We, like you, must Leroy-up in the face of adversity and continue to try to emulate his courage and selfless giving to others in need. Our captain may not be here with us physically but his spirit lives within each of us. He taught us well so let's do the work he prepared us to do and do it in his memory.

Prayers and blessings as always Laurie.

Sent by Al Cato | 8:29 AM ET | 09-23-2008

Dear Laurie,
Still lifting and praying for you and all others that are either living with cancer or trying to get along after their loss.................My mom used to tell me that "The Lord closes one door and opens another"

Sent by sasha | 8:41 AM ET | 09-23-2008

Laurie, you have said it so well. My husband and I have always been fairly independent, busy going our own work ways and having many of our own interests but still together as a team at the home front. A couple of years ago when my husband was diagnosed with Lung Cancer we became a team that delved into the fighting of this horrible disease and worked together to try to make his time the best we could. It sounds strange but in many ways and time brought us closer together.

Laurie, I too really miss my other half. After 33 years together there is a big hole there. Even though we did many things on our own over the years we always knew that the other one was there.

Laurie, thank you for staying with us. I hope that in some way this is helping you as it is helping the others who still come to this community.

Sent by dorothy from Oregon | 8:43 AM ET | 09-23-2008

Laurie, he'll be around as long as you need him.

I am currently moving from Germany to the U.S., this move by myself, and I guess everything will get done. I guess what doesn't get done doesn't matter that much in the grand scheme of things. I guess I'll do everything in the right order. Just as I was sitting here writing this a colleague came up to my desk and just in small talk told me the reason he had been out from the office is because his 26 year old sister died of ovarian cancer. What do I have to complain about?

Sent by Irene | 8:50 AM ET | 09-23-2008

Dear Laurie,
I feel for you. My thoughts and prayers are with you. I know you miss him. One day at a time, one baby step at a time.

Sent by Annette | 8:56 AM ET | 09-23-2008

Good morning Laurie!
All of that experience with work will help you with many aspects of living alone. Nothing, however, will help with missing someone you love who has been taken from you. It's gonna' hurt. Different things can help somewhat--friends, activities you're really interested in, and most of all, the passage of time
I think and hope that at times in our dreams it's possible to cross over from one dimension to the other and have snippets of communication with our loved one. Crazy? Perhaps...
Sending love to you today Laurie, Linda

Sent by Linda Lee | 9:12 AM ET | 09-23-2008

Dear Laurie,
I know just how you feel but I'm trying to convince myself that I miss my co-captain instead of my captain. Ether way, it's quite a challenge. Look to your teammates for support. They can't restore what you've lost but they can still help to guard you. Please keep on writing. It's doing a lot of people a world of good.

Sent by Elaine | 9:17 AM ET | 09-23-2008

Laurie, Riding the wave of bladder cancer(hopefuly in remission),I have been fortunate to able to share the goods and bads with my "co-captain", my wife. We both pray for you daily.
God bless.
Peter

Sent by Peter, in Colorado | 9:35 AM ET | 09-23-2008

Dear Laurie,
You will miss your captain for the rest of your life. You will survive and thrive because you are a strong woman. Leroy will always be in your heart but the pain will lessen.
You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Charlotte in Rural Ridge, PA

Sent by Charlotte Kewish | 9:38 AM ET | 09-23-2008

Laurie -

It is that independence that will help you the most through all this. Think of all the women out there who miss their spouses as you do, but they aren't independent. Oh my. What a scary place to be.

If you don't know something, you have the courage to go find out. As a tv producer, you know how to research things, ask questions, find the experts, make decisions, etc. These are skills that you are fortunate to have. Not everyone does!

No, it's not fun to lose a member of your team. But you have all the shared experiences to rely on. I consider myself independant as you do. But, surprisingly, I found that after my mom passed away, I developed a lot of the traits I admired most in her. I didn't try to do this, it just happened. It made me feel like she was still there, still part of our team.

Sent by Linnea | 9:43 AM ET | 09-23-2008

Oh, Laurie, I wish I had some smart,witty, intelligent things to say to you. Something that would make you smile and ease your burden. I don't. Grief is just too real. Please know we all think of you with affection and compassion.

Sent by glenda | 9:56 AM ET | 09-23-2008

OH Laurie,

I am so sorry you are having to deal with these aspects of life. Truly... I can appreciate and understand exactly how you feel. It isn't easy being the sole decision maker. As I am having to deal with my dad's estate, I just wish someone would take it all from me and say, "Here I have finished the work, it is over for you." So not the case...

Sent by Sue Chap | 10:00 AM ET | 09-23-2008

Laurie,

It has been almost a year since I have made my independent choices but I would love to have my partner back. Arguments and all.

Sent by Lucy Bernhardt | 10:02 AM ET | 09-23-2008

Amen to that, Laurie - as I miss my team caption too. We did everything together and I will forever miss that!!!We were a great team - and he called me his cheerleader when he got sick. I have always been independent and continue to be - but I sure miss the working together with him.

Sent by Deb from Michigan | 10:09 AM ET | 09-23-2008

Hi Laurie:
How did you like the season premiere of Boston Legal? Denny Crane!

- Nancy from Canada

Sent by Nancy | 10:19 AM ET | 09-23-2008

No matter how independent or self sufficient we are, we all need a soft place to land at the end of the day. I am sorry you are missing your soft place. My husband travels a lot with his job, and has done throughout the 38 years of our marriage. It is only lateley with a couple of really hard deaths in our family that I worry about him coming home safely. Right now he is in Scotland for his fathers funeral which is taking place as I am writing this. I sit here at home in AZ and think about how much it would suck if he were not to return home. The thought terrifies me.
Peace to everyone today

Sent by fay in gilbert az | 10:23 AM ET | 09-23-2008

Yeah, Laurie, I know it's all like being hit by a brick! The sudden realization that two together can do much, much more than two apart. For me this is what hightened the loss because, after a few years, I took for granted just how much my partner helped me even with my "independent" decisions. I missed the unspoken security of the team thing where in later years the appreciation was transmitted with a loving look, a sweet nod, or, a warm embrace. The fact that verbally communicated 'thank yous' were not needed was special. I could 'pretend' I did all I got done on my own! The truth, for me was a hard good lesson to learn.

Hang by your thumbs! With Love, Graham from Sag Harbor.

Sent by Graham G. Hawks | 10:26 AM ET | 09-23-2008

Laurie,
I know this is from yesterday's blog but I came home late, and, yes, those big decisions are tough. So far that hasn't gotten easier, but I still make them.

I always enjoyed watching TV with Pat but I'm not a big TV watcher so, when he died, I quit watching altogether. At first, I listened to music (some of it making me cry) and read, or got on the computer or anything besides watching TV.

Then I started watching films--mostly comedies, then, interestingly, DVD's of TV shows that I had missed that I used to watch with Pat.

So, do what you're comfortable with. Once again, TV is another reminder that, darn it, life goes on.

Laurie Hirth, take a good book or newspaper with you to restaurants. Maybe start at a place that you and Neil went where people got to know the two of you--that's what I did. Pat and I went to this small diner for great breakfasts. After Pat was gone, it took a while, but I started going back to the Early Bird. Laurie, they were so kind! They took extra good care of me. I still go there every Sunday and I've spread out to other places. It takes time but, once again, you can do it. Good luck. By the way, like with you, the Ryder's Cup was special to Pat. The summer before Pat passed away (2004), he had tickets with friends to the practice days but I knew he really wanted to see the finals. Well, he never knew how much I paid for them, but I bought tickets 2 days before the finals and we had a blast. It was the best purchase I ever made. Of course, after that, we decided we had to go to Ireland in 2006 (you always need goals), but, God bless him, Pat died in April 2005. I am so glad I bought those tickets.

Hugs and lifting prayers, Laurie...

Sent by Kathy B. | 10:37 AM ET | 09-23-2008

Amen to that, Laurie. It's hard to be the single player after being on such a great team. Hang in there. The fans in the stands are supporting you and cheering you on from the sidelines.

Sent by Jan | 10:51 AM ET | 09-23-2008

Laurie, We all miss him!! You most of all, nothing can prepare you going it alone. Alone is just well, alone. The loss is great, but is magnified by the strength of your relationship. Each step forward is progress, painfully slow it seems, but progress. I wish you progress today, Stan

Sent by Stan Wozniak | 10:56 AM ET | 09-23-2008

Still lifting......

Sent by Sheara | 10:57 AM ET | 09-23-2008

Al Cato.. well said

Leroy has taught us well by example... and his spirit will indeed live on in each of us

Laurie... your Captain has also taught you well and prepared you for the independent struggles ahead... he has not abandoned you.. he is very much still right there inside you and will always help you through those difficult decisions and times.............

Still lifting...............

Sent by Ron Bye (NH) | 11:01 AM ET | 09-23-2008

Dear Dear Laurie,

Your blog bring tears to my eyes everyday. My heart aches and breaks for you. I remembered when my son was going thru chemo, although my husband and I didn't talk much (we were overwhelmed with dr appts, emotions, understanding the disease, etc.), we know we had each other support. I know we, the blog community, cannot substitute for Leroy, but PLEASE know that we are here for you. Still lifting........

Sent by grace | 11:32 AM ET | 09-23-2008

Dear Laurie-- I'm so glad you continue the My Cancer blog. Your thoughts and feelings here serve to do the same job that Leroy's musings did for us--they show us that we are not alone, not alone in our sadness, our fear, our joy, that whatever we are feeling in the wake of our own cancer, or that of a loved one, we all share those feelings, we are all in this together.
Keep on Bloggin'!
Best wishes, Julie

Sent by Julie from Pasadena | 11:39 AM ET | 09-23-2008

Laurie, I guess we all end up with different team members as life moves along. Doesn't make it any easier acknowledging that, though.

I will be attending the Emily Keyes charity run from Columbine HS to Platte Canyon HS this weekend on my motorcycle. It helps to take care of yourself and when you're able and ready, to extend that care to others. Wish I could extend myself to you and ease your pain somehow.

Sent by Susan in the beautiful mountains of Colorado | 11:41 AM ET | 09-23-2008

Yeah Laurie I hear you loud and clear. Making life decissions alone sucks..I have been doing it for a year now and it still is a single decission I'd rather make as a team. There were so many "little" things around the house we did not attend to because of Bruce's cancer and now that he is gone I am the one making the Bruce decisions about seasonal todo's, outside repairs, getting estimates, etc.etc. and I keep talking outloud sometimes and saying"Bruce is this what I should be doing about this?" of course their is no solid answer from my captain, so I must go on instincts and questions and mulitple estimates to get the work done...alone is exausting. I miss my captain also..more so and in a different way than in the beginning..does that seem odd?
Thanks Laurie..

Sent by raven | 11:56 AM ET | 09-23-2008

Last week was not a good week. David was very depressed and not feeling well,and I felt hopelessly inadequate. I thought of all of you and didn't feel so alone.
Laurie, what a blessing you have given us. In your own grief, you are doing this for us. This blog family is a treasure.
Love to everyone.

Sent by Tina from Alton, IL | 12:01 PM ET | 09-23-2008

Dear Laurie
I can only imagine how you feel. My husband and I have a similar relationship so I don't have any 'been there, lived through it' wisdom to impart. I do know how much all of us here are lifting you up in our thoughts and prayers and while it's not a good substitute, it's a lot. You have a huge and wonderful sounding board here as long as you need it. We all love you,

Sent by valerie Longfellow | 12:26 PM ET | 09-23-2008

Hi Laurie,

You don't have to make decisions alone. While it was preferable to make them with Leroy, now you can make them with friends and family. Frankly, I don't trust my own judgement sometimes when the stress level is high or I'm vulnerable. I have made it a priority that when I'm in that space, I check with my friends and family. They will help you because they love and care for you. You are not alone.

Sent by Kathy B, | 12:52 PM ET | 09-23-2008

Bless you Laurie in your grief.I thank you for sharing. I would worry about you now if you stopped blogging with us. We're all still lifting. I hope you feel it.

Sent by Terri Dilts | 12:52 PM ET | 09-23-2008

Laurie, I'm sure someone else has suggested this book but just in case: Elizabeth Berg's Year of Pleasures is excellent! As I read it, I'm thinking of you...

Sent by Nancy | 12:56 PM ET | 09-23-2008

Hi Laurie, I know how you feel. It's tough when someone you love is no longer present except in your memories.

Sent by Andrea | 1:09 PM ET | 09-23-2008

Dear Laurie,

"The lonelies" and loneliness for one so beloved as Leroy are excruciating to deal with ~ There's just no way around that sorrowful truth. I know we all so wish it were otherwise, as each one of us walks/has walked/will walk this path.

A while ago, a friend of a friend wrote the following in response to the death of another's beloved brother. It's so eloquent and so comforting. The well-spoken gentleman who wrote it is named David Young, from NYC:

"The profound loneliness you describe is an existential state that no one
else can really relieve for you, I guess. The anniversary of my Mom's
death was a week ago today. Today is the anniversary of 9/11. This date
always makes me think of all the friends I lost to AIDS for some reason,
as well as the tragedy that occurred six years ago.

I mention all of this because I think one of the things that has always
helped me keep from crumbling in the face of all the loss I've
experienced is the sense that once someone leaves this earthly plane that
they somehow become even closer to me. If someone is alive and on this
earth then geography plays such a big part in things. I'm always aware of
the physical distance between myself and friends and loved ones at a
distance. But the spirit doesn't recognize geography, and once someone
passes on, I have the keen sense that they are never far away, and they
can be summoned to my side by simple acts of love and memory. And it
doesn't feel like they are just memories, because I feel like they are
still there to witness what goes on in my life.

The whole idea of spirit is pretty abstract for me, but no less
comforting for being so. Sometimes I've felt the sense of a visitation of
sorts, other times I feel like the essence of someone I've lost is just a
part of my emotional DNA and I'm manifesting them. Either way, it can be
a powerful and comforting phenomenon."

Powerful prose, isn't it?

Wishing you an infusion of your beloved Leroy into your emotional DNA, Laurie; and the same to all who mourn the passing of their loved ones~

With love,

Sent by Kim Forester, Pullman WA | 1:16 PM ET | 09-23-2008

Another lift. I think of you every single day.

Sent by Tammy C. | 1:27 PM ET | 09-23-2008

Laurie and all,
I found out this morning first hand about all those "life" decisions the hard way. Yeah, I have been living in this cocoon of a life for almost 10 months going through the motions.
I woke up this morning with vertigo. I couldn't move. I called my mom in CA thinking I was going to die and so scared. Who else was I suppose to call? She finally convinced me to call this lady across the way to come over and help me. She drove me to the doctors office where the nurse, after telling her my tale, just held me and let me cry. The good doctor prescribed some medicine and yes, I finally gave in to some anxiety medicine, and I came home to rest. I just kept crying this morning. I think the stress of everything is finally here.
I am heading to CA next week to be with a few friends and my family, I guess not soon enough after today!
Neil would always get so upset with me because he said I always had to prove I could take care of me and now I have no choice. I was sure scared. I wish he was here to have helped me through this....I miss my captain too!
So Laurie, Jane, Nikki, Graham, Kathy B., Al, Dianne, Bruce, Sasha, Raven, Eileen and all of this big huge family, thank you for giving me a place to cry. Today is one of them...

Sent by Laurie Hirth | 1:40 PM ET | 09-23-2008

Laurie, all of us would take the yoke from you if we could... But we are here hugging you in cyberspace.. And lifting.. 1 2 3 4 LIFT
FROG

Sent by Patsy Elmore from Knoxville, TN | 1:41 PM ET | 09-23-2008

Dear Laurie, Typing may be poor I have a brace on one finger. We are all team players and do best with a special partner. What a help you were to Leroy and perhaps you can be comforted by that thought. Image if you had not been there! Now, please keep writing since you are doing for all of us left behind the help of hearing the pain of that loss of a partner and knowing that sharing makes us a little less along. We are co-captains with you. still lifting. Remember this helps the cancer patient as well who has a chance to share with his or her partner before there is no more time.

Sent by Martha C. | 1:41 PM ET | 09-23-2008

You are so strong. You'll make it. But the hole left by Leroy will always hurt, Honey.

Sent by Doris | 1:52 PM ET | 09-23-2008

I've been told by a couple of gried counselors that a good rule of thumb is to count on a month of active grieving for each year you were together, which sounds about right. I've been alone almost 20 months after being together 20 years and I've just ventured out into the "dating scene" recently.

We have date #4 tonight.

Sent by Bruce | 2:11 PM ET | 09-23-2008

I'm just amazed at how often the thoughts, feelings and remarks shared here ring so true and close to home. My late husband and I each had a wonderful life as individuals and were always happy for each other because of that. But we had a special partnership, friendship, relationship---just the 2 of us. We would be happy as clams just watching a sports event on TV or reading in our own little corners of the house---but that nearby presence/"security" and comfort plus the talking, laughing & sharing of our days made for a safe harbor. Fay, you said it well when you wrote: "We all need a soft place to land at the end of the day." When that's gone, the hole in your house and the hole in your heart can be awful gaping. Others who loved Leroy fiercely miss him fiercely but they do not live in the place where Leroy used to. It takes a long time to absorb the shock and sadness of his absence. When my husband died, our daughter was 14 and the family that was 3 became 2 and his absence felt like a huge amputation. But slowly, gradually, with 2 steps forward and 3 steps back at times, you "adapt" and the grief is more muted. And as Linnea shared, you might someday s1/4onsciously feel and project some of Leroy's wonderful traits. Thank you to everyone for sharing your words of wisdom that come from a broken but healing heart. Laurie, I hope our own stories don't cause you any extra pain; instead, I hope that that our experience helps you feel less alone. Peace and hugs, Nancy from WI

Sent by Nancy B | 2:16 PM ET | 09-23-2008

Laurie: nothing smart to say.. but I hope you do feel a warm hug from a cyber friend..
with love

Sent by Francesca in Zurich , Switzerland | 2:17 PM ET | 09-23-2008

Grief is a hard, hard thing to get through. It is not only getting past the passing of a loved one, it is also about re-establishing, the new perimeters of life without the one we miss so much.
Time can help. It does.
Prayers,
Wanda Amorose

Sent by Wanda Amorose | 4:08 PM ET | 09-23-2008

Hi Laurie,

All I know to say, is through cyber-space, I am thinking of you, and sending you healing thoughts as you continue travelling through this difficult land of grief. Right now, I personally, am feeling compass-less, having to find "north" when my personal "north pole" is missing.

Heartlight,

Kim

Sent by Kim | 4:35 PM ET | 09-23-2008

For Laurie, and all who gather here:

WORD FOR THE DAY
Tuesday, Sep. 23
"The most beautiful people are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen."
~Elisabeth K??bler-Ross

Sent by Kim Forester, Pullman WA | 4:53 PM ET | 09-23-2008

It is my hope that the gift of this blog can continue. So much is gained by reading all the comments. They mean a great deal to me. To all who share, thank you a million times.

Sent by N. Holmes | 5:37 PM ET | 09-23-2008

My heart bleeds for you. Find your strength you have it or else you would have never come so far!

Sent by Liz L. | 6:03 PM ET | 09-23-2008

I think (and hope) what you are going to find is that you will be able to go on independently, and very strongly reinforced by what Leroy has left you: His love, his encouragement, what he has taught you over the years and the self-confidence he has instilled in you. You may be surprised at how strong his presence is as you go forward with your work. (It happened to me!)

Sent by Marilyn Trujillo | 6:32 PM ET | 09-23-2008

Laurie, I hope each day gets a teeny bit easier to live and that good funny memories dominate the sad ones. Viewing the memorial that was posted online, I had to smile at Leroy's siblings and nephews dressed in aloha shirts; I loved that gesture! Leroy would enjoy that moment. I was also taken by how much one of his nephews sounded just like Leroy!

Sent by Dorothy - Los Angeles | 6:57 PM ET | 09-23-2008

Hi, Laurie---Thank you for the words you write about your grief process. I think how Leroy helped and still helps so many look at death- (my husband just listened to the Sunday Celebration) and now you as
his life partner continue to (thank God)
share the nitty gritty of life after. What a gift you are to all of us. Thank you and Blessings and peace

Sent by Diane | 7:02 PM ET | 09-23-2008

Laurie, I see and hear Leroy in your postings. He definitely is a part of you and always will be. Your writing is so alike! How fortunate you are to have had/still have that magnificent relationship....and, the same for Leroy, having had you in his life. I am walking besides you, trying to hold you up!!

Sent by Terry | 7:10 PM ET | 09-23-2008

I have a feeling that Leroy would call you the team captain.... :-)

Sent by Anne | 8:51 PM ET | 09-23-2008

Dear Laurie,
I hope that our talk of your strength doesn't make you feel bad. Even those with great strength can be overwhelmed by a great grief and the loss of a loved one-especially the loss of the love that you and Leroy shared. So, it is ok when you are not feeling strong or independent. I doubt that there is anything that needs immediate attention. So if you're not feeling strong, leave it until you feel better or can get someone to help you through.

Please be gentle with yourself in these difficult days. May your memories of Leroy comfort you....1-2-3 lift
Kim

I

Sent by Kim | 9:58 PM ET | 09-23-2008

I read your comments carefully everyday and my heart breaks for you over and over again.

The fact that you loved Leroy so deeply is so moving to me; my cancer is what moved my love for my husband to a new level. It was clear to all of us that Leroy's illness made him love you all the more.

And the loss is that much more difficult to bear.

Lifting lifting lifting.

xoxo

Sent by Robin Smith | 10:37 PM ET | 09-23-2008

Bruce: Date number 4? Sounds like someone we blog partners may need to check out! Ha, only kidding. I'm so happy for you.

Laurie & Laurie Hirth: Under happier times, I can tell both of your were truly independent ladies...by choice. You are still independent ladies, but not so much by choice right now. It's not that we can't fend for ourselves, it just isn't fun doing so.

Sometimes we just need that other team member to check in with. Some one who misses us when we don't show up on time; someone who checks in in for the night and rings the bell for "all is well'.

love always

Sent by Nikki in kansas | 2:29 AM ET | 09-24-2008

You are not alone

Sent by Emily | 1:53 PM ET | 09-24-2008