'Morning Leroy,

Question, have you considered seeing an anesthesiologist for pain management? Just a thought. Are you taking your pain meds on a regular schedule and not just when needed? Maybe there is something to take in between the heavy stuff to minimize the pain before it starts to escalate? Just another thought. We all understand OW! It does what is supposed to do, stops us.

You "sound" a bit better this morning, maybe it is just the early hour of the day. Take care of that body! It is the only one you have. :)

Sent by Sue Chap | 7:17 AM ET | 07-17-2008

My Dad used to say something similar - there is only one way out of this world and therefore we should not fear death. I think act accordingly is do what you can; more what you can do at this point, tell those who you care about a lot and love that you do and possibly make any ammends that need to be made. I cannot imagine that you have not done all that needs to be done; just DO WHAT YOU WANT TO DO AND CAN DO from now on. Take care dearest leroy and of course much love to laurie.

Jan

Sent by Janice Goldberg White | 7:46 AM ET | 07-17-2008

It seems to say that we should never take one another for granted. We should treat each other as though this may be the last time we see each other. Surrender to the richness of being vulnerable and receptive to the joys and pains of life. In a vulnerable state, the pain someone can inflict on us is exquisite and piercing, but oh, the quality, the depth and breadth of joy experienced in that same state is both exquisite and all-encompassing!
I think love teaches us this. We can spend our lives with someone and never truly surrender our hearts to them, and subsequently feel unfulfilled in the relationship, often blaming it on the other person. But if we have the courage to surrender our whole heart to the experience of loving that person, we truly experience heaven on earth.

Sent by Leonard from Alabama | 8:06 AM ET | 07-17-2008

Four years ago I quit my job to take care of my kids. I had one rule for myself: no TV during the day.

So from about 8am until I have made dinner I have NPR on.

I stream it on my laptop and change between WAMU (in DC), WHYY (Philadelphia) and WNYC (guess where). If am not interested in some topic, I change the station.

It has kept me challenged, sans TV.

If I posted this before when you have written, frustrated about the state of TV today, I apologize.

Sent by Liz L. | 8:09 AM ET | 07-17-2008

Its funny how the days are so long for people when they're in pain, for my wife it's the nights, she dreads the onset on the night. The chemo drugs and the side effects seem to be managable during the day when she can keep her mind occupied, but at night when she has to slow down and has less to occupy her, the pain sets in and grabs hold of her making it hard getting through till the next day. Keep on trucking and watching that daytime TV.

Sent by Terrell W in Bay City Tx | 8:15 AM ET | 07-17-2008

Funny, I have watched "The Departed" just as many times. I think the "act accordingly" is pretty much code for "live like there is no tomorrow." I always look at life as its own diagnosis, and the way you choose treatment--entirely up to the individual.
I'm keeping you in my thoughts.

Sent by Kathleen, NJ | 8:20 AM ET | 07-17-2008

Dear Leroy,
I'm writing in response to your question about when to start hospice. The best advice that I can give about hospice is that they're not all the same. I wish we had checked out a few different ones. Hospices are as different as the individuals that work for them. The social worker that worked with us was not a warm, fuzzy person. She had an abrasive style from the start. Friends said that I should ask for a different social worker but I didn't want to start any trouble. In the end, I was sorry that I hadn't gotten someone else. If possible, you and Laurie should interview a few different organizations. I was also surprised to learn that the home hospice nurse will provide as much medicine as you need but will not administer it. That is left to the family and it can be very stressful. Find out what kind of care the nurses can provide. I had to hire a private duty nurse to give us a hand. I hope I have helped in some way.

Sent by Elaine | 8:40 AM ET | 07-17-2008

I watched 2-3 years of Lost, the TV show, while on chemo. I highly recommend DVD's. Remember when you wanted to just watch movies all the time? Now you can! The series Weeds is very funny. And if I were having chemo again, I'd watch the many Sex and the City shows. You can even travel with National Geographic or learn history. Escape Leroy.

Sent by Ann | 8:42 AM ET | 07-17-2008

Jack Nicholson Story.

Years ago my friend told me the story of her friend who had gone into a Maine shop for an ice cream. The crowded shop atmosphere suddenly seemed excited and she eventually noticed it was because Jack Nicholson was in line behind her. As coolly as she could she conducted her business, put her change in her purse and just walked passed Mr. Nicholson. But when she got outside she suddenly realized she didn't have her Ice Cream. Bravely she returned to retrieve her cone. But when she excused herself to ask the clerk "Where's my Cone"? A Ray-Ban clad chesser cat smiling still in line Mr. Nicholson volunteered....

"It's in your purse"

Hold Fast & Act accordingly with all the endowed latitude of our circumstances.

Don MacLeod

Sent by Don MacLeod | 8:45 AM ET | 07-17-2008

Leroy, Seek Hospice when you feel it is time. You should know when it is time. My mother, who fought cancer for two years, knew. She just did. My thoughts are with you. God Bless.

Sent by townie7890 | 8:45 AM ET | 07-17-2008

"Act accordingly" = live life to the fullest!!!!

Sent by Deb from Michigan | 8:48 AM ET | 07-17-2008

Act accordingly. Prepare yourself for the inevitable. Live your life to prepare yourself for Heaven.

Say, about the Tour de France. If you want to know what goes on in bike racing read Lance Armstrong's book. I think it's called It's Not About the Bike: My Journey Back to Life. It's not only about his cancer journey but he really talks about bicycle racing. I would have never guessed there was so much to it. Good book anyway.

Why are you trying to rush your days Leroy?

God bless you.

Judy

Sent by Judy Voller | 9:00 AM ET | 07-17-2008

Dear Leroy,

I didn't see the film, but it seems to me that to "act accordingly" is just what you are doing - truly living every day, being present in the moment.

I'd like to suggest one of my all time favorite films - it is the original Japanese version of "Shall We Dance." It will make you empathize, laugh and want to hug Laurie at the end! My husband and I returned to see it again the week it came to our town in theaters some years ago.

I hoping you are more comfortable today.

Linda in West Texas

Sent by Linda | 9:01 AM ET | 07-17-2008

Leroy, thinking about you and Laurie today. I had to kind of smile this morning reading your words. The respons "act accordingly" does kind of leave you wondering doesn't it. Try to have a good day. The spunk shows through.

Sent by dorothy in oregon | 9:11 AM ET | 07-17-2008

I was shocked to see "Sliding Doors" on cable the other night. That is worthy to watch if you get the chance. Remeber what the Python boys say, "Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition". Maybe those are easier words to follow and understand.

Hugs.

Sent by Lori | 9:19 AM ET | 07-17-2008

I think it means act & live like you know you are dying. There is a country western song that also has that as it message. We are all on our way out just some of us know it may be sooner rather than later, but we should all act like we are dying!! I have to ask why there has been no mention of Tony Snow's death on this blog. Since my husband's diagnosis, we have attached ourselves to several people who also had cancer. Some were family, some friends, & some like you new friends through the media. Every time one of these people died, it was like a part of us died. If people were still hanging in there, it seemed to give us encouragement. I know that sounds crazy, but it is true. I must confess almost all have passed on except for you & my husband & I hurry every morning to check on you like I listen for my husband's breathing every morning. Crazy yes, but I am always encouraged & smile as I read your note & know you are still here with us. Have a good day & I'll look for you tomorrow.

Sent by Kathy | 9:23 AM ET | 07-17-2008

We are big Tour de France fans. Three years ago when I was first diagnosed and had surgery I watched the several times a day it was shown. I could fall asleep and they would still be riding. My son went to several stages in 2004.

This year I am dealing with a clinical trial that makes me tired and I don't really feel well on it. Back to the Tour de France! There is a comforting rhythm. Plus I love the French country side.

Next week I will find out if I can stay on the clinical trial or not. If my CT scan doesn't show more than 10% progression I will be able to stay on. But do I want to? I know this is one of the last options but I don't think I want to feel like this until the end. I will wait to see if I even have the option until I put too much energy into this decision.

In the meantime we have the Tour de France and then we will have the Olympics. I have visited Bejing so I am looking forward to seeing all the new buildings, etc. After that we have the democratic convention and the US Open Tennis. Not a bad summer to lay around. Peace

Sent by Dona | 9:24 AM ET | 07-17-2008

If you haven't seen it yet, Julia Sweeney's - God Said Ha! She says it how it really is.

Sent by beth | 9:27 AM ET | 07-17-2008

Morning L & L,

I really have no comments about cancer anymore...no thoghts to impart these days. Sometimes I think we have said it all here ..
So, my friend I will wish you a grweat day this day, a great moment this moment...act accordingly.

Liz Z

Sent by liz Zimmerman | 9:34 AM ET | 07-17-2008

Imagining you're in another place is a wonderful idea. After my diagnosis, I enrolled in a meditation class for cancer survivors, one of the best things I did for my general health and mental well-being. I imagined myself in different places (the seashore along the Pacific and a field in Sequoia National Park are among my favorites) --and asked myself why I had to have cancer to develop this helpful skill.
Everyone is thinking of you and Laurie and sending you both, in our imaginations and yours, to beautiful locations to ease your pain.

Sent by Roz | 9:34 AM ET | 07-17-2008

Act accordingly..I think most of us act as if death is not real, as if it cannot come at any time. I think it also says we would do well to accept this reality and make peace with it, not struggle so hard in resisting. This does not imply resignation. Perhaps it implies if we can reach a point of acceptance and peace we then have the gift of enjoying the people in our life, spending our days free of worry, enjoying what time we have left.

Sent by judy | 9:36 AM ET | 07-17-2008

I can just hear Jack Nicholson saying, "We all are. Act accordingly." It is, as you say, a line that is both cold and tender; and it embodies the eternal mystery of death and the fact that we're all going to die. On the other side of that door are the answers to the age old questions that no man can know before he travels there.
The mind is a wondrous and terrible thing, capable of lifting you up and out of a bad situation, and equally capable of tormenting you to an untimely end--and everything in between the two. The mind can enable you even as the body fails. I hope, Leroy, that your mind will lift you up and out of the pain; and I hope you will be at peace.
Wishing you love...

Sent by Linda Lee | 9:43 AM ET | 07-17-2008

Hey, here's a suggestion. Instead of daytime TV, what about renting a movie from iTunes, or watching something from unbox on Amazon. Surely your friends much have lots of DVD's that you can enjoy. A friend gave me the Frazier series from year one on and it really made me laugh. How about looking at the Sopranos or The West Wing again? I lost the ability to concentrate on reading a book, but after awhile I found that a really good book engaged me enough to make the time fly by.

Sent by Jacqueline Roose | 9:47 AM ET | 07-17-2008

I am getting so excited... the British Open starts today! Finally, I will have some "good" Tv to watch, and hopefully see some old friends!
Enjoy today for today is the present and tomorrow is a gift!
Peace and prayers as always!

Sent by Laurie Hirth | 10:04 AM ET | 07-17-2008

To me, "act accordingly," means to treat people how we would want to be treated; because if we don't, we will hear about it later -- big-time. Just yesterday I admonished myself for getting ticked off at the tortoise driver in front of me. What the heck does their slow speed matter in the long run? I wondered if I will ever learn. Lord, I hope so. I think act accordingly means to try and do what you can (in your own way) to make the world a better place while you're here (which means lots of things; even as minimal as not getting torked at slow-poke drivers). I think it means to try (and try and keep trying again) to banish the large and the small negativities from our consciousness. It means to help others when/where we can. You are doing that with this blog, Leroy, and I thank you for it.

p.s. LOVE the ice cream in a hand bag story, Don!

Sent by Karen Laven | 10:05 AM ET | 07-17-2008

Maybe a dumb question, but are you in the house all day by yourself watching TV? Sounds like you could use some company, if only to play cards, chess something. Depending on your pain and your posture, something other than TV and movies might be good. Or, if you're up to it, someone to take you for a drive in a comfy car. Too much in the house by yourself is not a good thing

My husband watched too much of it, and sometimes it wasn't because it was all that he could do. But many days, working on models or drawing or similar was an option and better for the head.

And agree with poster regarding pain medicine. You want enough of the right kind to dull it, but I sure understand not wanting so much that you are zoned and dulled out. Sounds like yours need tweaking...

Sent by Teri | 10:08 AM ET | 07-17-2008

I liked Linda Lee's answer to the "Act accordingly". The spiritual side says..love God and love each other--period. The human side says "I can look back with few regrets...even the mistakes, something was learned from them. Peace in knowing you spent your life well..used your talents to the best of your ability and that you hurt no one intentionally. If you have, that you asked and received forgiveness. Amen!

Sent by Jo Ann Baswell (formerally Margate, FL) | 10:12 AM ET | 07-17-2008

Hi Leroy,
I am sorry that you are in so much pain, I truly understand how it feels because as I am writing this I have just been awoken by horriable pain and have reached for my pain meds. I used to feel bad about taking as much as I do but my doctor finally drilled into me was that pain can get out of control and once it does,its' hard to manage. So like on the bottle when it says take 1-2 every 6 hours I do so and it helps stave away the times where I just want to roll up in a ball and cry.
A few years ago, I went to a pain management class. I took away some items that have helped me. I try not to watch much TV unless it is comedies...I buy comedy DVD's and laughing really does help on the bad days. Jeff Dunham tapes are pretty silly and can take your mind off your pain. I also learned that I can distract myself from the pain...it gets easy because we hurt so bad to just sit, so I got a table easle and I paint. I am no Picasso but I paint how I am feeling or sometimes the flowers and hummingbirds that are just outside my windows. The pain painting where I actually paint myself curled up in a ball resting my head on a bottle of pain meds while being wrapped in barbed wire gave me a chance to get out the frustration of the pain and it also is a vehicle to discuss what I am feeling with my loved ones.
My point is meditate, read, watch some comedy, or just do something if you can to distract yourself from the pain...and keep your medicinces in you at a constatant level so the pain does not get unmanagable.
I wish you some peace today and always.
Miriam

Sent by Miriam | 10:19 AM ET | 07-17-2008

Dear Leroy
About 18 years ago I almost died from malaria. It was incredibly painful and the only thing that helped the pain was meditation. This also helped calm the violent shaking that came over me at night. Do you think this would help you?
All my love and thoughts to you and Laurie.

Sent by Tina from Alton IL | 10:30 AM ET | 07-17-2008

I believe that "act accordingly" means follow our instincts. Nothing is up to chance or coincidence. We already know instinctively what needs to be done in any given circumstance. We need to just "do it".

Sent by Sandra Veach | 10:33 AM ET | 07-17-2008

Might you have the patience for music? books on tape? Just a thought...Peace...

Sent by Sandra Yudilevich | 10:34 AM ET | 07-17-2008

Leroy,

I find myself concerned about your pain. I don't think you have to hurt like this with proper pain management. That could come from a pain management specialist, a neurologist (surgical nerve cutting),or (here I go again) hospice. Whatever your choice, I urge you to avail yourself of some form of pain control. All of us want your last days, weeks, months, whatever to be easy physically. I believe that much is doable.

Blessings.

Sent by Diana Kitch | 10:41 AM ET | 07-17-2008

Dear Leroy,

"Act accordingly" to me means "make an impact." "Leave a mark." "Do the right thing." (Jack's character probably doesn't agree with this last one.) You have done that for me in a way for which I cannot thank you enough. Your story, the Living With Cancer piece, this blog, have pointed me toward one of your JH doctors with whom I will meet for the first time on July 30. I have breast cancer with lung mets. I am one of about 25 people worldwide who have ever had mets from my type of cancer since it was first noticed in 1945. My cancer doesn't respond to chemo, and I have too many tumors for radiation. One of them is very close to my heart, so surgery is not an option. I will be traveling from New Jersey to see Dr. Georgiades, who will perform the RFA procedure and hopefully kill all 4 tumors in my right lung, saving the other 3 in my left for another day. Because my cancer is so slow growing, this could buy me decades.

When I think of your struggle, and how you have shared your thoughts, questions, pain, your life, I am overcome with empathy, gratitude and faith in the human spirit. That, my friend, is "acting accordingly."

Much love to you,
Kathy

Sent by Kathy Seeley | 10:53 AM ET | 07-17-2008

I love the Nicholoson character's line and thank you for sharing it, Leroy. Have not seen the movie and would have missed that line but for your blog. I think "accordingly" has customized meaning for each person hearing/reading that line. To me it means understand this ride in this body is finite, and to soak it up, interact with gusto, and view it as valuable. To the next person, the meaning might be way different. But remembering that, as my long-ago friend Loretta used to remind me, "We didn't NONE of us come here to stay!" helps me not so easily slip into heedlessness or neglect of this gift. And being ready to let it go whenever the time arises, also helps me love it while I have it.

That same line may not be meant to light everyone up. But I did hear that Kiefer Sutherland has a 2 hour prequel for 24 coming out in November. Something you might enjoy looking forward to?

Sent by Sarah | 10:57 AM ET | 07-17-2008

Netflix has saved me from bad t.v., they have some great British series and movies, documentaries etc.... Its a good alternative I recommend.

Sent by jenngie | 11:01 AM ET | 07-17-2008

Leroy and Laurie-
When you two met up, the sun shined brighter for all of us. God Bless You two.

Say, here's a change of viewing. Go to American Experience Online on PBS, and watch "Grand Central". The history of railroads and the Grand Central. It's a great documentary, and will not just past the time, it will enhance your time.

Also, MadTV online (You Tube), has some "Lorraine" episodes. The one with her at the dentist, was the best slap stick I've seen in a long time.

Love to you both.

Sent by Gail | 11:03 AM ET | 07-17-2008

Leroy, those of us with cancer are all just trying to "act accordingly". It's that place you come to when you realize that life is far too short, so make the most of it. I just wish it didn't take getting hit by a mack truck (cancer) to finally get that. What was I thinking when I let the little things in life bother me. I regret that. Now I would really know how to "live accordingly" but my time is short and I'm tired of chemo. So for whatever time is left, I'm living my best life now.

Kate

Sent by Kate in California | 11:08 AM ET | 07-17-2008

I recommend "It's Not About the Bike," by Lance Armstrong. I read it while in the hospital after surgery, waking up early and in pain and turning on the TV to the Tour de France, where I had no idea about strategy. Of course, Lance got rid of his cancer, and we aren't going to ... but, what the hell

Sent by allen | 11:08 AM ET | 07-17-2008

Hey Leroy & Laurie,
My postings haven't been making "the list" here lately, are they monitored for content??? Perhaps I've been a bit edgy these days....

None the less, knowing you are a movie buff I have a few suggestions:
Little Miss Sunshine: Fabulous!
Blades of Glory: vapid & hysterical!
Super Bad: wouldn't relive High School for a million bucks unless these two were going to be there.
Anger Management: Nicholson at his silliest with the king of silly, Adam Sandler
The Office: start from the pilot and laugh your way up to "Toby's Party", so funny it's criminal.
Comedy infusion time!!

Laurie: yesterday I was having a glass of ice tea with a girlfriend while we watched the kids in the pool. I poured an extra glass for you, you may not have been "here" in NH but you were having girlfriend time yesterday around 3:30pm. Want you to know you are thought of fondly, everyday.
Love to you both,
Debra

Don MacLeod: too funny!!!!

Leroy: as for the "act accordingly", since I have a couple of teenagers and a little one the term gets used quite often. I don't think it has the same profound Nicholson impact, as we usually mean "don't be a knucklehead". Just another take. :)

Sent by Debra in New Hampshire | 11:10 AM ET | 07-17-2008

Dear Leroy,

Thinking of you today, and everyday, with prayers and love. Peace.

Sent by Connie | 11:11 AM ET | 07-17-2008

One last thing about hospice. Which is when you want hospice. I was not the one with cancer and the only thing that bothered me was that I never was without hospice. People were in my house day and night 24 - 7 and I had a terrible time getting use to the fact, I had no privacy. But, it wasn't for me and it gave me more time to just love Ashton without admistering anything. I got use to it. The one time they left me on Thanksgiving day I had to call them back because I got scared, I couldn't do what they had been doing.

I read some of the things people say to you and I realize they have not experienced the pain, all the trials, experiments, when you are asked have you tried this or that. YES YOU HAVE. IF THERE WAS ANYTHING ELSE FOR YOU I AM SURE YOU WOULD TRY THAT ALSO. I just pray that God will bless you for all you have done for other people. I hope others will never experience what you have gone through. YOU ARE SO UP EVERY DAY, MORE THAN YOU KNOW. MOST OF US WOULD BE POOR ME, BUT NOT YOU. GOD BLESS

Sent by MAVIS | 11:17 AM ET | 07-17-2008

Leroy - Ask your doctor to prescribe a morphine like product as a basic pain killer, and then soluable morphine pills for "break through" pain. This helped my mom. The amount had to be fine tuned since it could make her loopy. Keep trying to find something that will help with the pain...
I wish you and yours peace..

Sent by None | 11:24 AM ET | 07-17-2008

Maybe "act accordingly" is somewhat like "getting your affairs in order", Leroy...I wish you happy thoughts and hope you can escape the pain!!! love and hugs!

Sent by tess from ky | 11:26 AM ET | 07-17-2008

My husband, Tom, used to be a bike racer. In fact, he postponed his cancer treatments in order to complete his racing series and wore his hard-won gold medal to his first chemo treatment. The Tour de France became his cancer lingo...oftentimes referring to it (cancer) as merely a bump in the road. Then as time went on, he would tell people he hadn't yet reached the Alpe d'Huez...the most agaonizing, hard mountain climb in the Tour. Leroy, I think you are now climbing Alpe d'Huez. This blog site of yours is the crowd that lines both sides of the road cheering you on. Some of us truly understand the grueling ascent and we are yelling our fool heads off for you. Viva la Tour! Viva Leroy!

Sent by Carol | 11:28 AM ET | 07-17-2008

Leroy, you sound worn out. How would you like to live your days? If TV, ideally what programs? If not TV, then how? Knowing that painfree is not an option and, if you could have anything you wanted at this point, what would you like that would ease your days?

Sent by Hanna | 11:39 AM ET | 07-17-2008

It's true about keeping covered with your pain meds, Leroy. Pat's dr. called it 'break-through' pain. Once the real pain comes back, it's hard to catch up to the place you were. According to the dr. if the directions say 'every 6 hours' there's not a big problem taking your next dose in 5 hours 45 minutes.

I think that 'act accordingly' means to live as if this is your last day. Grab life with gusto, say I love you a lot. None of us know when our end will be and we shouldn't sit comfortably thinking that we have all the time in the world--I don't have cancer but I could get hit by a bus today while I'm out shopping. I had a freak accident last year on my old pontoon boat. It was tied up, I had just had it delivered for the summer. I went to move the tilt in the back and found myself upside down in the water, my foot caught on the motor. I remember thinking, what a stupid way to die. I really think Pat saved me that day, I don't know why my foot came loose and I could right myself and breathe. Look how quickly I could have been gone.

Live today and every day as if it's your last. It just might be.

Sent by Kathy B. from Michigan | 11:50 AM ET | 07-17-2008

Leroy-
Yes, I remember those days all too vividly. I went to TV to forget and couldn't believe how often the stations replay certain movies. ugh

Act accordingly, I think the meaning of that changes throughout your life. At this point in my life, it means focus on myself and my loved ones. If the rest of the world would like my attention, it will get it when I feel like that's what I want to do.

Sometimes I wonder if this blog helps you or is a burden. I would hope that you would not feel compelled to write if you don't want to. At this point, it should all be about you and what you want to do - connect with loved ones, veg out in front of the tv, go somewhere happy, stare out the window, listen to the radio, thumb through trashy magazines, etc. Whatever, you feel like without any feeling of judgement.
I think we all understand those feelings of, "I just don't want to do this right now."
Today, I am feeling the effects of faslodex. I wake up with migraines, nausea and general intense fatique. My 9 and 4 year olds try to help, so I try to make them feel like I appreciate it, which of course I do on some level. But right now, I am going to go lie down and try to find my happy place. That's what I want to do right now.

My blessing go to you and Laurie, Leroy.
Do what you want to do right now (every day).
Kathy Bero, WI

Sent by Kathy Bero | 11:53 AM ET | 07-17-2008

Leroy,

I have worked in Oncology for many years. Hospice is used for pain control also. It doesn't need to reflect how long you have but how the days are going.

Here, people are sometimes admitted or have home hospice for the time they need to get over a rough patch. Others stay longer. Either way, pain relief and a supportive staff can make all the difference. There are many "pain cocktails" available that will help take away the anxiety and anticipation of pain as well as the actual pain. They can be managed to give you the most pain relief and the greatest amount of alertness. It allows you to have some control and quality.

My prayers are with you. The decision to enter hospice or home hospice isn't irrevocable. You may change your plan as circumstances change for you. Support is also given to Laurie as the whole family is going through this together.

My thoughts are with you for comfort and peace.

Mary

Sent by Mary Eisenfeld | 11:54 AM ET | 07-17-2008

Hello Leroy! What I get out of that line is this...DO WHAT YOU NEED TO DO. Live it up and have NO REGRETS! "act accordingly" in my opinion just means, given the situation at hand, "act accordingly"...do what YOU think is BEST! And only YOU can know that!

With love Leroy and my thoughts and prayers are with you!

xo Cristina

Sent by Cristina Barthel in Tampa, FL | 12:03 PM ET | 07-17-2008

Act accordingly, hmm? My first reaction was, it means "be kind" -- but then I read what Leonard from Alabama wrote and loved it. The idea of making ourselves vulnerable, willing to experience pain as we open up to joy.That sounds much better to me than crossing off items on a Bucket List...

I'm thinking of you and Laurie with love, hoping your pain will ease and there will be some great and memorable moments today for both of you.

Sent by Doris | 12:04 PM ET | 07-17-2008

Dear Leroy,
I'm sorry to hear that you are still having pain despite the medication. As a caretaker, I am in charge monitering my hustand's pain meds. He too, cannot get comfortable even when he is pumped up with medication. This whole situation is just horrific and unfortunately, unless they come up with a cure for this beast soon, things will inevitably get worse. I hope I have as much courage and strength as Laurie. She is an inspiration to all of us. God bless you and Laurie and I hope the pain meds kick in and alleviate some of your pain.

Prayers to all.

Sent by sasha | 12:12 PM ET | 07-17-2008

Hi Leroy and all.

The Sioux had a prayer/war cry as they went into batlle that was Hoka Hey! - roughly translated "It is a good day to die! It also meant, it is a good day to live as fully as possible. Both I and a good friend whose struggle wit cancer has been a good deal more difficult and painful than my own, agree, He is fond of saying that birth is a terminal diagnosis. Most folks seem to flee from that insight. Those of us who have to face it straight onknow that we are called to make every moment count in the best way we can, whether by working, writing, resting or spending time with friends, loved ones or (God save us) daytime tv.

Keep on keeping on
John Shippee

johnshippee@hotmail.com

Sent by John Shippe | 12:12 PM ET | 07-17-2008

Being stuck with daytime TV is pretty depressing. I vote for Liz' idea of streaming NPR--that's what I do too on days I work at home (on the tasks when I don't need silence).

When I was really ill and recovering from rad and chemo and on pain meds that made me too woozy to read, I remember watching all of Wimbledon--which I'd never done before--so I can see how you'd get hooked on Tour de France. I also loved watching the shows on HDTV, though I'd never watched them before and have hardly ever watched them since. Something satisfying to me about seeing a few healthy people get some big project done remodelling or repainting a room. It gave me lots of ideas for stuff I wanted to do when I got better (some of which I've actually done since). And it ws more interesting than most of the other daytime TV!

Sent by N.R. | 12:20 PM ET | 07-17-2008

Hi Leroy,
I agree with Ann -- if you haven't watched the TV show "Lost" you can buy or rent the DVDs for the first three seasons. My husband and I didn't watch the show when it was on TV, but we bought the DVD's and watched whenever we wanted. I think both you and Laurie would enjoy it. And -- it will give you something to live for!! -- hopefully the fourth season will be out on DVD by Christmas, and then the 5th & 6th seasons will be showing the next two years -- you'll have to be here to find out what happens next!
You were great on NPR last week. Some of your favorite things are the same as mine -- besides family and friends, a great bottle of wine, a good book, a good movie, and peanut butter/chocolate ice cream. Hope you get to enjoy some of those today.

Sent by Teresa from Missouri | 12:20 PM ET | 07-17-2008

Dear Leroy,

So good to read your voice this morning! (And so hilarious to read Don MacLeoud's Jack Nicholson story! I'm gonna pass that one on ...!)

I hope that your TV viewing improves today, and that your comfort level is restored.

I'll add my perspective on what I see as Mr. Nicholson's admonition to "Act accordingly", through Stephen Levine's words:

"The great Sioux shaman Black Elk speaks of 'walking in a sacred manner.' To walk in a sacred manner is to make an art of life, to attend to each moment as though it were the last, to take each step as though it were the first. To breathe love and awareness into this tiny body, entering the greater body we all share. When we walk in a sacred manner, nothing throws us off balance for nothing is identified as self or the walker but instead all is experienced as the sacred, as process unfolding, as the divine moment provided for our healing."

That said, it's all just a big ol' gobstopper of a mystery, isn't it? As the wonderful music video link from yesterday parlayed, "Everything Is Holy Now." What a gift.

With all best wishes today and every day,

Kim Forester

Sent by Kim Forester | 12:26 PM ET | 07-17-2008

Leroy, Good luck with daytime TV, it's like being in the middle of the Pacific Ocean with no BOAT! Glad to hear a little humor from you again. Act accordingly, Stan

Sent by Stan Wozniak | 12:50 PM ET | 07-17-2008

Leroy, I have always thought "act Accordingly" is the coolest line in that movie. It means to me shed all those things that really are compulsive wastes of time and do what needs to be done each day and then do what brings you some joy that is very personal to you. i.e. watch the tour de france just because it stumulates the mind to wonder and think and be fascinated...do things like this that cause the mind to move at a different pace so that if the time does not go faster it moves 'differently'. How can one escape the confines of time...that is the challenge. "Act according" to your nature" even in your physically diminished state. Find someone with honeybees and have them show you the inside of the hive. Love, Graham from Sag Harbor.

Sent by Graham G. Hawks | 12:57 PM ET | 07-17-2008

Leroy -

Look up Velo News on the web and you will find lots of good information on what's actually going on during the Tour de France. Enjoy!

Sent by Linnea | 1:01 PM ET | 07-17-2008

"Act accordingly"...Be prepared to meet your maker at any given time. Spread the humanity around to others, especially those in need. It's a funny line, but accurate.

I'd still be thinking clinical trial (clinicaltrials.gov) or some of the plausable, serious ideas you see in medical journals or in some alternative doctors (legitimate ones, of course).

Good luck and prayers to you.

Sent by Scott S. | 1:02 PM ET | 07-17-2008

How about M*A*S*H or All in the Family DVDs? Archie and Edith are always good for a laugh. Cheers and Seinfield might be good choices, too. Maybe others can give some suggestions.

Janie

Sent by Janie | 2:11 PM ET | 07-17-2008

Leroy & Laurie,
As you look down the road at hospice care I send you LOVE and CLARITY and STRENGTH. If you haven't seen the HBO serieses (plural for series, right?) The Tudors and Carnivale are pretty good.

XO

Sent by Katie | 2:19 PM ET | 07-17-2008

Hi Leroy- Thanks for the line and your humor. You're still all here.

Sent by linda h. | 2:28 PM ET | 07-17-2008

Of course, you can't answer all our questions directly, but just in case!, I'd love to know: are you able to read, that is, to concentrate and focus for long periods to lose yourself in a book? I've not been in a situation like yours, so I really can't guess the answer. If you can ... or if books on tape might work... it's still the most wonderful way to transport yourself to new places of the mind... I know you've been a reader, as any writer is. So, just curious. PS For anyone who has the patience for 800 pages, I am reading A Soldier of the Great War by Mark Helprin. It's more than what it sounds like, a war story. It's an amazing sweep-of-time story where a man encounters the best of life's joys and sorrows, with family, friends, etc., all written in the most captivating language. It's a page turner.

Sent by Barbara | 2:39 PM ET | 07-17-2008

Leroy: Act Accordingly? well have a pain free and peacefull day,and continue with the Tour of France, "Vive Le Tour de France".
Peace be with you.
Marelly

Sent by Marelly | 2:49 PM ET | 07-17-2008

Well, Leroy, if you have to watch movies over and over again, might I recommend "What About Bob," "Galaxy Quest," "One Night at McCool's," "Chicago," and "The Lion in Winter" (the one with Hepburn and O'Toole)? I could watch each of these a dozen times. In fact, I have, and will probably watch them a dozen more.
Breathe easy, my friend.

Sent by Liz | 3:08 PM ET | 07-17-2008

Hi Leroy,
The quote "We All Are" means just that, none of us will get out of this world alive. The quote "Act Accordingly"to me means "none of us know when we will go out, so take everyday as a gift, take care of yourself, don't take life for granted.And in doing so, always do the best you can for yourself. Mind and body are precious, and should be valued.
I haven't seen the movie, but just might rent it out, now that you mentioned it.
Page Hendryx - Gresham, Oregon

Sent by Page Hendryx | 3:11 PM ET | 07-17-2008

Leroy,
We loved "The Departed". We've seen it MANY times. We watch Good Fellas, The Godfather (I,II,III), and Gladiator over and over, Braveheart, Rob Roy, Top Gun-Mutiny on the Bounty (all versions) list goes on and on ("13 Going On 30"-the Devil Wears Prada- with some chic flix, are some on my favorites list, not my husbands). I love TCM and all of the oldies- (a week ago the had "They Died With Their Boots On" with Errol Flynn.) My husband watches The History Channel, The Food Channel or Modern Marvels. Dueling remotes! Netflix saved our marriage.
Have a good night.

Sent by Deb | 4:16 PM ET | 07-17-2008

Leroy, I got it: "Act accordingly." If you think of many of Jack Nicholson's most recent movies, he often plays an ageing playboy enjoying himself and falling in love with a beautiful woman (in your case, Laurie). Act accordingly, Leroy! Cheers.

Sent by Tom K in Sydney | 4:24 PM ET | 07-17-2008

Belleruth Naperstek's guided imagery recordings are amazing. You can actually download them directly online...

Sent by Sarah | 5:03 PM ET | 07-17-2008

My own read on Jack Nicholson's comment is to always use our best china. Don't hold back for a day that might never come. And too, I just want you to know that you and Laurie are in both my thoughts and prayers.

Sent by John | 5:22 PM ET | 07-17-2008

I can't remember if you have ever mentioned enjoying making any art (as my kids used to tease my husband, "artsy-fartsy stuff"). May I recommend taking a break from watching movies or TV, and doing something with your hands: laying some paint on paper or modeling with some sort of clay ( there are all kinds available, most less messy than real clay or oil paints. However, the real clay and paint are pretty powerful materials). You don't seem like the kind of guy to worry about having to make "great art". Just laying out colors and seeing what happens, or making animals (snakes! now, they're easy!) can be amazingly distracting, fun, interesting. Plus, with clay, you can mash it together and start all over again. Or let your pieces dry and set them on your windowsill.
Ceese
P.S. You know how scents can evoke powerful memories? We're close to the same age. I wonder if as a kid you ever used that modeling clay that came in ribbed strips, red, blue, yellow, green...now THAT has a unique smell...maybe too much these days. Anyway, hope you try it. No commercials, at least!

Sent by Ceese Stickles | 5:34 PM ET | 07-17-2008

Leroy,
If you want to properly learn to act accordingly, I strongly suggest learning from the masters....MONTY PYTHON>>>>LEWIS & MARTIN>>>>AND CHRIS FARLEY (TOMMY BOY).
Now those were guys that knew how to act! lol

Sent by liz Zimmerman | 5:55 PM ET | 07-17-2008

Dear Leroy and Laurie,

I only recently began reading your blog and am humbled. First I would like to express my gratitude for your willingness to share of yourself so honestly. Most people are terrified of sickness, death and dying and avoid talking about it. You are boldly breaking the silence. THANK YOU.

I am writing because I just finished reading a book called "Living Beyond Limits" by Dr. David Spiegel written about and for people with cancer and their families. He speaks of living life fully and confronting death fully while dealing with cancer. He also talks about how to help manage pain through psychological techniques in conjunction with medication. If you feel up to it, I suggest reading anything by Dr. Spiegel who offers gentle, empathetic ideas for those facing the end of his/her life.

I know it is not much, offering a book to read, but I found the book inspiring and hopeful even though it was about chronically, terminally ill patients and hope that it might offer you some small solace/assistance.

My heart is with you. May you find your connection to those you love grow stronger, deeper and more fulfilling as you continue this life.

with fondness,
Lesley

Sent by Lesley | 5:59 PM ET | 07-17-2008

Leroy & Laurie:

I continue to keep you both in my thoughts & prayers. I find strength & hope in reading God's Word (The Bible). I highly recommend -- if you are unfamiliar with the Bible, start with the Book of John & Psalm. May God's Presence cover you both & may you feel Him as he brings you mercy, grace, peace & strength.

Blessings,
Vicky Mitchell

Sent by Vicky Mitchell | 6:21 PM ET | 07-17-2008

Leroy, I've been following your journey for a long time. I haven't commented until now, but your hesitancy about beginning hospice care made me remember my parents' experiences.

My Dad died of non-Hodgkin's lymphoma after a mighty struggle to alter his stage IV odds with chemo, radiation, and sheer guts. He never went into hospice care because he thought of that as giving up. Pneumonia ended his life as his compromised immune system could not help him. He died in a hospital, in pain and with almost no relief for his air hunger. His death was painful in every way for him and for all of us who loved him.

Ten years later, my Mom had a very different experience as she succumbed to congestive heart failure. I brought her to my home with hospice care. She died three months later. Hospice made sure that she was as comfortable as possible emotionally. She was able to discuss her fears and regrets with the nurses and chaplain. Sometimes you just don't want to burden family and it is wonderful to have someone else to talk with. The physical care she received made her much more comfortable: that included bathing, morphine, an oxygen generator, and an air bed to prevent bedsores.

Hospice was a godsend for me and my husband and I think it would help Laurie too. It meant we had a bit of respite and someone to talk to about our fears and grief. That emotional care went on after Mom's death. Without hospice, I would have felt almost unbearably alone and isolated.

Sending my love and concern to you and Laurie,

Kay

Sent by Kay Crosson | 6:29 PM ET | 07-17-2008

I haven't seen The Departed - will have to give that a try. For lots of laughs if you have not already seen them I highly recommend the Wooster and Jeeves series (on DVD w/Stephen Fry and Hugh Laurie). Check it out and curl up with Laurie and some ice cream.

Sent by Marcia Greer | 7:10 PM ET | 07-17-2008

Hey Leroy:
While there are a lot of things that suck about being a cancer patient, there is one that stands out to me. You can't take a day off from it. If it's not the pain constaqntly reminding you of your stautus, it's the emotional stress, or as it is in my case, it's the constant dry throat and hoarse voice.

I wish I could have one day of life before cancer.

And though people mean well, one day without someone telling me how good I look or asking me how I feel.

I wish I could yell cancer go to hell! But I am afraid to because it is a killer. Heaven bid I should disrespect this disease and it rises up to finish the job it started.

Damn I need a day off from this.

Sent by Gerard McMurran | 7:11 PM ET | 07-17-2008

I can't do this any more...I just can't stand to see you ask for advice from those of us who are going through it or have gone thorough it, and then ignoring us despite the best advice you could be given. I'm sorry.

Maybe you think it's not right for you. So be it. But you're passing by the easiest, most basic construct of pain relief. People care, and they can help. You just won't take advantage.

I wish nothing but the best for you. If you don't want advice, there's no reason to ask for it. I hope your road is easy. I really do.

Many hands have reached out to you. You just won't reach back to grab them.

Sent by Larry | 8:07 PM ET | 07-17-2008

Leroy.... I believe that doctors who specialize in pain management, use more than just pain medicine (but thank God for the meds). Some of the things that I have heard that help are meditation, relaxation tapes, accupuncture, and my daughter's favorite, massage.

Are you a sports fan? It seems as though my husband never runs into a dry spell for watching sports.... baseball, football, basketball, hockey, golf, naascar. And yes, movies...and tapes... old ones and new ones... can be very rewarding. In fact, they say that when we laugh at funny movies certain endomorphins are released with are natural pain killers. Something to think about.

I liked the suggestion of trying an art project.... it really does take your mind off of things... also, how about playing cards, board games, trivial pursuit?

Off the subject of pain management, for a bit, for some reason, your post today reminded me of something I either read or heard. It had to do with our fear of death. They compared it with the birth process. Goes something like this. Imagine how frightening the birth process is to the fetus. Suddenly the child is pushed and shoved down a long, dark passage. Probably very distressful, particularly not knowing what is causing the discomfort and perhaps even pain. Most likely there are also breathing difficulties since the water has broken. Suddenly, they are thrust forth into a glaring light.... loud voices.... huge, unfamiliar faces. How terrifying it all must be and if the child is able to think at that point in their creation,the fear of leaving the known and the anticipation of what else is to come must be overwhelming. But here they are... born into life... that life that we are all so terrified of leaving.

Is it so hard to think that our fear of leaving our comfortable, safe environment might be comparable? Perhaps, once we let go of our fear, and trust that there is a purpose for this process that we all must go through, that, despite our fear, we may, indeed, be reborn into a better "life"!!

I would hope that sometime in the future, after this life is over, we can all look back and think, "what was I so worried about?"

Sent by Betty Obst | 8:23 PM ET | 07-17-2008

The Nicholson line "we all are..." reminds me of my experience as a temporary worker 20 years ago. I begrudged the way 'real' employees seemed to look upon us 'outsiders' with disdain...or maybe I was just projecting my own low self-esteem onto them. One day, someone asked me, "Are you a temp?" And I looked him squarely in the eye and said, "We all are." The comment went over his head, but boy did it make me feel good at the time!
Act accordingly...we're all at some stage of being on the way out, we are all temporary...seize the day, treat others as you would want to be treated, remember that we are all equals, no one with any stronger claim to being here than another.
with much love and gratitude,
Gail

Sent by Gail | 8:37 PM ET | 07-17-2008

Dear Leroy,

Just say no to daytime tv! How about watching some of your favorite movies? Here's some of mine in no particular order:

THE MIRACLE OF MORGAN'S CREEK (I've already bugged you about this one), THE BEST YEARS OF OUR LIVES, AUNTIE MAME (with Rosalind Russell), THE SHAWSHANK REDEMPTION, GROUNDHOG DAY, THE PRINCESS BRIDE, pretty much anything by Ernst Lubitsch, etc., etc.

Anything to make you and Laurie smile and uplift your spirits!

Speaking of uplifting -- I still am.

Sent by Janice J. , Los Angeles | 8:40 PM ET | 07-17-2008

Hi Leroy,

Speaking of memorable lines... If you are able (somehow) to see the "Bucket List" with Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman, I recommend it. It's about how two people live through the last year of their life with cancer. At one point during a difficult treatment period, Jack Nicholson says, "some lucky person out there is having a heart attack." It's sad, funny, and ironic all at the same time. They did some good research for this film.

Thinking of you,

Ed Steger
www.hncancer.blogspot.com

Sent by Ed Steger | 9:18 PM ET | 07-17-2008

You need to start playing video games.

It's effects as a pain reliever are well known.

Go get a PS2 and a copy of Ico. You will be glad you did.

Sent by Jody Sol | 9:58 PM ET | 07-17-2008

I really don't like to see you continue in pain. Perhaps hospice can offer some pain relief only and you decide about their other services at some point in the future. Did you know that patients on IV pain pumps use less pain meds. because they stay "ahead" of their pain. I'm not trying to persuade you, just feeling concerned.

Sent by Susan | 11:16 PM ET | 07-17-2008

Leroy - I remember being the caretaker of my mom, who was unfortunately sucumbing to Mesothelioma, and wishing the days would go by faster - they were so monotonous and difficult. We spent hours reading trashy magazines and watching the Home Improvement Channel on tv as they were both totally meaningless and allowed us to space out. But when I look back on that time, I wish we had enjoyed those days more, and not just spent it in bed watching that lame channel (which I can never watch again). My advice - try and get away from the TV. Lounge outside with a newspaper. Get out of the house more often if you are feeling up to it - hang out at a coffee shop with a good book. Try to do things that aren't just passing the time. It will be better for you and Laurie both to make the most of this time...

Sent by beth klein | 12:38 PM ET | 07-18-2008

About pain.... My daughter had a tendency to not want to be doped up, so she would avoid taking pain medication until it got really bad and then she would take it, and invariably it took forever to kick in and never really kept her comfortable.

One of our hospice nurses finally convinced her of the need to take the pain medication on a regular basis, whether she felt she needed it or not. This gave the medication the opportunity to work as it was designed, administering a level of comfort without the pain ever taking over control. She said that once the pain took over, it was very hard to get it back into check again; that the secret was to keep it under control and supplement it, as needed.

We found that this worked very successfully for her for a good while and she did not feel doped up. It was only at the end, when they had to increase the medication to keep her comfortable, that she slept through it.

I hope that this helps in some way.

Sent by Betty Obst | 1:37 PM ET | 07-18-2008