Laurie, there are so many things out there that one can't possibly think about as you are just trying to survive and stay alive. I really can relate to the (after) things that need addressing. They in them selves can be totally exhausting. Some I have left for another day.

Remember that we are all still lifting!!!

Sent by dorothy in oregon | 8:35 AM ET | 09-04-2008

oh Laurie..
hurting with you
yes , he was Leroy. .YOUR LEROY

Sent by Francesca | 8:37 AM ET | 09-04-2008

Laurie, you most of all know that Leroy has died but to have to say it out loud, to so many people including strangers who never knew him makes it even more final and more difficult. The loss of a loved one is painful enough but to seemingly have his life reduced to "just the pertinent facts" increases the pain and grief. While I realize that for some, Leroy and his life is just another statistic as ours will be as well when our time comes. For those of us who knew and loved him via his blog, Leroy touched the hearts and souls of so many who were in need. How do you put into words the goodness he did for so many? Legal documents are cold and austere and without feelings. There is not enough space in any of the "Comments" sections to capture the essence of Leroy!

Nope, you may have to go through the painful process of legally declaring that Leroy has died but we all know that the goodness he did for us LIVES! The measure of his life is in his legacy so let's not let the big guy down. He's watching!!

Blessings and prayers as always Laurie.

Sent by Al Cato | 8:45 AM ET | 09-04-2008

Dearest Laurie,

Our love and lifting is with you. Of course, Leroy was not a number and this is so very tough on you. It has to be done; maybe you can have a friend sit with you while you do this. Take care of you, please. We do love you and send that to you.
Jan

Sent by Janice Goldberg White | 8:45 AM ET | 09-04-2008

Dear Laurie,

There is no other way to put it: this stuff sucks! It is painful and seems to take all your time. No one likes calling 800-numbers.

Can you "outsource" what you can to your well-meaning friends? Friends want to help you. Please let them take some of this burden off your shoulders.

Hang in there Laurie. Mourning is painful.

Take care,
Liz

Sent by Liz L. | 8:46 AM ET | 09-04-2008

Dear Laurie,

Memories of April 4, 2008. I know what that is like. I started that job then... credit cards, cable, had already done the newspaper while he was in rehab.

The necessary documentation, the addresses, the mail to be forwarded, which was actually the hardest because of a snippy postal employee.

In November 2005, when my sister was diagnosed with Stage IV Head and Neck cancer, dad got on the band wagon putting things in order. Every time I went to see him he was telling me something more, I finally gave him a booklet, "what my family needs to know" and said write it. It was a blessing. Even as he was getting weaker at home before the "crash" I asked him and looked for things, do you think, I suspected the inevitable? I don't know, I just needed him to tell me stuff again.

1-2-3 Lifting... each step of the way.

Oops tears again... :{

Sent by Sue Chap | 8:50 AM ET | 09-04-2008

I'm so sorry. :(

Sent by Nichole in FL | 9:02 AM ET | 09-04-2008

Dear Cancer World Friends,
I leave in the morning to help my sis-in-law who has metastatic ovarian CA. My wish is to help her wade through the 'getting her affairs in order', while helping her with ADLs (activities of Daily Living) and rigorous visits to clinics/chemo/etc. What suggestions might any of you have for us, so that when she is gone, the pain (that Laurie is going through now,) is as little as possible for my sis-in-law's family and loved ones?
P.S. I expect a diagnosis of "NED" at my 2 yr appt today for my HPV-induced CA of the tonsil! Some of us are just born lucky.

Sent by Dr. Lynn | 9:04 AM ET | 09-04-2008

laurie - once again i thank you. thank you for continuing to include us in this new journey. your journey, as you navigate life without leroy. it is a solemn process to read and our hearts and prayers continue to go out to you.

Sent by anita - pittsburgh | 9:05 AM ET | 09-04-2008

Laurie - Hang in there as that will go on for awhile. I hate to tell you that but it does. I thought we had everything in order too - only to go thru things that we just did not think about. The electric company was the worst for me. They wanted me to pay another deposit to put the power in only my name and after many arguements from me and speaking with higher ups I did not have to. It is very difficult to keep repeating what needs to be said and showing the death certificate to everyone that needs it. You are in my continued prayers for strength every day.

Sent by Deb from Michigan | 9:06 AM ET | 09-04-2008

I'm so sorry, Laurie. Repeating everything I'm sure is so painful for you - you're in my prayers daily. And, No, Leroy was not a number. Last weekend I took off on an adventure with a friend that we had planned for a year - and smiled and laughed the whole time. And dedicated that experience to Leroy, who has taught me to live for the moment.

Sent by Amy | 9:12 AM ET | 09-04-2008

Laurie,
You are so right I felt the same way. It hurts everytime a letter comes in the mail with my husband's name. When I changed the water bill over they send a letter to my husband to notify him of the change in the account even though I told them he had passed away. I called them back and told them they needed to do something about their system. It's the little things like that that really hurts. All I can do is tell you I understand. Sending my thoughts and prayers your way.

Sent by Aurella | 9:17 AM ET | 09-04-2008

Sasha,
I wanted to let you know I am thinking about you and praying for your husband and you and your family. Know that we are here for you. Sadly I understand what you are going through.

Sent by Aurella | 9:22 AM ET | 09-04-2008

I can relate...it took me 12 months+ to convince the hospital conglomerate where he died that he had indeed died and to stop sending $60,000 bills to him...Hugs to you Laurie as you go through this. Sherri in Texas

Sent by Sherri Eggleston | 9:26 AM ET | 09-04-2008

I'm sorry Laurie. I feel your pain through your words and I only wish you peace through the next days months and years that you must survive without your soulmate.

I miss Leroy, I miss everything before cancer. Yesterday a "friend" said, "well, Laurie, we must deal with the cards we are dealt". She isn't 27 and dying. That wasn't a fair thing to say when I was trying to find comfort.

So I struggle to find the words to comfort you. All I can say is that we are here for you and hold you in our hearts, keep you in our thoughts, and wait for you to say if you need anything...because we will always be here for you.

Sent by Laurie | 9:26 AM ET | 09-04-2008

Laurie,

Oh boy, do remember that. My mom was a force, like Leroy. A stickler for details, she was. But you know, you can't possibly think you can cover every little thing. She tried, bless her heart, as I know you two did, to.

Doing these little things that cause you to repeat your story hurts. I know. But it's that constant retelling that heals, too. You have to trust me on this one. It is not only cathardic, but necessary. The grieving process is wild and winding journey; one you are blessed not to take alone.

Sent by Teri Thomas | 9:26 AM ET | 09-04-2008

............and he will always be LEROY.....remembered by those who loved him. Still lifting Laurie..........

Prayers to all

Sent by sasha | 9:27 AM ET | 09-04-2008

Dear Laurie,

I am so honored to know you and Leroy. Leroy's talking was so helpful for me and your talking touches my soul. I have experienced everything you are saying. You have my empathy.

Love, Lailani

Sent by Lailani Dana | 9:28 AM ET | 09-04-2008

My heart and prayers go out to you with these tasks. He is Leroy, no number or name, just Leroy. 1,2,3 you lifted every day by one and all of us.
with care.

Sent by anne lumberger | 9:29 AM ET | 09-04-2008

"...and to dust we shall return." Somewhere between the dust we started as and the dust we ended up as, we were somebody! Eating, laughing, wise-cracking people. Like Leroy. Over time, we got defined by the jobs we had, the relationships we forged, the 'things' we amassed and the love we created and nurtured. Of course, it is the latter that really endures and defines our lives, not the tags tied to us along the way (our social security numbers, the account passwords we routinely forgot, etc.). All of these things tie us to the here-and-now in such mundane ways. It's a shame there isn't an easier way to do a quick disconnect when the time comes. It doesn't seem fair that the people left behind grieving must do all the plug-pulling, the disconnecting from and notification of our past connections. It's certainly no fun and simply not fair.

Sent by Dan | 9:29 AM ET | 09-04-2008

I sent letters...one letter that I sent to everyone...and repeated sending it...unless there was no way around calling...and then when I needed to call, I would say, look, he's died...or even more direct...sorry, Laurie...this part, there is no way around it, it sucks.

Sent by Sandra Yudilevich | 9:31 AM ET | 09-04-2008

Laurie,
My husband and i met Leroy during radiation treatment @ Hopkins in Jan 07. I would love sometime to share with you a story about Leroy and how much he helped me...contact me later if you are ever ready.
Its coming up to the year anniversary of my husbands death, 9/29/07. Anyway, it is and has been much harder than i ever thought possible.
The worst for me in the beginning was social security for my daughter. The woman asked "so when did the marriage end,the day of his death?" My reply was the "marriage hasnt ended" He died on that date....Yes i guess technically it did but a week after his death it sure hadnt felt that way. The next was the term widow: a friend asked me, "so then what are you going to say if someone asks you, are you married?"
This conversation ocurred a few months after he died,during the week between christmas and the New Year. The last thing i wanted to think about was the word "widow". I looked at her, a bit dumbfounded, but said nothing
It is the "little" things tho that continually surprise you. Like the mighty dog commercial that reminds you of the times he flew my son around the house, as a baby, singing the mighty dog song. Stupid stuff that means nothing to most people. Its the optimism that he had throughout his life even till the end.
I wouldnt say the pain is any less now, it is different tho, more tolerable, more poignant?
I do feel like my life is much richer than it was before his illness. The people that we met, like Leroy, & Dr Herman, the researchers and nurses. We learned a lot. We experienced many blessings along the way....i'd still rather have him here tho...

Sent by Maureen | 9:37 AM ET | 09-04-2008

Laurie, I know the pain. Suddenly someone who was THERE, who was part of you and part of living itself is gone. We're NEVER prepared for that. And then we face the "business" - the notifications, the winding up, the winding down, and the dealing with disembodied voices, endless forms, and it all seems so empty. Borne home is the fact that our loss has not stopped the world, and that the spirit and body we loved isn't there to turn to for help and that stranger on the other end of the line is simply doing a job. Well, it's pain of the most excruciating and exasperating nature. So when you feel this - and you will, often - come back here to this space where we can lift you up and support you. He was Leroy, and we will always remember that, and we will be here for you. He wrote his heart out for his whole career, and what a heart it was. Interestingly enough, Laurie, I think his heart was so big and vibrant that it became contagious - because you have it, too. Bless you today and every day.

Sent by Susan Crawford | 9:37 AM ET | 09-04-2008

It hurts a lot at first, doing all of those things, always when you talk to someone they have the inevitable task of either apologizing or being the one that transfers you to the department that takes care of that kind of stuff. There are a few that are nice and a lot that just take the info, but I'm sure it's just as tough for them to hear the same thing 8 hours a day. I think the hardest thing that really gets funny after a while is the junk mail. My dad's been gone almost 3 years now and it just keeps coming. Those sweepstakes winnings, the postcards for the new cars, the subscription renewal notices for the golf magazines. At first it was upsetting and frustrating, but now I guess it's just a little reminder every once in a while.

Sent by paul c. | 9:37 AM ET | 09-04-2008

Laurie,

Leroy did so much to enlighten us on cancer and the journey that led him home.

You are lighting the way for those that follow your path. In time, cancer will
take my husband's life. Your journey is shared by many and I personally thank you for giving a voice to the ones left to carry on.

Margaret

Sent by Margaret Fowler | 9:37 AM ET | 09-04-2008

Over the past 2 years since my youngest brother was diagnosed with stage IV Hodgkins' lymphoma at age 51, this blog has given our family hope. The grace and power of Leroy's words helped us cope with so many challenges. Leroy is in our hearts and in our prayers, as are you, Laurie.

Sent by Anne Pane | 9:39 AM ET | 09-04-2008

I have held many jobs in my life. One of the most difficult and rewarding was "Death Claim Specialist" at a financial institution; a horrible title. I tried very hard not to provide the kind of experience you describe. Some times I would speak to a family member once or twice, others I would assist for months. One woman called me nearly two years after we had last spoken distraught at receiving junk mail addressed to her husband on what was a bad day for her. I was able to assist her to ensure that he was reported to all credit bureaus as deceased and to have his name removed from mailing lists through the DMA. Below is a link to accomplish the mailing list removal.

http://www.dmachoice.org/consumerassistance.php

The necessity of dealing with the "paperwork" created by the passing of a family member is close to unbearable. It's the last thing you want to do. I regret that I'm not good with the right words when someone passes, but I'm okay with practical advice to ease someone through the red tape. I hope that today you don't encounter any insensitive clerks or too may automated telephone systems.

Peace and Prayers

Sent by Joan Marie | 9:40 AM ET | 09-04-2008

My heart and thoughts continue to be with you.

Sent by T Sheehan | 9:42 AM ET | 09-04-2008

Some things about life, loving, losing, and dying--are just not fair; never have been - never will be.
Sending love to you today Laurie, Linda

Sent by Linda Lee | 9:43 AM ET | 09-04-2008

Dear Laurie,
This will also get a little easier with time. I remember helping my Mom make those calls after my Dad passed away. I would say those words "Dad passed away", but they didn't sound real to me. It felt like I should not be saying them and that it couldn't be true. It still at times dosen't seem real and it's been 2.5 yrs. But it has gotten easier, as it will for you. Just continue to take one day at a time and try to find some peace in each day for you. Being a life-giver is a hard and demanding job. You need to rest and give yourself some healing time. God Bless.....1-2-3- Lift

Sent by Teresa in WV | 9:43 AM ET | 09-04-2008

Laurie, it doesn't get any more comfortable in making "those" calls, but it does get easier. The first call I made after my father died, I had to go through about a dozen phone prompts before getting to a real person. And then, I couldn't say the words. I started crying and did manage to croak out that I would call back later. So, I called the next day. Not a big deal, but it was harder than I thought.

My heart goes out to you. I wish you peace.

Sent by Joyce in FL | 10:04 AM ET | 09-04-2008

People sometimes really don't get how hard it is. We all shouldn't have to go through tough times to be compasionate.

Sent by Lisa | 10:08 AM ET | 09-04-2008

Laurie -

Your post today brought tears to my eyes. The transition from loved one to number is pretty rough. For me, it was at my mom's funeral. The service ended and the men came and rolled her casket away. That was when she became a number. My MOM. Oh, I know how you feel.

Sent by Linnea | 10:12 AM ET | 09-04-2008

Laurie,

I understand completely. Even the junk mail that comes with his name on it hurts to look at. If only he were here to care about his credit, a greener lawn, reducing love handles, etc. I had no idea the mountain of paperwork that comes with the end of a life would be so overwhelming. I don't like saying his name to the faceless people just doing their jobs, and I really hate looking at his name in the cemetery where it doesn't belong. I'm hurting right along with you. Hang in.

Sent by Lisa Y | 10:12 AM ET | 09-04-2008

Dear Laurie,
When my mother passed away, my brother and I spent a week trying to do what you are doing. It was a blessing to have a shoulder to lean on, and someone to share stories with as we tried to get the mountain under control. I hope you have that shoulder and listening ear as you go through it all. You are amazing for sharing this journey with us. And we will keep lifting.

Sent by Margaret | 10:14 AM ET | 09-04-2008

Dear Laurie,

It will be awhile before any of this gets better. There must be a thousand daily injuries you are experiencing in your loss of Leroy. We are still out here, for you, lifting. Okay, everyone all together now: ONE...TWO...THREE!

Heartlight on for you,

Kim Blankenship

Sent by Kim Blankenship | 10:18 AM ET | 09-04-2008

Laurie,

When I pick up the phone to call an 800 number my two girls smile and murmur "phone rage" under their breath. Your post is a reminder about perspective and a mark of patience and courage. Today, I will think of you every time I do my own little stuff and I will hope our world makes things just a little easier for you.

Sent by regina | 10:19 AM ET | 09-04-2008

Laurie,
I have been reading this blog for over a year and cried with the rest when I heard of Leroy's death. And today, I cried for you. I remember, too well, the phone calls you are having to make now. They are brutal and stark and ugly calls, but unfortunately, they need to be made. And I am so sorry you're having to make them.

But I know where you can talk about something other than spellings and numbers.

Here.

Because while I'm not sure the hole in your heart ever goes away, sharing the joys, the stories, and the little details will help keep him close to your soul.

Be gentle with yourself.
Peace,
Lisa

Sent by Lisa | 10:20 AM ET | 09-04-2008

Laurie, I can't imagine how hard this is for you.. I went through it with my mother but Leroy was Leroy and I know it hurts SO MUCH...

Thank you for being here for us and sharing these personal moments..

1 2 3 4 LIFT
FROG....

Sent by Patsy Elmore from Knoxville, TN | 10:21 AM ET | 09-04-2008

Dear Laurie,
You continue to be in my thoughts and prayers. I know how hard this is. Those modern phone systems are so frustrating. I hate the ones that never let you talk to a real person.
Charlotte in Rural Ridge, PA

Sent by Charlotte Kewish | 10:27 AM ET | 09-04-2008

Dear Laurie,

I broke down in the bank when I had to deal with my father's account after he died. The woman at the desk just didn't know what to do with me. I remember the endless phone calls and how hard it was to get through to a real person. I am so sorry for what you're dealing with. I think some of these places need to go to sensitivity training. People are people and not numbers, you're right! Lots of hugs to you today.

Sent by Donna G. | 10:28 AM ET | 09-04-2008

Laurie,

I'm so sorry to hear some of the details and the things you think about and experience now. In the abstract, I know this time is tough for you, but when I hear the specifics it is just so much harder even. Still, I thank you for sharing this part of the journey with us. Please know that I (and I think I speak for all of us) think about you every day, many times, and I try to send good thoughts and strength.

Sent by Leslie Tsui | 10:30 AM ET | 09-04-2008

Lifting Laurie...please give some of this difficult work over to a good friend! Or, have someone there when you do it so you can "de-funk". Thanks for mentioning all this as it is helpful to others I'm sure. So many don't realize all you face.

Hugs,

Sent by Lori | 10:39 AM ET | 09-04-2008

Oh Laurie. I understand what you are going through. When my grandfather passed away, I volunteered to make those calls. The hurt was still fresh and having it reduced to numbers is painful. Not to mention the endless prompts and robotic responses. Others have made this suggestion. Perhaps you could enlist a close friend to help you with the calls. It might help to have them get through the prompts and have you join the call if necessary once they get a live person....but only if necessary.

We are here for you. Sending you our love and thoughts. 1....2....3....LIFT

Sent by Alexis Redmond | 10:47 AM ET | 09-04-2008

Laurie.... These type of things are perfect jobs for those close to you, who want to help and just don't know what to do. Let them take this over for you... it will save you so much uneeded grief.

Sent by Betty Obst | 10:48 AM ET | 09-04-2008

The social security administration has to be the worst that way, doesn't it? It seems so unfair that when you are in the middle of grieving, you have to deal with all those "little things". I second the suggestion that you ask a friend to help you beat a path through the lines where you have to spell and give dates and do all sorts of things before you even talk to a real person...Not because you CAN'T do it but because I am sure there are people around you who love you and would love to help. I know asking for that kind of help in itself can be hard, though, if you are a very independent person.

Sent by N.R. | 10:54 AM ET | 09-04-2008

Laurie,
I know you are hurting and nothing any of us writes will ease the pain you are going through. Just breathe....and he will always be your Leroy....and our Leroy who we looked for hope, inspiration and courage. Just breathe and take your time dealing with the stuff...there is always tomorrow.

Sent by Miriam | 10:55 AM ET | 09-04-2008

How lovely to know there are people like Joan Marie who truly care about others when they are trying to cope with all the practicalities. I remember after my Dad died how difficult it was to make phone calls and deal with paperwork. It seemed so clinical and cold and desperately sad.

We understand, Laurie, and hold you softly and warmly in our hearts.

Sent by Tina from Alton, IL | 11:04 AM ET | 09-04-2008

Yes, he was Leroy, your husband and best friend. In so many ways in this world we have all become numbers, so that when a loved one dies, we want total recognition of that person as something more than "data".
Prayers,
Wanda Amorose

Sent by Wanda Amorose | 11:13 AM ET | 09-04-2008

Oh Laurie, my hearts breaks and aches for you. We live in a COLD system that requires you to deal with life without feeling it. We are still lifting.....

Sent by grace | 11:13 AM ET | 09-04-2008

Laurie, Banks have no Heart. Others are just insensitive or don't care. Seems there should be some compassion out there. A computerized voice, I railed against it when I was with the Bank. People want to speak with people, not get endless prompts from a machine. Where has service gone, anyway? Sorry for the pain, sorry for everything. Thoughts, Stan

Sent by Stan Wozniak | 11:18 AM ET | 09-04-2008

Laurie,
Dealing with these issues is awful. It is a constant reminder of the loss we have suffered. Unfortunately, it is one of the things we have to do to continue to live as normal of a life as possible.
For me it was getting all those thank you cards off, trying to say something that would trigger a memory of Neil and letting them all know to share stories of him to help keep his memory alive.

Laurie, I wish people were not so cruel but the fact of the matter, they think they are helping. Let it go, some people just don't know any better. I am sure I made my share of stupid remarks too!

Dr. Lynn,
One of things I still look for is the letter or notes that Neil may have left behind. The videos of him, the photos I took. I don't think anything will prepare us for what will happen but just knowing those are still with me gives me great comfort. Neil wrote on my Christmas ornament two days before he passed and it is my most prized possession and probably the hardest thing he ever had to do. He was so weak and so in and out of delirium. He wrote: "Once in a lifetime you meet a person to never leave" then he wrote HI...He has never left me and will always be by my side. Maybe your family can take comfort in something like that.
Wishing you all a peaceful day today.
Continued prayers!

Sent by Laurie Hirth | 11:18 AM ET | 09-04-2008

Laurie,

I first started reading Leroys post in Jan of last year when my friend was diagnosed with cancer. He thankfully was treated and is cancer free. I kept reading and Leroy became part of my life. You are lucky to have known him. I'm sorry for your loss. This is the hard part, life without Leroy. After every passing breath, every passing hour, every passing day you will learn how to go on without him. My blessings to you.

Sent by Claudia | 11:20 AM ET | 09-04-2008

Hi Laurie,

Just sending you my heart felt wish of good luck.
I know that the grieving process will begin shortly, if not already.
I was always told, take it slow, and try to be optimistic, but I still don't get it. Like you, the loss is just to overwhelming.
Oh well, we stagger on the best we can, and hope we are kind to others.
I'll pray for you today, Laurie.

Sent by Donato S. | 11:21 AM ET | 09-04-2008

Dear Laurie,
I pray your burden gets easier. We are out here willing you a lift. Peace.

Sent by Robert G | 11:31 AM ET | 09-04-2008

I'm so sorry you're having to go through this, Laurie.

Somehow, I keep imagining Leroy cracking a great, wry joke about all those hideous phone calls...

He's still here.

Sent by Doris | 11:33 AM ET | 09-04-2008

Laurie,
There are a surprising # of things that will come along in the months ahead that we just don't think about, and some of those things could NOT be taken care of ahead of time. I hope you were advised to get extra copies of death certificates - some of those places you have to call will demand a copy. Usually just a photocopy. And keep copies of any correspondence, and dates of when and who you talked to. I've been helping my Mom with these things also, and it can be stress provoking when they say "who did you talk to and when" - and you have no idea. You just KNOW you asked that account to be changed, etc.

It can be hard to be patient too, when those voices on the other end sound suspicious or rude. I actually had a customer "service" rep sound as if she was questioning whether my stepfather was dead or if we were trying to pull something on her company. Very aggravating!

Sent by Kelley | 11:39 AM ET | 09-04-2008

Dear Laurie,
Leroy is:
Strength for you
Alive in your actions and memories
Our mentor still
#1 in my book
Probably fuming at the frustrating situations you are pressed into...
I was listening to Mary Chapin Carpenter singing My Heaven. It caused me to think of Leroy (The King) "...with presidents and movie stars, just come as you are..." and I honestly laughed out loud thinking of the interviews he's doing now...
we hold you gently in our hearts,
we send prayers of comfort to you,
1 2 3 we lift, and lift, and continue to lift for life, in the living time.

Sent by Stitches | 11:42 AM ET | 09-04-2008

Dear Laurie, I wish that these "little" things could be made easier. I can only imagine how you are feeling.

There is a service that helps you get past the phone trees if you are interested. At least you might not need to talk to so many computers.

http://www.nophonetrees.com/

I hope it's a small lift.

Sent by Nancy | 11:51 AM ET | 09-04-2008

I agree with some posts, that you should try to enlist some help in having to disseminate the information about Leroy to all the necessary parties. I'm hoping you have some people around you willing to take this on. I also liked the idea someone mentioned of having a single letter that you can send out. That way you can gather your thoughts, write what you want to let other know, and not have to restate the same things over and over.

I have been a long time lurker, a one time poster on this site. I wondered if at some point you would let us know what it was that took Leroy away from you so (apparently) suddenly. Perhaps you've shared that already on this site. But I've not seen it. Were you with him, and did he know you were there? I'd like to think so. It's okay if he slipped away in his sleep too, but I'd like to think you both said fare well before he left.

Take care, and keep us included for as long as you need to. Elizabeth

Sent by Elizabeth | 11:54 AM ET | 09-04-2008

Laurie:

You don't know me but I've been reading this from the start.

I can't say "I know how you feel". I don't. Battling my own cancer is more personal to me, but it does not take into account those who love us, those who are left to carry on after we are gone.

My thoughts and prayers are with you in this time of sorrow.

It may seem small comfort, but so many of us living with cancer received a great gift from Leroy and strength in fighting our own wars with "The Beast".

My thoughts and prayers (as well as hundreds of others) will support you in your sorrow.

BEN

Sent by Ben Timmons | 11:56 AM ET | 09-04-2008

Hi Laurie, We are back to 1,2,3 lift and we are here lifting for you as well. Sorry it is such a painful time and indeed Leroy was not just a number and date. Good luck

Sent by Martha C. | 11:59 AM ET | 09-04-2008

Laurie - All of this is exasperating to go through even if we haven't lost a loved one. You need to get reinforcement from your friends and those who love you. Unfortunately these strangers are "just doing their job" - and not very well, either. If I could help out in any way, I would. I'll just help out by keeping you uplifted, okay?

Sent by sue sheehan, Bothell, Wa | 12:07 PM ET | 09-04-2008

Dear Laurie,

These tasks do hurt so deeply, and are so surreal. I'm so sorry for the sorrow of it all ... Leroy was and is so very, very special, and that simply cannot be taken away. Between all the detailed particulars that you are required to recite, there was (and I believe still IS) an extraordinary life force ~

In honor of Leroy:

"The Dash - by Linda Ellis

I read of a man who stood to speak
At the funeral of a friend...
He referred to the dates on his tombstone
From the beginning...to the end...
He noted that first came his date of birth
And spoke the following date with tears,
Was the dash between those years?
For that dash represents all the time
That he spent alive on earth.....
And now only those who loved him
Know what that little line is worth...
For it matters not, how much we own:
The cars...the house...the cash,
What matters is how we live and love
And how we spend our dash...
So think about this long and hard.....
Are there things you'd like to change?
For you never know how much time is left,
That can still be rearranged...
To consider what's true and real,
And always try to understand
The way other people feel...
And be less quick to anger,
And show appreciation more
And love the people in our lives
Like we've never loved before...
If we treat each other with respect,
And more often wear a smile....
Remembering that this special dash
Might only last a little while...
So, when your eulogy's being read
With your life's actions to rehash.....
Would you be proud of the things they say
About how you spent your dash?"

--Leroy's dash? Ahhh ...Oh so dashing!! Just try to remember this as you're going through the loops and reels, dear Laurie.

With fondness and friendship,

Kim Forester

Sent by Kim Forester | 12:17 PM ET | 09-04-2008

Laurie,

"Getting your affairs in order" is a loosely defined term. There is always stuff you didn't think about to deal with. I know those phone calls hurt, but each one takes you a step closer to the end of a painful journey that you'd rather not be on. I could have delegated those tasks, but decided not to. Looking back, they were part of my healing.

Blessings.

Sent by Diana Kitch | 12:23 PM ET | 09-04-2008

Laurie,
I know how you feel. My son Hans (28) who made some comments on this site died from cancer in April. Yes it hurts and continues to hurt. My hope is that I will see a day when we can think of cancer like we look at tuberculosis. Yes some people die but not as often.
Allen

Sent by Allen | 12:27 PM ET | 09-04-2008

I have walked in the steps you are walking Laurie - and it's something I will never forget. My husband was 44 and died of cancer as well...it left me in serious shock...this wasn't supposed to be our life. The calls were hard and in between calls I would rage against the idea of saying it yet again...and then turn up the music...all our favorite music and songs that broke my heart. I spent a week clearing up all those details ...it was exhausting and surreal. The upside is you only do it once.

The clearest memory I have of those days (it will be 11 years on 9/11/2008) was of crystal clear sunshine and music ...lots of music. Oh..and tears. Buckets of them =(

Hang in there Laurie....as hard as this is ...it gets (I won't say better) ...different and calmer.

xo

Laurie

Sent by LAK | 12:28 PM ET | 09-04-2008

Laurie, My prayers for you today are asking for strength that you get through this difficult task and are able to quickly put it behind you. You can then move forward and replace the time spent on these tasks with beautiful memories of Leroy. Unfortunately this is just another one of those things that can't be avoided unless you ask for someone's help. We all know how special Leroy was, even if they don't. Just take a deep breath before speaking and it'll be over before you know it. Much love sent your way.

Sent by Jeanne Stevens | 12:28 PM ET | 09-04-2008

Laurie,
Please know that we are hurting with you. It will be so hard for so long but you will get through all the finalizing. Hard to say that word.

It was weird because my experience with the phone calls went well. Out of all the hassles with insurance, medicare etc,for over four years finally one thing went smooth. I was shocked, one lady helped me handle somethings over the phone that they usually make you go in for. Maybe she could tell how hard it was for me.

It is so hard to say "he is dead", "he died", "he passed away". Even today almost 2 years later it is just as hard and I find myself apologizing or trying to make the other person not feel awkward when I have to tell them.

I have referred to my husband as my David, when I talk to anybody. I don't know when I started that but I guess I just want them to know he was special to me. He was Somebody! and he mattered. Just like you with your Leroy, even though you shared him with the world, he will always and forever be Your Leroy. He was so special too. We love you both.

Sent by Janice from Troy AL | 12:38 PM ET | 09-04-2008

Laurie,
You are so right. No one does tell you a/b these painful details.
He was Leroy and he was larger than life.
love, Jennifer in CA

Sent by Jen in CA | 12:42 PM ET | 09-04-2008

Laurie,

I can't begin to imagine the courage it takes to go through those painful steps. I look at the love of my life, standing by my side as I fight a cancer of my own, seeing all she already has to endure. To think of after, to me, always meant what you mentioned: getting our affairs in order. Reading your post today makes me wish there was a more humane way for things to be done.

My thoughts and prayers are with you, as always.

Sent by Benoit | 12:45 PM ET | 09-04-2008

Laurie: Hang in there Honey. Unfortunately there are the trying times we have to go through when we lose someone we love so very much. Keep reflecting on the good times, the times that made you love Leroy so much. Just know in your heart and sole that he was not a number to you, he was/is your life. Try so very hard to not let the 'mechanical attitudes' of people get you down. Keep the blogs coming, you've got countless thousands of us out here that love you, I'm one of them.

Robert Sheehan

Sent by Robert Sheehan | 1:10 PM ET | 09-04-2008

Laurie,

I am so sorry. All of us who have lost a mate know the pain of making these calls and having outsourcing, automated menus, and ultimately, the (mostly) insensitive clods on the other end who invariably say "have a nice day" or whatever else is in their canned script that doesn't apply whatsoever. And then there is the unique jolt of going to your doctor or dentist, and having the receptionist ask you if your mate is still the emergency contact for you, not realizing all of the impact of that seemingly routine question. All I can say is that you have to spread these calls and appointments out, and sometimes, one is enough for that day or week. It's just too heartbreaking, sad, and overwhelming otherwise. Unfortunately, with the privacy laws in place, especially electronic privacy, there is no way to delegate this to anyone, as the companies won't allow it - another opportunity for some sensitivity training/awareness. I'm thinking of you daily, and appreciate your strength in sharing these deeply personal thoughts with us. It continues to draw us all closer to one another.

Sent by Mary | 1:17 PM ET | 09-04-2008

Hugs from New England,
Debra Altschiller

Sent by Debra in New Hampshire | 1:19 PM ET | 09-04-2008

Hang in there Laurie. No matter what the two of you did to get everything in order, you can never be prepared for all the details that you have to take care of afterwards - - - it seems never ending. I think its safe to say that we are all saying little prayers for you in hopes of making it easier.

Sent by Robyn and the Critters | 1:56 PM ET | 09-04-2008

Laurie,

I had this one liner I must have said 10 times over the phone finalizing the affairs of my father after he died. People would say...."Oh you mean, he is dead, well I'm so sorry (they didn't often say this part) but make sure you include his number next to his name in your correspondance". I was in such pain or dismay I'd blurt out: "Yeah... he's dead NO S--- he wasn't a number he was a human being"!....and then it took FOREVER to get those death certificates!! I was so, so glad when all this stuff was over. Hang in there. WE understand and are thinking of you and holding you. Love, Graham from Sag Harbor.

Laurie Hirth--Thank you, friend. -G.

Sent by Graham G. Hawks | 2:00 PM ET | 09-04-2008

Yes, Laurie, the horrible efficiency with which a person is erased bureaucratically from this world is stunningly cold. More than once, I broke down on the phone, in the bank,in the Registry of Motor Vehicles department, in the SS office to pick up the $150.00 "death benefit"check, etc.

Even now, 2 yrs. after my husband's death, I have not bothered to change all of the utilities billing info. Why should I? Who cares?

Laurie, Take your time dealing with all this crap! Only do what's absolutely necessary. Pace yourself.

Sent by Marilyn | 2:05 PM ET | 09-04-2008

Laurie,

I appreciate your willingness to share this painful journey with us on the blog. ALL of us are grieving Leroy... and your openness gives us a place to all share that grief. Thank you.

Dorothy

Sent by Dorothy Drennen | 2:12 PM ET | 09-04-2008

When her husband of nearly 40 years died, writer Anne Roiphe struggled with how "...time is moving forward...and I am here suspended in time,..." Poignantly, she explains in Epilogue, her newly released memoir, of her need to leave her front door unlocked, partly because she didn't know if she could make the key work, partly because locking the door at night was something her husband always did, but "...more significantly, it was a protest against the loss of something far more necessary than a key: my husband, H." She writes of the assault of all the legal forms, more than she could have imagined; of taking phone calls from persons unaware of her husband's death -- and having to tell them, "He can't come to the phone right now." She speaks of how it feels to no longer hear "that voice...you could depend on" and tells of dreams in which her H. appeared and after which she experienced keen "disappointment" that "you can't change reality...in your sleep."

Like Roiphe's musings, your post today, Laurie, reflects how raw the death of our loved ones leaves us. And also how harsh "living time" can sometimes be.

May you always have this forum to protest your loss, Laurie.

Maureen in Arlington, Va.

An added note: Those life-givers in the Washington, D.C., area whose loved ones have cancer or other serious illnesses might be interested to know of programs offered by Smith Farm Center for Healing and the Arts (1617 U St., N.W., Washington, D.C. 20009; 202-483-8600; www.SmithFarm.com). The Center offers retreats and "programs, workshops, and events that foster healing [and] nurture creativity and the healing process...."

Sent by Maureen Doallas | 2:26 PM ET | 09-04-2008

Dr. Lynn one of the things that will help you is the recording of her voice now. It may not sound like much but it has comforted me to have one recorded telephone message from him, even ten years down the road, I play it sometimes. He was sick but he answered the phone and it was recorded, thank Goodness. It says, "Doing fine, buddy, just fine, how are YOU" that's all, and I don't know which "buddy" it was, all breathing creatures were his 'buddy', but it certainly has kept me together all these years to hear that voice just one more time. I wish I had him, but that voice does help.
and Laurie, I know, I know, but keep saying "all this is a data machine" and it is NOT the world -- it is so painful! But the mail keeps coming and the robot phone calls also! We are real, and we are with you, with love,

Sent by Lucy Groh from Alaska | 2:32 PM ET | 09-04-2008

Dear Laurie,
I am so sorry for the frustration and sadness this brings to you. Your grief creates in me a this almost overwhelming desire to mother you, and to comfort you, and to whisper to you that tomorrow will come. And someday that tomorrow will be a little better.
Know that we all continue to keep you close.
Peace to you today little one,

Sent by eaf | 2:39 PM ET | 09-04-2008

Laurie,

Thank you for keeping this blog going. Be strong. My prayers are with you everyday.

Sent by helen miao | 2:47 PM ET | 09-04-2008

It's been 6 years since my father passed away and still my mother gets phone calls appealing for contributions for this and that. Some charities have repeatedly been told of his passing. Why can't they get their records straight? My mother no longer answers the phone but lets everything go through the answering machine. Grrr!

Sent by Paulette | 2:57 PM ET | 09-04-2008

All the steps are difficult but have to be taken. First you are talking to strangers about someone who IS just a number to them...not fair at all. The next step is being a "single"...even going out to eat or the grocery...you turn to ask "do you think this would be good for dinner tonight" and you're just staring at that empty space. Difficult times ahead my unmet friend...but as long as you want us on the journey with you...we will be....1-2-3....

Sent by Karen/Jax | 3:19 PM ET | 09-04-2008

Laurie,

No number can ever represent you or Leroy to those of us who adore you.

You are brave and strong. If only there was some magic to ease your heart from this awful pain we would all wave our wands. Sadly. the deeper the love, the deeper the pain. It just hurts.

Hopefully you know we are all out here, even though we don't post often, we are still lifting you daily in our hearts and thoughts.

Sent by Jude Kegerreis | 3:36 PM ET | 09-04-2008

Laurie,

I am so sorry your pain continues. I still get mail for my dad who died 8 years ago. I hope yours ends much sooner. It is not fun to have to reply to someone that 'he died'. It just makes it more real.

Sent by Cindee | 3:59 PM ET | 09-04-2008

He still IS Leroy!!! Hang in there, Laurie!!! 1,2,3, lift!!!

To the other Laurie in this blog, who is "27 and dying": my dear, you needn't struggle to find the right words in which to respond to the ingnoramous who spoke such "helpful" advice; given the circumstances, I'm sure that God will forgive you a few choice obscenities directed at the callous baboon you referred to as your "friend", so the next time she pontificates, just let 'em fly! @#&^*$!!, etc.!! So you lose her "friendship" - SEE? You DO have a happy occasion to look forward to!! Hang in there, sister!!! XOXOXO to both Lauries!!!

Sent by Mary | 4:10 PM ET | 09-04-2008

Hi Laurie,

Although, as I've said before I'm an outsider in this group, because I do not have cancer, nor am I a caregiver to anyone with cancer at this time. That being said, I do recall with shocking, cold clarity, dealing with these same issues after my father' death five years ago from secondary affects of Alzheimers.

I was an only child and therefore executor of his estate and there were the same phone calls that needed to be made and the same things that I had to tell various people and agencies again, and again, and again, and again. Each time refreshing the wound and the pain. Dear Laurie, I'm so sorry. This is just...hard. But as I've also said before, we are all with you in this storm, ready, willing and able to lift and hold you up. So, lean away, we are here and will always be.

With kind regards and hope,

Charles

Sent by Charles Willingham | 4:13 PM ET | 09-04-2008

Hi Laurie,

If only these businesses could learn what C world and their caretakers know. Perhaps the world wouldn't be so cruel sometimes. Sometimes I believe we are trading our humanity for technology. Hang in there and remember there is a world out here that cares.

Sent by Kathy B. | 4:14 PM ET | 09-04-2008

Laurie, my heart aches for you. I wish I had your list and I could call for you.

Sent by glenda | 4:22 PM ET | 09-04-2008

Oh i sure hear you...my most recent experience is making those calls about my dad...And then after over a year since he died, I got a letter that he needs to pay his retiree union dues or lose his medical insurance. You know the real Leroy; he's there in your heart. The people working "out there" with the bills and records are just doing what they have to do...and if you need to snip at them once in awhile, so what? They are trained to handle it or they need to learn. I'm so glad you are still writing to us!

Sent by Sally in Spokane | 4:24 PM ET | 09-04-2008

Laurie,

I'm sorry--this is one of the bad days for you. But you got through it and you will continue to do so. Today's blog made me remember those first awful weeks after Pat died so, see, you do forget some of it.

A friend found a site that's great. It's www.gethuman.com It gives you the numbers of companies to directly talk to a real person. Please give it a try--it's some little help at least.

Hugs and lifting prayers, Laurie and all...

Sent by Kathy Barney from Michigan | 4:36 PM ET | 09-04-2008

Laurie,

We are here with you each step of way. This indeed is a very real, painful and jarring step, but you are getting through it. Take deep breaths and be gentle with yourself. Can't help but think that Leroy would be amused if you ended up saying something a bit outrageous to an insensitive clerk! Please know you are in my thoughts.

Sent by Holly | 5:03 PM ET | 09-04-2008

Laurie,
I so feel your pain! When my mother dies (three years ago yesterday) I also went through exactly what you just described. Then there was probate court and selling the house, dealing with the funeral home, etc. There just isn't anyway out of all that. Your story touches my heart and gives us all a prospective on the caregiver's issues.
Just ask your self, "What is my agenda for today"? Answer: "Just getting through this day.
God Bless,
Winona

Sent by Winona Smith | 5:15 PM ET | 09-04-2008

Amen

Sent by Dick Lehman | 6:02 PM ET | 09-04-2008

Laurie,
I so hear you. One of my worst times was having to fill out new insurance forms at work---NO, I'm not single, nor will I ever be. My tax lady said it best (when I fell apart in her office almost a year after Leon died)---When she knew how much it hurt to put "single", she said "Only on Paper". How true that is!!!
LAK, I sure do agree with you about it really doesn't get better, just different and calmer. I don't think I will ever be "fine", so "I'm doing OK" will have to do.
May God bless all,
Jane

Sent by Jane | 6:14 PM ET | 09-04-2008

Mary - you go, girl! You made me smile, and thanks.

Laurie, actually, there are sometimes caring humans at the other end of the phone. Be patient with them, count to ten, and treat them as you would a child, explaining very slowly, even though you want to cuss them out. Just take a step back - all the paperwork will get done in its time. Don't feel like you have to be rushed into anything. Believe me, the legal process proceeds at its own pace. Don't let it stress you out! You are the most important person right now, 1-2-3, Marsha

Sent by marsha bacenko | 6:23 PM ET | 09-04-2008

Mary,

Thank you, you made me laugh. For the first time today. Your support means a lot.

Sent by Laurie | 6:46 PM ET | 09-04-2008

Laurie,

As one of those people who have to ask those endless questions, please know that many of us are aware of how painful it is for you to call. We know that just spitting those words out one more time takes some part of your heart. Unfortunately, in our society it has become so necessary to be secure be sure we have all the right information - many times so that other things will go smoothly. But let me apologize for the pain we cause. It's not intended. And ironically for me each time I take a call reporting a death, I imagine my husband having to do this when the beast finally catches up with me. Christine

Sent by Christine Cain | 7:16 PM ET | 09-04-2008

Laurie,
I want to thank you for continuing the blog and for sharing this with all of us. I remember the same feelings, wondering why the world kept going on as if nothing had changed when my world was suddenly so vastly different. It feels as if there is such a giant hole in your life, but somehow we find some light in each day. If only for a moment. It takes a lot of days of just trying to put one foot in front of the other. Hang in there.

Sent by Nancy | 7:43 PM ET | 09-04-2008

You will take care of most of these things in the weeks or months to come. But for years, when you don't expect it, something will pop up to remind you of Leroy. My friend gets mail for her husband 2 years later and an occasional phone call. It's always a jolt for her - a reminder of what's missing in her life.
May you get through this with peace and find room for some joy in your days.

Sent by Marcia | 7:46 PM ET | 09-04-2008

Oh Laurie, I remember doing that, it was so hard. Since my Jim and I weren't married (but I was the executor of his estate) it was doubly hard to be questioned "..and who are you?" And apparently reporting a death to a credit card company doesn't close an account - 6 months after his death I'm still receiving statements with fees on them and I've had to call many of them all over again.

Thank you again for continuing to write, most everything you've written about I remember going through. Although it makes me cry all over again, it helps to hear your and others experiences and know I'm not alone.

My thoughts are with you.

Sent by Laurel | 7:52 PM ET | 09-04-2008

Laurie:

I know where you are right now. I was lucky not to have any really "rude" calls. In fact, once I explained that my husband had just passed away from colon cancer, more than once the person on the other end had someone in their family who had some form of cancer and we struck up a bond.

Unfortunately, the credit card company still cut off "our" account because I wasn't the primary card holder, and I did have to send death certificates to banks where our farm loans were before they would talk to me, but all in all, people were pretty kind.

What hurt me the most was having to remove Burge's name from forms such as my youngest's school enrollment. Declaring my marital status as widowed was very hard.

Second was making the decision to remove Burge's name from our checks when I had to reorder. I finally just put Schwerdfeger Farms on things so my name was also removed...it made it feel less lonely.

Like some one else said, I've left his name on many of our utility, phone accounts, etc. simply because they still come to our address no matter whose name is one them. Most are already in the farm's name in c/o Burge, so building my own accounts doesn't really matter. Many women might need to make that change, however, to help their own credit ratings.

Wish I could sit with you and a cup of tea. Sometimes just talking about the frustration of answering machines, etc. makes one smile. Leroy wasn't a number, not to those who matter and who cares what a computer thinks.

Love always

Nikki

Sent by Nikki in Kansas | 8:30 PM ET | 09-04-2008

Phone prompts are a terrible invention. I immediately hit "0." While it may not always work, it's my first response because I have turned from a mild-mannered person into someone with phone rage. So I don't know how someone experiencing intense grief can deal with it. It really does add insult to injury. I wish I knew how to send you a copy of "Tear Soup," dear Laurie.

Sent by N. Holmes | 9:03 PM ET | 09-04-2008

Laurie,
It must be difficult to use the phone to notify businesses. They can be so impersonal.
I would be wanting to have a form letter on the computer with a space for account numbers. Just print out envelopes and mail them.
That might save your frazzled emotions for talking with friends and family that can be more supportive than an automated attendant ever will be.
So much there must be a yearning to be out of it. Hope you find a space or place, inner or outer, where you can be safe and comforted, and find rest.
Allan

Sent by Allan Stocker | 9:05 PM ET | 09-04-2008

Laurie,
You continue Leroy's work again today. The hard work of living with cancer. You didn't have it, but then again you did.
Now you have to go on without Leroy beside you. I am only a few steps behind you on the cancer walkway. It scares me so much some days. Again thank you for being truthful.

Sent by Deb | 9:09 PM ET | 09-04-2008

Laurie,

My husband died of cancer on 12 August 2007. He read Leroy's blog every day, although I couldn't do it at the time. After he died, I did read through a stack of posts he had printed, and I began to understand why he wanted to follow someone else's struggle.

I thought I understood what Jay's death would mean, but I was mistaken. I remained in shock for five months and have only gradually begun to think and concentrate again. My s1/4onscious apparently believed that if I could live through the first year, Jay would come back and everything would be fine again. This is the hardest thing I've ever done, and I don't yet understand why I'm still doing it. I wish you all the support and comfort in the world.

Sent by Ginny Goodlett | 9:49 PM ET | 09-04-2008

Laurie,

One way I've found to escape the phone trees is to pretend that I'm calling from the old rotary phone. Sometimes just staying on the line will get a real human. Another trick is to press "0" repeatedly.

Have courage.

Sent by Marie in Minneapolis | 10:24 PM ET | 09-04-2008

For months I carried a copy of the certified death certificate in my purse...that was the first thing anyone asked for. The phone calls and "paperwork" made me feel like Phil was being erased - that's how it felt.
I will say it gave me something to focus on. When you are ready, hope you consider the wonderful grief counseling available through Hospice.

Sent by cjn | 10:30 PM ET | 09-04-2008

Hang in there Laurie. Some systems and some of the folks who work in them are just a**holes.
Peace
Tally

Sent by Tally | 10:41 PM ET | 09-04-2008

Oh, my, I am so sorry you are having to go through all this. I recall the lump in my throat and the tears in my eyes just speaking about my husband's death-- and for me that lasted way over a year.
I was so fortunate to have family members help with many of the calls. Mailing off the death certificates was another difficult thing I had to do, along with filling out forms.
And the first time you have to fill out a paper that asks for your marital status is another difficult time.
Please remember we are here for you, sharing your troubles the best we can.
With love,
Judith

Sent by Judith Newkirk | 12:32 AM ET | 09-05-2008

Laurie, You shouldn't have to be put through that. I hope you know I read your posts each day even when I don't post, and I can't imagine the waves of grief you have to ride . Sending you hugs of support.

Sent by NancyGM | 12:54 AM ET | 09-05-2008

I know how you feel. I am going through much the same thing. The story of our journey though cancer is at http://mseeley.blogspot.com

Sent by Bryon Seeley | 4:52 AM ET | 09-05-2008

Laurie, I also thought we had all of our affairs in order. They don't tell you that it takes several phone calls to get one account taken care of. Each insurance policy, account investment all are handled differently, one of my accounts I have to go to the bank to have my signature witnessed!! It has become so overwhelming that I take one to two items a week and concentrate on them to get finalized (in between working full time), the rest will just have to wait. I too thought it could be done in one week, boy did I get a wake up call! I know that the final hospital bills haven't even started to arrive. At this rate, I will be dealing with these reminders well into next year. I just keep telling myself this too will get done in due time. Things have to start getting easier soon, don't they?

Sent by Mary Ann S | 8:40 AM ET | 09-05-2008

About being bounced around until you get a "live" person on the phone.... I use a method that works very speedily about 98% of the time.

The first time I am asked to speak a phrase, I respond with gobbleygook...just plain, undecipherable gibberish. They'll usually come back once or twice to say, "sorry, I did not understand your command." Then, invariably, they'll transfer me to a "human".

Sent by Betty Obst | 12:20 PM ET | 09-05-2008

I remember all too well those difficult calls when my son was killed by osteosarcoma last July at age 16. Because he was young, I didn't have utilities to deal with and my insurance agent cried with me on the phone. I did have endless lists of health care companies to notify, often several times when internal departments did not communicate with each other. The two hardest things for me were later - when Make-A-Wish sent him a birthday card 4 months after he died and when the American Cancer Society sent a letter asking him to help with fund raising and to register for the Survivor's Walk at Relay for Life. Those are two agencies that I thought would handle their record keeping better.

Sent by always Alec's mom | 12:48 PM ET | 09-05-2008

I'm on the other end of that phone Laurie. I'm the person you call and tell.

I printed out your post to remind me that the people I talk about aren't numbers, they aren't names, the are someone's sister, brother, father, mother, boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife, and neighbor.

Sent by Heather | 10:41 AM ET | 09-06-2008

Join our official Facebook page to support the study of cancer.

http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=26431629505&ref=ts

Together, we can make a difference!

Sent by pkym | 9:14 AM ET | 09-07-2008

Laurie, I haven't opened this Blog since the third week of August due to the day-to-day things that occupy one's time. This morning, I'm hurting all over again, with you, as I'm reading your entries. One thing sure is that Leroy will never be a "number" to us, his online family. His caring, loving presence will always be felt! I also loved getting to know you and Leroy through the personal experience of his caring medical team.

Would it be possible, in the future, to share a few of your FAVORITE PHOTOS of Leroy (that you wrote about in one of your entries) with us? It would help us in our "grieving process", too. (Only when you're ready and if it's not too much to ask of you...)
Blessings!

Sent by Jeanette Birondo-Goddard | 12:07 PM ET | 09-07-2008

Laurie, my husband has been gone for 20 months,6 days and 24 minutes...sad huh?
I am still getting phone calls in the middle of the night from his on call service with his employer. They have assured me that his name has been removed from the call list, but his name and telephone number are still out there on the satellite locations he managed. It's a shock every time I get the call, and I feel some sorrow for the people that are calling when I tell them he passed away in December of 2006.

Sent by Cindy | 5:27 AM ET | 09-08-2008

Yes, I remember those days---only one year ago. A hard one was when they asked if I wanted to take him off of our Costco membership. I couldn't do it. It was too hard--it's still too hard. Laurie, I would like to send you a book, "Healing After Loss" by Martha Whitmore Hickman. It's an excellent daily meditation book. This lady "gets" it--just like Leroy "got" it in his blog. I know no one at NPR will send me your address, so I will just recommend the book and tell you that you can get it from Amazon. I wish I could send it to you-to help in your healing process--to help in my healing process. I find that "normal" is a long way away, and I fear that it will be a long time coming, but surely there is hope.

Sent by Suzanne Kennedy | 3:10 PM ET | 09-11-2008