Dear Laurie,
This morning at nine o'clock John gets his CT scan and as always, we are holding our breath. I could use a few of your cookies...............

Still lifting you Laurie........prayers to all.

Sent by sasha | 7:48 AM ET | 09-29-2008

There isn't much way to find comfort, only head towards that scar. By then you will feel less lonely, and live with the scar. You put that so nicely. Or so accurately. You are an incredible lady.
Prayers,
Wanda Amorose

Sent by Wanda Amorose | 7:58 AM ET | 09-29-2008

Laurie,
Now comes the hard times--when the busy part of death and dying are over. The services are done, the thank you cards have been sent, and the medical equipment for the most part has been picked up. The out of town friends and relatives have gone home. Life goes on.

An immense quiet settles in the house. Now comes the new normal-whatever that is. Take your time; you'll have good days and a lot of bad days.

Know that there are a lot of us here who understand and are willing to help.

Hugs and lifting prayers...

Sent by Kathy Barney from MI | 8:02 AM ET | 09-29-2008

I'd love the recipe, sounds good just from the few ingredients you mentioned.

Maybe you'll find new comfort foods?

Its just not the same, for sure....

Jenn

Sent by jenngie | 8:28 AM ET | 09-29-2008

Will you not have at least one? I would because he loved them so.

Laurie, my heart aches for you. Yesterday was a hard day for me. No specific reason why, just was.

On a funny side, my fiance and I have been dealing with ground squirrels, we have caught 10, 1 very angry squirrel and the house got sprayed by a skunk (yukko).

1-2-3 lifting, send cookies. :) Need a chocolate hit.

Sent by Sue chap | 8:45 AM ET | 09-29-2008

Good morning Laurie, I really do understand the miss. And you are so right the comfort foods no longer offer comfort.

My biggest hurdle is to get through Sundays. I work the other six days of the week and Sunday is pretty quiet at home. It is the day I need to rest up for the next week but the hardest day of my whole week. A day of remembering., and missing.

Laurie, take care. And thanks again for being here with us. I know it must be difficult for you too. Lifting!!

Sent by dorothy from Oregon | 8:45 AM ET | 09-29-2008

Good Morning Laurie! I was thinking a lot about Leroy over this week end, mainly because of Paul Neumann's passing. He loved "Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid" and often spoke of them. Well, Leroy finally joined them and leaped off the cliff! Hopefully. They are together having many laughs and good times.
I can smell those cookies now and you will be remembering with every bite!

Sent by J C R | 8:53 AM ET | 09-29-2008

If I lived closer I sure would help you get rid of the cookies - sounds great to me!!!! Cookies and a cup of coffee or a glass of milk. I love cookies!!! "Fat bombs" is a great name for them.

Sent by Deb from Michigan | 9:07 AM ET | 09-29-2008

I suppose in time you will develop new reasons for the "Leroy Cookies" There is always someone out there who needs a pic-me-up (even you).
I know for me during chemo time I did not have much a taste buds. Mostly I ate because it was the time of day to eat. I am glad I am finished with those days. I will be glad when you are facing better days.
Hugs still coming your way.

Sent by Carolyn | 9:11 AM ET | 09-29-2008

Laurie,
I guess that there is little comfort for you these days. Perhaps comforting things are there but they stay hidden. I hope that this blog is a source of comfort to you, even if only in a small way.We truly do care for you and hope that sometimes we can inpart a small measure of relief in your incredible grief.
We will keep lifting, because we care.
Love to you,
Liz Z

Sent by liz Zimmerman | 9:13 AM ET | 09-29-2008

Dearest Laurie,

Tonight begins our Jewish New Year. I shall pray for you and some peace for you. I shall stand up next week and say Leroy Sievers name for a loss during this year. And may your friends enjoy your goodness and you will know that you are in all of prayers.
Love, Jan

Sent by janice goldberg white | 9:18 AM ET | 09-29-2008

Good morning, Laurie!
That's a tender, loving reminiscense. How they do linger with us, almost every moment it seems. The physical contact is gone, but what remains is a love connection that is stronger than anything we knew before even -- stronger than cancer.
Sending love to you today Laurie, Linda

Sent by Linda Lee | 9:28 AM ET | 09-29-2008

I am so sorry, Laurie.. The first time you do things is the hardest I think.

I thought of you this weekend when we lost Paul Newman.. How his wife must be hurting now.. Two GOOD marriages.. Miracles..

1 2 3 4 LIFT
FROG

Sent by Patsy Elmore from Knoxville, TN | 9:44 AM ET | 09-29-2008

I learned about Leroy's blog following his unfortunate passing. I am 49 and was diagnosed with Multiple Myeloma this past summer (which caused a fracture in my hip and required hip replacement surgery) - I have a more aggressive version of this treatable but incurable blood cancer. I have poured over every single one of Leroy's posts - from the very beginning to the sad end. And now I pour over Laurie's posts and they make me imagine what life will be like for my wonderful husband of 27 years and my fabulous 19 year old college student daughter - when they have to continue their lives without me. I was hoping that some of you who were caregiver's who have lost your dear loved ones could offer me some advice. What can I do now to help my husband and daughter down the road (in what may be a few short years from now)? I am the financial manager of our household - so I will start a detailed book for my very capable husband of what and where everything is. Should I record a few of my daughter's favorite books from her early childhood for a future grandchild to listen to - one I will never get to meet? Should I write some letters to them? I wish I were crafty so I could make some fabulous memento - but alas, I'm not. Please know that I am a fighter and have worked hard to maintain a positive attitude and sense of humor. But because I have some chromosomal abnormalities, my cancer will be harder to treat and with current technology, I am less likely to be able to achieve sustained remissions. I am headed off today to my oncologist to see what the numbers are after chemo cycle #3 and also to meet again with the stem cell transplant team. Toady is the first day in a while that I feel quite anxious. But I'm hoping that a few of you might be able to look back and reflect on some things that you think I can start to do now - to help make things easier for my family in the future. You all have made a difference in my life. I have learned a lot from reading this blog and the comments people submit. I hope the blog continues. With much gratitude, Anita

Sent by Anita | 9:49 AM ET | 09-29-2008

Dear Laurie,
What a gift of love to your friends at a time when you are hurting so much. I can smell the cookies baking!
You are continuing to lift!
Wishing you a good week.
Charlotte in Rural Ridge, PA

Sent by Charlotte Kewish | 10:08 AM ET | 09-29-2008

Wow, Laurie, my heart goes out to you. The comfort food usually takes away emotional pain...but when it gets to the pain of grief and loss some of us can't eat at all. It was hard to look at food for a while for me because it didi remind me of the stuff I prepared for my dad that he liked or didn't like. You were a "life - giver": foot rubs "fat - bombs" and all the things you did for the Big Guy kept him comfortable and loved, and that kept his love flowing to all of us for that much longer. Thank you! Love from Graham from Sag Harbor.

Sent by Graham G. Hawks | 10:19 AM ET | 09-29-2008

Laurie, thank you so very much for putting your thoughts in words. No wonder Leroy loved you so.

Sent by Betty O'connor | 10:52 AM ET | 09-29-2008

Sasha, Hope the scans come out ok. JCR, continued prayers for you and your husband. Hope the side effects of the chemo. are not too bad.

Sent by Jen | 10:58 AM ET | 09-29-2008

My heart goes out to you too, Laurie. Those cookies sound wonderful, but when I'm sad, I can't eat at all. Isn't it strange that, without our loved ones, the world seems colourless, tasteless, and empty.
Sasha - we are all thinking of you.
Lots of love to all.

Sent by Tina from Alton, IL | 11:09 AM ET | 09-29-2008

Laurie, I have been following this blog from the beginning, but have never commented before today. I guess you could say I have been a lurker until now. :)

My poppa has terminal lung cancer that has spread to his adrenal glands and now on to his spine.

I have to tell you how much this blog has meant to me, not only in feeling that I am not alone with this horrible disease, but also because Leroy kept me informed of procedures, new and old ones. This cancer life is so scary, but he helped keep me informed of what to expect next and helped me figure out what dad's options were. Really it has been invaluable.

I have been wondering how long you would keep up the blog now that Leroy is gone and wondering what value it would have for me without him since my dad is still alive.

It hit me like a ton of bricks today. Your comment about rubbing his feet until your hands couldn't take anymore is exactly what I do with my dad.
What I realized is that YOU, Laurie, are preparing me for the grieving process. That is also a scary journey that I am dreading with all of my heart, but I think I will cope better because of you.

Please keep blogging for as long as you can. I hope it will keep the memory of Leroy and all he did for us alive. And it will help prepare those of us still caring for loved ones for the painful journey ahead.

Thanks Laurie. Thank you for sharing your pain, your memories, your coping mechanisms, etc. I can only try to imagine how difficult it must be.

Sent by Sine Rennehan | 11:10 AM ET | 09-29-2008

This is directed to Anita

My heart goes out to you and your family as you battle MM. My sister lived 61 months following her diagnosis.

In no particular order, here are some thoughts on how she lived with the beast and prepared us all for her passing to new life:

1) Pace yourself. There will be days when the fatigue is overwhelming. Singing was Mary's passion. If there was an event like the Christmas Madrigals, she would stay in bed to save up the energy so she could perform, and enjoy the performance. Needless to say, she spent a lot of time in bed after those events, but being able to sing with her Chorale and Church choirs gave her a reason to live.

2) Accept all help that is offered .. and don't be afraid to be specific. Mary had friends who did her laundry, and dusted and vacuumed her apartment. The girls would come and say "this gives us something to do while visiting". A neighbor would go pick up whatever take out food she would want... as her disease progressed what she wanted to eat sometimes bordered on the bizarre, but friends and neighbors would get whatever she asked for.

3) As flu season approaches, be somewhat stingy with handshakes etc .. but don't be afraid to let people know why. Your immune system is very compromised and you don't need to get every cold that is out there.

4) By all means record your voice, especially for grandchildren you may never meet. Mary left several recordings of concert performances .. and she asked that one particular recording be played at her funeral. My one nephew put that special recording on the internet and we have shared it with so many of her dear friends (and play it when I miss her so)

5) Consider finding a spiritual counselor. Mary had 2 dear people who helped her prepare.

6) Get rid of the clutter in your life and focus on what is important. Enjoy the many moments you will have when you feel great. You may find some new interests . .. this past spring Mary took on making doll clothes .. and she never ever had done anything like that before. I still have saved some of the eMails where she sent me pictures of her latest project.

Live your life to the fullest .. take care of your self to whatever extent is possible so that your family can have you in as healthy a state as is possible with this dreadful disease.

Anne P

Sent by Anne Piotrowicz | 11:12 AM ET | 09-29-2008

Thank you, Laurie, for continuing to share with all of us. I can only imagine how much your friends will enjoy your cookies...even more knowing that they're coming from you.

Sent by seagull.girl | 11:14 AM ET | 09-29-2008

Dear Dear Laurie,

I can understand how you feel. Comfort food and shopping used to make me feel better. However, I remember when my 18 months old baby was going thru chemo treatment, I didn't care what I look like or what I ate. My best friend brought me a big mug of Starbucks every morning. I think I lived on Starbucks for two years. I know nothing will fill the lost but we are still lifting.......

Sent by grace | 11:15 AM ET | 09-29-2008

Who would have thought years ago that such a yummy recipe causes such bitter sweet heartache. I suspect Leroy would want you to continue to bake the Fat Bombs and share them with others. I would also guess he would hope you would have one for him.

I'm sorry for your pain. I think unfortunately, it is part of healing. Someone mentioned a "new normal". I know I had to come to terms with a New Normal after cancer joined my world. I agree with the idea that there is again a "new normal" once a loved one passes. I hope your new normal is comfortable and loving.

Lifting 1....2....3

Sent by Alexis Redmond | 11:29 AM ET | 09-29-2008

Laurie,
In time those cookies will again be a source of comfort. A dear friend of mine turned 50 last saturday. Her birthday cake - carrot, because her mother made the best. It's one way we stay connected to loved ones whether they have passed or not. I love to make fried okra because my mom always did. Reminds me of a good childhood.

Sent by Carolyn Lee | 11:52 AM ET | 09-29-2008

Oh, sweetheart ... I wish it were all otherwise. Bless you and keep you, and may the sun shine upon you today and bring you a little peace. Missing Leroy is the only reality there is right now, isn't it?

When we are loved by someone who is so extraordinarily special, we feel the kiss of that specialness, too -- When our loved one passes, that rare and shared love and regard is so sorely and deeply missed.

Wishing you Leroy's love and specialness today (and every day) ~

With love to you,

Sent by Kim Forester, Pullman WA | 11:59 AM ET | 09-29-2008

To Anita
I am going thru stage 4 lung cancer and on some tips for your loved ones, I sent each a letter of times past and my hopes for their future also my husband to say how much I loved him. These would be for them to read when they are alone or down. I have also made quilts for them to keep after I am gone. Maybe a receipe that they like. You could stick it in with the letter or a card for later. Just anything with your stamp on it in your handwriting. Also am teaching my husband how to pay bills on the computer now. I am also writing a journal on the computer of things that have meant a lot to me in the past and everyday, for them to read later to let them know how much I enjoyed the day with each of them. Sometimes I get up at 1a.m. because I have thought of something that meant a lot or I have enjoyed. Little things in your hand will mean a lot to those left behind. This is hard but they will love you for thinking of them. It is good that some of us have the time to do this. Some people don't get this chance to say how they feel

Sent by Kathy Simmons | 12:04 PM ET | 09-29-2008

Dear Laurie,
I hope it brings you some comfort to know how much comfort your cookies and footrubs brought Leroy.Shortly after my diagnosis with breast cancer, when I was still numb with shock and fear, my sister came to visit. She gave me a couple of lo-o-o-ong foot rubs -- and nothing has ever felt better or more comforting in my life. Maybe the fragrance of the baking cookies will be subliminally healing for you, and giving some to others who are in need of comfort right now is bound to feel good.One day at a time...

Anita - You are in my thoughts and prayers. Like you, I'm the financial manager in our family, and I remember putting together a packet of all our financial information for my husband, just as you are doing.so far, he hasn't needed it. I hope you get good news today!

Sent by Doris | 12:05 PM ET | 09-29-2008

Laurie, Hard to just do the normal things. Most difficult when the one you are really making them for is not there. Take care, Stan

Sent by Stan Wozniak | 12:18 PM ET | 09-29-2008

Hi Laurie,

They may not bring much comfort...yet. They may not bring much comfort...in the old way they used to.

They may bring comfort...later. They may bring comfort...in a new way.

This is the harder part, the growing to find those new ways and situations to self-comfort. For me, that growth was fertilized by grief, watered by tears, and warmed by the sun of my anger.

Keep trying. Trust that things will get better, even if progress is infinitesimally small and slow...look for it.

Sent by Nancy Kowalski | 12:20 PM ET | 09-29-2008

Dear Laurie,
As others have said, after the shock and stress and frenetic times surrounding a loved-one's death and funeral, there comes the extreme quiet and emptiness. I hope that your friends and family will continue to be with you as you find your place in this ever-changed life. It's too hard to even attempt to do alone. Hugs to you and many thanks for keeping up with the blog.

Sent by Carol | 12:25 PM ET | 09-29-2008

Dear Laurie,
Like you, I am discovering day by day what works and what doesn't. Familiar things have lost their luster so I'm trying out new ones. Some are good, some are bad but deep down there is a wealth of sadness that has yet to make its way out. I have confidence that one day, i will find my way and with the help of your family and friends, you will too. I'm realizing that there is no quick fix. My thoughts and prayers are with you and I appreciate the opportunity you are providing for us bloggers to share our experiences.

Sent by Elaine | 12:27 PM ET | 09-29-2008

There is comfort in such legacy gestures as sharing Leroy's favorite cookies with friends, and your memories are part of the gift that making cookies calls forth for you. It may not feel like comfort, but it is part of your heart's dearest treasure.

Sent by Sarah | 12:27 PM ET | 09-29-2008

Good Morning Laurie,
I was reading you blog about the cookies you are baking. You noted that this rescipe was one of Leroy's favorites, now that he is gone, they are going to friends. Why don't you save some for yourself, and in a quiet time,sit and eat and enjoy every sweet morsel. I know Leroy would enjoy that.
Page - Gresham Oregon

Sent by Page Hendryx | 12:55 PM ET | 09-29-2008

Good morning Laurie. I am lifting you up to God, may he bless you with the joy of a few moments today...even a desire to take a nibble of those wonderful cookies. Cookies that were surely mixed and baked with love in your heart, and maybe a glistening tear in your eye, but still mixed and baked!!
I was introduced just recently to this blog...simply because my sweet husband of 40 years was diagnosed with 'squamous cell carcinoma' in late December 2007, just a few days before Christmas. Not only a final diagnosis, but a grim one. It is terminal. Sometimes not even controllable. So a sweet and caring friend offered information about LeRoy and your blog. I have been quiet, but very grateful for it. But today....well today, being the caregiver myself, I can 'almost' relate to what your emotions are. Not quite, but almost, simply because my hubby is still here. But I've let my mind wander and guess and worry about the day I will face what you are going through now. I still can't see myself alone. As I'm sure you couldn't. But here we are, you and me and a thousand other women that are dealing with this in one stage of it or another. In the past month you have given me hope, faith, and even a little giggle once in a while....@'fat-bombs'!!!....love that! I pray that I can be as good a 'caregiver' to my husband that you were to LeRoy. As bad as it hurts sometimes....Love is Grand!!! Thanks for your strength and you will be in my prayers.
.....I think I will go into my kitchen and make some cookies now. Thank you! Thank YOU!

Sent by Deborah R. Smith | 1:36 PM ET | 09-29-2008

To Anita:

And then too, just to give a nod to the other side of cancer, prepare to live way longer than you might think, and than the doctors might think because this happens sometimes.

I was diagnosed almost 9 years ago now with breast cancer that had metastasized to my liver. I certainly thought I'd not live too much longer, my doctors seeemed to agree, but here I am. Doing chemo - but feeling healthy and well other than foot neuropathy and Hand/Foot syndrome. (for me a small price to pay for being alive and well.) My tumor markers this past few weeks have been very low and I'm crossing my fingers and toes for a remission. Who knows? I just like to remind people that though the liklihood may be small there is ALWAYS an exception.

I know that one can't compare types of cancer.... but please keep HOPE in mind as well as preparation for the end of life.

Thinking of you, and of you Laurie,

Nancy O

Sent by Nancy Oliveri | 1:45 PM ET | 09-29-2008

Dear Laurie,
You're strength continues to awe me. I could not even attempt my mom's best dish (my favorite) until 18 months after her passing. How important comfort food is!

Anita (at 9:49),
Anne P said it so well. All I can add is that I was diagnosed with MM at age 45. It was aggressive, but not quite like yours. I had a stem cell transplant, and while it was the most difficult thing I have ever experienced, I have been in remission for over 8 years now. I know we are all different, but I wish to offer you hope & strength.

Thank you again & always, & still lifting!

Sent by Judie in CT | 1:56 PM ET | 09-29-2008

Laurie ~ It sounds like you're spreading the comfort around. I'm sure that there are others out there who need it, so I commend you for sharing.
Very comforting.

Sent by Marilyn Trujillo | 2:32 PM ET | 09-29-2008

Laurie,
Just a thought, but if you share the recipe with us you can be assured those cookies, and the story behind them, will find their way into more caring, loving people than you could ever imagine.

Messages like that, passed with love, can work wonders.

Sent by Cory from Cowboy Country | 2:50 PM ET | 09-29-2008

Dear Laurie,

I wish I could bake WITH you. I always prefer dough to cookies - butter and sugar and TLC! YUM YUM YUM!

There are many people in need. You can always donate Leroy's favs to a shelter or food pantry in his name. We had a Relay for Life in June here and we had a bake sale. I wrapped them in tin foil and included a slip (so they looked like hershey kisses) that said "baked with love in memory of Grandma Gloria". They sold out!

To those on the blog still fighting the beast. I am thinking of you too!

Liz

Sent by Liz L. | 3:43 PM ET | 09-29-2008

Laurie - I'm wondering if it is time for a change in routine. Have you gotten a new hair cut? How about voluneering at a shelter? Focus on something new. Leroy will always be with you.

Sent by Mary Lynne | 3:47 PM ET | 09-29-2008

Laurie and everyone,
Just reading your notes brings tears and aching for my dad, and he died 10 years ago! It just blindsides you, even after many years. But the rawness for the most goes away. It's good to think of the things our loved ones likes and what we did together. The memories bring pain, but they will bring more comfort. Unfortunately, it takes a goodly amount of time. My dad loved Lebanon bologna, as do I, and I feel good when I eat that fatty stuff, remembering Dad. Enjoy a Fat Bomb, Laurie, it will one day be a less painful memory.

Sent by Susan in the beautiful mountains of Colorado | 3:56 PM ET | 09-29-2008

Yes the recipe would be great. Thank you for sharing. Lots of positive vibes coming your way from Seattle. Thank you for continuing to write the blog. Checking it everyday is a part of my lunch routine. I pray for strength for you everyday.

Sent by Chandana | 3:58 PM ET | 09-29-2008

Laurie,
It just warms my soul to know you shared such sweet moments with Leroy. Those moments are what will carry you through tomorrow.
Continued prayers, love and support to this family!
Sasha, special prayers for you and John!
Cyber hugs for Sue C. and Anita...So many here in need of love and care, that I want you to know you are all being held in my loving cyber arms....

Sent by Laurie Hirth | 4:57 PM ET | 09-29-2008

Laurie - it amazes me that people still need me, even in the state that i'm in; but - when friends are in need, as they are, because life is still going on, with or without us participating, we still find it within outselves to reach out. Personally, I'm still eating those chicken pot pies that joe loved; it kinda makes me feel closer to him. Next step - a big pot of soup. And I'm going to give some to friends, too.
Anita, i'm in awe of your strength. Anne's advice was right on. Letters, memories written or oral, anything you can leave of yourself will be treasured by your loved ones. Praying for all of us, Marsha

Sent by marsha bacenko | 5:54 PM ET | 09-29-2008

I find it odd that while I was anxious to participate in this blog while it was Leroy's participating now makes me anxious.

Perhaps it is the fact that I don't want to face what my survivors would go through. It is enough, I think, for me to fight my fight for now, and not be consumed by what my family will suffer if cancer brings about my demise.

Having lost my beloved sister, I can identify with and empathize with your loss, but it makes me feel like someone is standing on my chest to read this blog now.

This makes me sad.

Peggy C.

Sent by Peggy Carey | 7:15 PM ET | 09-29-2008

Laurie,

I so feel for you and know how sad you are. It just comes thru the 'tube' in waves. You will know when you are ready to take on something new, something you can enjoy and that will help dull the pain. Maybe it is time to try to step out of the box and do something completely different. Volunteer at an animal shelter (those furry critters can give lots of love and they need it also). Learn to play bridge or cribbage or canasta and join a group! Take sewing or quilting or knitting classes. Learn some new computer skills, write a book, learn a new language. Anything to make the days pass easier and to stay busy. Take some of those cookies over to the local nursing home and find someone that needs a friend. The list is endless. When you give, it comes back to you 10 fold, I know you know this as you gave all those years to caring for Leroy.

Sent by Cindee | 8:32 PM ET | 09-29-2008

Dear Laurie,

Just as Leroy's blog led us by the hand through the maze of cancer, so your continuation is leading us through what it means to grieve--and survive. You are doing us all a precious service by nothing more complicated than sharing your honest experience, and I wish you hope and godspeed in continuing. At the end of the day this blog and all the people in it will be one of the most valuable helping resources we have in this struggle. It is your and Leroy's gift. Thank you from a cancer survivor and friend of those who did not.

J. Randall Nichols

Sent by J. Randall Nichols | 8:52 PM ET | 09-29-2008

Laurie,
The first six months or so after Leon died, I could hardly swallow food--didn't really care about it at all. He would have been proud of me-I lost 25 pounds. But slowly I am gaining that back, as the comfort foods begin to bring comfort again. I really don't need it back!
Sasha, my thoughts and prayers will be with you and John as you wait for results. I kNOW how terrifing the wait is.
Deborah R. Smith, I am so sorry that you now are one of us. I had my husband for 37 years so I do know what you must be going through.
Must go so I can watch "our" Boston Legal tonight. I think I just heard Leon's voice say "Mom, your show is on".
Blessings to all,
Jane

Sent by Jane in AR | 10:10 PM ET | 09-29-2008

Laurie -

I am so glad that you are sharing your thoughts here. While the loss of my mom is different than your losing Leroy most days what you write is what I feel. It has been almost 2 years for me and although the loss is less raw, it is still the main thing in my life. When I read your posts I feel less alone. Thank you.

Sent by Michelle | 10:18 PM ET | 09-29-2008

Laurie, hope your cookies were good. We are listening, as you grieve and move forward (and backward, and inward, and around and around, as grief tends to move us). Have you looked into CS Lewis's book on losing his wife? Conservatism aside, that's about as close as any book gets to "grief for dummies." Or smarties, in this case.

Anita -- I lost a parent to cancer when I was 17, so I feel for you and your daughter. I think, more importantly than the finances or any logistics...if you can just BE with your daughter, that's what she would really want. When I look back on our final days as a full family, I treasure most the moments when we laughed about the cancer, or we forgot about it, or we just spent time together. The biggest gift you can give: just be Present for her grief, let her witness yours, and let everything play out. You'll have more time than you think...if you get too hung up in the little logistics, you'll miss the energy of this time together. Good luck.

Sent by Jen | 12:11 AM ET | 09-30-2008

Nothing much to add today, just a cyberhug. 1-2-3-lift!

Sent by Linnea | 6:18 AM ET | 09-30-2008

Dear Anita,
I'm a little late in posting this so I hope that you read this. I lost my Mom to breast cancer when I was 24 and she was 55. I think it took us both by surprise but I've now had 10 years to think of things that I wish we'd either done or said. Take some trips together if you feel up to it. Take lots of family pictures starting now and don't stop. Absolutely record your voice for her and for your future grandchildren. I so wish I could hear my Mom's voice one last time but I never thought to record it. If you don't have these in a baby book already write down lots of memories of your daughter when she was a baby. She'll cherish them when she becomes a Mom herself. My Mom kept a very detailed baby book for me and now that I'm a Mom I am so thankful for it. You could even write her letters for when she gets married and has her first baby.I hope this helps. And if and when the time comes, be as open and honest with her as possible. Best of luck to you!!

Sent by S A | 8:51 AM ET | 09-30-2008

Laurie....I have learned over the course of my infernal much hated cancer.....i'll just be sitting on the deck w/one of my old cats, for example, watching the hummingbirds fuss over the feeder......and suddenly I am overwhelmed: it is all so precious it hurts and joys all at once. one's life. the lives of all whom one loves. even cookies. and once again I cry....which of course, hearing about the lucky red oak provoked as well. happy*sad all mixed up tears. no advice from me. just love.

Sent by catherine | 11:16 AM ET | 09-30-2008

Eat a cookie!

Sent by Missy | 12:57 PM ET | 09-30-2008

I hope you send out the fat bomb recipe. Making cookies and sending out smiles would be a wonderful extension of Leroy's family.

Sent by Tess | 1:43 PM ET | 09-30-2008

Dear Laurie- Thankyou for your blog which brought teaars to my eyes today. I have baked cookies for years and have always had the thought in the back of my mind that my daughters will remember me this way. I am not sick but my 21 year old daughter is not speaking to me because I finally had the courage to tell my husband of 27 years that I will no longer live in the emotionally empty relationship which has been our marriage. I hope my daughter's memories of me baking cookies will help her find her way back to me.

I always baked cookies for my father, who died several years ago of ALS, so this is a tearful post for me today.

Sent by linda h | 3:13 PM ET | 09-30-2008

Baking cookies keeps you busy. Sometimes that's the best you can hope for.

Take care, please.

Sent by Gyla Fowler | 3:27 PM ET | 09-30-2008