You are more than welcome, and I want to thank you for everything this blog has done for me.
Prayers,
Wanda Amorose

Sent by Wanda Amorose | 7:49 AM ET | 08-29-2008

This was in a sense a great week for this blog. One filled with sadness but for me a glimpse into another part of Leroy's world, and yours too. This week certainly let me see how well Leroy was cared for and what great people were doing it. It helps a little you know? So thank you Laurie for this week and for all you have given to me. I hope I am not saying good by? Not ready yet to do that. I hope you can find some peace this weekend. 1 - 2 - 3 LIFT!

Sent by JaeMoyer | 7:49 AM ET | 08-29-2008

Well said Laurie.

Sent by Sue in Rochester, NY | 7:56 AM ET | 08-29-2008

Laurie, reading the messages from the members of yours and Leroy's medical team this week has been wonderful. Thank you for sharing them. It is a very generous and instructive thing for you to do.

I am a nurse and a widow of a physician who was taken way too prematurely by cancer. We were fortunate. My husband was cared for by his colleagues in his hospital. It was a real comfort to him.

Like you and Leroy, we all fought the good fight together and the learning was mutual, respectful and interactive. It is good to know that you and Leroy had a similar experience.

I know what you mean when you say that friendships developed over that intense time and within those professional boundaries. Those health care providers, especially his oncologist and his chemo nurse became part of our family. Two years later, I still miss my husband and I even miss his medical team.

I wish everyone could have the positive medical experience that we have had. It can make a huge difference in the quality and even the quantity of time that a cancer patient and family might have.

Take care, Laurie.

Sent by Marilyn | 8:21 AM ET | 08-29-2008

Laurie and all,
This blog has also become a family for me. Each day I start with my coffee and all of you. Each day you prepare me for that soft landing that Laurie described.
I hope someday I can find that special place in my heart for Neil. I hope someday I can move forward. I know Neil is in a better place, he no longer has cancer and he is now at peace. I am hoping someday I will find that special place in my heart for him as well. I hope I can stop crying the tears of sadness and start crying tears of joy and happiness. As Bruce once told me, yes, it does get easier.
I don't know what the plan for me is yet...but each day is a gift for me and as I reach tomorrow, I realize I made it through another day and I am closer to finding that place in my heart for Neil.
I want to thank all of you for helping my days have those soft landings....here I am not alone.

Sent by Laurie Hirth | 8:22 AM ET | 08-29-2008

Life is full of the families we have - those we are born into, and those we build for ourselves.

There is no reason why you can't continue to have contact with the Wizards. Maybe you could volunteer at Hopkins a couple times a month?

I'm still lifting, and others are too.

Sent by Liz L. | 8:25 AM ET | 08-29-2008

Laurie, I so appreciate your being here with us and I hope you will continue. You and Leroy were very fortunate to have the medical team that you did. They all sounded like great careing people. After my husbad passed away I felt a loss of the friendship that We had received from his oncolgist and staff. For 2 years they had been intertwined in our lives.

Laurie, I hope you will have a restful weekend. We all are still out here lifting. And yes, we all have a reason to say Thank You.

Sent by dorothy in oregon | 8:37 AM ET | 08-29-2008

I'm glad your friends are doing everything they can to give you a soft landing, Laurie.

As for the people on this blog, we are an odd kind of family since most of us only know you are Leroy through what has been written here, but just in terms of numbers, I don't know if we qualify as a "mini" family ;-)

Some people are your friends for life, some are friends for a part of your life then circumstances change. Haivng moved several times in my adult life, after several years of living in one place, I know sometimes friendships make a move with you and sometimes they don't. But the friends that were there just for one period of your life remain no less loved, even if you lose touch. And I'm sure that's true for how the health care professionals you have made friends with feel about you too.

Sent by N.R. | 8:42 AM ET | 08-29-2008

Dear Laurie,
Well said, and, Thank You.
1 - 2 - 3 Lifting
Sending wishes for warm memories and comfort and moments of grace.

Sent by Stitches | 8:43 AM ET | 08-29-2008

No, thank you.

Take care Laurie and thanks for allowing us in your life.

God bless you.

Judy

Sent by Judy Voller | 8:49 AM ET | 08-29-2008

Dear Laurie,
We are still lifting..............all lifting each other. Thank YOU for continuing this blog........it is a life support for all of us.

Sent by sasha | 9:01 AM ET | 08-29-2008

Laurie,
You won't lose your family at John's Hopkins. All of you are bound by the loss and love for Leroy. As all of you mourn the loss of Leroy, you will grow stronger and become close.
Peace to you.

Sent by Juan | 9:03 AM ET | 08-29-2008

Laurie,
I understand exactly what you mean about losing that aspect of your life as it has been "your mini-family" for some time now. I find my self wondering what has happened to many of my husbands nurses and Doctors. We came to know some better than others but still I wonder would they want to know about my husbands death? We had to travel 150 miles one way for David's treatment and did that for almost 3 years. I have wanted to go back and visit the clinic but don't know if they would even remember me. My husband was a quiet man, said very little to them but I spoke up for him when I needed to. We did not form real frienships with any of them but they were all nice and meant well even when they were having bad days. When a chemo nurse is having a bad day, now that's a really bad thing. Once the nurse hooked my husband up to get his Avastin, only the connection wasn't really made, and about $6,000.00 of it had to be mopped up. Funny thing about that was he wasnn't even supposed to be getting Avastin that day, it was supposed to be Erbitux. I tried to explain that to her but she shooed me out saying, "Now Mrs. Dunn you know we can't allow you to stay back here the whole time". That hurt. The only satisfaction we had was next time on the front of David's file was "No Avastin This Week" and the other Chemo nurse told us how they had the discussion of "What we did to Mr. Dunn last week".

Oh well, things like that happen in an imperfect world. I guess you could say I am still having trouble learning to not stay in the Cancer World. I got hooked on your and Leroy's story and just can't let it go.

I feel for you and all you have been through and will yet be going through.
I really appreciate you letting us hear from Leroy's medical family. I often feel the urge to talk to some of the ones we new.

You keep holding on and know there are plenty of us out here that may not have walked in your exact shoes but pretty close. We can share a lot with each other.

Thank you for being there and letting us continue being here for you.

Janice

Sent by Janice Dunn, Troy AL | 9:13 AM ET | 08-29-2008

Dearest Laurie:
Once you have been given 'something' you can never lose it. It is a part of you that you will take forward. Nothing is ever lost - it is still there inside your heart, always with you.
God Bless You!
1-2-3 Lift!

Sent by Joanie, Front Royal, Va | 9:19 AM ET | 08-29-2008

Dear Laurie,

The fact that so many of us return to this blog nearly every day affirms your thinking of this as a mini-family.

As much as I miss the words supplied by Leroy, I come here because the loss of this site, this outlet, this family would be another very real, albeit cyber, loss.

As long as you continue the blog, this member of the family will be along for the ride and the writing.

Peggy

Sent by Peggy | 9:21 AM ET | 08-29-2008

Laurie, what a great post. Leroy and you gave so much of yourselves through this journey. It is bittersweet to think about the beautiful relationships and support that you experienced along the way. It is great that you are reflecting on this and that you did (and do...and will) feel helped and supported by those relationships. I know from his past writings that Leroy cherished these relationships too. You both are really beautiful and unique to have taken this journey and we appreciate you so much for it.

Sent by Nichole in FL | 9:22 AM ET | 08-29-2008

Dear Laurie,
You have a good heart. Leory was certainly a lucky man to have you in his life. You will be in my prayers during the days of transition ahead.
Charlotte in Rural Ridge, PA

Sent by Charlotte Kewish | 9:22 AM ET | 08-29-2008

We accept your thank you, but not without a hearty thank you from us. Thank you for letting us in, thank you for sharing yr Leroy with us every day, thank you for being honest and authentic with us, thanks for giving us a forum to interconnect. Bless you Laurie. Hope everyone has a peaceful holiday weekend. Love from Sherri in Texas

Sent by Sherri Eggleston | 9:23 AM ET | 08-29-2008

Very well said, Laurie. The bitter-sweetness of these days prepare the way for fall--and then winter, while we say goodbye to the last rose of summer.
Sending love to you today Laurie, Linda

Sent by Linda Lee | 9:23 AM ET | 08-29-2008

Laurie
The emails from your medical family reminded me so much of the medical family that was a part of our family for 4 years. My brother battled and finally died of ALS in 1981. At this time there were no facilities for him so he pretty much lived at the UW Hospital - Madison, Wisconsin. The circle of love and support that we received from the staff in TLC was unbelievable. They became my big sisters. They shared birthdays, holiday's, etc with our family. They came to my brothers funeral and also attended my high school graduation. During the blur of my Dad's funeral many years later I remember looking up and seeing some of those familiar faces yet again there for us. Over time we have lost touch with them but I will always consider them a part of our family.

So to those wonderful people in TLC at the UW Hospital in Madison, Wisconsin who took care of my brother Tim McDonald so many years ago - know that you have a family who thinks of you often.

~ Peace ~

Sent by Julie McDonald | 9:23 AM ET | 08-29-2008

It has been our privilege and honor to be with you on this path given to you and Leroy to walk...but never alone, never.
Thank you Laurie for the continued postings...it is helping us with our "soft landings" as well. We will all be here as long as you need us...and beyond really.

Sent by Karen/Jax | 9:28 AM ET | 08-29-2008

Obviously, the Hopkins staff have come to know you and think of you as something more than just another patient's spouse. Unless it's too painful, you can always keep in touch. Drop by with cookies every once in a while. Having been on staff at a hospital, I can tell you the staff remembers and appreciates gestures like that.

And your "soft landing" comment brought to mind part of the lyrics to "Closing Time," which has in its chorus this line:

"Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end."

So true.

And what's that they say about family--"you can choose your friends, but you're stuck with your family." We're not going anywhere ;-)

Sent by Bruce | 9:28 AM ET | 08-29-2008

Dear Laurie,

What a blessing these dear friends have been for Leroy and for you, and the Johns Hopkins family will always be in your heart and memories.

Thinking of you every day - THANK YOU for staying connected. Linda

Sent by Linda | 9:41 AM ET | 08-29-2008

Thank you, Laurie for continuing to share with all of us your feelings and experiences. My thoughts are with you and still lifting.

Sent by E.L. | 9:50 AM ET | 08-29-2008

I suspect these new families are some of the gifts we receive on this journey.

Sent by Lisa | 9:50 AM ET | 08-29-2008

and Thank You!

I see you on your high-wire, net stretched below...a web of arms and hearts and uplifted faces, smiling through tears...a soft landing indeed...what a comforting image.

See you Monday or Tuesday...much love

Sent by Joan S. | 10:01 AM ET | 08-29-2008

One big (sometimes) happy family... connected by circumstance rather than "blood"

And what an incredibly supportive and compassionate family it is.....

THANK YOU Laurie and all who walk these halls in what ever capacity or position

Sent by Ron Bye (NH) | 10:04 AM ET | 08-29-2008

Thank you, Laurie, for sharing and allowing us to be part of your family...

Sent by Faun | 10:05 AM ET | 08-29-2008

Thank YOU Laurie for continuing Leroy's heroic work and continuing to foster a safe place for those affected by cancer.

Sent by roni | 10:16 AM ET | 08-29-2008

Laurie,
Though we have never met, I have considered you and Leroy part of my family. The journey the two of you were on, mirrored mine. You will always be a part of my family and those who looked forward each morning to the blog and brought us all to together with a common thread of compassion, love,and bravery. I hope somehow the blog will continue...it has brought a light to all types of cancer and the struggles. Not the "lifetime" movie of the week cancer...the real struggles and joys one with cancer through and one who cares for cancer goes through.
Thank you so much if this is the end.....but I will pray it isn't.

Sent by Miriam | 10:23 AM ET | 08-29-2008

Dearest Laurie,

Your loss is so overwhelmingly great; and the loss we feel is large; the loss for your family and friends who knew and loved Leroy also is great. The bottom line, we all care about how you are surving and putting one foot in front of the other. You will do that, and you will have support in doing that. Thank you and Leroy and your doctors for sharing. It sounds as though you had one magnificant person to share your life with. G-d bless you and much love.

Jan

Sent by Janice Goldberg White | 10:28 AM ET | 08-29-2008

Laurie, I came to respect and love you and Leroy and have followed this for a very long time now. Yes, the compassion of these many readers has been inspiring and supportive.
I watched Leroy go from "living with Cancer' to being in "Agony with Cancer" and I can,t help but feel that there comes a time when the Doctors should back off and give some peace to a patient they know very well is going to die. Leroy's last year particularly, was hard to take. Of course I realize that Leroy wanted definate measures taken and was a fighter. That was his own personal choice.
Praise God that he had you and I know that Leroy is at peace now and not batteling the "monster" I am a 25 yr breast cancer survivor who is grateful to the wonderful Surgeon and Oncologist who saved my life in 1983 when I was Leroy's age. It pains me to know that today, they use the same Chemo to fight Breast Cancer as they used on me then but have not come up with any cures for any cancer in all those years of collecting money.
Love - Jeanne

Sent by J C R | 10:56 AM ET | 08-29-2008

THANK YOU, Laurie.. Although I found this place later than most, it has been very important to me..

You can keep up with your medical providers, etc... I had a son burned in 1985 and I still keep up with some of them.. Most have emails.. Some I send cards for various events, Christmas, birthdays, etc. I am sure you are as important to them as they are to you and will appreciate your keeping them in your life.

Bless you today and may you have peace..

1 2 3 LIFT
FROG

Sent by Patsy Elmore in Knoxville, TN | 10:58 AM ET | 08-29-2008

Laurie
Thank you and thank you to everyone on this blog who has made me feel part of this family. I hope you know how much I need and love you. You make me realize I am not alone and that gives me strength to face each day.
I will miss you all over the weekend.

Sent by Tina from Alton, IL | 10:58 AM ET | 08-29-2008

Dear Laurie,
Among friends, a thank-you is all that is needed. We all have many thank-you's to offer staff in hospital's and clinic's worldwide. And at this time I would like to say THANK-YOU to those wonderful people who help all in cancer world. Hope your week-end is peaceful Laurie.

Sent by Teresa in WV | 11:03 AM ET | 08-29-2008

Dearest Laurie and All,

Laurie, I too, want to thank you for continuing Leroy's Blog and keeping this family together. I would be lost without it! I pray that you will find that soft landing and my arms are woven with all the others in lifting you up!

And thank you for giving Leroy's medical team a chance to share their contact with Leroy with all of us. The posts were very touching and they took me on a trip down Memory's Lane to the days when I was an RN at the bedside. Thank you for that journey!

Laurie Hirth, I wanted to thank you for your tribute to Leroy and the blog that I saw on the Evening News when Charlie Gibson named Leroy his Person of the Week. It was a lovely tribute and a job well done! Laurie, I pray that you will find that place in your heart for Neil when you can just hold on to the great memories of the journey that you shared together. And thank you for keeping me in your prayers as well! You are a good friend!

To All, I wish you peace and a great holiday weekend, filled with family, friends and above happiness! God Bless!

Eileen Pruyne
Charlotte, NC

Sent by Eileen Pruyne | 11:05 AM ET | 08-29-2008

Dear Laurie,

After several tries this AM and error messages I'll try again. The teams that cared for Leroy and you through this journey will always have a place in your heart. And for obvious reasons, you both made a considerable impact on them. Families are what you have and you never lose them. Like them or not they are yours. Those of us who visit regularly and post or those that visit and only read, we have become a rather large family. I hope you feel that. I know that I do.

We continue to come here, we have laughed, shared joys and now tears with you. I hope we can continue.

1-2-3 LIFT! I will continue as long as you need me. Enjoy the last weekend of summer. Peace to all.

Sent by Sue Chap | 11:09 AM ET | 08-29-2008

Dearest Laurie, Thank you for this and thank you so much. You and Leroy and everyone her have helped me work through so much about the death of my father and the many other loved ones I have lost and lost to cancer. And the blog, of course, has helped me with my own illness. I also have become passionate about this patient care thing inspired by your Blogs since Leroy's passing.

The 'Spirit of One' of which we are all a part - tenderly and lovingly holds and embraces you Laurie. May we continue to give to you by helping to carry you and release you to where you put your feet down and start walking the next steps on the path in your new life.

"Friends are the family we choose for ourselves" That's how I feel about everyone here. Laurie Hirth, your faith is so warming and touching. I just want to give you a warm hug and to say yes you will see what a bright light Neil will become in your life and what gifts this grief will leave you in time. We could not grow and thrive without the pain that love and loss bring into our life. We become attached and then we lose the object of our attachment. Seems cruel at times doesn't it? But it is the mystery of true love. Once we heal we must continue the risk of vulnerability and intimacy. You will see the light will come and then help guide your way. Remember: "we live in the company of immortals" Neil will eventually be there always in a different way. Look at Laurie's example she is actively serving others with these new blogs. I bet it is helping her to process the grief - taking action in some way to help others sooths and helps process the pain of grief. Depression can not hit a moving target! A favorite book of mine "The Halo of Grief" by Bolten Hall speaks helpfully and eloquently of the passing of grief. I lift you up in my thoughts and prayers Laurie Hirth!

And Sue, yes, I need some lifting too...although not directly relevent to cancer I have two funerals to go to tomorrow of two friends that died tragically two weeks apart. It is just tearing me apart. Love always Graham from Sag Harbor.

Sent by Graham G. Hawks | 11:13 AM ET | 08-29-2008

Dear Laurie, what you did not say, but what I am certain is true, is that you and Leroy are great gifts in each of the care team's lives too. Your fierce ways of being fully engaged, and the humor and hospitality, the intellectually vibrant way Leroy and you dealt with options, the great heart you both so clearly have, have been a gift to all of us as well. Wishing you continued unfolding of grace as you move into fall. You remain in my thoughts and prayers.

Sent by Sarah | 11:26 AM ET | 08-29-2008

A beautiful post this morning....so when is the family reunion and what dish shall I bring?
Have a peaceful weekend one and all...

Sent by Karen | 11:27 AM ET | 08-29-2008

Laurie,

Cancer continues to be a struggle for many of the people who read this blog, but no longer is cancer your battle. Your struggle is now with grief and with the changes that you face in your life with the loss of Leroy. I know you are strong enough to prevail.

Sent by alison Jones | 11:37 AM ET | 08-29-2008

Laurie,
Even though Leroy was the one with cancer, when he entered Cancer World, so did you. His death does not have to sever your relationships with the people you've come to know along this journey. Yes, of course, things are different now. But there are some very positive ways to stay connected.

If you haven't done so already, you might want to get involved with your local Relay for Life for the American Cancer Society. The doctors and nurses who treated Leroy may already run a team. Participating in the Relay (in any capacity) can be a great way to stay connected to the cancer community, and channel grief into positive action.

Sent by Karen | 11:38 AM ET | 08-29-2008

Laurie,

I've kept up with Pat's oncologist, a compassionate and caring woman, through e-mail. The relationship that we developed in striving to keep Pat alive and well is strong. Neither of us want to let it go. At first we wrote a lot--she was concerned about how I would survive. She knew how close Pat and I were. And I was worried that she didn't take enough time for herself--she might burn out.

We don't write as often now. We both know we will be all right. But the bond that was created with Pat as the glue will always be there.

Take care of yourself this weekend, Laurie.

Hugs and prayers still lifting...

Sent by Kathy Barney from Michigan | 11:48 AM ET | 08-29-2008

Elizabeth E. How are you? Thank you for the comments you put on here. Thank you for all you've contributed to awareness and support for cancer paitents and caregivers as Leroy did. You are an amazing person dealing with incredible pressures and we love you too.

Sent by Nichole in FL | 11:48 AM ET | 08-29-2008

As my husband reminds me "No one is getting out of this alive".We can all make a difference. Small, large, in the moment or long lasting. Leroy, you (Laurie), your John Hopkins medical team, were bless enough to make a big difference. You should be glowing with pride.

Sent by Gail - So Ca | 11:50 AM ET | 08-29-2008

Laurie~

I've been reading every day since Leroy died, but I haven't commented much. I just don't know what to say. I want you to know that I'm thinking of you and sending you good thoughts every day.

Faith. Hope. Courage.

Sent by Tammy C. | 11:51 AM ET | 08-29-2008

Truly, it is an honor and privilege to be part of this blog family. Thank you Leroy, for starting it, and thank you Laurie, for continuing it. Still lifting, as you long as you need it.

Sent by Gretchen Hoag | 11:54 AM ET | 08-29-2008

Dear Laurie,
The deep connections that can be made with those who guide us through the treatment of our illness can be deep and profound. I've experienced both sides of that equation, having been the caregiver who is now considered a part of someones' family because they so value the care that I provided, and in the last 5 years, as the one needing care.
Since my diagnosis and initial surgery in January of 2004, I've had to part with some of my doctors and nurses, therapists and counselors, some because I no longer need their help, and some because they've moved on in their careers to another place. In a way, it's been a loss to me when Dr. Andrea Cheville, for example, the brilliant physiatrist/pain management/epidemiologist (I KNOW!) who diagnosed the multiple complications that my breast reconstruction surgery had caused, left Penn and went to the Mayo Clinic. She relieved the mental agony caused by not being understood by my surgeons, and sent me to her therapists, who got me back on my feet. Greg Garber, MSW was my brilliant cancer counselor at Penn. Not only a wonderful counselor, but so very knowledgeable about cancer and its' treatment.Greg helped me starting shortly after my breast cancer was discovered to not be stage 1, as initially thought, but to be stage 4 due to previously undiagnosed lung metastisis. He continued to help me to pick up the pieces of my life, and keep going through many setbacks. He's no longer at Penn, and the oncology department is the poorer for his loss, and that loss is mine as well. I will always be grateful for his kindness, skill and true caring.
I had excellent occupational and physical therapists, and needed to have 2 months of Occupational Therapy and then 4 additional courses of Physical Therapy from the summer of '04 until last spring. They were experts in the deficits that come with the surgery that I had, and helped me to regain my ability to walk more than a block, sit up for more than a half hour, stand for more than 5 minutes, and to get my life back. I miss them still. There is a lot of time to share in each others' lives when three times a week, your therapist has you on a treatment table and is breaking up scar tissue and massaging tightened muscles.
Since I got into nursing, I always marveled at how many ways there are to be a nurse, and how wonderful it is when we each find the area that best expresses who we are, and what our gifts are. To be cared by an oncologist who was born to be one, or a physical therapist who has had vast education, training and experience with cancer patients, and really "gets" what the challenges are and how to address them, to be cared for and uplifted by an oncology nurse who knows just what to say....those are true blessings, and some of the major compensations for being in need of their help. I know that such work can be exhausting physically as well as mentally, and never take the time I'm given for granted. I worked hard at therapy, because I knew that to not do so was not only to my detriment, but would have dishonored all that had been given to me by Dr. Cheville and her team. My oncologist knows in no uncertain terms how much I appreciate his care, and his staff know how I feel about them, too. The corny and annoying phrase "the gifts of cancer" for me could only apply to the people who helped me through it, and continue to do so. They should all consider themselves hugged.

Sent by Nancy K. Clark | 11:54 AM ET | 08-29-2008

Dear Laurie,

Each one of us shares a heart full of gratitude for what has grown amongst us here. What you have done with "My Cancer" in these two weeks since Leroy's passing is extraordinarily loving. (But then, "extraordinary" and "loving" have both been central to Leroy's blog every step of the way.) How you continue to honor and love him! We are all blessed ...

"...I now believe truth lies not in logic but in hope, both past and future. I believe hope can surprise you. It can survive all odds against it, all sorts of contradictions, and certainly any skeptic's rationale of relying on proof through fact.

...The world is not a place but the vastness of the soul. And the soul is nothing more than love, limitless, enless, all that moves us toward knowing what is true. I once thought love was supposed to be nothing but bliss. I now know it is also worry and grief, hope and trust. And believing in ghosts - That's believing that love never dies. If people we love die, then they are lost only to our ordinary senses. If we remember, we can find them anytime with our hundred secret senses." ~Amy Tan, from "The Hundred Secret Senses"

Wishing you a weekend of peace and smiles, warmth and love,

Sent by Kim Forester | 11:54 AM ET | 08-29-2008

Laurie,

A year and a half ago I was hospitalized and recovering from pancreatic cancer surgery. During those 10 days in the hospital I had a lot of time to think about my situation.
One thought that kept poppng into my mind was how sad it would be to go through this alone. I then realized how blessed I was to have my faith my family and my friends to sustain me. I believe you and Leroy were also blessed with supportive friends and family during the battle with cancer.

My cancer is now in remission but if it comes back I hope I can handle it with half the courage and dignity that Leroy
displayed.

Bob

Sent by Bob | 11:55 AM ET | 08-29-2008

I have enjoyed getting more insight from Leroy's care givers this week. I never gave much thought about how patients tough physicians and nurses but of course they do. Hearing how Leroy touched their lives is a true legacy.

I suspect the medical team will always be happy to keep in touch. Maybe over time, you will find you need them less and less but I'm sure they feel the gap just as much as you.

Thank YOU for sharing with us. As always, it is so meaningful.

Sent by Alexis Redmond | 12:02 PM ET | 08-29-2008

Laurie,
While I feel like a bit of a voyeur, I felt even more connected to you and Leroy with the comments from his doctors and nurses this week. Most of us only know you through your writings so it was good to see the parts of your relationship that others observed and to be able to see how really special your time together must have been. My husband and I are in Milwaukee with all his motorcycle friends this week on what may very well be our last vacation. It is a difficult week to see him not able to participate in some things since he cannot ride his bike now and everything we do is such a challenge. I think of you often and know you had the same kind of love for Leroy as I have for my husband and that is why we have worked hard to make their world as normal as possible. We still love being part of your family for as long as you want/need us. Here's lifting you !!

Sent by Kathie | 12:11 PM ET | 08-29-2008

the doors and windows of opportunity that my cancer opened for me is still somewhat surreal to me! you and all who blog here are just another small element of my journey ..i don't always understand the whys but i can say for sure that without leroy, the blog, and even my cancer i never would have been allowed to learn,see,feel and grow so much! for all of the above i am eternally grateful to my "family".

Sent by marianne dalton | 12:44 PM ET | 08-29-2008

the doors and windows of opportunity that my cancer opened for me is still somewhat surreal to me! you and all who blog here are just another small element of my journey ..i don't always understand the whys but i can say for sure that without leroy, the blog, and even my cancer i never would have been allowed to learn,see,feel and grow so much! for all of the above i am eternally grateful to my "family".

Sent by marianne dalton | 12:44 PM ET | 08-29-2008

I too shall be there as long as you need us. You and Leroy are family. Family does not go away. Love and peace to you, Laurie. You are an amazing woman.

Pat

Sent by Pat Doyle | 12:53 PM ET | 08-29-2008

I too shall be there as long as you need us. You and Leroy are family. Family does not go away. Love and peace to you, Laurie. You are an amazing woman.

Pat

Sent by Pat Doyle | 12:53 PM ET | 08-29-2008

You have true grace and dignity.Please consider continuing your journey and making a blog about grief.I think it is a valuable topic.I loved Joan Didions beautiful book.I see why Leroy chose you.

Sent by suebee | 1:03 PM ET | 08-29-2008

Laurie ~ I have so enjoyed the last few posts as a tribute to Leroy. I wonder if you would consider continuing them with entries from his friends, family and/or colleagues. I know that we would all like to hear their recollections about this great man that we have lost, including their more humorous memories.

Sent by Marilyn Trujillo | 1:33 PM ET | 08-29-2008

Thank you Lorie for sharing your "family" with us and most of all your's and Leroy's life. I am gad you have a network of friends that will cushion your soft landing!!!
1..2...3 Lift.
Peace be with you.
Marelly

Sent by Marelly | 2:04 PM ET | 08-29-2008

i have hurthle cell ca, and malignant melanoma, respectvely 3 years and 17 years...i am not sick enough to quit work at 54 and retire according to our govt, but recently i broke my arm, and was told my short term disability insurance that they may not pay because my cancers may have contributed to my broken arm..in which case it would be preexisting! i work for an insurance company...one of the biggest so i know how the system works,,,,i just never thought cancer prejudice would follow me even through broken bones and leave me to disabled to work, but yet not disabled enough to be under scial security!

Sent by donna m marcum | 2:12 PM ET | 08-29-2008

Laurie,
You speak of families and it is so true. My son was critically injured as an infant which left him permanently disabled. He was hospitalized multiple times. He has had many of the same medical team for the past 30 years!
His pediatrician kept my son as a patient until he was 29 years old. He still calls on a monthly basis, only now he calls to also check up on me.
During the eight years I've been a cancer patient, my oncologist's children have graduated from college and married. He and his wife are now grandparents. The nurses celebrate holidays with me and even plan a birthday surprise if I'm in treatment at that time. Yes, I miss many of the wonderful physicians, nurses, and techs who've treated us through the years. However, it is a true comfort knowing that my son's pediatrician will still be keeping an eye on his care in the residential treatment center where he'll be living after the beast takes me.
We're here for you sweetie, still lifting..1, 2, 3...there you go!
Sue

Sent by Sue Mersic | 2:13 PM ET | 08-29-2008

Thank you Laurie for continuing to share with us what the Drs have to say, some with such passion and compassion..also for sharing your moments at such a 'raw' time in your new journey. I am coming to a years end without my husband Bruce.Is it easier to be without him after a year,? no, I just have learned different coping skills to deal with the loneliness and emptiness the loss has created. It took me 3 months but then I needed to do something to give back and I felt strongly that I needed to continue to honour our "friends" that we had made in the chemo ward where so many hours were spent. We have a small hospital compaired to John Hopkins in Burlington VT but they have an M&M dispencer and the patients had snacks they ate while getting chemo because as you know the steroids given to recieve the chemo often made them very hungry. Unlike what 2-3 days later brought about. So for me once a month I take a couple large bags of M&M and cracker snacks, cookies in bulk from Costco to the treatment center and leave them for our "friends who are still there. It makes my heart feel good.
My arms reach out to you in love and strength....Namaste( it means the spirit in me sees the spirit in you.)

Sent by raven | 2:17 PM ET | 08-29-2008

Laurie is such a wonderful continuing link to Leroy and a model for the rest of us who will someday walk her journey. Selfishly, I dread reading her last column when she decides to step out of the blog but I know that is something she will need to do too...but in the meantime, each day I continue to open this blog I am joyed to see it is still "Laurie"...

Sent by Nancy | 2:23 PM ET | 08-29-2008

I once got some email that said that people come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. I guess the doctors fall under being "there for a reason".

I hope you are lifted up by special people on this holiday weekend.

Sent by Celeste | 2:27 PM ET | 08-29-2008

You say thank you - then when the time is right and if you want to pay it back to some one else you become a vounteer. I think after hearing about you Laurie you would make a great volunteer to walk someone through the journey you just took. That way you can keep in contact with these great people and become some elses new best friend.

Sent by Cathy | 2:32 PM ET | 08-29-2008

I am sorry for your loss of Leroy. The origin of the name Leroy is French and means "The King". He was truly a king and now is dancing the streets of gold with "the KING". God Bless You All!

Sent by Karla P Jonesboro, AR | 2:36 PM ET | 08-29-2008

Laurie- I listened to Leroy on NPR, always with wonder and a bit of trepidation of what would come next. When I finally checked out his blog, it was his final week. My sister has been living with a "4-6 month" cancer diagnosis for seven years now. She's seec her daughter grow from a secong grader to a high school student. It is never easy, but Leroy was always able to articulate for me what she and others experience; the full range of emotions and experiences brought on by the disease. My sister made a deal with her cancer after her second failed attempet at chemo---"I won't kill you if you don't kill me." While the agreement has endured six and a half years longer than we expected, I dread the day when cancer decideds to renege.

Sent by Kirk Woodring, LICSW | 3:04 PM ET | 08-29-2008

Laurie,
I do understand what you're saying ... during this row, the currents drift us so far from relationships we had and pulls we in the boats toward the same sea ... Leroy and your posts have meant so much to us ... my loss came couple months before yours.
The relationships we were in before can only be seen in the distance, looking backwards ... and even w/our "Man Overboard" the current still drifts us further ... oh, to have all our boats wash up to some exotic sandy beach ... eat, drink, laugh, and ... cry at need, w/o burden of others trying to "fix it" ... to be w/those who just know.

I remember Leroy wondering how to advertise for someone to take over this blog ... and hoping instead that his blog evolves, just as living w/cancer is evolving in our worlds. Your sharing is so generous, your wisdom so real ... we want to read more from you Laurie, please don't jump ship..

Sent by Donna | 3:32 PM ET | 08-29-2008

Laurie,

I read once that a "Hero" is someone who makes other people feel safe and comfortable in difficult circumstances. I thought you might like to know that Leroy's heroism--his willingness to facilitate talk of difficult things, willingness to share his good days and bad, etc. came through today for me. I had my first colonoscopy. I was a nervous wreck about what they might find, though I had no symptoms, but thinking of what Leroy went through I was able to get past my anxiety and manage my fear. He remains my Hero today in alot of ways.

In case anyone needs a quick pick up, or just an inspiration to go get that colonoscopy they have been putting off, look up the humorist Dave Barry's column titled " A Journey into my colon--and yours" It is absolutely hysterical to read but it also has a great message to pass on about being proactive about your health in this area. Thank you for sharing your Hero with us. I'm sure you were his Hero too.

Sent by S. Carrier MD | 3:44 PM ET | 08-29-2008

Leroy and you are very easy to become friends with. Look at all the friends here that come each and every day to see how things are...you are both loved. Sue

Sent by sue | 4:21 PM ET | 08-29-2008

To Graham,

I am sorry you have lost close friends, tragically and close together. Hold tight to your memories, in time the smiles you shared with them will replace your tears.

Holding you up! 1,2,3,Lifting....

Sent by Sue Chap | 4:38 PM ET | 08-29-2008

Hi Laurie,
Hope you have a peaceful weekend of happy memories spent with family and friends.

Sent by Paulette | 4:49 PM ET | 08-29-2008

Eileen,
Thank you for the love and support!
Graham,
That was beautiful...I can't thank you enough for holding me up too! I will look for the book tonight! I will keep you in my prayers as well as all the others! This weekend sounds like it will be a tough one for you and I am sorry.. I hope you can find comfort in memories of your loved ones!
1 - 2 - 3 Lifting! Continued prayers for this family of bloggers!
Have a peaceful weekend!

Sent by Laurie Hirth | 4:59 PM ET | 08-29-2008

Hi Laurie - You are amazing us anew with the wonderful blogs you have shared with us of late. It would have been my mom's 76th birthday today and 30 years since the beast took her, your blog helped me so much today particularly after calling my dad and hearing from my brother. Thank you.

Take good care in these tough days. Brin

Sent by Brin | 4:59 PM ET | 08-29-2008

Dear Laurie- thank you so much for continuing to share with all of us. It still seems unreal that Leroy is really gone. Toward the end I was a little afraid to look for the blog each day and when the news finally came, it was still a shock. I think of you often and use Laroy's and your life lessons in my life. I am going thorugh a difficult time- not from cancer- and the spirit of Leroy is an inspiration to me. Truly, life only has meaning when there are connections between people. Some connections are short and some are long, but I find that time is not the factor. Everyone must search out the important connections in life. You and Leroy have done an excellent job at this.

Although you are in great pain, I know you will be ok because the love you shared with Leroy will be with you your whole life, and you know how to connect with people.

Sent by linda h. | 5:30 PM ET | 08-29-2008

Thank you for continuing this blog to offer some closure to the countless new friends in the great internet that have been following your and Leroy's journey.

It is a great kindness to keep this line open as long as you can.

And from a line from my favorite team.... "FIGHT ON!"

Sent by roger freberg | 5:30 PM ET | 08-29-2008

Laurie, I've been reading every day since Leroy left, wishing I had something profound to say to you. Please know how deeply you and your husband touched my life. I will always be grateful for the words and voice that you've put to the experience that so many of us have gone through in silence.

Sent by Kelly George | 5:50 PM ET | 08-29-2008

PS - Thank you, Eileen Pruyne (11:05am) for mentioning that Leroy was named the ABC News "Person of the Week" last Friday. I have located the segment online, and thought others who might also have missed it would appreciate seeing it, too: http://abcnews.go.com/WN/PersonOfWeek/comments?type=story&id=5636872

How lovely seeing and hearing Leroy again, and how touching Laurie Hirth's warm remembrance.

xoxo to all~

Sent by Kim Forester | 6:14 PM ET | 08-29-2008

Laurie, I hope this "Thank You" is not also Goodbye. Believe me when I say you are very important to us all too. Don't wnat to lose the connection anymore than you do. Glad of your extensive support structure. Thoughts, Stan

Sent by Stan Wozniak | 6:27 PM ET | 08-29-2008

Graham from Sag Harbor,

I'm so sorry... Consider yourself lifted for as long as you need.

Sent by Kathy Barney from Michigan | 6:40 PM ET | 08-29-2008

Laurie, How wonderful to see your blog. Maybe you can begin to write about your feelings as the support person for Leroy.How did you handle the need for breaks. Whom did you turn to for support. How did you help him make decisions. How especially did you control your anxiety at decisions that had to be made? I would love to hear anything about this but I want it to be for your healing and not just for your blog family

Sent by Martha C. | 8:50 PM ET | 08-29-2008

you are a beautiful soul...i wish i could carry some of that grief for/with you...i'm a 2 year survivor(33 year old mother of 3) and i just love what the 2 of you have done with this blog, the way you've reached people, and opened yourself up for others to reach you...

Sent by Laura Baillie | 9:40 PM ET | 08-29-2008

I echoe those who thank you and Leroy back for al the sharing here. Also, I think your inclusion of the "wizards" in the blog this week was brilliant and enlightening. Still lifting here.

Sent by Victoria Hendricks | 10:16 PM ET | 08-29-2008

Oh Graham - I will think of you this weekend and will pray for strength for you. I love your contributions to this blog. I am lifting you up along with Laurie. I hope the sun is shining where you are.

Sent by JaeMoyer | 10:20 PM ET | 08-29-2008

Laurie,
How we define ourselves changes with time, although in the wisest part of who we are we display a consistency that is familiar to those who love us. I wonder what direction your life will take after so long focused on a journey called "My Cancer". I hope you can do what you need and what you want. As Lawrence LeShan advocates, doing what makes your heart sing. Whether that involves anyone's cancer. Or not.

Sent by Cory from Cowboy Country | 10:26 PM ET | 08-29-2008

Dear Laurie,

I read yesterday's post from Dr. Georgiades on my blackberry while I was sitting in the waiting room at the Interventional Radiology Center at Johns Hopkins waiting to have my first RFA by one of the wizards himself. I was all teary when I was called in for the procedure and when Dr. Georgiades walked in I could hardly speak. I told him that I was very moved by his post and then I asked him to hand me a tissue. Yesterday I had 8 tumors in my lungs -- metastasis from breast cancer. Today I only have 6 tumors with a plan to ablate them all. One of the tumors that he ablated yesterday was sitting right next to my aorta, and the procedure was risky. When Dr. Georgiades talked about people calling because they saw Leroy's story on the Discovery documentary, I was among those people. I called asking, "Do you think that this will help me?" Were it not for Leroy's selflessness in sharing his journey, I would not have been led to the RFA option, and the wizard who learns as much from his patients as he does from his field.

To Dr. Georgiades I would like to say this:

There is nothing pretentious in acknowledging that you helped Leroy. You gave him the gift of time. You gave me the gift of time. There is no greater gift to be given. I told you when we first consulted about my case that you were my new hero. It was the only think I could think of to convey the gratitude and respect I have for your humble dedication and your skillful service to patients like me. Since I know that you will not read this on the blog, I'm just going to have to fax this to you.

With gratitude and more gratitude to both you and Laurie,

Kathy Seeley

Sent by Kathy Seeley | 10:46 PM ET | 08-29-2008

LYou are so welcome Laurie. Now, let me thank you & Leroy for what this blog has meant to & done for me personally.

Robert

Sent by Robert Sheehan | 11:10 AM ET | 08-30-2008

This was from a Chinese Website Title is Train of Life. I tried to translate the best I can (English is my second language). I believe Leroy will be remembered by all the passengers:
Life is like taking a train tour; you will be seeing quit a few "get on and get off" the train. Many events will happen during the tour. Some will be joyful and some will be painful.

We get on board the train of life when we were born. We thought the first two people that we see -- our parents -- will be accompanying us through out the journey. Unfortunately that's not true. They will get off at some stations and leave us all by ourselves, helpless. We will never be able to find the unconditioned love and the irreplaceable care from them. However, there will be other people keeping us company through out the journey. Some of them will have major impact in our live. They could be our siblings, relatives or friends. We might even fall in love.

Some of the people taking the same train tour with us will be able to travel with great ease, some of them with sorrows; some of them will be running around helping others.

Many of them will leave long lasting memories to other passengers but many of them will not be even noticed after they have left their seats.

Sometime your companion may decide to leave you and move to other section. You can only stay away and continuing your journey. Of course you can try to look for her/him. But the seat next to them may be already occupied by someone else.

But that's OK. Our journey is full of dreams, challenges, hopes and separations... except there is no turning back. So treat everyone well during the journey.
Always remember: during the journey, there are times people hesitate, wonder but then we hesitate, wonder, too. Try to understand others because we need their understanding too.

The mystery of life is that we will never know when and where we will be getting off the train. We will never know when and where our companion or our friends will be getting off.

I often think: will I want to stay a little longer when it's time for me to get off? I think I will!
It will be painful to leave my friends. It will be very sad to leave my children by themselves. I want to think that we will be seeing each other again at the eventual destination.

There was no luggage when my children get on board. It will be nice if I can fill their luggage with beautiful memories. I will be very happy if the passengers whom I traveled with remember and miss me after I get off the train.

Sent by Andrew Wen | 2:25 PM ET | 08-30-2008

I so appreciate you continuing to post, Laurie. As a caregiver, you have touched on "the other side" that many of us here are experiencing. Thank you.

Sent by Dianne in Nevada | 3:01 PM ET | 08-30-2008

Laurie - I have been reading the posts from Leroy's providers. What a blessing to have people such as that care for him during his journey. I think that it was on a return visit for my own breast cancer that I learned (or maybe realized) that Paul's oncologist truly felt the same way about him. Paul was his first patient in his practice here, and I know that his death was difficult for the young oncologist. He was always willing to try anything that I read about; or, if that was not possible, he was always willing to tell me why it was not.

I'm also thinking about you because about now is the time that extended family may leave and soon it will be just you, alone, without Leroy. I remember those first weeks - it wasn't until a few had passed that I first came to grips with the fact that it was real. If I may suggest a book - "I wasn't ready to say goodbye" - this was just one of the collection that I purchased in order to figure out what to "do" without my husband. I found comfort in books that had been written by others who had shared my situation. Often other people don't know just what to say to those who have just lost their partners.

Leroy would be so very proud of you. He would want you to take very good care of yourself and do what needs to be done on YOUR schedule, not someone else's. Let his continued presence give you the strength to go on. My deepest sympathy goes to you, along with my prayers.

Jeanette Carney

Sent by Jeanette Carney | 5:04 PM ET | 08-30-2008

I've been too wiped to write lately - chemo wind down - am having it once a week and it seems to be helping but it does get in the way of thinking processes. When I think of the losses we've suffered and the fears of losing this family, I want to assure you that you won't. The battles for life and comfort go on and those who are helping us battle welcome the memories as well. Your notes and your provider's notes gave me the idea to ask my own provider why she chose oncology as a profession. She said initially she didn't, but what she found when she was in it was this extraordinary chance to be with patients during a time when they asked some of the biggest questions they ever would of themselves and they shared that space with her. I don't think you let go of a time like that. It passes by your transitioning to another area of your life and that's when you let go of those others, or not as the case may be. My deepest sympathies on the loss of your husband. From these posts I hear that you were able to share many of those times and those questions and I'm so glad that you could.

Sent by Tess | 9:46 PM ET | 08-30-2008

I'm looking for pen pals who have terminal cancer (as I have). Any suggestions?

Sent by Lee | 1:38 PM ET | 08-31-2008

Dear Laurie, I have been following this blog across its entire life and I have not been able to keep the tears from my eyes and the anger from constricting my throat many, many times. Now, as you allow us to share in the next stages of your journey through cancer, I have found the strength to add my voice and thoughts.

It doesn't matter how many members of my family had or have cancer, it doesn't matter what kind of cancer it was or is or what the treatments have been. The emotions are the same for all of us, survivors and supporters alike. So from that perspective, I can offer you this: your love of him was the final thought that your husband held and is the reality that will carry you forward through the days, weeks, months and years.

I wish I could say it will get easier but, in my experience, it won't. It will simply move from a sharp, piercing pain that takes your breath away to a dull ache that sometimes has no name. But it will be there for the rest of your life, for good or bad. Years from now, the anniversary of his death will send you into a melancholy moment that will be confusing until you remember why. And then, because the love is what sustains us, you'll smile and give him a mental hug and kiss.

And it doesn't need to be bad, either. I have held on to the best memories and I consciously work on jettisoning the rest. That takes time, the letting go of the sounds and smells and sights of the hospital or sick bed in the family room. But the time will come when the sharpness of those sensations will diminish and they will become like a deep bruise on your heart. Soon after, you'll find yourself smiling as you remember a joke or a special dinner or just a walk together and a sunset shared.

I don't want to sound like a Pollyanna but my experience with cancer over the last 40 years has given me a certain life view. That view gives me comfort because I now know what I had no way to know all those years ago when my Grandfather, the first of too many I love, died from cancer. I now know that I will heal, I will have the strength to continue to move forward each day, I do have the ability to be a strong shoulder and a great listener. And I know that you will find those same traits in yourself. There is no timeline, there are no set milestones. You will simply wake up one morning and you will feel marginally better about life. In that moment, know that your shared love is what has held you tightly so that you could get to that moment.

Please take care of yourself now, Laurie. Allow yourself to both grieve AND laugh, cry and smile. Remember what is good and work a bit each week to let go of one hard moment. Know you will be in my thoughts as the months go by and that you are most certainly not alone in your journey.

Sent by Cadence Smith | 3:01 PM ET | 08-31-2008

Laurie, I am so sorry for your loss. I have had a difficult time reading Leroy's blog since his passing. I signed on to hospice the same week as Leroy. I was thinking that we would be swapping hospice experiences for many months. Now I am reminded that hospice really does mean your time is limited. this blog has helped me get ready for the inevitable. I really do want to thank Leroy and you for that. I know how much of a support you have been for Leroy and I want to thank you for the difficult job that you have had as his caretaker.

Jill

Sent by Jill | 8:48 PM ET | 08-31-2008

It's been great hearing from Leroy's medical team. Thank you, Laurie.

Sent by Jeanmarie | 9:47 AM ET | 09-01-2008

Here I am on Labor Day reading these blogs again and "gaining from the family" because we are all "brothers and sisters" in this path and its aftermaths. I am especially pleased to read about some who have been so comforted. Some don't have to articulate it but they do find the next day and the next step possible and the comfort of this family

Sent by Lucy Groh | 4:51 PM ET | 09-01-2008

Dear Laurie,
You remain in my thoughts daily. Thank you for sharing Leroy's caregiver's letters, which I found very meaningful as a physician. I see physicians put up self-protective barriers when dealing with dying patients, and I understand why they do it, and must admit that I have done so myself at times. You and Leroy were very blessed to have such great doctors and nurses, and I imagine that Leroy helped them overcome these barriers and speak truth. I think of Leroy when I see patients who are suffering, and as a tribute to him, I listen a little more closely and try to lower my guard. I watched my father dying from cancer, being given falsely optimistic reports from his oncologist and wished that I could have told him honestly how bad things actually were. In the end, he felt betrayed by his physicians. From Leroy, I have learned that although it is painful to face unpleasant truths, that is where dignity is to be found. Thanks again to you and Leroy for providing this forum of truth. It has meant, and continues to mean a lot to me.

Sent by Laura | 9:58 PM ET | 09-01-2008

It will take time, and only time to ease the heartbreak. Cherish your memories now. It's a good thing to do.
Page - Oregon

Sent by Page hendryx | 12:11 PM ET | 09-02-2008

Laurie, The gratitude goes both ways. I am forever greatful that I found this blog. My only problem was that I was trying to read it all (with comments) until I realized how much time had passed. It was only a few weeks before Leroy's passing that I would read current postings. In the short time I felt like I was getting to know you and all of this "family". People at work couldn't understand why I felt the need to immerse myself in the blog. They thought it was depressing. But I have to tell you that I got so much out of it - more than all my group meetings, therapy, etc. I have been through breast cancer, mastectomy, chemo but have also been a caretaker so I do know both sides. This has been one of the greatest learning experiences for me. But I have to tell you that I am so sad for your loss. I myself feel such a loss in my short time of reading Leroy's thoughts and now my thoughts and prayers go out to you, Laurie. Once the whirlwind of thoughts starts to stabilize, please replace anything negative with a positive because life is too short for any negativity to steal your time away. Thank you for the Drs. postings. It just goes to show what an incredible guy Leroy was and the positive effect he had on all he came into contact with. And thank you to all fellow writers as your thoughts continue to give me strength and hope.

Sent by Jeanne Stevens | 10:01 AM ET | 09-03-2008

I have a special and enduring love for everyone who's cared for me during treatment, from the oncologists to the technicians. Some of them no longer remember me because they see so many people. It makes me sad, but I'm always cheered up whenever we cross paths.

Sent by Gyla Fowler | 1:34 PM ET | 09-03-2008

To Laurie and the rest of the online family... thank you all for contributing to this medium. All of us have been touched by the words of Leroy and Laurie and many others. Laurie, I cannot directly relate to your loss or pretend to understand the depth of your feelings. For now, I am a 'survivor', with no more chemo at this time and no recurrence yet. However, in the year of my struggle, I have lost an uncle, a close family friend and Leroy to the ravages of cancer. So, I do appreciate everyone's words of comfort that helped me along the way. Laurie, I do understand how you feel about losing your family at the hospital. Now that I do not see the nurses regularly, I miss their smiles and warm welcomes. It is a strange feeling to try and move on with life -- what exactly is normal anymore? That is where this extended family enters, as we are all on a different stage of the journey and we can all learn from and lean on each other, whether by reading, posting or both. You never know what words will be needed or who may be listening that day. My wish for all is that you will be blessed today with some comfort, large or small, that gives you a chance to smile and find peace for a while. Thanks for everything.

Sent by Lou L. | 1:55 PM ET | 09-06-2008

my mom's oncologist came to her house a few days before she died and helped her to "let go". i will never forget that simple act and i would like to say thank you to him for that.

thank you dr. bartsch

Sent by bethany sumners | 10:58 AM ET | 09-08-2008

Because of this blog, I am now better able to understand my friends whose 20 year old daughter has been fighting cancer for two years. Leroy & Laurie have shown a way to be a better support for them.

Because of this blog, I am better able to look into my friends' world & what it has become with a much better eye...

Because of this blog, I have been afforded the priviledge to better understand why this much beloved daughter so full of hope & promise & with dreams of her own, might be dealing with her illness & why she sometimes does the things she does. Things others consider to be harmful, reckless, careless.

This blog has done wonders to reinforce what is important in this life. Leroy & Laurie have made of themselves the gift of life & hope, knowledge & insight to countless others. Their lives are not in vain but a huge, giant gift. Leroy may be gone physically but not his spirit or his love or his vitality or the impression he left on the hearts & minds of thousands of other people. Leroy & Laurie have selflessly managed to touch the lives of so many...what if so many could do the same for others?

This blog also afforded a rare insight into the world of doctors, medical personel, hospitals & the like, to those of us not privy to such information. So many times those in the medical profession are thought of obscurely & with doubt, disdain, lack of a heart for a better way to put it. This blog has restored the faith that many in medicine are there for the real reason, the right reason & that they are in fact, human after all. They don't wear a protective glass shield insulating them from the sad, difficult hard things in life. They themselves are greatly affected. My faith in humanity has be restored. To say thank you hardly seems to be enough for such enormous gifts to be given. Thank you is all I have though. That & the fact that you will always be in my thoughts & prayers & I will always be thankful for the lessons you so selflessly gave to me to learn.

Sent by Sally | 6:14 PM ET | 09-09-2008

Laurie, Can you give us a report on Leroy's memeorial fun? How is it doing? Thanks, Janie

Sent by Janie | 11:35 PM ET | 09-10-2008

ALL:

I loved Leroy's blog. It was truely inspiring as well as entertaining as he managed to talk about his battle with cancer. In his memory, or courage, I do started my Cancer Cancer Blog. I have terminal cancer and I am on my seecond experimental treatment with a cancer drug and running out of options.
My blog link is

http://renalcarcinoid.blogspot.com/

and I started it after redaing Leory's and the personal growth it gave us all. It may not have the elequence of Leroy's, but it does help me outline my jounrey through the hell of cancer and adventures walking through it. Its beenn 6 years now!! And I am taking bets on the remaining time?????

Sent by Steve Murrah http://renalcarcinoid.blogspot.com/ | 12:04 AM ET | 09-14-2008