It was hard but you made the decision together and with understanding by each of you that you really don't know what to expect but that you're willing to acknowledge that you both need some extra support now.
As our time together is winding down I want to just thank both of you for becoming...unintended for sure...advocates for patient's rights...the right to have full knowledge from the start of your diagnosis, prognosis (correct or incorrect regarding length of time) and to have at hand a decision making process that puts you and Laurie in charge. You were lucky, you had doctors totally, it seems, willing to listen and work with both of you...not everyone is given that gift. You have made great strides in areas you will never really know about.
You two as a couple are a true inspiration; at first we knew little of Laurie, at her request I am sure since this is such a private matter. But we have come to admire and love her both for her courage and honesty and for her obvious love for you. Nothing she has done for you was ever done with a second thought on her part....you are truly a blessed man.
Take care my two wonderful "cyber" friends, and thank you on so so many levels.

Sent by Karen/Jax | 7:19 AM ET | 08-12-2008

Leroy,
This does not mean you have given up. It only means you have asked for help. You have realized you and Laurie cannot do this alone and you need help. You have asked for it and they will be wonderful in the support and care they give you. Just remember, you are both still in control.
Peace my friend.
Thoughts and prayers are with you and this blog family!

Sent by Laurie Hirth | 7:30 AM ET | 08-12-2008

My thoughts are with you both Leroy. A difficult decision but a brave one.

Simon James
Darlington UK

Sent by Simon | 7:31 AM ET | 08-12-2008

I get how you feel. I hope that this turns out to be the opposite: a source of empowerment. Another "tool" instead of a relinquishment of control.

And if not behave so they "let you" play with your laptop! I have a feeling you are going to get a LOT of "way to go" type of responses. Nothing like a ton of positive feedback to a decision you were insecure over.

Did you sleep better? Was the new bed comfy?

Sent by Liz L. | 7:32 AM ET | 08-12-2008

It sounds like this is the best decision for both of you right now. The good thing is, if you try it and don't like it, you can leave it. Leroy, I'm sorry it has come to this for you. I know you were resisting this decision so you must be having a more difficult time than we even know. You are surrounded in love by Laurie and other family and friends we don't know. You are also surrounded in love by all of us out here in cyber blog world. Peace be with you.

Sent by Kim | 7:33 AM ET | 08-12-2008

Dear Leroy and Laurie,

The decision to start hospice is a very difficult decision, however, they are wonderful in what they do. As with the bed, I can appreciate and understand that difficulty you have both had.

Peace, love, and hugs to you both and all in this community. My prayers for all.

Sent by Sue Chap | 7:38 AM ET | 08-12-2008

Dear Leroy and Laurie,
I am happy that you made your decision. May you find peace and comfort. As always, prayers to all.

Sent by sasha | 7:45 AM ET | 08-12-2008

The bravest thing we do as cancer patients and caregivers is to call in Hospice. It takes courage to make that call.

Sent by Janis | 7:52 AM ET | 08-12-2008

Dearest Leroy and Laurie, I do not think that you will regret making this decision. I believe in my heart that you will have more quality time together and it will be easier for both of you. And, on the other hand, if you hate it, get rid of it. Much love and prayers going to both of you.
Janice Goldberg White

Sent by Janice Goldberg White | 8:00 AM ET | 08-12-2008

I think you need to remember that YOU are in charge. Calling in hospice is a move toward helping yourself, not giving in and allowing someone else to take over. You can fire them anytime and you have the RIGHT to refuse any and all that they have to offer. Remember...you are still the boss!
But I think you will find they are a Godsend.
best to you

Sent by Theresa Lovin | 8:01 AM ET | 08-12-2008

Since you've been so open about this decision will you let us know how it effects your lives-you and Laurie? You both win gold medals in decision-making by the way!

Sent by Susan | 8:01 AM ET | 08-12-2008

Good morning Leroy-

You are still in control of what remains of your life. Hospice will assist you in making decisions but you are the captain. They will help Laurie be your partner rather than always your caregiver. Studies have shown that people live a month longer with hospice care.

I hope you have many minutes today when you can escape this disease.

Lee

Sent by lee | 8:04 AM ET | 08-12-2008

Leroy and Laurie, I think you both can still manage your life, that the hospice group will come in to assist you in any way they can. Possibly much like home health has done, they just have a broader ability. You can always change if you so wish. You and Laurie are still in control. I feel bad that my husband and I could not get over that control issue as I am sure they would have been a big help to us. They were to my sister when she needed their help.

I know the decission makeing has just been really hard for you two and I am so sorry that you had to make a decision. I keep you both in my prayers and thoughts. I am sending a big cyber HUG!

Sent by dorothy in oregon | 8:10 AM ET | 08-12-2008

Good for you!

For us (and it sounds like for you both), keeping as much control as possible was important. Hospice actually "managed" very little, but it was there if we needed it.

If they tell you they're taking over and it's not what you want, look for another. They should focus on what YOU want, not TELL you what you're going to do.

Sent by Bruce | 8:10 AM ET | 08-12-2008

Good-Good Morning Leroy and Laurie! Congratulations on making that very hard decision. Forget the name, it has gotten a bum rap for no good reason. It is just a name and now you both must adjust your lives and allow the pieces to fit into place, and they will.
So now tell us - how are you and that new, monster bed getting along? Getting adjusted to each other? Let us know if you are sleeping better. May you open your mind and hearts to a new chapter in your lives. What LUCKY Hospice Workers to have you both for clients!! Much love ~ ~

Sent by J C R | 8:12 AM ET | 08-12-2008

I understand about Laurie's reticence; I think I would have felt that way too. The thing to remember, though, is that YOU decide how much or how little to have hospice involved.

Since Pat couldn't leave the hospital (oxygen issue) going into hospice was more of an insurance thing and it ended up being for just one day. I know that I got newsletters about grief for about a year after but that was it so I really can't say I have a feel for it one way or the other.

I do think that you'll feel relieved just to not have to think about it anymore.

Thoughts and prayers continue to go your way.

Sent by Kathy B. from Michigan | 8:14 AM ET | 08-12-2008

Leroy STAY STRONG and enjoy every bit and as much as you can with Laurie. Make sure you are HAPPY and that you do or say anything you feel and need too get out in the open.

LAUGH OFTEN, I know it's hard at times, BUT LAUGH.

Just a pointer...Hospice is REALLY REALLY nice. They will keep you comforted and "entertained", as well as Laurie she will now have someone to talk to if she feels the need to. When my pops went on hospice it was SCARY, but for the time he had left it made us all feel good that he was taken care of and that he was going through no pain!

Love you Leroy and just know that what you have done since you started this blog (I first heard you on NPR your very first appearance and NEVER stopped reading you) you have done MIRACLES and CHANGED so many peoplese lives. You take that with you and we will always REMEMBER you! You are a beautiful person and I am not sure that you can truly understand that or comprehend how much I mean that via email.

Sending both you and Laurir lots of love and you are in my thoughts!!!!

Cristina

Sent by Cristina Barthel in Tampa, FL | 8:24 AM ET | 08-12-2008

It was this time last yr my 46 yr old husband was diagnosed w/ pancreatic cancer. Reading your blog brings back all the emotion. You & Laurie are in my thoughts & prayers.

Sent by Sarah | 8:26 AM ET | 08-12-2008

You are still in charge. As long as you can make signals interpretable as "yes" and "no," you are in charge.

This is hard. I don't know even a tiny fraction of how hard.

Sent by Jane Copes | 8:26 AM ET | 08-12-2008

I have to be honest in that my Mom and I never thought of hospice as "managing the remains of her life." My Mom viewed it as taking a different path because clearly the one that involved pills, chemo, and radiation was not working for her. My Mom and I still made all her decisions and I still was the one to take care of her but the wonderful nurses and staff taught me ways to do that. They were so supportive of us, but in our case it was just her and I. It sounds like you have bit more support than we did. I hope you both find peace in this decision and you're right you can always change your mind.

Sent by S A | 8:26 AM ET | 08-12-2008

From what I have observed about the two of you, you both have always been in this together. That is what being together means...

Sent by Helene Weingarten | 8:28 AM ET | 08-12-2008

Dear friend:
Like so many others, I am breathing a sigh of relief about your decision to allow Hospice into your lives. I can only hope that you and Laurie will find it was the right decision, but, as you say, you can always change your mind and dismiss them. May they bring you all the support, relief and serenity that others have experienced.
I hold you both in my heart and send much love.

Sent by Harriet | 8:28 AM ET | 08-12-2008

Lori and Leroy...
I turned to Hospice some 3 years ago in desperation, to help my mother and myself on her journey from this life to the next...
I pray that you both will find as much tender and compassionate care and
advise as did I. Although my association with Hospice was brief, their knowledge, ability to get things done, and their ever present support in every way was amazing.
May God bless you in your decision...

Retha

Sent by Retha | 8:30 AM ET | 08-12-2008

Dear Leroy -
You are still teaching me how to live. Your generosity of spirit and your courage have helped me on my journey with Stage III rectal cancer and Stage 1 breast cancer.
Thank you for being my friend. I walk this road less fearful because of you.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Kathy

Sent by Kathleen Shapiro | 8:32 AM ET | 08-12-2008

I know the two of you struggled with this, but I hope that you find yourselves pleasantly surprised by how much this organization helps.

Sent by Lesa in Kansas | 8:38 AM ET | 08-12-2008

Hospice felt like giving in to me too when my wife entered her last days. I did not want to hear the word because it seemed to mean that the end was likely near.

The hospice staff were wonderful people, though, who helped me and Debbie during that terrible time. Their knowledge of meds kept Debbie comfortable and they were truly compassionate towards me and, not only willing, but prepared to talk with me about the impending loss of my wife.

I came to believe that choosing hospice was a good decision even though it was such a fearful one and I cannot say enough about the spirit of the wonderful people who worked with us in those difficult days.

Leroy, you are too brave and knowledgeable not to know that the end of this part of your existence is near. Say the things that you need to say to your lovely wife, Laurie, and be prepared for the wonderful adventure that awaits you. Know that you have made a difference in the lives of people that very few people have made. Your courage in facing the beast and your determination in this fight have brought hope and peace to literally thousands, if not millions, of those fighting this disease and their loved ones.

You have fought the good fight and I know you will continue to do so, and to the extent that you are able, you will carry us with you in this fight. God Bless you and Laurie. We are all together with you.

Tim Broussard

Sent by Tim Broussard | 8:38 AM ET | 08-12-2008

with all due respect to Leroy and Laurie, I would like to put in my 2 cents not just to assure them or convince them, but to give everyone else out there reading this blog a different point of view. My family has been through hospice very recently and all of us thought the opposite....we were taking control of the end of life...we were getting rid of the bad and optimizing the good. We took each day out of Cancer's hands and made them our own.

God bless,
Alexis

Sent by Alexis | 8:40 AM ET | 08-12-2008

Oh, Leroy and Laurie.....I'm so thankful that you've opened this door - I didn't want to intrude with my opinion - but I have witnessed firsthand (with my father and others) that hopsice is not about dying - but about living every day that is left in our lives!!!
From the assistance with physical and medical equipment needs, proper pain mangement and drug oversight, emotional and spiritual support for both of you - and making sure that EVERYDAY is the best day you can both have - in terms of what you do, what you eat, everything!! I pray that you get as talented and dedicated hospice people that we had - there are laughs, good food, good memories to make yet all ahead......they'll help you with the "life stuff" to insure that you experience those........
Thanks for sharing so much of your heart - please know that so many of us are "storming the heavens with prayers" for both of you!

Sent by Ruth Chermok | 8:41 AM ET | 08-12-2008

This most difficult and wrenching decision will make the tasks of daily life more manageable and bring you both physical and emotional support.

Peggy

Sent by Peggy | 8:42 AM ET | 08-12-2008

I have no words.

Peace be with you both.

God bless you.

Judy

Sent by Judy Voller | 8:42 AM ET | 08-12-2008

Leroy, Laurie
They (Hospice) don't manage the rest of your life - they help YOU manage. They are there as helpers, not out to control, again, there to help you manage. Thoughts, prayers and hugs.

Sent by Annette Tan | 8:43 AM ET | 08-12-2008

You didn't want the bed nor do you want hospice, why??? I think it is because you are a fighter & you want to continue the fight & getting the bed & having hospice take care of you somehow make you feel you have given up. Maybe it means exactly that, but I think it means you have just called in more reinforcements to assist you in the fight. Cancer doesn't play fair & neither should you, so use all the BIG Guns in your fight. Who knows, maybe the cure is just around the corner & you may be here to get one of the first doses of the cure. You just never know. I wish you both peace & strength.
My husband & I are getting ready to head back to Florida from our summer escape. My husband doesn't want to go because it means we have to face PET scans & doctor visits & what is next in our own fight against cancer. I know we have no choice but to say good-bye to our family & friends & face the music whatever song it may be. I will continue to follow your journey as we continue on ours.

Sent by Kathy | 8:47 AM ET | 08-12-2008

Dear Leroy and Laurie,

I pray that you will find, as we did, that hospice is here to help you do what you believe is best, not to force you to do things their way. We couldn't have cared for my sister in her home without the assistance of hospice. With their help, we were able to ensure that her final days were pain-free and filled with love and comfort. Please, let them help you.

Love and prayers to you both....

Sent by Brenda in Texas | 8:49 AM ET | 08-12-2008

Our experience was that hospice advised and assisted us, but we remained the decision makers. They were great at understanding. Having an expert and friend who allowed us to call at any hour was amazing. I hope your hospice nurses will be as wonderful as ours were. You deserve angels and I bet you will get them.

Sent by Laura | 8:49 AM ET | 08-12-2008

Bravo! I think writing to all of us about this part of your experience will be enormously helpful to many of your readers. And I don't think you or Laurie will regret it. So, let us know how it goes. You too, Laurie.
Best wishes.

Sent by Wendy | 8:50 AM ET | 08-12-2008

Stage IV cancer care is just not a "do-it-yourself" hobby project. Hopefully hospice will be an opportunity to step back from the trees and gain a renewed prospective of the forest. We're still the producers of our own life story...

Hold Fast & Give the new team members a chance to earn your trust.

Don MacLeod

Sent by Don MacLeod | 8:51 AM ET | 08-12-2008

Leroy - you are forgetting that YOU manage Hospice. You tell them your needs and wants. They do not have to be there 24/7 - they are there when you need them to be there. We signed up for them but did not need them to come to the house for months after. Once they started to come it was only once a week. I felt better because they guided me on what to do to help my husband the most. You and Laurie will still make the decisions on what you want to do and the care you want help with. You have made a very difficult decision - but the right decision.

Sent by Deb from Michigan | 8:53 AM ET | 08-12-2008

Leroy,

This is a big step into yet another unknown. A difficult choice to make but try to surrender and let the hospice do their thing.

You and Laurie will still have choices about things and the idea is that your burden will be lightened a bit.

You and Laurie take all the TLC that you can get !

Sent by Lynn | 8:54 AM ET | 08-12-2008

I can only imagine how difficult this decision has been for both of you. I hope and pray, that it will make things...I don't know...better seems trite, but hopefully good for both of you. You and Laurie are in my prayers.

Charles

Sent by Charles Willingham | 9:04 AM ET | 08-12-2008

a note to all! I have placed a star in honor of Leroy at standup2cancer.org This is Katie Courics new organization. Anyone can donate to his star. Just go to the constillation and search his star by his name. Ignore the state of Colo. that I put on there. Its my state and I don't know how to change it. Oops!

Sent by Diann | 9:04 AM ET | 08-12-2008

Leroy & Laurie:

I have no personal experience with Hospice but I've only heard good things about them. Maybe I would feel the same as you if in your position but I guess I don't see allowing them to help you as you giving up control of your life. As you said, at any time, you can step away from Hospice if you want. If that's really how the two of you feel, then make a promise to each other that you'll speak up and get the heck outta there if that's what your heart tells you to do. In the meantime, see what good can come from their knowledge and experience. Take one day at a time and if that's too much then take it hour by hour. Sending love your way again today.

Rhonda H

Sent by Rhonda Howard | 9:05 AM ET | 08-12-2008

dear Leroy,
We had hospice for our 27 year old daughter who was a nurse and knew that her husband and myself would not be able to manage without some help.At first l felt it would be an intrusion on our privacy but it turned out to be anything but.We continued to provide allison with all her medical care and they assisted with getting the medical equipment we needed and all the differrent medications .They visited when we said so and stayed away when we said so.In other words we called the shots and they were very accepting of all our decisions.Please use them in the way that you need them.This is your life and they understand that you must do it your way.I have to say for us we learned very quickly how to feed threw a stomach tube and also suction stomach contents from the same tube.There were fentanyl patches to apply and fentanyl pump tubes to keep clear and running freely and buttons to press for extra meds when she could no longer do for herself and meds to adminster through stomach tube.I could never have imagined that l could do any of those things but l did.She wanted to be home with her family by her side so we managed.What we needed hospice most for was to communicate with her doctor what her pain medication needs were and they did change often.If l had to be on the phone everyday with the the doctor I am sure we never would have been able to keep up with the increasing needs she had.Hospice was able to work very quickly in getting those meds which were the most important thing for us.They were able to provide that comfort for her and assessed those needs frequently.That is what we neededed that is what they provided and respected our need to provide the rest of her care to us.On the day Allison died they left us alone but let us know they were a phone call away and we did need
them hours before she died to come to the house and override the pump to give her more medication under the doctor's order .The poor nurse actually fell running the stairs to get to Allison and stayed the next four hours standing to the side of her bed pressing that button every five minutes trying all that she could to help Allison pass peacefully.They are truly a dedicated group of people and there to help as you need them to.Remember Leroy they are there to help assist you the way you want to be assisted.
Sincerly,
Allison's Mom
Allison's Mom

Sent by diane | 9:10 AM ET | 08-12-2008

Oh Leroy, I know this must have been a really hard decision. But they will "manage your life" according to your wishes. Laurie can help as much as or as little as she likes. I hope you both find it a relief and a blessing, that her time is not taken up solely by caring for you and you can just enjoy each others' company. Love to you both

Sent by Alycia Keating | 9:16 AM ET | 08-12-2008

Dear Leroy and Laurie,
A tough but hopefully helpful choice for you. You will co-manage things although I'm sure it feels as if you are giving up control here.

As always, I keep both of you in my thoughts.

Betsey

Sent by betsey in albany ny | 9:17 AM ET | 08-12-2008

A difficult decision, but my family has had a good experience with hospice. They have a lot of knowledge and expertise. I am thinking of you both.

Sent by MT | 9:20 AM ET | 08-12-2008

Dear Laurie and Leroy,
Your decision to seek help from hospice was hard, I'm sure; but it was a good one. Turn to them for the physical help you need. You are not giving up or relinquishing your power to them. May you both find the peace and comfort you so deserve.

Sent by Sondra Scott | 9:20 AM ET | 08-12-2008

Wow- huge decision. Best of luck in the first days, it'll be a transition, that's for sure. We will all be interested to hear your genuine views on what works for you, and for Laurie, and what doesn't. I hope the positives outweigh the inevitable down-sides for you both.

Sent by Barbara K | 9:24 AM ET | 08-12-2008

For our family, hospice was a new set of quickly treasured allies who just knew the kinds of things that made a difference in our mother's quality of life and her ability to run her life happily. We felt way less helpless when changes arose that we did not know how to address. We knew there were people skilled in every aspect of caring, not just with their hearts, but with strategies that WORKED for our mother. They NEVER intruded, just provided priceless support. I hope that you and Laurie will find the same experience we did, and that hospice's involvement will actually FREE you both up for more ease in the time you can share. And like others, I am celebrating that you all wrestled with this one until you felt you could make a decision. Your autonomy is a big part of who you each are. I hope you will soon feel that your decision was a winning one. Wishing you ease, deep peace, rich joy, and a smooth way today.

Sent by Sarah | 9:25 AM ET | 08-12-2008

Now you and Laurie can relax and concentrate on enjoying time spent together, and let others do the work. Not a bad thing!
Nancy

Sent by Nancy Kelly | 9:26 AM ET | 08-12-2008

Leroy & Lauria - I'm sure the Hospice decision was a hard one. It somehow brings the reality into a clearer focus - it's the step none of us want to take, don't know how to take, and don't know when to take. It's giving up control of some of your independence, of some of your hope.

PLease know that for everyone like me who has watched your life circumstances unfold, held our breath more than once, hoped beyond hope that yet another treatment could help - we've watched this all in desperate hope that someone would show us how to "do it right". Well, I for one can't find fault with anything you've done, and if/when I get to the same places you've been and are now, I'll gratefully remember who showed me the way. I will laugh and cry more fully, live more joyously, pray for and find that inner quiet, and find satisfaction that I've done it well. Congratulations and godspeed to both of you - you've done it well, and you will never know how many others have benefitted by your openness. You are loved.

Martha in FL

Sent by Martha in FL | 9:32 AM ET | 08-12-2008

Decisions, decisions and they are all hard. I hope you will feel they were the right ones very soon. Checking on you every day and keeping you in my prayers.

I so much enjoyed Laura's post yesterday. My grandmother, who was strong in her Presbyterian faith, wrote her family a wonderful letter in her 70's. She lived to be 100. In it she told us all of the trip she was preparing for. She quoted different verses in the bible but basically she couched it in terms of getting ready for just another planned trip to a new destination. It has been a precious gift to all who have read it.

Strength and peace to you, Laurie, and your families.

Sent by Sara in MD | 9:35 AM ET | 08-12-2008

Be well...may you and Laurie find some semblance of peace...
Sandra Yudilevich

Sent by Sandra Yudilevich | 9:35 AM ET | 08-12-2008

May Hospice be as much of a blessing to you as they were to our family this summer. I cannot praise them enough for the physical and emotional reprieve they offered my family as my mother's health declined.

Prayers of comfort and peace to you both.

Sent by Laurie Starr of Granger, Indiana | 9:39 AM ET | 08-12-2008

Leroy and Laurie,
I'm sorry to hear this was such a hard decision for you. We had hospice care for my father at home and my brother in the hospital. They are there to help you, not to run your life. The only place that was a bit awkward for us was when a chaplain came and wasn't sure how to comfort my agnostic Unitarian father, who did not find comfort in prayer. They worked it out.

Sent by Dianne (DC) | 9:39 AM ET | 08-12-2008

Dear Leroy and Laurie,

I can only imagine how difficult this decision must have been for you both. My heart aches that you have had to even consider this but I am sure you will not regret this very important choice you have decided to make. My prayers and thoughts go out to you daily.

Lianne

Sent by Lianne Friedman | 9:39 AM ET | 08-12-2008

Leroy: I know that at some future date I will be making this same decision. I have a malignant glioma. My husband's sister has been a hospice worker for more than 13 years. She is an angel on this earth. Please know I keep you in my prayers. My mother is extremely ill with stage 4 breast cancer, and my sister inlaw is recovering from multiple strokes as a result of Moya Moya. Each morning when I wake up, I look at my husband and my 3 cats and I thank God for my wonderful life and ask him to continue to give me strength and guidance to enjoy every moment of the day. Have you heard of David M Bailey? He is a 12 year survivor of a GBM. His music is wonderful. He lives outside of Charlottesville. I would love to send you a CD. Can someone send me your address? Enjoy the moment!

With love, prayers, and Hope,
Marguerite

Sent by Marguerite Sciuk | 9:41 AM ET | 08-12-2008

In regard to "Allison's Mom'S" , or diane.
I do not believe that all your descriptive comments about what you, personally, went through with your daughter, will do much to make Leroy and Laurie feel more comfortable with their decisions. Everyone of us is different and must face our own experiences with this life. Let's not get so depressing, ok?

Sent by J C R | 9:47 AM ET | 08-12-2008

Leroy and Laurie, I know how difficult this decision was for you to make. Don't forget that there is no decision you can make that you can't UN-make should you decide you want something different in the future. They are wonderful, kind, and experienced in ways that you need right now. In my experience they are a true blessing in so many ways. However, you are in charge of you and you always will be. You chose to let people help you. I think this is wise. I hope they do provide tremendous help to ease your worries and give you the time and comfort level to focus on whatever you choose to.

I appreciate and admire you both so much and I'm sorry you have to walk such a difficult path. I wish you peace and joy.

Sent by Nichole in FL | 9:49 AM ET | 08-12-2008

Leroy,

Just remember that you're still driving the bus. If you don't like where the bus is going, it's going to be pretty easy to change direction.

MTS

Sent by Marshall T. Spriggs | 9:51 AM ET | 08-12-2008

I just want to acknowledge how sad your recent posts sound. In my own journey, I have found that the sadness is the hardest for myself and others to hear - and to bear. Leroy, I hear you. And I am sorry.

If you can, try and make the most - sad and glad - of your time here.

I've been reading Dale Wolf's CaringBridge web page. In it, she refers to a "Wow" moment...a quote she heard, in passing. That we are not human beings on a spiritual journey, but spritual beings on a human journey.

I don't know what you believe, but it sure seemed to help her, and it's helped me, as well.

Onwards!

Sent by Jessica | 9:54 AM ET | 08-12-2008

We are with hospice now and have been for four weeks. Our experiences are similar to those cited by others. They are part of the team, and they bring in resources. I am not religious but I met with the chaplain just to see what she was all about, and she helped me a great deal. Every time I have a question about my husband's care, they can be reached. Everyone comes to the house, and medicines and equipment are delivered, I don't have to go anywhere or take him anywhere. When I needed a hired night nurse in addition to hospice, their social worker guided me to a good agency and our wonderful helper started the same night. Laurie, they are there to help you, not to take over. My husband's pain has been under much better control and he is much more comfortable since we started. I hope your hospice workers are as great as ours have been. [Trinity Care Hospice in Southern California].

Sent by sara in california | 9:59 AM ET | 08-12-2008

Laurie and Leroy,

Each morning as I get out of bed I think of you and wonder how you're doing. I don't have cancer, but with my family history it's likely that I will at some point. Your blog has helped me prepare for what may lie ahead, both emotionally and on a more practical level. But most of all, you've given me a model of grace and dignity in the face of adversity that I can try to follow -- even if I don't have to fight cancer.

Thank you so much, both of you, and peace be with you.

Megan

Sent by Megan Ullman | 10:00 AM ET | 08-12-2008

Dearest Leroy & Laurie,
So here you are.
I hope the new people entering your lives at this very intimate moment are kind, generous of spirit and mindful that their invitation was made by heavy hearts.

There are certain times in our life experience when we feel the overwhelming need to "circle the wagons", this is one of those times. The decision to bring in more people was so hard, I'm sorry it even needed to be done.

Thank you for sharing this heart-wrenching decision with all of us. Your posts and all the comments remind us all that this is a treacherous road we are on, made passable by the support of others.

Much love,
Debra Altschiller

Sent by Debra in New Hampshire | 10:01 AM ET | 08-12-2008

I wish that neither of you ever had to make that decision. Prayers and peace always....

Sent by Julie | 10:10 AM ET | 08-12-2008

How proud I am to be part of your family, Leroy and Laurie. You are in my heart every moment.

Sent by Tina from Alton, IL | 10:13 AM ET | 08-12-2008

I hope that you and Laurie are able to form relationships with the hospice staff that allow you both to feel comfortable with this decision.

Sending peaceful wishes to both of you

Karen

Sent by Karen | 10:14 AM ET | 08-12-2008

Leroy & Laurie -

It's hard to type right now, reading your entry and then the comments posted so far through the tears. I am so glad that you have made this decision. Like everyone has said already - you call the shots still! The people who work hospice are truly angels - I hope and pray that your experience with Hospice will equal or exceed ours. My dad isn't going to be here much longer, and gets pretty grumpy when the nurses or aids try to move him to prevent sores (they are calling him Grampa Grump now), and they still see through to the man he was/is to us. Husband, father, mentor. Hang in there you two! Maybe a donut will help? :D

Sending cyber hugs and prayers,

Danni

Sent by Dannielle Higgins | 10:18 AM ET | 08-12-2008

Dear Laurie,
My thoughts are with you at this difficult time. I've been where you are only too recently. Remember, you are the boss. Hospice is there to help, not to take over. No one and nothing will ever separate the bond between you and Leroy. Since my husband took sick in Dec. 2006, I've been to hell and back but I must say I've become much stronger. Now, I don't just worry about how others feel, I take care of myself. Cry if you feel like it. As a matter of fact, do whatever makes you feel good.

Sent by Elaine | 10:19 AM ET | 08-12-2008

Leroy,

Again, perspective is everything. What you've done is brought in help so that you and Laurie can spend more time concentrating on the good stuff and less time and effort on the work that needs to be done.

What you're dealing with is huge and there's no shame in asking for help. If it was ten years ago and you were moving from one house to another or filing a very complicated tax return or trying to fix the transmission in your car, you'd have asked for help, wouldn't you? This is no different. It's large, overwhelming task, something that other people have a great deal of knowledge and experience in, and asking those people for help is a very smart thing to do. Help is available; take advantage of it.

And use the time that gets freed up to spend some time together.

Sent by Nancy | 10:20 AM ET | 08-12-2008

leroy - your ability to continue to articulate your daily life as your body winds down...words fail me in expressing my amazement, sorrow, appreciation for who you are and all you have shared.

Sent by anita - pittsburgh | 10:21 AM ET | 08-12-2008

The hospice staff who helped with my brother, then my mother, were wonderful. They never tried to take over, they were totally guided by what we wanted to do. And they helped take some of the work away so our time together could be about us, instead of the other stuff.

I applaud your decision. And hope you had a good night in your new bed.

Sent by kathleen | 10:22 AM ET | 08-12-2008

Well, there's no decision in indecision. You both considered this from every possible angle.
Laurie, this is part of the letting go process. I know how hard it is!
Leroy, finally you'll get your pain under control! It's about time.
Best wishes for flunking out of your latest educational program - hospice. I've had it happen to 3 patients-why not you?
Rest easy, you two. In about two days you'll wonder how you did it all yourselves. Laurie, please take care of yourself and remember to rest. You are a wonderful caregiver and couldn't have done any more!
Sue

Sent by Sue Mersic | 10:26 AM ET | 08-12-2008

Dear Leory and Laurie,
I hope your hospice helpers are as wonderful as the ones who cared for my ex-husband. I was having a hard time managing the situation because I was in chemo at the time. They were wonderful and we were still in control. They just helped carry out the details.
God Bless you both. Sending prayers for you both.
Charlotte in Rural Ridge, PA

Sent by Charlotte Kewish | 10:27 AM ET | 08-12-2008

Leroy,

I am praying for you! Change is always hard. Give this to Jesus. It isn't too much for Him.

Sent by Rita | 10:28 AM ET | 08-12-2008

Dude:

That's what the fear was, eh? Saying "what remains of my life" ?

Ah, how hard it is to look that right square in the face.

Peggy C.

Sent by Peggy Carey | 10:29 AM ET | 08-12-2008

When my brother and I made the decision to offer hospice care to my mother, her question was "Can I fire them if I want?" The answer was yes, and so she agreed. We called that the fire-ability clause -- take advantage of it if you need to.

Sent by Sandy | 10:29 AM ET | 08-12-2008

St. Catherine of Siena writes, "Vulnerable we are, like an infant. We need each other's care or we will suffer" (Love Poems from God: Twelve Sacred Voices from the East and West by Ladinsky).

We journey together, one present with the other, always. My wish for you, Leroy, is that you will allow us--your community--to believe in this decision for you. Over time I believe you and Laurie will live into believing in it, too. Much peace to you.

Sent by G. Rumburg in Nashville | 10:30 AM ET | 08-12-2008

Dear Leroy and Laurie,

You are inspirational in your honesty and vulnerability and I thank you for shining a light on the challenges you live with each and every day. Thank you for teaching me how to live.

You continue to be in my daily thoughts and prayers.

Sent by Molly | 10:33 AM ET | 08-12-2008

Hello Leroy,
Better to relinquish some privacy at home, rather than relinquishing your choices at a health care facility. You're home, with Laurie, and that is a blessing for you both. Especially at this time when blessings are hard to find. You're in my thoughts daily.

Sent by Sharon | 10:38 AM ET | 08-12-2008

Good Morning Leroy and Laurie,
It was a hard decision but I think a wise one. Hospice dosen't mean the "beginning of the end". It just means they can manage your pain a little more for you and anything else that can make you and Laurie more comfortable. I think once they start visiting you they will be a godsend. Take care and God Bless.

Sent by Teresa in WV | 10:38 AM ET | 08-12-2008

JCR - This is not the first time you have posted comments critical of others. Perhaps you are in pain yourself. But such unkind comments are not in the spirit of this blog, and I would politely ask you to refrain from them. Everyone has their own way of communicating with Leroy and Laurie, and it is not for you to judge others.

Sent by Wendy | 10:41 AM ET | 08-12-2008

Hospice is a wonderful gift to both of you! You have not made a mistake.

Sent by Jane | 10:45 AM ET | 08-12-2008

I think you have made the right decision. You guys are still in control, but the help you will receive from Hospice will end up being very helpful. I have heard nothing but good things about Hospice. God bless both of you.

Sent by susan sheehan | 10:47 AM ET | 08-12-2008

I must say, in the spirit of this place where people share and explore their feelings about cancer, that I could not agree with JCR's reaction to Allison's mom/Diane less. In fact, before I read JCR's comment I was just preparing to write and thank Diane for the bravery and detail of her entry today. Of course, cancer is depressing, but I find this kind of brave detail exactly the kind of thing that helps me to move forward informed, feel in control, and appreciate what others have done to cope. I don't hold this site and its participants responsible for sending cheery messages - I am uplifted instead, I think, by the bravery and honesty people reveal. Diane, my condolences on the loss of your daughter. Jennifer

Sent by Jennifer | 10:55 AM ET | 08-12-2008

I'm so sorry to hear you're having to face this -- any of it, of course, but certainly these difficult choices. I can only echo everyone who's expressed hope that you can feel good about the decision to ask for help, in the hopes that it will improve your time together and lessen the load on you both. There's so much of this that nobody can help with; it makes sense to look for the places where you can get a helping hand. I'm sure that no matter how much assurance you get (and give yourself) that it isn't a loss of control, it feels like one, and I will keep you in my thoughts as you navigate this road.

Sent by Linda | 10:56 AM ET | 08-12-2008

Leroy and Laurie- Words matter. It is important to realize that the two of you remain in charge. You two have not handed control over to anyone. Hospice workers will look to you both to dictate to them what your wishes are. You will be able to pick and choose the hospice services you want. If some things don't appeal, say no. If there are services you'd like, ask your hospice team if they can be provided. You and Laurie are still in control.

Sent by Barbara Goun, Princeton NJ | 10:56 AM ET | 08-12-2008

Dude, you and Laurie were always in it together like "peas and carrots." Maybe you just didn't fully understand that until now.

Hopefully, you, Laurie, and Hospice will find this process to be a collaboration and not letting someone else "manage the end of your life." It's still your life, you still have a say, as does Laurie. I think you'll really find, though, that the folks from Hospice do want to collaborate, rather than dictate.

And, to the others on this blog who may not be comfortable in hearing the nitty, gritty details about the experience of another...it's not all about joy, happiness and looking forward to the paradise on the other side. Like anything, there's a ying and yang. And we need to let Leroy and his posse decided if something is too depressing or inappropriate to share with us. I trust their judgement and appreciate their decision to share.

I wish you peace.

Sent by Joyce in FL | 10:57 AM ET | 08-12-2008

Leroy,

you have not given up control of your life, you have only asked help with being more comfortable. Hopice is not north korea, only a resource. Try to sort out what hospice offers from the symbolic meaning for you and Laurie. No wonder it ws such a tough decision.
Hoping for improved quality of life, with better pain control to enhance your life.

Sent by elissa | 10:57 AM ET | 08-12-2008

It's interesting that JCR's comment at 9:47 was let through. OK... he has a point maybe, but let's not turn on each other please.... sometimes we post out of painful memory and maybe sometimes that has to happen...

Sent by Barbara K | 11:02 AM ET | 08-12-2008

Hospice is also defined as a shelter for travelers. The journey down the cancer road has many twists and turns, ups and downs. Some of us are ahead of you while others follow. We didn't choose to be on this road but we are in charge of where we take shelter. Hopefully you find Hospice as helpful as many of us have. This blog has been a hospice for me. Bless you for sharing.

Sent by Marcine | 11:02 AM ET | 08-12-2008

Diffcult, but brave and on your terms.
You and Laurie can get some much needed support at home.
Prayers for you both always.

Sent by Melissa T | 11:02 AM ET | 08-12-2008

Dear Leroy and Laurie, So many have stated what I feel, today. When Allison's Mom (Diane)did give the nitty
real life gritty details of her daughter's pain and how Hospice and they
worked together to lessen the pain--WOW. Powerful and real.. You are both to be so commended in starting this blog. I am so thankful to all of you for sharing the depths of your emotions and pain and joy. In this world, in my experience, it is rare that people "talk" below the surface. Thank you Leroy and Laurie. Blessings and peace and love to you both. Diane from Kansas-- One minute at a time

Sent by Diane | 11:05 AM ET | 08-12-2008

My wish for you and Laurie is that Hospice will help take the pressure and stress off of you both , trying to figure out how to deal with everything. I hope the staff is full of angels and if not, you both can decide who is not the right fit.
I wish you less pain, more sleep, less stress and more precious time together- and, hopefully, hospice will help make all of this possible. I can totally understand the mixed feelings, though, because I bet I'd feel the same way. However, I have a good feeling this step will reduce the stress factor burden. I send you both support and comfort and hugs and some awesome "get your mind off of things" time today.

Sent by NancyGM | 11:07 AM ET | 08-12-2008

You know this by now: There are some weird moments in this process. Perhaps different ones for different people. But weird they are; and they can be gotten over.

Hospice staff have huge amounts of experience. Presumably you have chosen an excellent group to work with; I believe we all hope so. But you needn't surrender all power to them. You and Laurie are the resident 'Leroy-experts'. And you are both very smart, and certainly able to process any information they and the doctor might have. Hospice can be a really productive partnership. They have excellent information on what to expect. I hope that you will find that the safety-net aspect relieves some of your stress.

Don't forget. You're alive until you're not.

Sent by mary | 11:12 AM ET | 08-12-2008

Leroy and Laurie, I hope and pray that this decision works as well for you as it did for our family. Hospice was a God-send and gave us more quality time for our loved one as they took away so much of the hard part.. They gave us information and helped us with matters that made everything better and easier.. I understand it was hard but it is NOT giving up.. It is asking for help and everyone needs help at times.. I am sure both of you are very tired by now and they will remove some of this strain from you.

Prayers going up and I hope that this works for you... If you find you have personality conflicts though, be sure and let them be addressed so that this will be a positive experience instead of adding more stress.

Sent by Patsy Elmore | 11:12 AM ET | 08-12-2008

Leroy & Laurie: What a difficult decision to make. I am so thankful however that you made this decision together. I do not believe that going to a Hospice is a sign of giving up. You've just turned to those who are experienced working with people with your condition Leroy. God Bless you both and may His Holy Grace shine down upon you. You are loved.

Robert Sheehan

Sent by Robert Sheehan | 11:18 AM ET | 08-12-2008

Dear Leroy and Laurie

We're all with you. In our thoughts, in our prayers, in our tears.

Sent by Judy in NVa | 11:25 AM ET | 08-12-2008

Dear Leroy and Laurie,

First thing in the morning, last thing in the evening, you're in my head and heart. (This is quite an accomplishment, because I have two gnarly teenagers who are roaming around in there with you! ;o) You have both permeated so many of our daily lives, and in such a close and familial way ... We love you so much.

Somehow, given how Hospice is, I imagine that you will soon - very soon (if not already) - wonder what you ever would've done without these wonderful people. They brought heaven on earth into our home (and kept it here for longer than we had hoped or imagined), and I believe that they'll do the same for you. (As someone else has already said, YOU two will also bring so much to them, just by being exactly who you are.)

Hearts break, tears flow, often to reveal unexpected hidden treasures ... May those treasures be yours today and every day, forevermore.

With much love,

Kim Forester

Sent by Kim Forester | 11:27 AM ET | 08-12-2008

Hi Leroy...Not much I can add, but I always try :) One of the hardest things for me is to decide. I will examine every implication, want to know how everything works, who does it, etc. So though I don't know how you as an individual experience all this, I know that you thought carefully with both your emotions and your intellect. So seems to me your "decider" can relax and some of that thoughtful energy can have other work to do. I've sure learned a lot about hospices from reading here. My husband was kind of an odd one; he investigated all about hospice care way before he needed it and actually still hasn't had to move into this phase yet. But because of those who share what they know...it will be easier for me to accept the transition. Well, this is such a difficult time for you and Laurie. May peace find you on this day and always.

Sent by Sally in Spokane | 11:33 AM ET | 08-12-2008

I think you will both find it's not so much a matter of control as having another resource to call upon. They are there FOR YOU.

Peace and love from Kansas

Sent by GFC | 11:37 AM ET | 08-12-2008

I think I understand why this was such a difficult decision. You want to retain as much normalcy in your life as possible. Getting a hospital bed, and now having hospice people in your home, is not the norm.

Hospice does fill a need, though. Their role is to make everything easier. And I hope they will.

I think of you every day, Leroy. When I drive home from work, I often say out loud in my car "Hang in there, Leroy!" Your story has really touched me. I hope it helps you, knowing that there are thousands of people out there thinking of you.

Sent by alison Jones | 11:37 AM ET | 08-12-2008

Good Morning Leroy & Family,
I pray that you will get peace and comfort from the decision you made.
God Bless you both!

Page - Oregon

Sent by Page Hendryx | 11:38 AM ET | 08-12-2008

Leroy and Laurie, Once I read the Hospital bed had shown up, I thought this couldn't be far behind. My heart goes out to you both. This is such a big step in the process and carries with it other fears. Laurie needs to be very aware of what and why they are doing things. This should give her a sense of control. They are such nice people, but they are invading your space, makes it difficult for lifegivers who like to be in control. This is an unfortunate part of the process, a bridge I will be crossing before too long. Leroy, Sorry about this, so sorry. You touch so many with your work as a Journalist and with this Blog. I fail to see light when this ends, you brighten my day, you help me cope. You are such a brave person to share this with others. It takes a "Big Man" no pun intended. My thoughts and prayers will be with the both of you. Stan

Sent by Stan Wozniak | 11:43 AM ET | 08-12-2008

Leroy,

"They manage what remains of my life." NOT TRUE. If they are any good, it's more like you are the boss and they are the employees - all of you together helping to make things easier for you.

I'm glad you made this decision, hard as it was to do. I'm also eager to learn about your reaction to hospice after you have experienced it.

Blessings.

Sent by Diana Kitch | 11:45 AM ET | 08-12-2008

Prayers for the two of you.

Sent by Lisa | 11:49 AM ET | 08-12-2008

Gratitude and love surround your life, Leroy and Laurie, so many of us are with you and will remain with you. Forever. God Bless

Sent by Lucy Groh | 11:53 AM ET | 08-12-2008

Kathy B. from Michigan...thank you so much for sharing that wonderful video of the moose family! I hope Leroy and Laurie got to watch it. It is so heartwarming and will bring a smile to anyone's face. It is not to be missed.

I wish Hospice had another name, or "mission", as we are all too hung up on the idea that they only appear when it's "the end"....I'd rather they promoted themselves as a helping agency that steps in when someone is quite ill and just needs help, no matter what the "prognosis".

Many folks live a long time with support from Hospice, just as they might with help from any other medical help agency. Too much emphasis on it being a 'last resort'...no wonder folks resist calling them, and find it so painful to do so. It shouldn't be that way.

I also appreciate the reminder someone gave us to look forward to the great new adventure that (hopefully) awaits us after this time on earth. I'm not a religious person either, but prefer to think of the possibilities of what might lay ahead.

Sent by Diana | 11:54 AM ET | 08-12-2008

Laurie,
I know this was a difficult decision. Remember, you are still the most important person in Leroy's life and the 2 of you still make the decisions. Hospice is there to be a service to you. You have shared the growing stress and grief you are experiencing, let them also support you. I have always been grateful for how I saw the Hospice volunteers carry my Mom as she carried my Dad so to speak. They reminded her of how to take care of herself so that she could be strong for my Dad. And they are good to guide and advise as YOU and Leroy make decisions about his care.

Sent by Kelley | 11:56 AM ET | 08-12-2008

I hope that having made this troubling decision, you both feel lighter than a feather.
I doubt that your Hospice team will be anything other than A #1 what with your world-wide posse surrounding you both with warmth, affection and overflowing love.
So how's the bed?
Anita

Sent by Anita Solomon | 11:59 AM ET | 08-12-2008

Leroy and Laurie, as always, you touch my heart. Thank you for making this decision to allow Hospice to help you both. Good managers know when to delegate. You've done that, and now you can concentrate on what's really inportant -- living and cherishing the time you have with each other.

Sent by Kelly | 11:59 AM ET | 08-12-2008

What courage and what a difficult decision. Thanks for sharing it with us. How will it change your lives?

Sent by Martha C. | 12:01 PM ET | 08-12-2008

Sending thoughts, prayers, hugs your way.

Sent by Krupali Tejura MD | 12:06 PM ET | 08-12-2008

Peace be with you both Leroy with your decition. You both are brave!
Marelly

Sent by Marelly | 12:12 PM ET | 08-12-2008

My wife has been a hospice chaplain, and is now director of bereavement for a hospice program. I continue to be impressed by all the hospice team members I've come to know. Hospice attracts a very special sort of medical professional, people who are true healers, committed to helping insure that even death is a healing experience. I second everything said, upstream, about you and Laurie remaining in control of everyday details of your care. You are. You can even decide to go off hospice at a later date, if some more active treatment emerges that has the prospect of pushing the cancer back. For now, though, it will increase your options rather than limiting them.

Hang in there. It's a tough time, but it's my hope and prayer that your days will continue to be full of peace, joy and love.

"A Pastor's Cancer Diary"
http://www.cewilton.blogspot.com

Sent by Carl Wilton | 12:12 PM ET | 08-12-2008

I hope that what remains is a long time for you to stay with us.

Much love.

Sent by Sandra Mann | 12:15 PM ET | 08-12-2008

Thank you again for sharing from your heart. You don't have to, but we appreciate you both for being so honest and vulnerable. We need you both, and one another, and that is what community is all about.

If each one of us takes a little time to provide a little space to think deeply, we all should ask ourselves -- am I honestly in control? Wise is the person who comes to accept the fact that no, I am not ultimately in control....and that is okay.

Sent by Jill in Hudsonville | 12:22 PM ET | 08-12-2008

Cancer world's horrific options, life-changing decisions and overwhelming losses escalated (again) but you and Laurie continue to meet them head on, with courage and grace. Thank you for reaching out, for so bravely sharing your journey. If it becomes too intrusive, I trust you'll know that we understand. As for hospice -- I agree with others here in cancer world -- their care will provide you and Laurie shelter and support, but will not captain your journey. I, too, wish you as many simple pleasures and joys as possible within the thicket of constraints you've faced -- even those donuts, Laurie...

Sent by Marcia E. | 12:24 PM ET | 08-12-2008

Leroy:

I think you have made the right decision.

Sent by Jerry York | 12:26 PM ET | 08-12-2008

You have made a joint decision to let angels come into your life. And they truly are angels, put on this earth to give such wonderful, whole, empathetic and respectful care. They bring a quiet nurturing, comforting presence. Bless you both and bless Hospice providers. I know you will find that you made a good decision here. God bless you all!

Sent by Marilyn Hilliard | 12:28 PM ET | 08-12-2008

Leroy,

I'm a lurker coming out of the shadows now to send a quick note of thanks and praise.

We first "met" years ago, when I signed up to receive the daily e-mail you wrote for the Nightline program. Your editorial comments on the coming evening's show always gave readers such an interesting and engaging perspective on the day's events...even if we weren't able to stay awake late enough to watch the broadcast!

Now, I follow your cancer journal. Although many of my friends have visited Cancer World, personally, I have not. Whether or not I ever receive a ticket to Cancer World, I'll think of your journey, your comments and insights, and let them be a source of encouragement as they are for your friends, online and beyond.

Thank you for sharing your life with us.

Sent by Jane Wiggs | 12:28 PM ET | 08-12-2008

I can only imagine your emotions and thoughts. I wish you much strength and peace with this. You are doing what you both have to do and you are doing it together.

Love to you both.

Sent by Lori | 12:30 PM ET | 08-12-2008

I empathize with you and Laurie, Leroy. Let's face it. It sucks when it comes times to make a decision on hospice care. It's difficult times ahead. With friends, other loved ones and hospice help, it is better than trying to handle it alone. Many of us have, as caregivers, have experienced both options. Believe me, hospice is better. Please find some comfort today, both of you.

Sent by Susan in the beautiful mountains of Colorado | 12:43 PM ET | 08-12-2008

Our love to you both.
Robyn and the Critters

Sent by Robyn Morningstar | 1:03 PM ET | 08-12-2008

Peace be with you, Leroy and Laurie.

This sounds like a good decision, and it is not the end of the road but a turn in the road.

I don't know a lot about hospice but I have generally heard good things about it. My perception is that they are not so much managing your life as helping you to manage it more comfortably.

Sent by Art Ritter | 1:11 PM ET | 08-12-2008

Hospice can be a big help, including giving the caregiver a break once in a while. Thinking of you each day.

Sent by Jack | 1:28 PM ET | 08-12-2008

Dear Leroy and Laurie, I wish you peace, peace, peace. It's time to give over your burdens to others. What a brave thing to do. You have taught us so, so much. With much gratefulness, Namaste.
Susan

Sent by Susan | 1:36 PM ET | 08-12-2008

I recommend former Oregon Governor Barbara K. Roger's short, excellent book, Death Without Denial, Grief Without Apology re: her family's experience with hospice. It is very beautiful and reassuring.

Sent by Michele | 1:37 PM ET | 08-12-2008

Wow...I am thinking of that big new automatic bed. I would laugh with my mom when her bed would start to move and she'd ask "who was moving her bed"? I would show her her hand on the controls and tell her not to hold on so tight cause she was going to start levitating if she didn't watch it. Oh Laurie, order Leroy some laughing meds...the belly laughing kind. Has anyone thought of laughing gas...I'm thinking it's worth the try! And order a cheese steak, donuts, and icing while you're at it. When I was having treatments and in pain...my loving husband would be so happy when I just looked at him and smiled...it appeared to be the best medicine for his helpless feelings...so from then on I smiled a lot! Grace, peace and mercy be with you both...SMILES!

Sent by Diana | 1:39 PM ET | 08-12-2008

Leroy,
I've listened to you many times, and today for some reason I sought out your blog. You are a very brave man, and you continue to create a legacy of love and value to many. If I could say this: I have held the hands of two different people as they died - both from cancer, in fact. I was there as death occured, and I can tell you - I am not afraid of the experience now. It was extremely peaceful, and left me with a sense of wonder and awe. Really. You should know I am not a church-goer, so it wasn't about angels and choirs, at least for me. I can't tell you what happens, but I saw nothing to be fearful of. I have to remind myself that everyone and everything before us has experienced death. We're all in line, right there with you - every single one of us. Remember, energy is neither created, nor destroyed. Have courage and feel our love. It is going to be okay.

Sent by aes in florida | 1:39 PM ET | 08-12-2008

Leroy, a load off of you, so to speak, also means a load off of Laurie. I pray
that you will be more comfortable mentally and physically. It aint over, you both can let others share in your care. Again, God bless you both.

Sent by Peter, in Colorado | 1:44 PM ET | 08-12-2008

Dear Leroy & Laurie,
Once again you made a courageous move! Very inspiring! To me, you are trying another method of treatment - one that will make a big difference for both of you. I just know it.

Thank you again & always.

Sent by Judie in CT | 1:46 PM ET | 08-12-2008

Hospice was just so great for us when my sister was ill. They were always there when we needed them.

Sent by Kate | 1:49 PM ET | 08-12-2008

Leroy and Laurie...You made the right decision, and you will still be in charge of your life. Hospice does not take over; the staff does what you want done. They are also experts at pain management and comfort care. Hopefully, you both will be albe to conserve your energies for more important things---like enjoying time together with family and friends.

Sent by Linda | 1:49 PM ET | 08-12-2008

I'm glad to hear that you made your decision together and hope you both find comfort and peace from this. From my personal experience, I think hospice is another way to boldly choose life.

You are both in my thoughts all the time.

Sent by Eleanor | 1:58 PM ET | 08-12-2008

Thank you Leroy, Laurie, and fellow bloggers. Because this issue has been honestly and fully aired, stories and opinions shared, I too feel much easier about going ahead and allowing hospice in when that time comes. I am just recovering from a liver emblozation and was thinking it's a good example of needing help because of the pain and fatigue. I also see now it's an issue of control for us to give ourselves over to Hospice.

Leroy, I think anybody on your hospice team should read your blog first, not our words particularly, but get to know who you are.

I thank Allison's mother for sharing the worst. The whole damn thing scares me, but now I can face that fear. It never gets easier. I've been stage 4 breast cancer with bone mets (tons) and one liver met (which we just zapped) for eleven years. "Terminal" for all that time. I'm so busy trying to stay alive and raise my daughter, I've been too afraid to think about issues like hospice. You've all helped me. You are all blessings to me. It's not so important that we fake it and try to always be positive, it's important we stay real and genuine. That's the gift this place Leroy has provided us brings.

Thanks to all

Kate in CAlifornia

Sent by Kate | 2:11 PM ET | 08-12-2008

I have to agree with some of the other posters that JCR's 2nd comment regarding the post by "Allison's Mom" was insensitive. Though I don't post often (although this is my 2nd today) I just wanted to make sure that Allison's Mom does not think we all feel as JCR did in reading that post. Having lost my Mom when I was 24 and now being a Mom myself to 2 little ones I can't imagine what you are going through. I am so sorry for your loss.

Sent by S A | 2:20 PM ET | 08-12-2008

I appreciate the difficulty of this decision. My mother-in-law did not benefit that much from hospice. I hope it is a good decision for you.

Sent by Scott S. | 2:33 PM ET | 08-12-2008

Dear Leroy,
Reading this morning's entry and responses I am struck by how mutual the benefit of sharing has become here. "Blog" seems such a trivial word for these expressions of caring and love among strangers. Leroy, it is so important to know your feelings about hospice, and I for one thank you for sharing them. And I am equally moved by all of the responses of encouragement and support, some which point out that hospice need not mean loss of control. This humanity and kindness in the face of hardship is what keeps me reading here daily...

Sent by Charlotte | 2:38 PM ET | 08-12-2008

I just wanted to pass on my support and hope that you will both be comforted by any means necessary...if that is from hospice, a posting on the website or whatever...you both deserve it.
wishing you peace.

Sent by Kathy Elftmann in Sacramento, CA | 2:42 PM ET | 08-12-2008

Dear Leroy and Laurie,

I hope you will have more time together now that caregivers will take care of many living details that took time away from just spending time together in other ways. I'm thinking of you both and send you both my strongest support!

Brin

Sent by brin | 2:50 PM ET | 08-12-2008

Leroy & Laurie,

I am so glad (and relieved) you finally made a decision. Give it time. It's not easy to reliquish control you've held onto for so long.

I promise you, it will be freeing. Let your spirits glide....

Sent by Teri Thomas | 2:53 PM ET | 08-12-2008

I have been what I think Elizabeth Edwards referred to as a "lurker" on this site since I saw the television series and recommended it to my Mom. Mom is surviving a serious bout with esophageal cancer, in the hands of excellent doctors and far away from me. Your courage has challenged me to come out of the shadows and thank you for what I have learned about how to deal with cancer and how to be a better daughter of a Mom with cancer. The courage that underlies your hospice decision can only inspire greater courage. Your writing is journalism at its very finest--reporting from the trenches.

Sent by regina | 3:01 PM ET | 08-12-2008

Leroy & Laurie:
Although the decision to call Hospice was yours, it feels like the entire blog family is with you on this one. We have our arms around the both of you.

You both are in my thoughts daily.

Sent by Molly inTexas | 3:15 PM ET | 08-12-2008

Dear Leroy & Laurie, Never an easy decision, but a wise one nevertheless. From my personal experience with hospice and my mother they are there for you as much or little as you want/require. You still make the calls, they just help you with the execution of chores, etc. I have yet to meet one Hospice worker who wasn't sincere, honest & concerned for their charge. They will take a little of the load off both of you. As others have said, you have a lot of prayers & love coming to you both. We've never met, yet we've travelled together; we've never met, yet we are friends. Regardless of how much time is left, make the most of it that you can, enjoy every second to the utmost, enjoy the day and don't worry about the tomorrow. Sending you good energy & spirits for easy travelling my friends. We are all there with you!

Sent by Tom May | 3:28 PM ET | 08-12-2008

I deeply understand, Laurie, about letting others into the circle to "manage"...it's okay to be uncomfortable with it, it is yet another loss in a long line of them. But I promise you it will be all right. Leroy I ache for you, but revel in your gusto you still hold for life. Love you both from Sherri in Texas

Sent by Sherri Eggleston | 3:46 PM ET | 08-12-2008

Off the subject totally. I can soo see in the future (distant or close) you and the "Last Lecture" professor, talking for hours. I'll joint the conversation when I get there even though it'll be over my head intellectualy. That talk can wait though. Throw a couple quarters in the machine and relax. Mary in Montana

Sent by mary fitzpatrick | 3:50 PM ET | 08-12-2008

Having cared for many people at the end of their lives, and experiencing all that that care entailed, I can assure you that the people who will be assisting in your care and comfort will be unforgettable people. No one goes into hospice unless they have a calling to do so. The work can be very challenging, and emotionally tough. One has to WANT to be there to do it.
I had a talk with my oncologist last fall about how he's able to have the "bad talks" with his patients when there is no longer any viable curative treatment for them, and to deal with his patients' deaths. He couldn't really verbalize it, but then I said that for me, caring for dying patients and their families was an honor for me. It's such a precious and difficult time for people, and if you have the skill and the emotional temperament to be helpful to people in such a difficult time in their lives, it is a calling, and a privilege to be there. My oncologist agreed that that is just how he feels about it.
I'm sure that you will be blessed with people who will help you to have the most comfort- physically, mentally and emotionally, and who will be blessings to you both.

Sent by Nancy K. Clark | 3:50 PM ET | 08-12-2008

I liked Jessica's quote from the book she was reading .....
That we are not human beings on a spiritual journey, but spritual beings on a human journey.
This now is part of the human journey, parts wear out, but spirit lives on. I believe their is a "personal plan" for each of us.
I have been a traveling soul for the past two months (I MOVED from SoFL to the Midwest) only to find out I belong back in SoFL. But I had to go forward, so no regrets to go "back to".
Hospice appears to be your next step.. a going forward --life is to be lived the best way we can until we step from "here to there". God bless both you and Laurie..may there be human angels and spiritual angels supporting you through this chapter --- on the journey of your life.

Sent by Jo Ann Baswell moving back to SoFL :-) | 3:52 PM ET | 08-12-2008

Only you will know if this was the right time; I believe that it seems like a good choice. Perhaps it will mean a little less time on the everyday chores and more time on focusing on what is important to you and Laurie.

Sent by Beth S | 4:09 PM ET | 08-12-2008

Leroy,
Just because you have enlisted the aid of hospice please know I haven't given up on you nor do I expect you to give up on yourself. You are too much of a fighter to not "rule the roost". God bless you and Laurie.

Sent by Kathie | 4:17 PM ET | 08-12-2008

Now that I've thought about it, maybe what Leroy is really saying is more like:

"To me, it means they manage what remains of my life.

To Laurie, it means allowing others to manage what remains of my life."

There's a fine distinction between "To me" and "For me." In my case, to me, hospice meant the end was coming very soon. We knew it was. For me, hospice was absolutely the best choice we could have made, and I knew that as well.

What something means to you and what it means for you aren't the same. To you is an emotional response. For you is a more concrete one. Both are valid, and they can coexist.

Sent by Bruce | 4:35 PM ET | 08-12-2008

It is late today when I clicked on the e-mail. So many comments with so many positive thoughts for you and Laurie. We, out here, wish we could be with you to help. Perhaps we see hospice as doing what we can't do, being there to give you and Laurie more time to be together without less pain and more peace.

Sent by Karen | 4:54 PM ET | 08-12-2008

Leroy- I have been reading your blog every day for over a year. I lost my brother after a 15 year battle in March. He and his wife did not choose to go the Hospice route, they were afraid of losing control, but watching them made the rest of my family know what we would choose if we are ever in this situation. I think Hospice can make a great difference in your comfort level and the energy level of your family and friends. My sister in law and her son struggled 24 hours a day to care for my brother. The rest of the family is spread out, so they had the every day, non-stop care. Its not easy moving a six foot five guy in and out of bed. I spent some time with them a week before he passed away, and
the exhaustion level for them was unbelievable. I admire all caregivers everywhere. I hope that choosing Hospice will be a great deicison for you and Laurie. Everything will be a little less stressful. You made a huge impact on how I felt about my brother's disease. The photo blog was my all time favorite. Other people think I am weird to enjoy looking at it, but it gives me so many great memories of my brother and his strength and courage. God bless you and Laurie.

Sent by Kathy | 5:00 PM ET | 08-12-2008

Leroy & Laurie
Thank you for sharing this journey with all of us. You both are brave to share this experience with the world. Take care and as my late mother said "Hope for the best and prepare for the worst." (lung cancer/1997 age58)

Sent by Tami | 5:29 PM ET | 08-12-2008

Leroy, Laurie,

I think I finally figured it out as I read the post today. There was fear there and resignation in your words.

At some point when your cancer fight began, whether consciously or unconsciously, you and Laurie had drawn a figurative line in the sand and called it HOSPICE.

It was a line you hoped to never have to cross and no matter what anyone said about HOSPICE's realities, you would fight tooth and nail to avoid crossing that line named HOSPICE.

I understand now, but for both of your sakes, I hope and pray that you let that line go now. You crossed it and I can only guess the thoughts going through your minds this week. I remember well those questions we had to answer with my mom-in-law when Hospice first came and we filled out those papers. It wasn't the most uplifting day I have had in my life nor was it for my mom-in-law.

One thing I can tell you for certain, after the ink dries, those Hospice people that came to visit after the initial setting up of schedules were never there long when they did visit and it was definitely not 24/7. There were times I wish they had been sometimes especially when she had a TIA stroke. The on-call Hospice nurse came quick when I called her. Mom-in-law was coherent and had no sign of the big stroke things I knew so she wanted me to call Hospice instead of 911.

After the initial paperwork, you and Laurie may find yourselves on your own a great deal of the time as far as Hospice is concerned. Their phone numbers were always within easy reach and they came or just talked to me if I had to call about my mom-in-law.

I guess that was when my definition came to be HOSPICE equals COMPASSIONATE SAFETY-NET especially when my mom-in-law had minor difficulties I wasn't familiar with. I can tell you I know Oxygen compressors, canulas, hose, and breathing treatments for mom-in-laws emphysema and COPD like the back of my hand.

Leroy, Laurie, now is a good time to begin redefining Hospice in your minds. The line you set up has now been crossed and isn't valid anymore. Leroy, you are still alive and you and Laurie are together even though it is a type of togetherness that you wouldn't wish on your worst enemy.

We who follow this blog are basically by-standers unless there are some among us who actually personally know you both. We may have the best of hopes for you and counsel you with what we have learned, but what you and Laurie think, feel, and do is your freedom.

I hope and pray that you both are able to redefine that line and make the transition to accepting Hospice for what assistance they can offer you both. Leroy, you are still alive, so be alive to the best of your ability because your life isn't done until our beloved Higher Power says so. Write your auto-biography or give us memories. I'd love to read about your experiences before cancer. Windows Vista operating system has built in speech recognition and can take dictation. It works, my laptop has it.

I close this here with a prayer that you both find the peace and comfort and maybe counsel and inspiration that you need that will guide you both each day. I also pray for those same blessings for everyone who reads your blog and their families.

Sincerely,
Bobbie in West Texas

Sent by Bobbie Hollis | 5:38 PM ET | 08-12-2008

Leroy, best wishes, from my experience, you made the right decision. We hesitated to call hospice, but then we wished we had done it sooner because of their help with pain management. Love, Mary Ann

Sent by Mary Ann Gray | 5:43 PM ET | 08-12-2008

oh, what a bitter pill hospice can be to swallow! hopefully, like some of the other difficult steps you've taken on this path, hospice will show it's merits and work for you both.

This is still YOUR path, Leroy, YOUR LIFE, not just remnants. Please, please let the hospice staff take care of the details, the daily drudgery. Spend every precious moment together possible, concentrating on you and Laurie, knowing you've got extra hands now.

For all the bitterness we see, Life is still so sweet... and time is precious.

Sent by cancer PT | 5:48 PM ET | 08-12-2008

Good LeRoy and Laurie,

I am relieved.

Thank you for your courage and may God continue to help you to endure.

Gail

Sent by Gail | 5:55 PM ET | 08-12-2008

Bruce(4:35), that was well said.

Sent by Susan | 6:16 PM ET | 08-12-2008

You and Laurie are such stars. Everything is going to be fine, I know it. Hey - I'm psychic (it's a gift. and a curse).
Love to you and peace as well.

Sent by Eve | 6:30 PM ET | 08-12-2008

I think it is a good move. I understand how laurie feels, it probably seems intrusive to be sure. As hard as it was to actually do it, I'm proud of you guys for doing what is obviously the right thing. I look forward to reading about the experience.

Sent by Missy Patterson | 6:33 PM ET | 08-12-2008

Leroy and Laurie,
When the reporter becomes the story and turns inward, the pen shakes a little at the thought of sharing yourself. When I watched the Nightline piece and Elizabeth Edwards chastised Laurie for not being more visable during the story, I was disgusted that she faulted you for a terribly personal choice. A choice you made for yourself. I applaud you Laurie and you Leroy, in letting the world in to your hearts. You have touched the cancer community; patients, caregivers, survivors, family and friends. You give a voice to those who are not as eloquent, not as connected to their emotions and let everyone see cancer from the inside. Your bravery and generosity of spirit has buoyed millions and will continue to do so, long after today. May your galant future be filled with quiet moments just between you and Laurie, knowing that love is what is most important. It is not what shape the wine bottle is in, Leroy. It is how well the grapes have soaked up all that good spirit and how warm inside it makes us as we share a glass with loved ones and laugh about yesterday. For it is only out of the wine bottle that we can enjoy the wine. Share your spirit, your story, your pain, your troubles and soak up all the support that you both deserve. Deep breath...
May all your moments be forever peaceful, friend.

Sent by Ellen | 6:41 PM ET | 08-12-2008

I don't comment often Leroy - have you read the book the China Study by T. Colin Campbell - if your not up to reading then please listen to him speak.

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-1308977765978236346

Find peace my friend.

Sent by carrie Belair | 6:55 PM ET | 08-12-2008

Praying for peace for you and Laurie

Sent by Karen | 6:58 PM ET | 08-12-2008

Leroy and Laurie,
I'm glad you don't have to "decide" this issue any longer---more important things to be doing. Love each other and know you are blessed with each day you get to share together. We never had to have hospice so I cannot offer an opinion on that.
Thinking of you both every day,
Jane

Sent by Jane in AR | 7:00 PM ET | 08-12-2008

Dear Leroy and Laurie, I'm sorry. I hope there's some relief when you meet with hospice and develop a plan. I always feel better with a plan. And I'm glad you have a motorized bed although I know it's cold consolation. I wish I could do more than write a note but I know there are so many loving people in your lives and I sense they are there 100%--such a testament to who you are! Salee

Sent by sajenkins | 7:26 PM ET | 08-12-2008

You will both be absolutely fine!

Sent by alison probst | 7:28 PM ET | 08-12-2008

Thank you so very much for all that you have done to bring a face to the fight against cancer. You are so brave, funny and above all, honest in your blog. It is truly a gift to everyone here. You don't know just how much you have helped us all.

Sent by Barbara Langan | 7:40 PM ET | 08-12-2008

Much love and peace to you.

Sent by Sarah | 8:21 PM ET | 08-12-2008

Wow - a tough week for both of you. The bed and hospice are both emotional and significant decisions and I am glad they are they to help you, but still... I understand and it is tough. Blessings to you for rest and peace and laughter however, wherever you may find them.

Sent by JMoyer | 8:58 PM ET | 08-12-2008

Diane - There is probably NOTHING worse than losing your child. I would die myself long before I would want my children to go. My mother NEVER got over losing her son. It is my greatest fear and the fact that you did it with such strength and are able to retell it here with such love is a testament to your character.

We all write things here that could be edited, ,misinterpreted, etc. And WE HAVE TO GIVE EVERYONE the benefit of the doubt that our comments are not meant as hurtful, but as supportive - even in our various perspectives!

I so wish sometimes people could see my body language or hear my intonation when I write things.

We all need to remember to be tolerant. While the internet is a blessing, it is oh so hard to convey what I really mean at any given time.

Sent by Liz L. | 8:59 PM ET | 08-12-2008

As long as you can make your own decisions, the decisions will be good ones. This doesn't mean they're easy. There will be some adjustment, as there always is to something new. I think in a short time you will be glad for the help. What's the old saying - 'nothing ventured, nothing gained'? You won't know 'til you try.

Leroy and Laurie, I continue to be amazed at your graciousness with us. Thank you for your insight, it is a blessing...

Hugs and kisses...

Sent by faun | 9:05 PM ET | 08-12-2008

Leroy,

I just want to say thank you. You mean so much to so many and you are a very kind and generous man. I hope that Hospice will help you in many ways and I hope that your physical pain in as minimal as possible. I can't really know what all this means to you, but I wish for you some kind of peace and contentment. You have lived a good and honorable life. Blessings to you.

Sent by Carol