfort each other, and grieve together, that's what happens here.

I am anguished at the thought of losing you Leroy. You are a good man, I am better for knowing you. Thank you.

Too many tears today,
Much love to all,
Debra Altschiller

Sent by Debra in New Hampshire | 3:16 PM | 7-18-2008

Leroy,
This is YOUR blog. If it were to go on it would not be yours... it would be just another random blog. Laurie could write for you, when you don't feel like it. But no one else. As they have all said so well ahead of me here today.. this is Leroy's BLOG>
Best wishes for a happy weekend.

Sent by Deb | 3:23 PM | 7-18-2008

Peggy's analogy of the tree and your spirit captures my sentiment. Thank you, Peggy. And thank you, Leroy, for your authenticity. You are important to me.

Sent by Judy | 3:30 PM | 7-18-2008

Hello Leroy and all:

All good wishes for you and the continuation of this blog. We all know, however that we have been brought face to face with our mortality over the last months or years - a strange gift that many try to avoid but that we cannot. The ability to face it in community with others is even rarer - and to be treasured no matter how much we would have wished to avoid the conditions that caused it. We are learning a lot, Leroy, from you and each other - for which many thanks.

We will always be in each others hearts, minds and prarers no matter what happens.

I was discussion the question of this blog with a close friend earlier today. She helped me realize that this blog could not be the same without you at its center. And though it has helped us all, and countless others, you - and Laurie - have been at it's center. Compaared with other blogs and support groups in which I participate it has been important to participate in a community where the lead voive has been of one who actually has cancer and all of the experiences and learnings that it inspires.

That said, when this blog is no longer possible, I hope NPR, of which I am a member, continues to sponsor a cancer blog and take a regular interest in the voices of cancer suvivors them (our)selves. Survivor voices are not given enough of a place in the national - or cancer debate -nor do patient/survivor voices get much of a hearing when health and its underlying conditions are discussed. This blog has helped a great deal to give all of us a voice and find our own voices. I hope NPR can find ways to continue to do so, even when the uniqueness of this one is no longer available - which I hope does not happen for quite some time

Vaya con Dios

John Shippee
johnshippee@hotmail.com

Sent by John Shippe | 3:34 PM | 7-18-2008

Leroy this blog, this community thats been created here. Has changed me in so many ways. There are other blogs to that have done the same yet in different ways. They to have ended. But impact is far reaching and will always be taken with me in my heart.
My thought is simply that *My Cancer* your blog had given us a voice who have cancer. Do you realize how huge that is?
As much as I would miss you your gift is one I will never ever shake. This community will go on stronger cause of your impact on all of us here. We don't need this blog to continue. I don't anyways. Your gift of writing and sharing with all of us is one you gave openly as well as compassion and empathy. For that I am grateful.
Some days I came read and just smiled. Some days I came and cried, understood and learned more. Some days like to day I just want you to know I am here for what ever comes to be. But first and for most please take care of you.
Write when you can.I understand when you can't.
Your writing your questions all of it has touched me deeply but its left a huge impact on me as well.
So much more I could say. But I will leave it as that.

Sent by Kerry in Michigan | 3:52 PM | 7-18-2008

I always feel indadequate when I write to you. Everyone is so wonderful with words. I was thinking about this subject the other day and decided that I really can't think about that. I'll have to cross that bridge when it happens. Our prayers are with you and your family always.

Linda

Sent by Linda | 3:56 PM | 7-18-2008

I think NPR need to put this into a book and put it into every waiting room at MD Anderson, and all the other cancer hospitals our there to help the people standing by the sides of so many with no idea what to do or say. Thank you all for being there and helping me be there for Jeannie.

Just my thought

Sent by Brenda | 4:12 PM | 7-18-2008

For what it's worth, the possibility has never crossed my mind that a replacement would need to be identified should you become unable to post to this blog. For me, it is about you. I am a total stranger to you but have a connection with you. I have lost track of the number of posts to which I have responded with a resounding AMEN. I do hope that, as in the past, someone will post on your behalf on days you're not up for it.

Sent by J S M | 4:17 PM | 7-18-2008

Leroy,
The purpose of this blog was for you to share your experiences with us (this is my take anyway). At some point it will be in your best interest to cease writing and focus on your own needs and the needs of your family. This blog is unique because it is written by you--however, the idea of a "cancer blog" unfortunately isn't unique (as much as I'd like to think it is). There are many on the internet. Take this very valuable time and use it for things that give you joy! Don't be handcuffed to your computer. Perhaps you can have someone come in and write a weekly summary for you. You have so many admirers (myself included) that will want to know what and how you are that weekly installments is a good idea.

You have given so much for 2 years...maybe it is time to retire this blog and focus on yourself.

Love and prayers to you!

Rita

Sent by Rita | 4:36 PM | 7-18-2008

Everything ends. This blog should end too. The only one I can see continuing is Laurie; her experience will be important to us as well...and I hope the ocean of support that she has will at least be some sort of strength to her.

And like a phoenix, there is rebirth. I don't think what has been brought together here will fade...just change...and the magic of synergy will find the right outlet.

Sent by Marsha G | 4:40 PM | 7-18-2008

Leroy,
When the time comes to relinquish the blog, you will know it. In terms of someone taking over - many people have cancer, and each person's experience is unique. Nobody, however, can fill your shoes. Your perspective and ability to express yourself is so unique and special - it has made the blog what it is.
The need to archive the blog, however, is critical. It's such a vital historical record - not only a chronicle of your experience and relationship to your cancer, but a strong testament to the power of the internet to be used for good. So much could be gleaned, in terms of research, from this blog. For this and so many other reasons, it's critical that it remains accessible and available.

Always know, Leroy and Laurie, that you have bestowed a gift beyond words to all those whose lives the blog has touched.

Your most important job is to love one another. Please give this the precedence it deserves.

Sent by Lyn / AZ | 4:42 PM | 7-18-2008

God, this is painful. When you're too weak to write, I hope to heaven's sake that Laurie or Ted, somebody will let us know how you're doing, because so many of us will be praying for you. But, Leroy, when you go, the blog should go, because it is all you. Our responses are to you. I don't see this as a bad thing. It is part of life. Beginnings and endings. Life. Let it be.

Kate

Sent by Kate in California | 4:45 PM | 7-18-2008

I think, too, like some of the others who have posted messages, that when you are finished with this blog at your own time and choosing, it is done. It is your story; it can be no one elses. (You can always dictate...eh?) While it is important for me to read your thoughts and experiences, it is more important to me that you are taking care of yourself and your intimate relationships and are making the transition to whatever the future holds for you and your loved ones. That's what counts and I know you already know that. I'm not sure what I believe about death - - if it is, in fact, a transformation to another form of existence or the actual end of living . . . I struggle with that even now at age 51. But somehow I feel, I want to believe, that there is a transition that can be made from this life to some other form of energy and somewhere in me, I think that instead of "good-byes" it could be "I'll see you" laters.

Sent by P Sut | 5:27 PM | 7-18-2008

Leroy,
I am so very upset. I'm so tired of this monster. I pray to God please save him he has helped so many people. WE need him so much. You have done so MUCH FOR EVERYONE THAT READS THIS BLOG. This blog is about you. You have such a gift with your words. You write everything we are feeling and I THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH FOR THAT. I hate cancer! I want you to live. Just as I wanted my husband to live. But sadly we know cancer doesn't care what we want. I wouldn't want you to worry about us you need to take care of yourself and Laurie. Try and share what ever time you have and don't worry about us. We are here for you guys. This blog is about you living with cancer. Maybe if Laurie feels up to it she can write. If she can't put into words what she is feeling maybe someone close to her can help her. It is up to her but I know there is more to this story living with cancer. There are people like myself who have to go on without the person. And I thank you with all my heart for being here with this blog. It has help so much. We have to live with cancer even after the person leaves us. Maybe we can go on with this blog from that point. But I do believe this should become a book it has help so many of us and I'm sure there are people who don't know about this site. This blog is about living with cancer it is your baby and after you get to a point where you can't write anymore it is still your story to the end. No one can take your place. This blog has become a family because of you & Laurie. Leroy stay strong love Laurie and try to enjoy life the best you can. Please think about hospice I know you think of it as giving up but I believe they will help you feel better. If they don't you can always stop it. Don't think of it as giving up think of it as helping you with pain. I remember when I first asked the nurse about it and my husband looked at me with his beautiful eyes like I was giving up. I told him I just wanted to find out what the services where about. But sadly he passed away before I could. I know we both thought that it was giving up but I believe it would have help him with the pain. You are the boss they are there to follow your wishes. Hospice is not giving up. It is trying something new. God Bless you and please don't worry about this blog what will happen will happen. Just know that you are loved by so many.

Sent by Aurella | 5:31 PM | 7-18-2008

I had hoped I would feel better later in the day after first reading your blog. But today, it seems, even God is crying as the rain continues to drench Alaska. I know the sun will reappear eventually just as I know your blog will be back on Monday with you at the helm. Peace and love to you.

Sent by Lucy | 5:40 PM | 7-18-2008

Dear Leroy,
As a cancer survivor of nearly eight years and in remission, I have read your blog from the beginning, but have never commented. My feelings seem to have been expressed so well by others.
Your ability and willingness to share your inner-self with the Cancer World has given me so much strength and courage. Your blog is your life....it cannot be expresssed by anyone else. I agree with others that "your story" and the comments should be published as your legacy to give inspiration for cancer patients and caregivers for years to come. Thank you making a difference in my life. God Bless you with peace and comfort.

Sent by Shirley in Wisconsin | 5:47 PM | 7-18-2008

I agree with Don M. that NPR should make a commitment to continuing some sort of cancer format - it is a huge public service. There are other cancer blogs out there but they tend to focus on one particular cancer - this is the most inclusive site I have been to, and the support and warmth is overwhelming.

But then again, I'm conflicted, because I cannot imagine this blog without you. It is your creation, your feelings and experiences.
Marcia

Sent by Marcia | 5:51 PM | 7-18-2008

Dear Leroy,

What a frightening thing for you to have to contemplate. I wanted to share you with you the trusty poem I read when I'm scared or panicked by what is happening to me or to the people I love which helps return me to an assured place.

Sweetness

By Stephen Dunn

Just when it has seemed I couldn't bear
one more friend
waking with a tumor, one more maniac

with a perfect reason, often a sweetness
has come
and changed nothing in the world

except the way I stumbled through it,
for a while lost
in the ignorance of loving

someone or something, the world shrunk
to mouth-size,
hand-size, and never seeming small.

I acknowledge there is no sweetness
that doesn't leave a stain,
no sweetness that's ever sufficiently sweet ....

Tonight a friend called to say his lover
was killed in a car
he was driving. His voice was low

and guttural, he repeated what he needed
to repeat, and I repeated
the one or two words we have for such grief

until we were speaking only in tones.
Often a sweetness comes
as if on loan, stays just long enough

to make sense of what it means to be alive,
then returns to its dark
source. As for me, I don't care

where it's been, or what bitter road
it's traveled
to come so far, to taste so good.

Leroy,
I wish you today a peaceful and satisfied contemplation of the times in your life when the world was bitesized and still never seemed small. I hope when you're scared that you can recount many moments like that - moments you wouldn't trade for anything, even freedom from the present difficulties.

With love and wishes of peace and strength, liz

Sent by liz | 6:07 PM | 7-18-2008

Leroy,

I read your posting today and it is so hard to respond. You have been so helpful to all of us in cancer world, you KNOW how much we all love you and will miss reading your posts every day. It has been hard to read that things are no longer going well. You continue to inspire and I think of you daily although we have never met. You will write as long as you can and when you cannot we will have to send good vibes your way. Your experience has been unique because you have had so many treatments that many of us may not have access to or even know about. I am sure you have saved many people with the information you have posted on this blog. You have done your job Leroy.

Sent by Cindee | 6:10 PM | 7-18-2008

Leroy,
I would hope, much as when you were unable to in the past, that Laurie and your producers would post in your absence to keep up the stream of information...

other than that, I think that this blog is totally yours - it's your baby, your creation, your contribution to those who are forced into CancerWorld... and like any of our belongings on this earthly realm, only YOU can decide with whom the responsibility will lie. You've not ever steered us wrong... We're with you come what may!

With love and wishes of peace,

Sent by Cancer PT | 6:52 PM | 7-18-2008

Hey Leroy, a belated response to your cable TV posting from yesterday. There is a wealth of excellent programming available on the Web. Why torture yourself with the old school boob tube? Check hulu.com for great meanstream TV programs, or try some online only shows: "You Suck at Photoshop" is an hysterical comedy, or "Welcome to the Scene" is a cool drama about band of online pirates. Hope that helps you pass the time more enjoyably. You are an inspiration to all of us!

Sent by Brian Sandro | 6:55 PM | 7-18-2008

Leroy,
As others have stated - this is your story, although many of us can relate. If Laurie would write it - then it would become her blog - valuable but different.
Your blog is your story - told through your eyes.
I will be done with this link as you choose to leave it.
I hope we have more time.
Thinking of you,

Sent by Anita Apodaca | 7:03 PM | 7-18-2008

Leroy- I hope you don't post this - I can see you just really don't know when you'll have to stop writing or dictating- I hope it is not for months and years to come. But seeing that the time could be short, I want you to know that you affect others who do not have cancer. I am at a difficult time in my life- planning to get divorced after 26 years of marriage- your blog has truly helped me to appreciate love and support and I see that the type of man I want to spend the rest of my life with is not my husband- I've known it for years but to see the love and understanding from you, Laurie, and your community has been very positive for me. I have been reading your blog for 2 years and love you and Laurie. I know lyou'll take care of yourself and will stop writing when you want to. I also know you won't leave us in the lurch.
Now that this heavy talk is out of the way, are you eating cheesesteak sandwiches and homebaked cookies? And, the big question, what book are you reading or listening to? If you give me your address I will mail you some chocolate chip cookies.
I suggest you not post this because others will

Sent by linda h. | 7:07 PM | 7-18-2008

I'm with the folks who believe this is your blog, your space.. other ways to communicate among "us" will develop as a result of growing this community, but it's focus,it's depth,it's beauty stems from you and laurie ....we are all only here to do the best we can

Sent by Barbara | 7:29 PM | 7-18-2008

I have come to this site three different times today. I finally was able to read everyone's messages without having to leave because of my crying. This space, as I've said before, has been such a special healing place for me. I've learned a lot of what Pat must have been feeling and not able, or unwilling to express. I've also been able to put in my two cents as a life giver, and hopefully helped some one in my shoes.

I believe that this site belongs to you, Leroy. That being said, as a life giver, Laurie may not be the one with cancer but she sure is living it. If she were to want to, she is the one who should continue on. Truthfully, though, some one would have to 'guest' for her for a while. She will not be in a good place at first. Thank God I had my dogs when Pat died. I HAD to get out of bed just to take care of them. It would have been so much easier not to get out of bed ever again.

On saying goodbye... Again, Pat was not the talker I am. We just kissed before he slipped into the drug-induced 'kind' place. The day before he died, he woke up from there, and all he said was how much he loved me. That was enough--that was his good bye.

So, Leroy, when you're ready, thank you and I love you.

Sent by Kathy B. from Michigan | 7:40 PM | 7-18-2008

Everyone says it so well, I won't repeat anything. I just want to second Brenda's thought (and probably others) that this needs to be put in book form. Computers are great, but nothing can take the place of a hard copy in your hands. Wishing you both peace.

Sent by Betsy in Oregon | 7:43 PM | 7-18-2008

I have never participated in a blog of any kind until I heard Leroy on NPR one morning talking about how he was supposed to "be dead" by then. Since I was in the exact same place I could instantly relate.

What happens after Leroy concerns me less as what happens through the end. I don't want to sign in and not know how you are that day. Previously when you were unable to post someone posted how you were doing. I know it would be a burden for Laurie but if she could occasionally share what was going on, or Ted, or someone from NPR. Part of this story will be the end and I would like to share that with as much detail as you are comfortable with providing. It is your story, which has become our story. Peace,

Sent by Dona | 7:44 PM | 7-18-2008

Leroy,
Please go back and read post from Al Cato again....Same goes for me.
I would like to be able to keep up with "Leroy's Army" but this is your baby. Please end it when you feel like you need to--we will understand.

Jane

Sent by Jane | 8:07 PM | 7-18-2008

I believe this blog is called "My Cancer", by Leroy Sievers. It is not "My Cancer" by John Q. Public. Although I am in complete agreement that your blog is an invaluable forum for people both with and without cancer, I fear you may never capture the true depth of how many lives you have not only touched, but healed.

Perhaps you can take just a moment (n between those heinous shows on daytime TV), and think about the roar of a baseball stadium when the batter hits one out of the park in the bottom of the ninth - with the bases loaded.

You know that sound. Well Leroy, imagine that stadium is filled with those you have made laugh, and cry, and reflect, over the past two years. They are all cheering in their own special way for you.

But there isn't a stadium in the world large enough to hold them, and there is no one else who can hit the ball like you do. I believe that after the bottom of the ninth the game will be over. But I do believe there are a few more innings left to be played.

Did you want mustard on that hot dog Leroy?

Sent by Linda C., Union, Maine | 8:09 PM | 7-18-2008

Dear Leroy,

I agree with others - this is your blog. What this blog has turned into is a wonderful thing, a very special caring community. And this is a result of your generous nature, sharing your experiences and in doing so, creating a safe harbor of community for so many. It's hard to imagine your not being part of all of this. It's also hard to imagine this community not being around. It has been amazing that in the midst of all of the challenges,you have continued on with all of us and this blog. I don't have any solid ideas to offer, just that I'd like to keep reading posts from you and everyone else as long as you feel able. Hopefully, for quite a while to come.

I hope you have a wondeful,comfortable weekend. Love & Peace.

Sent by Lilly T. | 8:11 PM | 7-18-2008

Leroy - I heard Bob Seger "Like A Rock" on the way home today and it made me think of you. You've been our "Rock". This Blogs all about You Leroy - what we all contribute starts and ends with you. Without you, there is no "My Cancer" anymore but there's a great history and a great story that will live on forever, blog or no blog. I think this is what he meant by "Act Accordingly". You're doing it. Heck, we're all doing it by sharing ourselves with one another every day. You rock Leroy. We all do.

Sent by Beth | 8:13 PM | 7-18-2008

Leroy, I can't imagine a day without you and the blog. In my mind, I can't even go there. Let's not think about it today.

Sent by annie | 8:18 PM | 7-18-2008

Oh Leroy, This has been your generous sharing of your very personal, "long, strange trip" with treatment, uncertainty, a very poor prognosis,and facing one's mortality. No one but you could continue a blog that is from your heart, but someone ( or several close comrades) could keep us updated-evry step of the way. We all have very warm places in our hearts for Laurie and you. You have given me hope and made me feel a bit braver about what is to come with my stage IV melanoma. Thank you for every day you blog- they are all treasures to us, even the sad ones...

Sent by NancyGM | 8:39 PM | 7-18-2008

Leroy and Laurie - here's how simple it is for me......I don't know whether the blog should continue or not, to me it's you that makes this an incredible place to "check-in" every day!!!
So, in the meantime, I'm once again lifting you both up in prayers, holding you in love in my heart, and looking forward to hearing from you on Monday - after, what I hope is a restful and less painful weekend!
When all words fail, I love you both!

Sent by Ruth Chermok | 8:51 PM | 7-18-2008

Leroy, you are such a sweet sweet man for thinking of us when you should be thinking of yourself. You have helped so many people, may you be blessed for that. Maybe one of your readers would like to assist you with writing the blogs???? Please know and remember that every person you have touched are here with you every step of the way.

Sent by Susan Saoui | 9:26 PM | 7-18-2008

Dear Leroy,

You are the blog. You have been there for me each and every day of my shadow boxing with the beast. I haven't been able to meet you in person. But I've said before, as have others, if this blog is put into a book, we can, at last, hold you in our hands. We may have to let go of the daily ritual of 'talking with you.' But we need something to hold on to, literally, to touch and read and remember the teacher who appeared when we were ready.

peace to you and Laurie,

Pat

Sent by patricia benson | 9:38 PM | 7-18-2008

Leroy:

As I read the day's postings, I feel very selfish.

No, there isn't anyone who can replace you...ever. But the thought of this blog and all my e-friends disappearing at once puts me in total depression.

Like Laurie Hirth who logs on daily to stay connected to Neil, this is were I come to connect to my departed Burge. (In fact, this is the only site I log into with my busy schedule.) I know Burge isn't here, but my FRIENDS are and I need that connection with others who have been "left behind."

Losing you will be hard enough! But, even if some of my favorite people don't agree with me on this matter, how else will I know how Sasha is doing, or Bruce, or Elaine or Laurie Hirth, Sue, Ruth, Al, Stan, Jen, Liz, JCR, Brit, and on and on....and especially your Laurie.

Unfortunately, Laurie may not want to keep up the blog. She will be where we are, and there are days I can barely face things...days like today with the anniversary of Burge's death only a week away...let alone meet a writing deadline. But I'm sure the assignment can be passed to other capable people who will keep it alive and communicate with Laurie.

Others have said that without you, they are gone...but we won't really be "gone" and for those of us who rely on this blog to stay connected, it will be especially hard to say goodbye to a place we have become accustomed too being there when we just want to know others are there who understand where we are.

Sorry for not being positive. I don't want you to be in turmoil thinking of us at a time you need to be thinking of yourself. I know there are days now that you find it hard to work, but I suspect there are days that this blog keeps you going if only out of obligation. More than once, I have found "I suppose I must" has moved me to pleasant satisfaction.

NPR, however, is a different story. It will continue without me, or you or anyone on the blog, but as a public service/valuable resource, I would hope they will remember those of us who are still here on the cancer/grief treadmill and still need the contact.
Surely they can work something out even if it is a link to a place we can post to keep in touch.

Nikki

Sent by Nikki in Kansas | 9:47 PM | 7-18-2008

Leroy -

Rather than contemplate what is inevitable, just enjoy sharing each day. I continue to read daily, even though I seldom add comments, and I learn of the struggle which is cancer.

You've already won, my friend. You have created a legacy that will far outlive this blog, the benefit of which is immeasurable.

So no worries about the blog. Enjoy sharing one day at a time for as long as you choose to do so.

Andy

Sent by Andy Kearns | 10:51 PM | 7-18-2008

Leroy,

The big deal for us, I think, is that we know how you are should you be unable to continue the blog. We care about you and what happens to you is important to us.

Blessings.

Sent by Diana Kitch | 10:54 PM | 7-18-2008

Leroy...I'm not gong to think about it either. Much love to you and Laurie.
Wendy

Sent by Wendy | 11:07 PM | 7-18-2008

I feel guilty reading such truth from you. Your blog comforted me when I had cancer.
I don't anymore. I'm as healthy as a horse. So while I jump into the sunshine of life, you seem to be going in the shadows. I cry.
My husband is joyous my cancer 'scare' is gone and asks why I read this blog daily. I simply tell him, "I need Leroy to be okay too."
Just keep writing Leroy. When you can't anymore...don't. Then just join me in the sunshine, on the beach and we'll still have a grand ole time.

Sent by B.A. | 11:10 PM | 7-18-2008

This is your legacy. When it is done, it is done. A new one may start, but not under this name or location.

You have given us all a gift that we can never repay/ Honesty about cancer and everything that goes with it has helped us all. You let us into your journey and private thoughts and we shared ours.

I think it would be fitting to end this blog when you are no longer able to post. Whether it is 3 years from now or tomorrow.

Leroy, Thank you. Thank you for letting us be cancer patients, survivors, fighters, warriors with you.

Whatever the future holds, you have made a difference in many lives. Don't you forget that.

Late at night or in solitude. Remember us all, we are with you. One way or another.

warmest wishes and hugs.

Sent by Janis | 11:46 PM | 7-18-2008

Leroy,
That must be another difficult prospect to contemplate, ending the relationship with all these bloggers that you have shared your life with and who have compassion for you.
If it is appropriate, you could pass an idea onto your wife: she could be the intermediary when you can no longer type the keys.
I can tell from her poem she wrote that this is a tremendously difficult challenge for her. If it is within your vision and her inclination, it might be possible to have her continue the blog while you are here. That will give closure to all your friends here on the blog. If she cannot, maybe NPR will assign someone to take your telephone call or your wife's telephone call and report updates.
None of this may be practical, but it might be just what heals the broken hearts of many. Follow your inner road to know where this must lead.
If your wife is a public person, many might benefit if it is within her powers to continue sharing how cancer affects those left behind. That may be too much though for her or perhaps anyone to bear.
This blog itself shows your strength and how you are the true reporter all your life.
I cannot thank you enough for helping me to come to terms with the greatest challenge any human soul must face.
Allan

Sent by Allan | 12:33 AM | 7-19-2008

Leroy,
Where to start, I heard you on the radio the other day and added your link to our caring bridge that we have set up for a friend named Scott M. Baker.
Your personal insights and blog may help him work some things out too. His Cancer has returned only 30 days after finishing radiation and the news isn't good. I will try to keep this short, He is a soldier, Military insurance doesn't see chemo as a worthwhile thing so they are not interested in paying, thus the doctors are not interested in it either. The basic response we got was send him home with strong pain killers and let him self medicate....???
Or at least that is what I got from it all.
That doesn't address the point you made though, but does bring to mind a thought as we go thru this, something My mother heard that has/is making me deal with it better.
In Sunday School the children were asked why do we have to die? One exceptionally sweet innocent boy responded with these words... "So we can go visit with Jesus in heaven!" It brought tears to my eyes and solace to my soul. My hope is that it does the same for you. That being said, think of your readership level up there when you do exclusive interviews with Jesus. Eventually I know we all have to leave things behind, be they toys as a child, jobs as adults, or health as we age. Each required courage to Move forward to the next...the blog is one of those....a stepping stone to the next level...but to move to the next step we have to leave the last step behind us.... I don't know if this helps or answers any questions, but just felt the need to respond and write a little bit. Know our prayers are with you as they are with Scott.

Sent by Bubba | 2:12 AM | 7-19-2008

Hi Leroy,

I came to your blog 1 year ago. When I wasn't diagnosed with cancer...it was West Nile. I was very sick at 25 and googling "Bone scan" to help me figure out why I was in a wheelchair and undergoing many medical tests instead of grad school. Your blog about being tool big/tall for the machine was pitch perfect to what I had just experienced. Simply, it made every inch of my 6'2'' body laugh. Thank you .
Sick sucks!... but you showed me it did not have to be the end of humor.
As I improved every day I have read your blog and taked strength and many smiles from your struggles and your rants . You feel like a wry, kindered spirit. Please know how much you mean to those NOT in the "Cancer" tribe ...BUT who know what is like not to feel well but still crave a smile. Thanks for often filling the need and always giving me lots to thinks about.

Many mental hugs and thouands of gorgeous globs of frosting!

Sent by From another grateful tribe | 3:34 AM | 7-19-2008

Thank you, Leroy, thank you, Laurie. Your courage deeply moves me. My philosophy has been that yesterday is gone, tomorrow has not yet come so today, the NOW, is what is important. You are in the now and you cannot be replaced. I do hope your blog will continue for a long time as it gives us all courage to continue.
Nam Myoho Renge Kyo

Sent by Anita Elias | 6:40 AM | 7-19-2008

I am 59 years old and was diagnosed with Burkitt's Lymphoma in January and, after two rounds of chemo, one IVAC, have had two clear PET scans. It was hell and I thought I would never get better. It's hard to tell if you will get better and are too sick to feel it or you aren't expected to recover. My heart goes out to you. I'm new to this blog. When I am strong enough, I want to volunteer to help people just like you.

Sent by Susan Anderson | 12:43 PM | 7-19-2008

Leroy
I've been following your column for months and this is my first posting. I don't know why it took me so long to write. I think I've been afraid to get too close. Or that nothing I could say would bring you any peace, hope, or solace.
So instead, I want to share a story about my cancer hero: my dad. It might not be as entertaining as the Tour de France or bad sit-coms, but I hope it's a pleasant diversion.
My dad is battling stage four prostate cancer that's spread to his bones. He endured more than a year of chemo, even continuing after my mom -- his wife of 57 years -- suddenly passed away last May and he thought he had nothing left to live for. Then I gave my dad what I think was the best gift I have ever given him --I got married. I'm 47, and as old-fashioned as it sounds, I know he wanted to know that I was "taken care of" before he left this earth.
The few months leading up to the wedding were gut-wrenching as he fought three infections, one that sent him to the ER a week before the wedding. I don't think I've ever seen anyone more determined to get better.
As I took his arm for our walk down the aisle, he turned and said, "Well, I made it." And I replied, 'I never doubted it for a minute." And I didn't.
My mother was with me on my wedding day in spirit, but my dad was there in the flesh. And I'll have that memory forever.
God bless you and the amazing life you're leading. You remind me everyday that my dad isn't alone in his fight, and that helps me enormously. Thank you so very very much.

Sent by Ruth | 2:04 PM | 7-19-2008

archive it. it is, as others have said, a historical record of your personal experience. it's important. it need not grow past your ability to cultivate it. but it should continue to exist for posterity.

Sent by mary | 2:22 PM | 7-19-2008

I second what someone else wrote about not being able to imagine someone else in your place. Take the best care of you and share as much or as little as you wish as time goes on. You are unique and I appreciate you.

Sent by Beth S | 3:48 PM | 7-19-2008

Leroy, All i know is that really the simple things in life count the most--You have made a difference in my life and I can't imagine anyone else doing the blog. It has always been the nicest connection to have with you and Laurie and all the writers. It's not over yet, Leroy, try to be patient and go with the flow, you are still strong mentally and physically, it's not over yet. Although I did like the humor of cancer being a requirement for a blogger position. Dark humor is okay, it helps us balance the realities.
Love from Sherri in Texas
BC dx 4-06

Sent by Sherri Eggleston | 4:03 PM | 7-19-2008

Leroy,
I've admired your writing since Nightline days, and truly can't imagine anyone filling your shoes so to speak. Though I don't have cancer, I follow your blog daily as your eloquent words touch and reach across the fence called cancer.
You have a incredible gift of words & expression you've been gracious in sharing with all. As you & Ted are fully aware, though a show may retain the name, the content is substantially changed once the principals have been replaced...The host & producer set the tone and consequently its success. They're irreplaceable to retain the form; as is this blog with you, Leroy...
With much gratitude

Sent by sheron - denver | 5:10 PM | 7-19-2008

Leroy; I have to say that I know that the day will come that my inbox will have a very sad message from your blog and I will be very honest that I will share more than a few tears but my friend, please don't be burdened by what will happen with us but know that you are not replaceable. You have allowed us to walk this journey with you, and we are doing just that. Just like Mitch and Morrie; we are hanging out on your every word as long as you feel like talking. We don't ever want to say goodbye but I am sure that we all want you to do whatever you want to do. I have always looked forward to reading your profound thoughts on living and have gleaned so much that I would be selfish to be asking for more than what you think you can do. Be at peace my friend, though we have never and it is very unlikely that we will ever meet, know that I have been praying for your heart and mind to be at peace with whatever decisions that you make. You are one of the bravest and most generous people that I know, you share your heart with us. Thank you. I can say that I love you; but like Morrie, you already know that. I wrote a song called Never Say Goodbye: a line says; "parting is just passing time until we are together again, so never say goodbye, let's just say 'til then." Love and peace from Denise

Sent by Denise from Ohio | 5:24 PM | 7-19-2008

Leroy,
Your blog will live on forever. But remember, it is your blog and yours alone! If you want to arrange to have it published sometime, go right ahead. What a magnificent legacy!
When you just cannot write anymore, you will be quite close to the end of your journey. From other support groups I've learned that what works best for most, is when we find that we have become too weak to type, we summon up that last bit of strength to type our (poorly spelled and somewhat disjointed) good-bye message to the many friends who shared and supported us throughout our journey. These final messages are so precious. Just, for example, "I've decided to call in hospice. I'll save you a place in heaven. Godspeed." After that, you can tell Laurie what to write for you.
I've learned through my hospice volunteer work, that hearing is the last human sense to go. I think that in your case, you will go down still telling your story!
I know that Laurie will somehow find the strength to give us updates as your time goes near. This will help her, as well, to know that she is not alone. Our hearts will be breaking right along with hers, and our replies will comfort her.
Although I've been fighting the beast for quite a bit longer than you have, for some reason, God is not done with me yet. I guess my job here on earth is not done.
Your job isn't done, either. You want so much to retain control. Good for you! Like me, you are trying to plan ahead for everything you can think of.
Never forget that you have made a difference in this world. I have a suspicion that those of us who reply to you are but a tiny percentage of patients, caregivers, and medical professionals, as well as teachers and students, who faithfully look forward to and read your words every day.
There are no right or wrong answers to the questions you have begun to raise. Just continue to do what feels right to you.
In my experience, my hospice patients who were near the end, were ready to go. 100% of these dear folks were at peace and ready to die. Their final hours were filled with love, and were painfree.
As an aside, I certainly don't mean to offend anyone with my personal spiritual beliefs. They work for me and that's all I know.
Please insist upon more effective pain management! There is no reason to suffer. Remember, you're a cancer patient. That's why the powerful narcotic drugs were developed. To help us live every day in as much comfort as possible. I had a patient who was a nurse. She just refused to take her morphine, feeling that it made her weak and might (God forbid!) make her become drug dependent. So what! Should your miracle occur, there is always rehab! However, most of us do not become addicted to the drugs which bring comfort to our days.
Enjoy the sunshine we're experiencing here on the East Coast.
Love and support,
Sue

Sent by Sue Mersic | 5:54 PM | 7-19-2008

Silly question.No one else could write this blog.I read it because of you.You sir are the reason all these people gather here.Thank-You.

Sent by sue | 9:34 PM | 7-19-2008

I've never written before, but now I feel compelled. You have been a presence in my life everyday for the past year. No one knows what is it like to live with terminal cancer unless you are going thru it yourself and I have needed to hear your words. To me, this column is you.....I need to know how you are doing...I don't know why, but it has become something much bigger than I can put into words.
Bless you. It is like you have looked into my soul and written the words for me.

Sent by Ramona | 9:54 PM | 7-19-2008

Leroy, you have become a tremendous blessing to all of us who read this. And, in turn, this blog has been a blessing.
And though we all know that one day you won't be here, this little blips of data will remain for all to read. I hope NPR archives this so anyone can come in and read it. It doesn't have to be an active blog, but all of the love and hope and fear and victories can remain to encourage and inspire the rest of us.
Much love and peace to you and yours.

Sent by GFC | 12:18 AM | 7-20-2008

I appreciate your concern over the future of the blog. I hope that NPR maintains a commitment so that this community can continue and perhaps grow. This space has been valuable to so many as evident in the postings and regular visits. The impact is clear. I wonder what an executive producer of Nightline to continue a hit program. Perhaps a format with co-moderators, Elizabeth Edwards, a medical practitioner, a caregiver, and a person living with cancer.
However, I am confident that whatever decision you personally make will be the correct one. Peaceful days to you.

Sent by Rochelle | 7:57 AM | 7-20-2008

I love Marilyn's comment, where she said that she never said "good-bye," but only "thanks." That's how I feel about you and this blog. I don't think I would feel it about another blogger, so I think the blog should just end when you can no longer continue it. At some point in the future, someone else might add an "afteword."

Sent by Liz | 2:32 PM | 7-20-2008

None of us will be here too much longer, when you honestly think about it. Some of us must leave sooner than others, hasn't it always been that way? My little son had only 2 days of life and I never even held him in my arms!
We all must go so why are we trying to think that life will not continue without us. I only wish that the researchers and doctors were more advanced for having found some cures instead of "fancy designer drugs" After all these years that I have lived, I resent the fact that all the money and attention given to Cancer has not been met with more success! Maybe
THAT is the truly sad part.Leroy, please just be around as long as possible for us all. We love you.
PS: I know I am an old "stick in the mud" but I DO take offense to the few of your bloggers who insist on saying, "Cancer S---s" Dpes that expression make you or any of us feel any better? It is so crude and not worthy of this loving family of Leroy's folowers. Other Blogs maybe, but not Leroy's"

Sent by J C R | 3:20 PM | 7-20-2008

Leroy,
I agree with the others. This is YOUR blog, YOUR life. I can't imagine anyone replacing you because it simply would not be you. You are what makes this blog and it is you with whom we have formed this relationsip. I do hope that when the time comes when you are no longer able to write this blog that someone will keep us posted. We love you and care about you. You are a part of our lives.
P.S. If a written book is not an option I do hope like the others that NPR will somehow archive your blog. I have already gone back to the beginning and am reading through the entries again. What a gift you have given and continue to give to us.

Sent by Janie | 5:46 PM | 7-20-2008

Hi Leroy,
Since early 2005, I have faced the beast. Gone through lots of procedures, prodings, hospital stays and major surgery. After all this, today I am still not very comfortable with what doctors tell me. I think it's a natural feeling after being invaded by the "beast". Though our human spirit fights to continue living, Utimately all any of us can do is depend on a higher power. God Bless you for your efforts to this point in time!

Sent by Vic | 6:51 PM | 7-20-2008

Leroy, I have been a silent observer since the very beginning of your blog, and this is my first post. I have been deeply moved by your triumphs and struggles, and I am so grateful that you have shared your questions, thoughts, and vulnerabilities. When the time comes, I think Laurie should post your "good-bye" message and let things be. I cannot imagine anyone else taking over, nor do I think it's necessary. However, there are so many of us who will remember and honor all you have done for our souls. Warmly, SW

Sent by SnazzyWoman | 7:54 PM | 7-20-2008

Leroy,
I agree with so many that no one can take over for you. You are this blog. You will live forever in our hearts and minds through your writings. Those that are fortunate to know you will carry on more of you in their hearts, thoughts and memories. I will never forget you.
That being said, don't give up. You are still strong and your family dearly loves and needs you. You are a blessing in their lives. You are LOVED.
I wish you peace dear man. I also write about my battle with cancer. My blog ( http://howidealwithwhatiwasdealt.blogspot.com ) holds my fears. It contains my anguish of a permanently changed future. I am in remission now and I am thankful.
Thank you for being you.
Laurie in Montana

Sent by Laurie | 12:31 AM | 7-21-2008

Hm. What an opportunity this would be for someone. My initial thought was "NO", this blog is about your journey...but there is such a need. It would be wonderful if a family member (? I'm thinking a parent of a child with cancer) could pick it up for you. It would be the other side of the story, but -as this blog has been a source of support for you- a gift to them as well.

Sent by Maureen McEachen | 2:59 AM | 7-21-2008

Your blog will end, after Laurie shares her dealings with the end of her loved-one's life (if she would be willing to do so). That may take days, weeks, months, a year. It's the full circle in CA World. Then perhaps the blog should be edited into a book, for future members of CA World. You have shared such incredible experiences that many of us have had, but put them into the written form that few of us can do. It has been a valuable conversation for hundreds, if not thousands, of us. Your insights (and those of your readers) are so beneficial, that they should be shared with the future.
My Uncle Joe just lost his very brief fight with CA this week-end. He and his wife both learned from your blog, as have I during my struggle (now CA-free for 21 months). Please share your life with the future.

Sent by Dr. Lynn | 11:39 AM | 7-21-2008

Leroy:
I agree with Barbara K. You have created a wonderful, supportive community; I would like to see it continue if you wish it to continue.

Sent by Bob A. | 12:01 PM | 7-21-2008

I've read some of the posts, above, in which people urge you not to worry about how this blog may or may not go on after you are no longer able to write. I think I know where they are coming from, but I can also say - as someone who's been blogging myself - that I understand how you may see this community you've gathered, here in the ether, as part of your legacy. Indeed it is. And so I can well understand how it will continue to be on your mind, even after you reach the point that pressing medical issues demand all your attention.
I agree with the suggestions, above, that this blog should end when you are no longer with us, but that there be something like a "My Cancer Too" blog in which some other cancer survivor (or survivors) continue to keep the community in touch with one another.
My 2 cents, anyway.
And thanks for the inestimable gift you have given all of us.
Carl Wilton
"A Pastor's Cancer Diary"
http://www.cewilton.blogspot.com

Sent by Carl Wilton | 2:01 PM | 7-21-2008

I've (sort of) faced the same question, since I run a e-mail discussion group on-line relating to CLL. I've asked a couple of other interested parties to keep it going once I can't do that anymore. It will work well, I think.
(Though I haven't thought about what happens when THEY can't do it anymore...)
Personally, I'd just leave it as is, let Laurie update it with your condition, and when it is time, just keep it on the web so others can read about you for years to come.

Sent by Scott S. | 3:02 PM | 7-21-2008

I just found this blog. I weep now for the healing that didn't come as the beast claimed my loved one and the one that eats my heart still.
Thank you for letting us walk with you.

Sent by sarah | 7:32 PM | 7-21-2008

Leroy,
I have been reading this blog since you were on television with your friend Ted Koppel. There would be times when I missed a week here or there, and I would be afraid to check for fear you had stopped writing.
I know someday you may not be able to keep this up, and I for one will be deeply saddened. You have talked about so many things and shared so much of yourself, that only can be shared by people who really understand what it is like to live with cancer. Even though I do not know you personally, I feel very close to you because of this blog. I wish like others that it could go on forever, but we will all have to deal with whatever happens when that time comes.
I pray for you Leroy, and I hope that when you do choose to enter into Hospice care, that you find peace and comfort in the care that they are able to provide.
God be with you!

Sent by Karen | 12:08 AM | 7-22-2008

Leroy,
I read your blog on and off since it started, and more seriously after my mother's diagnosis two months ago.
It seems to me that it's YOUR blog. You describe a lot of things that are universal, but you write about them from your point of view. Someday the day will come when the question has to be answered. (We all face these questions. Some of us just face them sooner and see them coming.) Maybe the option will be to get a new blog. Perhaps this space will have to be left unfilled. But I don't see someone stepping in to fill your shoes.
Write the blog for tomorrow. Hope for the day after that. Relay words to Laurie if possible (and if she's willing) when you need to--I know a friend who blogs that way when his cancer is too much. Beyond that, tomorrow will take care of itself.

Sent by nvaine | 1:08 AM | 7-22-2008

Leroy,
It has taken me awhile to read everyone's comments on this topic. We are all so concerned for how you are doing now. I hope we will hear from you/Laurie as long as possible.
I disagree with those who say "I'm outta here" when you can't blog anymore.
While I agree that it is your blog and should be preserved as such, I hope NPR will create a follow-on for this special community you have created. Hopefully whatever follows will be at least 1/2 as successful as your wonderful blog.
I continue to pray for you and come here every day as I have from the beginning.
I wish you well.

Sent by Geoff | 2:06 PM | 8-6-2008

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