Trying to send a note without mentioning the "C" word. Just want to say have as good a day as you can possibly have Leroy. There are so many people thinking of you both.

Sent by Rose | 7:28 AM ET | 08-08-2008

Leroy and Laurie,

I always read but don't post. I thought I might today in case it's at all helpful hearing from the other side of the process. My husband died in November 07 of lung cancer, we have five school age daughters and I was at his side during the whole journey. I can't tell you how wonderful I find your blog. Hospice was not, for us in the end, a difficult decision. The lovely people from the hospice were not intrusive but supportive, in any way we needed and many that we did not realise we wanted at the time. Maybe we were lucky, but I don't think so. Whatever you decide will be the right decision for you.

Peace and blessings on you both.

Sent by Pipfitz | 7:39 AM ET | 08-08-2008

Good Morning Leroy and Laurie! Everyone today will tell you to call for Hospice by all means. BUT the final decision rests with you both because who knows better what you are enduring.Are you using the "patch" for pain now? Could you physically stand a trip away to some beautiful, serene place? That would be wonderful. Your mind needs freedom from the very word -"cancer". Enough already.
You are still with us Leroy and for that we are grateful, but what would improve the Quality of Life right now for you both? Only YOU can decide that, but I have heard some great reports about Hospice and they sure were there for our Sister in Law when she was battling Pancreatic Cancer. A wonderful group of folks! Maybe you can look on it as another "Assignment" to investigate and write about for the Media.

Sent by J C R | 7:40 AM ET | 08-08-2008

you are both a loving , wonderful gift to each other. as difficult as this choice will be to make how fortunate that you have the kind of love that you do for each other and are not alone in your future decisions! thinking, praying you are both deep in my heart as this week wears on your souls....

Sent by marianne dalton | 7:41 AM ET | 08-08-2008

Dear Leroy and Laurie,

It is important to take time from life, to try to not dwell on the inevitable and the reality that is cancer. Enjoy each other and the day, find something (anything) to laugh at and with. Enjoy the faces of friends (tell them cancer and any related topic are strictly off limits).

Rest, smile (when possible), live and be with each other... escape get away.. find a B&B for a weekend if possible.

Distant hugs and prayers for all.

"See" you on Monday.

Sent by Sue Chap | 7:50 AM ET | 08-08-2008

Leroy and Laurie - I have voiced my opinion about Hospice many times. You do whatever you feel is right . Follow your heart and it will tell you when and if to call them. Do something today to make you both smile. How about ice cream and cupcakes??

Sent by Deb from Michigan | 7:56 AM ET | 08-08-2008

Leroy and Laurie,
I already know there will be 100 posts today telling you to sign up for hospice, that they will help you find some rest. (Heck, I bet there are already 25 posts in the queue with that message, and it's only 7:45 EST!) A few weeks ago, I wrote about my friend with lung cancer who had eight good months in hospice, when they thought she had just weeks to live. Signing up would not be a resignation to the end, Leroy. Just an acknowledgement that the road to the end doesn't have to be so painful.
Peace to you and Laurie.

Sent by Linda | 7:56 AM ET | 08-08-2008

Leroy and Laurie
Long time reader and first time posting. I started reading your daily wisdom after watching the telecast of "My Cancer" I wanted to say thank you for all your humor and honesty while sharing your life in the cancer world. I do not think there is a way to measure what a blessing this column is for all those that are touched by cancer. I hope that each of us fully realize the sacrifice you and Laurie are making by sharing these daily posts. It definitely has never allowed you an opportunity to escape. It has been said that the best therapy is helping others and both of you excel at this!! I wish you peace as you go forward with your hospice decision.

Sent by Debbie Thompson | 7:58 AM ET | 08-08-2008

I know that on the one hand, hospice may seem like you are admitting that the end is near. While hospice may bring changes into your lives, I believe that the changes will be positive ones so that you and Laurie can focus on the important things and let hospice take care of those things that must be done each day but are not how the two of you should expend your energies.

Only God knows when the end will come. Hospice is there to help you live your life. I know that the perception of hospice being involved in one's life carries a negative connotation but on the "glass is half full side", it is a very positive step to help you and Laurie live your lives for however long that may be.

Blessings and prayers as always.

Sent by Al Cato | 8:00 AM ET | 08-08-2008

Dear Leroy,
After two and a half years it has reached the point for decision making about hospice. I too have to start considering this for my husband's comfort, as well as my own sanity. It is a very difficult decision for us to make. I have always considered hospice as the "End of the journey"...........it scares me to think of hospice......it brings the inevitable too close, and I am not ready to accept that yet. I know it's the right thing to do, but my head is spinning and I am so very confused. My children and I are continuing to care for him at home. For the moment, I am taking one day at a time. I will worry about it tomorrow........ I wish you find peace in whatever decision you and Laurie make.

Prayers to all.

Sent by sasha | 8:09 AM ET | 08-08-2008

Dear Leroy,
Hospice is not the end. They can help keep you comfortable and give Laurie the time to just be your wife. They can help ease her role as a caregiver. Some people are on Hospice for months.I think many people have a misconception when it comes to Hospice. They feel that they have given up. To me it is about quality of life not the end of life. My husband and I had them for months and I cannot tell you enough how great they were and how helpful in all aspects. Please consider them.They were a comfort to both of us.

Sent by Kira | 8:10 AM ET | 08-08-2008

Leroy and Laurie,
Your decision may not be an easy one, but rest assured, you are not alone.
Just know you have a whole family out here loving you, praying for you and ready to jump in and help any way we can.
Yesterdays posts were so heart warming, so loving, so honest and it's truly amazing how this family just reaches out to each and every one of us.
This blog is full of fear, sadness, pain and sorrow, but more importantly, love, friendship, faith and hope. Here we try to heal our hearts and get the strength we need to keep fighting and facing our days. Here we find honesty, wisdom and knowledge.
I wish you enough Laurie and Leroy and I pray you find peace with whatever decision you make. I love you both!
God's blessings and love to you all!

Sent by Laurie Hirth | 8:11 AM ET | 08-08-2008

Bring the help to you if you can. Here in Germany we didn't have hospice in our area. The hospital had a palliative ward though and also we had home nurses come by to help and the family doctor made house calls on a moments notice without prior appointments. (We will always love this doctor). In the last month 24 hour home help (sister, brother in law)and hospitalization too when it got too tough. Being home is much better unless you feel safer in the hospital for treatment for a time.

We had non emergency ambulance service to take us back and forth. Getting in and out of cars was no longer going to happen. Even if you just get three days at home during the week that is nicer than living out your life in a hospital.

Love to you both.

Sent by Irene | 8:14 AM ET | 08-08-2008

It doesn't have to be a big change in your lives, Leroy. Our six week hospice experience was very low-key, unobtrusive and minimally invasive, but still a tremendous help to both of us. And when it was time for inpatient hospice care, they arranged all of that for us too.

Sent by Bruce | 8:14 AM ET | 08-08-2008

Since you have always been 100% honest, what is it specifically about hospice that is causing loss of sleep? If you can share, I think it will help others so much, as they, too, face this hard decision.

Sent by N. Holmes | 8:16 AM ET | 08-08-2008

Leroy, I know this is so hard for you and Laurie. My husband and I were at that juncture just a couple of months ago. We aggonized over what to do, a decision we just couldn't seem to make. At least it sounds like you have home health care coming in. I pray that if you feel you need to make a decision that you will have someone helping you, that God will give you the strength to get through this time. Laurie, I honestly know how difficult it is to be where you are at. I am so very sorry that both you and Leroy have to be where you are at. Here we are at another weekend. The two of you hang on to each other and tune out the outside world. We are all here wrapping you both in our arms. I will continue to keep both of you in my prayers.

See you on Monday..

Sent by dorothy in oregon | 8:18 AM ET | 08-08-2008

Leroy and Laurie,
If I may, you both seem to be holding off on Hospice because you believe that you are giving up the fight.....that the Beast has won. Hospice is so much much more than that. Though Hospice was outstanding with my mom and sister, I felt they were more beneficial to the care givers (my neice and myself).

They provide a wonderful physical break for the care giver (if the care giver lets them)and for myself (the all knowing all experienced nurse!) they provided an emotional experience and physical understanding of this process that I had no idea that exsisted.

They so eased my emotional comfort and my sister and mothers physical comfort, it was as if this stage of the process was almost the begining.

For me, hospice eliminated the despair.

I hate to write this, but the Beast will win eventually. Why let it control
your emotions, feelings, hurts, pains.
Let Hospice help you control the Beast.

All my affection, thoughts and prayers.

Kim

Sent by Kim Moore | 8:20 AM ET | 08-08-2008

Dear Leroy, First of all, as always, I wish you peace and strength. Secondly, I cannot tell you how much I wish that you and Laurie would again check into hospice. Yesterday I worked as a volunteer at a block party and was talking to the R.N. about you and your blog and your hesitancy to call Hospice. Of course, all hospices are different, all I have ever heard about ours is that it is loving and caring and that is what I see in the people who work for Hospice and what I hear from the patients and their families. You are in such a tough place and they can help to make you more comfortable; they can give Laurie some peace in the knowledge that others are doing as much as they can for you. Your comfort is of the utmost import now; and you don't seem to have that - you don't need to be in pain 24/7. AND, PLEASE G-D, THERE SHOULD BE A REVERSAL, A MIRACLE, OR ANYTHING, you are not with them forever! You need some good time with Laurie and I think that this would be the way to go. You know that my prayers and good thoughts go to you and Laurie as they do every day.
Love, Jan

Sent by Janice Goldberg White | 8:23 AM ET | 08-08-2008

Signing up for hospice. The decision must be so much more than just practical. It's a symbolic decision and sends a message to you & Laurie and to others. Take the time and space to work it through. You deserve it.

Sent by Leslie Bjorncrantz | 8:25 AM ET | 08-08-2008

You should take the days off as you wish, and we are all praying for you.
I hope that God's grace will help you in that very difficult decision. Hoping you have a peaceful weekend.
Prayers,
Wanda Amorose

Sent by Wanda Amorose | 8:28 AM ET | 08-08-2008

Leroy:

I don't think that signing up for hospice is a sign that you are giving up. Right now you need some extra help. And they are very well trained to do just that. They will be a bit support to Laurie too.

Sent by Kathy | 8:34 AM ET | 08-08-2008

Leroy,
I have followed your story with great interest since I saw you and Ted Kopple tell your cancer story on TV. I am a cancer warrior and have the good fortune to be in a remission or NED (No evidence of disease) for two years. I was so blessed to have my parents do for me what Laurie has done for you. I know that the decisions we had to make about living wills, DNR's, courses of treatment, all were tough enough. Hospice is a step I have not had to deal with and I pray that what you decide gives you peace. I will tell you that all of my experiences with Hospice, as a caregiver during my friends battles wound down, were a both a great relief to know that someone knew what to do next, and panic that things were happening too fast in a direction that I was not ready for. But the peace and solice that comes in letting someone else help, letting someone else lift and clean and medicate and relieve some of the burden, it was welcomed. But while I may have this opinion, you and Laurie have a very personal choice to make. May your love and care for eachother buoy your hearts as the choices are made. Peace be with you both. Love, a fellow warrior.

Sent by Ellen | 8:41 AM ET | 08-08-2008

Leroy and Laurie....

Only you can make the decision about Hospice. You know our feelings about it, so I, for one, do not intend to try to persuade you one way or the other. I just pray that God will give you both wisdom to make the right decision for you and courage to carry it out and peace with whatever decision you do make. We are all here for you!!

I hope you got some relief from your few days off. It's a tough road that you two tred but it is a well-traveled one. Wish that it were not!!

Wishing you all good things today.

Sent by Betty Obst | 8:41 AM ET | 08-08-2008

My prayers are with you both. You will make the right decision. You probably know what that decision is already. You will make this decision and the next and the next. You will make the right decision because it will be supported by your loving friends and family. You will never be alone.

Sent by Thomas Escott | 8:42 AM ET | 08-08-2008

Dear Leroy and Laurie-
The hospice decision is clearly a difficult one for you. My guess is that it's difficult in part because you're used to controlling your lives -- something we individualistic Americans consider an essential part of our identities. And hospice may be a symbol that you're losing that control. However, it's not. It's an active choice one makes to ease the pain, both mental and physical, of the patient and of those around him. Like many others on this blog, I hope you make this choice - I see no virtue in needless suffering.

Sent by Leslie C | 8:53 AM ET | 08-08-2008

Leroy: Call them, you will be glad you did, and Laurie too. It will be a relief to you both. Love & Blessings,

Sent by Joanie, Front Royal, Va | 8:54 AM ET | 08-08-2008

Hospice is a hard decision. As a volunteer though, I know that too many people wait for too long. You will be grateful if you get involved with them as early as possible. Not only have I been on the visitor side, I have also had hospice help out with my sister's cancer, and will be ever grateful.

Sent by Jill Sanford | 9:03 AM ET | 08-08-2008

Boy, I feel for the both of you. Sounds like for you two, "signing up for hospice" means ceasing whatever chemo and treatment you are still doing. Or ceasing to hope for a turn around, or a stay. I can't tell, really. Regardless of what hospice can be in your area, under your insurance, if its meaning and connotation for you is give up in some way, AND you can get whatever equipment, nursing support you need without signing up for hospice, maybe you should avoid it for now.

'Course many of your other fans and posters are going to tell you the opposite! I think you need to go with what the reality and the connotation is for you.

I personally am rooting for you, whatever you do, however "irrational" or contrary to accepted facts.

Weird little anecdote-ette. A pop song called "Bleeding Love" by Leona Lewis came out right around the time my husband was told there should be no more chemo, and that he should "enter hospice" (which felt a lot like the ol' Abandon Hope All Ye Who Enter Hear). We're middled aged, he 57 and me 53 at the time. Anyway, cancer and allegedly imminent death made us feel strangely like Romeo and Juliet (his metaphor) where the cancer was the evil dividing us. For me, that bleeding Love song was emotionally resonant. All the voices that were telling him, and telling us to "do the right thing" and accept the inevitable were just not something we could do, until way nearer the end, and then only to get a mess of strong pain medicine. For us, hospice meant parting, or acknowleging that we were going to, and we just couldn't however adult, and smart, and "journey of life" blah-blah. I still cry when I hear this song on the radio, 4 months later.

http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/l/leona_lewis/bleeding_love.html

Sent by Teri | 9:07 AM ET | 08-08-2008

Signing up with Hospice is not admitting defeat or dispair. Hospice will make your life easier -at least it did in our case - my husband died of lung cancer nearly 11 years ago. Hospice was able to help me care for him and provide things to make that care more effective. I don't know how I would have done it without the aid of the Hospice organization here in town. Best wishes to you both. Sincerely,
B Strange

Sent by Bernadine | 9:18 AM ET | 08-08-2008

I have never known anyone to regret calling in hospice, and usually the earlier the better... more time to become comfortable with the people. They are angels, really.
Your life is similar to my mother's, keeping the cancer at bay longer than doctors predicted. My heart physically hurts for all of you, it's just so hard. God Bless.

Sent by A. Steuer, La Crosse, Wisconsin | 9:19 AM ET | 08-08-2008

If I can be so bold as to offer direct advice, please please please sign up for hospice. In my experience most people wait too long, and don't really get the benefits. Signing up for hospice is not signing up for death; it is signing up for more and better care.

Sent by Suzanne Wilcox RN | 9:20 AM ET | 08-08-2008

Hi Leroy,

Have a good weekend.
I look forward to reading this blog on Monday.
I'll pray for you, I'll think of you, I'll hope for you.
Bye.

Sent by Donato S. | 9:21 AM ET | 08-08-2008

Good Morning Leroy,
It was good to hear from you today. I hope you got a few minutes of peace while you were off. When the time is right, you and Laurie will make the decision for hospice. Minutes before my Dad passed away Mom and I was signing him up for hospice. I think that would have been OK with him. Hope you and Laurie have a restful weekend. Love and Prayers

Sent by Teresa in WV | 9:25 AM ET | 08-08-2008

Dear Leroy and Laurie:

I am sure i speak for this whole community when i express my gratitude for your willingness to continue to write every day about your journey. You are giving all of us amazing and profound insights about what lies in store for us and/or our loved ones - - what an extraordinary gift.

And while none of us, sadly, can give you the "answers" you're seeking, we can certainly support you in the "rest" that you're asking for. As much as we all eagerly read your blog daily, and as much as we'd all terribly miss hearing from and about you, what we want even more is that YOU and Laurie do what is best for you. And if, now, it's best for the two of you to rest, then that's what you need to do.

It certainly seems as if you have wonderful friends (like Sara Just who wrote in this column a few days ago) who are incredibly articulate and whose perspectives are important and interesting to us as well. So perhaps, to give you and Laurie the rest you need - - and when these friends ask, as they must do all the time, what they can do to help you - - ask them to write the day's column. That way, you can share with them any thoughts you want them to pass along to those of us who care about you so much, or instead you can just let them decide what they want to say that day.

You've given us all so much...now it's absolutely time to take care of YOU. Do what is best for you and Laurie. And if hospice will bring you rest, and peace, then perhaps that's what you should do, too.

Although i have never met you, the two of you are in my thoughts daily. Having recently reached my 50th birthday, i find myself wondering frequently what legacy I will leave behind when i pass from this world. But that's not something you have to wonder about, Leroy. In addition to your years of reporting, you've created and you will leave behind a group of people who have been touched, and changed, and inspired, because of who you are and what you've done.

Wishing you answers, and rest...

Suzanne in Houston

Sent by Suzanne Mitchell | 9:33 AM ET | 08-08-2008

Seems we had this discussion before but since I didn't say anything back then, here's my 2 cents' worth: when my wife was ill we signed up for hospice, which in our case consisted of a nurse coming to our house. Initially this was once a week, later on it became more frequent. In retrospect I can tell you that from a caregiver's perspective signing up for hospice was one of the best decisions we made throughout our long ordeal. It took an incredible burden off of me because we now had someone on standby who was willing to make house calls in case things took a sudden turn for the worse. As they eventually did.
The point is that you should sign up and get into the system. Whether you take advantage of all they offer or not right away is up to you. At least it was in our case. But when and if you ever need their support, it will be available - and most likely on a pretty short notice. And that beast dragging yourself off to the emergency room in the middle of the night anytime. Believe me I am cognizant of the monumentality of this decision because of the stigma and implication that this may ultimately be one of the last steps on your journey. But whatever your disease will do to you, it will do regardless of whether you sign up for hospice or not. And from a caregiver's point of view, having someone else in your corner was, at least for me, of incalculable value.
Michael K.

Sent by Michael K. | 9:35 AM ET | 08-08-2008

Leroy & Laurie,
Hospice is only the next natural step on the path that you've traveled since discovery of your recurrent cancer....at that point in time your cancer moved from "controlled, NED" to a chronic disease...that, with medical manangement, gave you an extrodinary run.....but even before your spinal surgery last year, you had biochemical evidence of a burgeoning tumor burden with rising CEA levels in spite of "clean" or "stable" radiographic surveys...

Leroy, you & Laurie have fought a valiant battle, you're tired, you may put it down, it's okay to say enough...pause & take stock...Hospice is our "eyes & ears" in the home, an extension, allowing us, your physicians, with the help of dedicated, professional teammates, to care for you EVERY step of your journey...also, Hospice isn't final, it is revocable, you don't extinguish that small flickering flame of hope that we all carry, that somehow, life will go on...Hospice just makes the journey less bad...

Laurie, the flood of tears is natural, if it didn't come, we would be more than worried...Hospice helps you take care of your most precious, dearest best friend & lover...Let us help you both, accept certification for Hospice...you won't give up sleepless nights & worry, you'll just be bringing on the professionals who can help carry the burden...the path, with Hospice, is much less awful than when you go it alone...My heart continues to bleed for you both...yet there is joy in the remembrance of your very public journey these past few years...Thank you for letting me know you...

Sent by Tom | 9:37 AM ET | 08-08-2008

Laurie and you are facing the toughest decisions and times in life. I can't tell you how much your bravery in writing this blog has meant to me. The decision to write this blog and share has been such an inspiration to so many people.
I understand your turmoil about hospice. I worked as a hospice RN for several years, it was the most meaningful time of my career, I loved what I did. My philosophy about hospice is to make the most of living life, managing symptoms so that life isn't so much of an overwhelming struggle.There's a peace that comes with that. I know that you and Laurie will make the right decision for yourselves. Namaste.

Sent by stewcat | 9:46 AM ET | 08-08-2008

Dear Ones - What will hospice provide that you are not getting now? If you do not know, ask. If your make the decision to sign up for hospice, you are free to change your decision, yes? I suggest getting hospice in place...

Peace be with you.

Sent by jk | 9:46 AM ET | 08-08-2008

Dear Leroy, Of the many things cancer has taken from me one of the most painful has been the illusion that I will just go on being. Freud said "Transience is scarcity value in time." He said this while walking with a young poet in the Dolomites during a particularly spring. The poet was bemoaning the fact that all this beauty was worthless because it would die in the end. In a short essay, detailing the fallacy of this assumption, he concluded that "Transience is scarcity value in time", words that I have found oddly comforting. Your time is too precious now to spend it in sleepless anxiety--although, that said, I know we don't have much choice about how we feel, moment to moment. I also have a bad diagnosis and my heart goes out to you. Salee

Sent by sajenkins | 9:47 AM ET | 08-08-2008

Sign up.

Sent by Lisa | 9:49 AM ET | 08-08-2008

"That's a big step and one that will change both our lives in fundamental ways. We have some long and sleepless nights ahead of us."

And we'll be here for you, both. We can't make the decision easier, but we can be here, thinking strong, clear thoughts for both of you. Be in harmony with your expectations, Leroy.
http://gaelenscafe.blogspot.com/

Sent by Pat | 9:53 AM ET | 08-08-2008

"Do we sign up for hospice, or not?"

Can you say some more about that? What does it mean to you to participate in hospice?

Sent by Gregory Rumburg | 9:53 AM ET | 08-08-2008

Leroy, You and Laurie will do what is good and right for you. It's very difficult, I know.

Continued prayers.

Sent by Kathy B. from Michigan | 9:54 AM ET | 08-08-2008

My husband is on his final journey and has been in hospice for three weeks. The changes have been positive. We don't have to go to the hospital or pharmacy - they bring everything here. Nurses check on him periodically. Other services are offered - we accept the ones we want, decline the others. They help us tweak his meds to make him the most comfortable. He is able to be comfortable in our own home. I can call 24/7 and get answers to my queestions. In our situation there is no down side. What is the down side of hospice for you?
I wish you both peace.

Sent by sara in california | 10:06 AM ET | 08-08-2008

Then don't write about cancer everyday. I, for one, have often thought it would be fun to meet you at a party ask you all the things I've wondered about this extraordinary person I've come to know and care about. Things like where: did you grow up? how did you get into reporting? what are some of the interesting things that happened during your assignments? how did you and Laurie meet? do you have any siblings?.... I could go on and on. I guess you should be grateful you've not met me at a party :)

Sent by Susan | 10:15 AM ET | 08-08-2008

Dude:

Our imagery of cancer has differed in the short time I've been participating in your blog. When I first got cancer, I too imagined it as "eating away at me", like rust. But my image changed with time, I began to think of it like ivy or clematis or kudzu, a life force using my structure to climb on. This made it no less an enemy, and I fought like a frickin' banshee, but it made me understand that "I" was always going to be there . . . Just like ivy, kudzu and clematis, cancer can cause damage to the structure, and the pain and fear can cause changes in us, but we're still there after all . . . seeing the dark side of this world, that is so beautifully made up of dark and light.

with loving thoughts,

Peggy C.

Sent by Peggy Carey | 10:20 AM ET | 08-08-2008

when you do 'sign up'...
accept only those nurses that you all like. hospice people understand that. it's your trip and you want people you feel ok with there with you. my $0.02.

Sent by kay | 10:21 AM ET | 08-08-2008

P.S.
Dude, if you want to say, "Hey, I don't want to write about this anymore" I would be cool with that as I'm sure all of would be. We'd miss your voice, but understand that you have other things upon which you wish to spend your time.

Peggy C.

Sent by Peggy Carey | 10:24 AM ET | 08-08-2008

Leroy & Laurie,

We too are facing this same decision. We are maybe a step or two behind you. Everyone tells me it is wonderful and only as intrusive as you want it to be. You can always "unsign" up if you don't like it or if the situation changes. Go and ahead and sign up and tell us how you like it.

Thanks again for your words which so eloquently say what so many of us can't express.

Sent by Lyda Rose | 10:34 AM ET | 08-08-2008

Although hospice sounds scary and final, it was the best thing we did at the end. It freed the family up to just take time to be together and enjoy the time we had left and not worry about the other things. I also think it also helped my grandfather keep his pride by not having his wife or his kids have to deal with the cleaning up and the "unpleasantries" as my mother would say. We were able to focus on putting lotion on his legs to help with the pain and massage whatever was hurting (the cancer was in his spine, his bones, etc.) and the hospice workers were so lovely we ALL felt cared for. Not just the person who had cancer. Think about it, you might be surprised. Hang in there.

Sent by jen | 10:37 AM ET | 08-08-2008

Did you know when you first met Laurie?
Did you know when you first landed that great job?
I think you'll know when and if the time is right for you to consider hospice.
At some point your gut feeling will kick in and when it does, we'll be here.

Sent by Sue in Rochester, NY | 10:43 AM ET | 08-08-2008

I am not sure what you mean by hospice changing your life in fundamental ways. Is it the intrusion of outsiders in to what has been up until now a private and personal struggle (in spite of your very public image in the cancer world). As for the cancer being quiet... HAH! I have not had any evidence of active disease for about 6 months, but the damn cancer has never, ever, shut up for even one moment. It is there, nagging me, ever so quietly, but constantly. like a tooth ache. I have another scan coming up on Monday, the last few days the tooth ache has grown into one heck of a monster overwhelming every thought the last few days.
BUT, today is my birthday ( the big one,,50!) And I am celebrating life today,,,,that noisy, obnoxious, belligerent cancer will just have to wait....

Sent by Theresa Lovin | 10:47 AM ET | 08-08-2008

Leroy and Laurie,

The decision is yours to make re:hospice. I've tooted that horn before and you know how I feel.

I think it would be a good idea to interview hospices in your area to see what they can offer that you don't already have. You aren't obligated to sign up until you are ready.

As a volunteer, I can't tell you how many times I have heard people say, "I wish I had done this sooner!"

This is an incredibly difficult period of your lives and I hope you take all the loving hands that reach out to you to help.

Blessings.

Sent by Diana Kitch | 10:47 AM ET | 08-08-2008

Leroy,
I so wish that this wasn't the road you have to travel. I can only imagine how difficult this is. I wish you peace with this decision. If you try Hospice and it doesn't work you can sever the relationship. My experience with Hospice was excellent; we didn't make full use of their services at the request of the patient, but they were wonderful in terms of managing pain and coming up with solutions WE could implement in terms of mobility issues, bathing etc. They gave us the space that was requested as well. You have to do what is right for you and for Laurie though, and the answer will come.

It is really good to "hear" your voice again and I thank you for taking the time to write. You are in my thoughts and prayers daily. With affection and gratitude, Jen

Sent by Jen | 10:54 AM ET | 08-08-2008

Oh how I wish that no-one ever had to think about hospice or cancer. Sometimes I get angry that cancer has invaded our lives, tired of having to deal with the phenomenal changes it inflicts on us, and exhausted from the decisions that it forces us to face and consider.
I saw a photograph of a cancer cell the other day, compared to a healthy cell. It struck a chill in my heart that something so small could be so relentless and cause such suffering.

I wish I knew the answer for you both, but I can say that I have heard only wonderful things about hospice. I will miss you and think of you until we are together again on Monday. Fondest love to everyone.

Sent by Tina from Alton, IL | 11:02 AM ET | 08-08-2008

I appreciate the information that has been posted about hospice. I think many people have misconceptions of what it means to be in hospice, and I see now the value of easing the burden on families, which allows them to be more supportive.

Sent by LindaK | 11:02 AM ET | 08-08-2008

Leroy n Laurie,

I too get tired of cancer. I work in a hospital, started a cancer support group and attend seminars etc about cancer...it gets old.
I think I spaek for all here when I say, if you need to leave this blog, we understand. All of us would miss you terribly, but we know what a toll this takes. So if you need to walk away from the cancer blog.....we get it.
This time should be yours and Lauries, you owe that to her....
We love you both.

Liz Z

Sent by liz Zimmerman | 11:04 AM ET | 08-08-2008

Leroy, Are you not trying to treat these cancers anymore? I have asked you this before and I don't think you answered. Please answer me. Thanks.

Sent by Ruth White | 11:05 AM ET | 08-08-2008

Leroy and Laurie,
Yes the beast does not take a day off but you can. Don't let it take away your spirit, and quality of life. Those tough decisions can wait a day...just hold each other and enjoy the fact that you have a greater love for each other that nothing can touch.
I wish you peace,
Miriam

Sent by Miriam | 11:17 AM ET | 08-08-2008

Dear Leroy and Laurie,

Since your posting on July 15th (and before), I know that the Hospice question has been an ever-present consideration (and a good one, at that). I have every confidence, faith and belief that you'll both do whatever it is that will bring you the most peace and comfort ~ I KNOW that your decision will be whatever is right for the two of you. For now, I just wish for restful, comfortable nights for you; with your hearts at ease.

Last night, I had a cry in the shower for you both. I'm sure I'm not alone in shedding tears for two wonderful human beings I've never met. You are treasured in our hearts. We think of you throughout our days and evenings. We eagerly anticipate our morning's communion with you, and we care deeply for you. (We're also grateful when you're honest enough to take a "day off".) There's a whole lotta love floatin' around the universe for the two of you.

Wishing you both a weekend filled with all the good things that your hearts can hold,

Kim Forester

Sent by Kim Forester | 11:21 AM ET | 08-08-2008

Leroy:
Linda said it perfectly, "Signing up would not be a resignation to the end, Leroy. Just an acknowledgement that the road to the end doesn't have to be so painful."
I have had several friends, children of friends, and Support Group members who used Hospice. They all agreed that the earlier the better! You don't have to stay with Hospice; if things get better you can opt out (and go back in if necessary).
If you have decided that there are no more treatments to try, please sign up.

Over the last few years I've sent this poem several times. I think it bears repeating once more.
David's Choice

Six of us sat in a circle
Talking about David, with David.

Too much radiation, more and more chemo,
Which way to go, what to do next?

Ours to advise and support,
His the decision to make.

Continue chemo? Open Wound Clinic?
Any new treatments to try?

And then with a thunderclap of clarity,
Came a quiet whisper of wisdom!

It's all right David,
It's all right to let go!

David went home, Hospice came to him.
Family and friends, he in his favorite chair.

Go gently, dear David,
Go gently into that good, peaceful, healing, night.

Love, Don

Sent by don winslow | 11:22 AM ET | 08-08-2008

Good Morning Leroy & Family,
Today you mentioned that it is difficult for you to write about Cancer everyday.You share your thought to other in your blog, so they may not feel alone. You mentally re-live your experiences but in doing so, I strongly believe that you take a lot of energy away from yourself. It doesn't alter the course, but makes it so much more difficult for you. I have read your blog since the beginning and it is though the cancer has totally consumed your every thought, everyday. I will continue to think positive thoughts for you and pray that you receive comfort today and in the future.
Page - Gresham Oregon

Sent by Page Hendryx | 11:25 AM ET | 08-08-2008

Cancer unfortunately will not give us peace or a break. You do have the option of hospice. When the time comes, I will call hospice for my husband. I don't think of it as giving in or giving up. I think of it as a loving way to hold on to him and a loving way for him to journey home. I don't want to wait for pain to control him, I want him to have control of the pain.
The decision is yours to make in the end. The only way to know if it is for you, is to make the call. Knowledge is much better than speculating. Go to the source, the answer is there.

Margaret

Sent by Margaret Fowler | 11:27 AM ET | 08-08-2008

The long and sleepless nights come with diagnosis. They stay through hospitalizations, treatments, moments of healing, relapses, decisions, all of it. The long and sleepless nights are relentless.
Last night I fell asleep holding my husbands hand. For a few minutes, I felt peaceful and ok, even though I am acutely aware it can't last forever. I wish you both that feeling, of being "home" together.
Wishing you both some peace today.
Big love to you both,
Debra Altschiller

Sent by Debra from New Hampshire | 11:29 AM ET | 08-08-2008

Clearly, you don't want or need more advice about hospice -- you've had tons of that already, and I believe it has run about 98% in favor of signing up immediately. I guess that step is so difficult because it is symbolic for you. I'm sorry the decision is so hard for you and Laurie. Once it is made, I hope you will get that much-needed rest. Meanwhile, as much as we would all miss your voice, maybe it would be a good idea, as someone else suggested, to ask some of your friends to take turns writing for you,as Sara did, in order to let you and Laurie try to free your minds of cancer whenever possible. You have given us and the world a huge gift by taking us along on this very private journey, but maybe now it is too demanding to try to write a new entry every day? Don't worry, we won't go away! We'll all be right here, checking in every day, holding you in our hearts.

Sent by Doris | 11:31 AM ET | 08-08-2008

Here's 2c about hospice. In our area there are three, ask your Dr. which one they like to work with (there are differences).

People wait too long to go onto Hospice care. I can't tell you how many families don't say 'it's time', wait until things get really uncomfortable, sign on, then pass away 2 days later. If that's the case, they missed out on a LOT of care & support! Also, hospice (at least from medicare) gets a daily allowance (150?) to cover everything, medication, nursing care, equipment, etc. It is not good if people wait until the 'last second' because they end up in the red (ie no more hospice care).

I've NEVER heard anyone say they regretted the decision to go on to hospice care.

You can always sign on, then sign out if you don't like it. Heck, it would give you something else to do for today. ;)

Peace.

Sent by Maureen M. | 11:32 AM ET | 08-08-2008

Regardless of whether you decide to use hospice or not, it IS admitting that your life is coming to an end. It is so difficult to face this. I do know what it meant to our family to acknowledge this. My heart is with you.

Sent by Susan in the beautiful mountains of Colorado | 11:37 AM ET | 08-08-2008

Leroy, I don't want Hospice either!! I know they are great people, but they change your life maybe more than -----. I would hold out, until no other viable choice is available. We lose everything to a disease, and in the end we also lose our dignity,privacy, etc. I would hold out. Thoughts, Stan

Sent by Stan Wozniak | 11:38 AM ET | 08-08-2008

Leroy, breathe deep, be still, and the decision may come to you more peacefully.

In honor of Laurie, and all caregivers, I'd like to share this poem by Hafiz,:

Even after all this time
the sun never says to the earth,
"You owe me."

Look what happens with a love like that -

it lights the world.

Sent by Patte | 11:41 AM ET | 08-08-2008

A sugestion --

Let's all of us give Leroy what he really wants.... a break from cancer. Let's give him a week of blogs where he can write about anything he wants. He can think, focus and write about:
Laurie, politics, best job, worst job, children, best drink, funniest joke he knows (and can repeat here), whatever he wants. This gives him for those few moments the freedom to not have to think about the Beast and to think about something so not related to his situation ----C'mon don't we all really want to know what Leroy thinks about Paris Hilton and John McCain?

Let's give them a week free of writing about his cancer, writing about whatever he wabts and I challenge all of us to respond to his blog, in such a way, that maybe, just maybe Leroy gets to have another of those gut wrenching, bring tears to your eyes laughs.

Interested?
Let's give Leroy what he wants ...time off from the cancer.

Sent by Kim Moore | 11:55 AM ET | 08-08-2008

Why not write about something other than the cancer. We are traveling and have a blog that I envisioned being about our travels but my husband has been reminiscing about times past. Your blog needs to be what helps you. And hospice means comfort. I know it also means letting someone in but there must be a line that will allow you the comfort and care you need and Laurie and you the privacy you want. Just some thoughts.

Sent by trisha zuckerman | 12:05 PM ET | 08-08-2008

It will be okay either way. You and Laurie are what it is about. I was glad we did, and so was Cliff, but we would have managed either way. And so will you two. either way. God bless you both

Sent by Lucy from Alaska | 12:10 PM ET | 08-08-2008

You might want to take a look at the Stand Up 2 Cancer website...two TV ads with Henry Winkler reflect your "cancer is never quiet" thoughts and perhaps would provide a smile to lighten your day.

Sent by Marcia Banta | 12:11 PM ET | 08-08-2008

When you are both ready for this step you will take it together and will know in your hearts that you have each other's hands to hold as you make the call.
We all just want you both to know how much we love and support you both in whatever decisions you make.

Sent by NancyGM | 12:13 PM ET | 08-08-2008

Leroy & Laurie, I always like what Stan Wozniak has to say. He's in the thick of it like you. Take a week off from the Blog too. You need a break from routine to get perspective. Go to a ball came in Camden Yards, if you are able. There are wheel chair sections. Love you. Graham from Sag Harbor.

Sent by Graham G. Hawks | 12:22 PM ET | 08-08-2008

The Caregiver's Journey
The caregiver has given time and love in ways that people see and respect, even if they do not fully understand. But the caregiver has received "gifts" from the dying person: trust and love of a kind rarely experienced, and the dying experience itself. It is all of this and something more that the caregiver receives. In trying to explain what it is about, one man offered the following analogy that he referred to as "The Journey."

Imagine helping a friend on a journey to a remote monastery perched on top of a mountain. As you begin your trip, the path is fairly clearly marked and the goal easily seen in the distance. But as you approach, the monastery is often obscured by the tops of trees in the forests through which you pass. And you say " if only we could get out of this woods, we would be able to see the monastery again and see where we're going." And as you continue the climb, the path fades and much is accomplished by guesswork. You call on your friend for help. After all, this is his trip and he should know what he's doing. But he becomes older and weaker and relies more on you moment by moment.

Things get worse. You lose the path and you are tired and hungry. But, he can not proceed alone and you can't leave him on the mountain while you return to the warmth and safety of home. So, you find a new reserve of strength, enough for both of you, and you continue up the mountain, for now it is your journey, as well. You look at yourself anew and find that you have gown older, become more mature like your friend, and you accept this as part of the mutual trip. And in accepting your role as guide you find that you are guided, that your friend, whose legs have crumpled beneath him by now, offers you wellsprings of courage and hope. You drink deeply, for you realize that if either of you are to make it to the top, it will need both of you guiding and supporting the other in ways constantly changing and unimaginable.

One day when you least expect it, the heavy cedar gates of the monastery are suddenly dead ahead. The trip had become the whole purpose, it seemed, and the monastery forgotten. But there it stands: Your friend's objective has been reached The door opens to admit your friend and, as if you had performed the ritual many times before, you hand your friend over the threshold. The door closes, and you stand there numb, alone, bewildered.

Out of habit you continue walking. It doesn't seem to matter in what direction, for each of the possible paths lead back down from the mountain.

The trip down seems easier than the trip up was. The mountain holds few surprises, now, and there is ample time to sit and ponder before reaching the valley below. And somehow in reviewing the trip with your friend, its moments of desperation and fear are overshadowed by the times of giving and accepting, of sharing and journeying together. Memory of the monastery fades and in its place stand crystal images of points along the upward trek. There was the time you picked him up and carried him across the rocks when his strength failed. And there was the time when you slipped and lost your grasp, but he held you up and supported you with the power of his mind. There was something special in those moments, something, which if you could string all of those images together in just the right order, that then, maybe then, you would understand.

As it is, you return to the valley a different person, quieter and stronger, knowing only that you have been a part of something .... holy. This friend shared with you his most personal possession, his death. And though you can't quite comprehend its true value, you find yourself hoping that you will have the ability to fully experience and share your final journey with another wayfarer to whom you can pass on crystal images.

Deep gratitude and celebration are the order of the day for those of us who are called to assist in this challenge. The suffering, remember, is found only in our refusal to let go, only when we refuse to go through the pain and move to the other side. We get through by going through. The rewards are wonderful: the joy and blessings that come from extending the self beyond its own comfort zone; the knowledge we gain of life and death; the love that is lost and found again on a higher plane; and the areas of awareness that are opened. Grief is a healing process to be welcomed and not feared, for when it is allowed to go its own course unobstructed, it will fill with wonder the void that the loss created.

Sent by Jacqueline | 12:31 PM ET | 08-08-2008

Dear Leroy,
If you don't have Hospice for yourself, please consider doing it for Laurie. Then maybe she can have some rest and be an even stronger guiding light, comfort, and support for you! I would not hold out as mentioned above. The peace and comfort you both could have is immeasurable.

Sent by Attie | 12:35 PM ET | 08-08-2008

Leroy and Laurie,

A very dear friend and her husband are facing the same decision. They've done a lot of research and everything they've told me about hospice is wonderful.

The only problem they're having is with the name: "hospice". Or in their case, "HOSPICE". I know if it were called "assistance" or "vacation" or even "Bob" they would have signed up long ago.

They're missing out on a whole lot of help that would be right for them if they could bring themselves to accept it. I can't get them to see it without hurting their feelings and making them face issues they don't want to face.

I don't know what all the issues are in your case. You say that you're questioning, but you don't say what the questions are. I hope that the answers present themselves easily.

Sent by Nancy | 12:46 PM ET | 08-08-2008

Dear Leroy and Laurie,

Whatever comes your way, whatever your decisions, know that I am constantly thinking of you and praying for you. That may not be much, but it's all I can do.
Love to you both.

Sent by Connie | 12:53 PM ET | 08-08-2008

I'm looking for a different sort of support from your blog now that I'm on the other side. My wonderful father crossed over one week ago tomorrow. I can now say, after we had Hospice care inside the hospital for Dad's last two weeks, that we met some wonderful folks in Hospice, and they were helpful to us. God bless you and Laurie, Leroy.

Sent by Linda Lee | 12:54 PM ET | 08-08-2008

With the greatest respect for this community, I feel it is not necessary or even good to offer direct advice about medical/hospice matters, or to ask Leroy to answer specific questions that we might wonder about.

Of course, in saying this, I am supposed I am trapped in an irony, because I have just given advice too! Maybe I'm slightly uncomfortable with an issue that is never discussed, at least in my memory- many people here feel that Leroy is a friend, or feel for him like a family member. I understand that. After all, how could there possibly be too much caring and love in the world?

But, let's be real. This IS a community, but it's a community with some boundaries. I myself resonate most with those posts - and there are lots of them- that give support, or caring, or personal experience but don't assert what should be done in terms of life and death decisions. Every person, every heart, every need, every set of fears and hopes, is so different....

Sent by Barbara K | 1:02 PM ET | 08-08-2008

Dear Leroy,
You continue in the role of teacher even while you're as confounded by an issue as I frequently find myself.
As you've allowed this blog family to watch you wrestle with this Hospice decision, I realize how much energy I can expend over matters that may not be deserving of the time and attention I give them.
You appear, at least for now, to be deciding not to decide. And that, I've learned, is a perfectly valid decision. So, if that's your choice, the decision's been made for now. (whew!)
On the other hand, when I've been confronted by what appear to be monumental decisions, I've been comforted by telling myself that no decision I ever make is irrevokable. So if I pick "the way" and find it doesn't work for me, I can always choose another path whenever I choose. That conviction has been empowering for me.
I hope you're able to clarify this choice soon if only to allow you to redirect your energy to other important matters like Laurie's lovely smile and gentle breezes coming thru your window on these lovely August days.
Only love,
Anita

Sent by Anita Solomon | 1:03 PM ET | 08-08-2008

We lost our mother in February to pancreatic cancer. The only way she would go home from the hospital, with hospice, was the promise that if she didn't like it, she could go back to the hospital. After one week with hospice, mother wanted to go back to the hospital. We called for a direct admit. Once that was received, we called the ambulance, and then we called hospice to bring us the paper work. It is your decision, but know that there are always other options; that one does not have to be "final".

Sent by Renea | 1:13 PM ET | 08-08-2008

I'm thinking and praying for both of you.

Sent by Linda | 1:23 PM ET | 08-08-2008

Dear Leroy,
I've been reading your blog for a long time, but have never posted. Today is the day!!
In the course of my lifetime, there have been a few times when I had to make enormous decisions that I agonized over. Boy, those were some difficult times. Once I made the decision, however, I felt a sense of serenity...it was almost eerie. Even when I was diagnosed with cancer last year, I felt so sad and out of control until I was given a plan, a course of treatment, something that I was able to do one day at a time.
Clearly hospice is a big step for you and Laurie. Guess it's time for each of you to make a list of pros and cons and see what shakes out.
Right now, I'm feeling like there are so many things I want to know about you: What are your favorite books/movies/television shows/musicians? What was the one piece of advice that has meant the most to you? Describe the perfect day. What were you like as a kid? What about your family? Did you ever have a pet that you loved more than anything else? What about a favorite toy?
Cancer is a "thing." Who is Leroy? That is so much more important to us.

Sent by BEG from MA | 1:29 PM ET | 08-08-2008

Dude, you know the answer to the Hospice question, as does Laurie. Take another day off, find a place that's quiet and listen to what your hearts say. I would bet, being journalists and all, that you're trying to get all the facts, interview all the people, do a comparision analysis and then put it in perspective for your situation. This isn't a news story - it's your life. So, all you have to do is just listen.

I wish you peace.

Sent by Joyce in FL | 1:38 PM ET | 08-08-2008

I like Kim Moore's suggestion. I know I read this blog everyday and it is all consuming, keeping the cancer alive and well. Maybe just for a time, a break would be nice. Less being more! For your readers, I am pretty sure we would all love to hear from you thoughts unrelated to cancer. To just be like old friends, acting normal, looking for a distraction from lifes emotional journey. Certain you would love to express your thoughts on some of the current events. For me, I would love to tune in on Monday and see you talking about anything but cancer. I wish you well this weekend.
Nancy

Sent by Nancy | 1:44 PM ET | 08-08-2008

Leroy and Laurie,

Please know that we all are holding you in our hearts, thoughts and prayers. I trust you to do what is best for you and to know that you need offer no explanations nor rationale. Just be, both of you, precious as you are to all of us. Thank you for all you give to us.

With love,
Carolyn

Sent by Carolyn in Seattle | 1:48 PM ET | 08-08-2008

Pain reaches the heart with

electrical speed

But truth moves to the heart

as slowly as a glacier

When ever I have a difficult decision to make I sing Kenny Rogers song The Gambler and the decision always comes loud and clear. Peace to you both.

Sent by Jude Kegerreis | 1:51 PM ET | 08-08-2008

You both have been so generous to share your lives with us. Is there anything we can do for you?

Sent by Betty O'Connor | 1:54 PM ET | 08-08-2008

Dear Leroy and Laurie,
I receive your blog daily via email. Even though I don't post often, I just wanted you to know that your blog is very helpful. You teach others that they are not alone. I use my blog as a form of therapy as my husband and I deal with our own cancer, and also to educate others.
In regards to a previous thought on what should happen to this blog, I personally think it belongs to you. Just like mine, when I die (as we all will eventually) I don't expect someone to write anything more in my blog except for memorial purposes. Just my opinion from the deepest part in my heart.

Sent by Jane | 1:55 PM ET | 08-08-2008

By all means, call hospice in! They will be a tremendous relief for both you and Laurie. Let her go back to being your wife and partner and not your caregiver. You both will benefit.

Sent by Ginny | 2:18 PM ET | 08-08-2008

My Mom works for Hospice. She started working there a year into my cancer diagnosis in the hopes it would help her deal with my tough road ahead. We talk alot about Hospice and what she sees and how patients are doing.

She said almost every single family wishes they would have signed up earlier. There are lots of things they can do to help both you Leroy and Laurie and the rest of your family. They offer guided imagery, massage, meditation, home nursing, spiritual leadership, and of course, the medical side of things with pain management, etc. There is no reason you couldn't give it a try when you are ready. I personally don't know how I will know when I am ready. But as I said before, perhaps you just know.

I hope you have a wonderful weekend and enjoy some time of diversion and thoughts besides cancer.

Thanks again for your blog. You've helped me more than words could ever say.

Sent by Alexis Redmond | 2:19 PM ET | 08-08-2008

Please don't forget that hospice can help at home. It may be the best way for you to get support while not having too many changes. I wish there would be more that we, your grateful readers, could do. Know you are both in our thoughts and prayers.

Sent by Karen | 2:23 PM ET | 08-08-2008

Peace, hope, and trust.......

Sent by alexis | 2:36 PM ET | 08-08-2008

Hi Leroy, I'm so glad to see you back and commend you for taking a couple of days off! Laurie and Sara eloquently shared their feelings. They are wonderful writers and took us into their experiences. And then it's wonderful to read your voice back again today. Did you know that you and your loved ones are doing so many things right...and a miracle has happened with the blog. People who have never met, have formed a bond of support and peace. The blog will find its own form in the future, and however that turns out, you will be in it. For now if you want to write less often, say once or twice a week, that sounds perfectly reasonable. We know you're there and will put thought into what you'll share with us next. Wishing you a blessed weekend!

Sent by Sally in Spokane | 2:42 PM ET | 08-08-2008

Wow, Jacqueline!! I am thunderstruck by your message. What a perfect analogy. As a care/life giver survivor, I've never had the experience I've been through explained so well. Thank you for sharing.

Kim Moore, excellent idea. I've always wondered what Leroy's best Halloween costume was...

Have a great weekend.

Sent by Kathy B. from Michigan | 3:09 PM ET | 08-08-2008

Jacqueline,
Thank you so much for your beautiful writing. I found your thoughts extremely moving.

Sent by Liliana | 3:41 PM ET | 08-08-2008

This is really for Laurie...Hospice isn't just about helping the patient achieve the best quality of life they can, while they can - it's about giving support, empathy, encouragement and strength to those that are doing the caring...because knowing you did the best possible job of caring for your loved one is a tremendous help in the days 'after'. Hospice isn't to be feared. I embraced Hospice help for my husband and now work for the movement. I would urge you to look on Hospice positively. Love and prayers

Sent by Lisa Burt | 4:28 PM ET | 08-08-2008

Leroy and Laurie,
As I've mentioned before, I've been a hospice volunteer for over a year now. All I can add, is that every one of my patients and their loved ones wish they had called upon hospice sooner.
I understand your struggle as I'm with you on this journey. When the time is right for you, you will know it.
The relief I provide caregivers is so easy for me and so appreciated by them. My goal with my patients is to put a smile on their faces. Since I'm a patient, too, we have many good laughs. Usually it's a gallows humor type exchange. Things like, "Who ever thought it would come to this,-expletive!" and "Hey, you look great! Well, at least we're both still breathing!"
Sue

Sent by Sue Mersic | 4:32 PM ET | 08-08-2008

Hi Leroy and Laurie,
The torture is your indecision. Just do it! You both will feel better with hospice. Sending loving wishes your way.

Sent by Paulette | 4:58 PM ET | 08-08-2008

Obviously no one can really tell you whether or not to call hospice. You both need to be at peace with that decision. But if you find yourself in an emergency situation, do you want to be rushed to the hospital? Would you be more comfortable as an inpatient, or more comfortable at home in your own bed? Do you and Laurie have the proper pain meds. on hand and the knowledge as to how to administer them? Who will care for you if an unforseen medical emergency occurs? These are just a few of the questions you need to ask yourselves. If you prefer a sense of control, then going to the hospital is not the place to be. Please do not wait until you are in a dire situation to make a decision. Everyone knows their own level of comfort. I will be thinking about both of you over the weekend and sending you prayers for strength and peace.

Sent by Donna R. in NJ | 5:01 PM ET | 08-08-2008

Dear Leroy (Larry, Leo, Big Guy, Dude!)--

I have been reading the blog since it started but this is my first post. I wanted to share a joke in hopes it makes you chuckle, just a little...

Q: What is an agnostic, dyslexic insomniac?

A: Someone who lies awake at night, wondering if there is a Dog.

Hoping you have a peaceful weekend. With love and admiration, Kat (now back to lurking)

Sent by K. S. M. in Santa Monica | 5:05 PM ET | 08-08-2008

I agree with Kim Moore. Let's get off the cancer train for 1 week of discussions on anything in the universe. More ideas: books or movies enjoyed, oddest current event, childhood memories, best meal ever, who's your hero, etc.

Sent by Paulette | 5:36 PM ET | 08-08-2008

Dear Leroy & Laurie, I was a Hospice RN for 15 years before I retired. ther is a saying that Hospice Nurses are born not trained. i truly believe that. The focus when you are on Hospice is on your living your best possible days for as long as possible. The focus is NOT on your dying! The whole team will help both of you with the scary, tough questions you are dealing with. Their focus will be managing your symptoms and you will not find a better person, not even a Physician that can manage pain as well a a Hospice Nurse.
Too often families wait too long before they get Hospice involved which is a shame. They can be a great help to you and your whole family as you travel this journey. My prayers are with all of you. Debra, Mesa, AZ

Sent by Debra | 5:37 PM ET | 08-08-2008

Hi Leroy,
I have just somehow landed on your blog, and would like to offer a possible ray of hope in your process.
If you have a computer handy, please check out the website: germannewmedicine.com
I recently attended a Presentation about it in LA, and have since researched the site.
This may not be your timing, but I just wanted to
put out the possibility :-)

Wishing you whatever is for your highest good,

Angela

Sent by Angela M. | 5:47 PM ET | 08-08-2008

If it helps at all in your decision about hospice, I have a 16 year old niece who is currently receiving hospice care, and has been for the past year. We don't know what the future holds for her, but realistically, we know her illness isn' tsomething there's a cure for. For us, it's not been about giving up -- it's been a growth experience in accepting support that makes our lives a little easier. You'll know if -- and when -- that sounds like a good idea...always in my thoughts...

Sent by Tammy Reasoner, Cincinnati, OH | 5:56 PM ET | 08-08-2008

One other comment: when we were given the news that it was likely 2-4 weeks, the doc asked if we wanted hospice. Terry immediately said yes, and the doctor gave us three or four local options, and recommended one over the others. I don't know what they would have been like, but they couldn't have been better than the one that was recommended.

We quickly got the rules straight with them: the nurse would visit one or two times a week, the social worker would either call or visit once a week, the aide came by three days a week to help with bathing.

I would handle routine medical care, dressing changes, shots, ivs, etc (I'm trained) and if I ever felt out of my comfort zone I could call them 24/7. Also, the social worker was available to help with getting affairs in order.

All in all, we were largely left alone, which is what we wanted. Just knowing help was a phone call away was a huge relief, though. And they offered me grief counseling for free any time I would choose to start it. Although I haven't, I can at any time.

Hospice let Terry stay at home until the last week, and Terry made the choice when it was time to go to inpatient.

Sent by Bruce | 6:12 PM ET | 08-08-2008

Dear Leroy and Laurie,
Whatever you decide, we're with you. I think we just want you to have the support you need to make it through these tough times.

On a brighter note, our dragon boat breast cancer survivor team "Hope in the Boat" participated in the Lake Champlain Dragon Boat Festival last weekend. Talk about hope and strength! Nineteen of us cancer folks doing something totally non-cancer-related and HAVING A BLAST!

Wishing you some peace and comfort.

Sent by Betsey in Albany | 7:01 PM ET | 08-08-2008

It's been a tough week for you guys and many others facing these questions. I'm sorry I never got the chance to meet you or know you in person, it would have been really nice to sit down to lunch with you. That would have been an unforgettable moment, to have the privilege of hearing about all your wordly travels and adventures. I respect that. People say cancer can't take abstract ideas and spirituality from you, but it does.I hope you have said anything you need to say to everyone you wanted to say something to. I have always felt like it was a privilege, actually a miracle in a way, for us all to come together under your wing and share our hearts. If I could reach out and offer hugs, I would. Love you, from Sherri in Texas

Sent by Sherri Eggleston | 7:06 PM ET | 08-08-2008

This is your choice, Leroy and Laurie, not ours. Just remember that while we may not choose which path we must walk, we can at least choose where to place our steps...

Sent by cancer PT | 7:17 PM ET | 08-08-2008

I feel that your dilemma with hospice is not in our head, but in your heart. When we were told to consider hospice for my Dad my "nurse brain" silently screamed NO! I asked for 2 days to think about it. He only lived one more day, so the answer never had to be given, but during that day I realized that I knew in my head what the correct decision was..I just had to let my heart catch up in the thinking process. Accepting hospice doesn't negatively effect someone's prognosis in any way, but mentally we seem to attach a stigma to it. I say go for it since it's not a binding contract. I also acknowledge that it's easier for me to say than do. Is there anyway you can get away to Hawaii for a couple of weeks? As in take a hospice person with you to do the "relief" work!

Sent by Susan | 7:59 PM ET | 08-08-2008

Dear Folks, I sent these suggestions in an email to you. I send them again in case they did not reach you. I commend the work of Edward Tick, Ph.D., and Deena Metzger to you. Please take time to explore their work as it may offer some adjunctive as well as palliative care and respite. I also was a wife/caregiver and do apologize for the intrusion of this suggestion. However, I know how supportive their work is and how comforting. I offer this to you in the hopes that you will find it another and useful resource.

Sent by Hanna Michaels | 7:59 PM ET | 08-08-2008

Dear Leroy, As I read your blog, I found myself surprised that you are continuing to struggle with the hospice decision.

I am going to suggest that you give some thought to why you continue to struggle with the hospice decision. Maybe it is one of last things you can still control whether or not to accept hospice. It may also be a form of denial, hospice may mean giving up to you, which is fine, but why struggle with a decision that I think you have already made.
Wishing you the peace you are seeking. warm regards

Sent by elissa Rosenfeld | 8:19 PM ET | 08-08-2008

I have been visiting my in-laws at their summer home for 2 weeks. Although I was able to read your main blog a few times, I haven't been able to read the comments since the internet cell-phone based line is so expensive over there.

When I awake tomorrow at 3am or 4am I will go through them in my jet-lagged fog.

If at 3am your mind is pondering to-hospice-or-not-to-hospice know that I am sending you soothing thoughts in the middle of the night from my kitchen in New Jersey.

Laurie - your blog post 2 days ago was so heart-wrenching! So touching. None of us who read it will forget it.

Sent by Liz L. | 8:37 PM ET | 08-08-2008

Together.You will do this together-that is your blessing.Hoping for some pain free days and blessed sleep.

Sent by sue bee | 10:06 PM ET | 08-08-2008

I hope this weekend is one of rest and comfort for both you and Laurie.

Sent by John | 10:59 PM ET | 08-08-2008

As my husband's cancer progressed (in 1989), we weren't offered hospice. We weren't offered anymore treatment either. Nowhere to turn. Although these choices are so difficult for you, I'm glad the choices are available for you. I think it would have helped us both if we didn't feel so alone. Wishing you all good things today and always, Leroy and Laurie.

Sent by Annie | 12:12 AM ET | 08-09-2008

They really need a hospice that allows one to continue to pursue life-extending treatment while also attending to one's pain management and other life issues.

My wife's mom resisted hospice because she didn't want to give up.

The hospice 'movement' makes it pretty plain that that is what you are effectively doing if you decide on hospice. She finally did have hospice, but to be honest, she would have done just as well with a visiting nurse. The family did most of the work anyway. They just showed up every few days to check in on her.

Huh? This is supposed to be a big deal?

Sent by Scott S. | 3:20 AM ET | 08-09-2008

Dear Leroy, thank you for blogging your cancer journey. It's enlightening in so many ways. I sincerely hope you're taking lots of mental jouneys or escapes and also allowing yourself to take other kinds of breaks. I think so much of you and your wife.

Sent by Marilyn White | 4:15 AM ET | 08-09-2008

Okey you two -

If one person says you have tail, you can probably ignore it. When dozens of folks say you have a tail, it's time for action.

Try it. You might like it.

You aren't marrying hospice ya know. You can break up whenever you want.

It's support. Nothing more, nothing less.

Peace

Sent by Tally | 4:16 AM ET | 08-09-2008

I check your blog almost every day, and send positive thoughts your way.
The best advice I was ever given as a cancer patient was to never ignore your feelings. Just "try them on" like new clothes, wear them around for a while, and change into something different. I hope this is how the hospice decision will be for you, like a new set of clothes. Not bad, just different.

Sent by Lori Lee | 8:11 AM ET | 08-09-2008

Prayers for you this weekend. You will make the right decision. With thoughts of peace and care...

Sent by anne lumberger | 8:25 AM ET | 08-09-2008

The one thing not mentioned in all these blogs is that one phone call takes you out of hospice. Easy as that. If you try it for some time and you don't like it just quit using it. And you can go back again any time. Your making this decision too hard on yourself. I know I did the same thing. Prayers are with you, hope to be here Monday to read again. And Yes I'm with Hospice now and wouldn't change a thing.

Sent by mary fitzpatrick | 11:10 AM ET | 08-09-2008

Hello

I have read and at times posted a thought to this blog and it has been so helpful to me.

But my thought is today is that perhaps you don't always have to write the blog perhaps now is the time for you to do what is best for you and your loved ones. I write this in response to you saying it sometimes hard to write about cancer every day.

Sending wishes for peaceful moments.....

Karen

Sent by Karen | 11:50 AM ET | 08-09-2008

I've never posted a message before, though I've read this from the beginning. I just want to say, Leroy, it's time. The timbre of your posts began to change in early July and I almost sent a note then. It's time for hospice. Be at peace.

Sent by Sue Whitaker RN | 2:14 PM ET | 08-09-2008

Please know you are both in my thoughts and prayers. I wish you peace and restful minds, free from worry.

Sent by Amy | 4:12 PM ET | 08-09-2008

nd Laurie, -- *only if you feel like sharing,* I'd be interested to know what maks the hospice decision such a big and sleep-robbing one for you all.

With wishes for your clarity and ease and gentle days,

Sent by Sarah | 4:54 PM ET | 08-09-2008

Dear Leroy, Laurie and Cancer World-

Ultimately we do get the last laugh over cancer because we do triumph and kill it once and for all, but unfortunately our bodies have to die also. When our bodies die, the cancer dies, but our stories, our laughter, our legacies, the things that made us human will live on while the cancer stays dead.

This blog has changed my life and I won't forget it. Peace be with you.

Sent by lee | 12:53 PM ET | 08-10-2008

Leroy and Laurie,
The hospice decision is a tough one. Please know that as the two of you wrestle with all the implications of the choice during those sleepless nights, you will both be in my prayers and heart. Bless you both for everything you have shared, and continue to share with this community. Peace.

Sent by Susan Crawford | 3:53 PM ET | 08-10-2008

Leroy, I am meeting with hospice tommorrow. At first it was to gather info, but I think I am ready. I am tired and so many things are difficult to do alone. I haven't been to work in one month and I don't know if it's worth it to go back. My only concern right now is $$$$ but I guess you will always have that.

Sent by Jill | 6:44 PM ET | 08-10-2008

Leroy & Laurie,
I bring you the words of Rachel Naomi Remen in Kitchen Table wisdom who writes, "The most important questions don't seem to have ready answers. But the questions themselves have a healing power when they are shared. An answer is an invitation to stop thinking about something, to stop wondering. Life has no such stopping places, life is a process whose every event is connected to the moment that just went by. An unanswered question is a fine traveling companion. It sharpens your eye for the road."

Live your question...
Godspeed
Celia Engel Bandman

Sent by Celia Bandman | 8:43 PM ET | 08-10-2008

When i have a difficult quesion i find it can be easier to find the answers when i have the right questions.

Sent by jj | 2:40 AM ET | 08-11-2008

Leroy and Laurie,

Choose the hospice organization of "your choice". Then, call them if and when it feel right.

Hospice is an option not a requirement. Remember, you can go back to the hospital and medical care if hospice doesn't work out to your satisfaction.

Best Wishes.

Sent by Marilyn | 6:20 AM ET | 08-11-2008

Leroy -- agreeing with some of the other posts above - what is the downside to hospice care? They will support you and Laurie immeasurably, they will not offer more support/service than the two of you want and need... and bottom line, you can always change your mind later if you find that you do not need them at all.

Sent by Dorothy | 12:14 PM ET | 08-11-2008