Good morning dear Laurie,
I'm glad that you had that time last night, and good friends to share it with, that is one of the most preciuos of moments. I hope you have a peace filled morning, and a good day.

Charles

Sent by Charles Willingham | 8:06 AM ET | 10-01-2008

I share that sentiment. Way to go, Laurie!!!

Sent by Linnea | 8:10 AM ET | 10-01-2008

Way to go, Laurie! We need breaks and distractions from our grief. These brave baby steps back out into the world are important reminders to ourselves and to others that we, the bereaved, still live on.

Sent by Marilyn | 8:10 AM ET | 10-01-2008

so let me echo Leroy :
" way to go Laurie"!

Sent by Francesca in Zurich , Switzerland | 8:16 AM ET | 10-01-2008

Still lifting Laurie............prayers to all

Sent by sasha | 8:27 AM ET | 10-01-2008

Hi Laurie,

Allow me to echo those thoughts, "Way to go Laurie." That was a huge step and thankfully you have such friends that took the "unfiltered truth" about Leroy's battle and where you are now without him. For they are truly friends.

Each step is a gain and move forward. Slow but sure wins the whatever you want to call it, race, game?

1-2-3 Lifting.........

Sent by Sue Chap | 8:33 AM ET | 10-01-2008

Good girl Laurie. Those beginnings are hard but a step forward. I am sure Leroy smiling down at you and friends was saying "Way to go". The chair was empty but his presence still there.

One day at a time!!!

Sent by dorothy from Oregon | 8:34 AM ET | 10-01-2008

Way to go Laurie!

Sent by Ilene | 8:39 AM ET | 10-01-2008

Laurie,

It felt good reading your post today. Yes, life does march on but it is different. It won't ever be the same, yet life marches on.

Sent by Jan | 8:42 AM ET | 10-01-2008

Good for you. Healing comes in spurts, as does the grief.
Leroy is always smiling at you...just hard for you to see.
Prayers,
Wanda Amorose

Sent by Wanda Amorose | 8:44 AM ET | 10-01-2008

Laurie,
Good for you! Still lifting...

Sent by Lisa D. | 8:45 AM ET | 10-01-2008

Dear Laurie
Your blog entry warmed my heart today.

Sent by valerie Longfellow | 8:54 AM ET | 10-01-2008

Dear Laurie-
I read the sentence when you said "we talked about politics" and I said to myself "Way to go, Laurie!"

I think one true way to beat the beast is to never let go of life...Yes, it is important to grieve, but it is so very important not to give up life! Cheers to you!
1-2-3....

Sent by Kim | 9:06 AM ET | 10-01-2008

Good for you! Hip! Hip! Hooray! Look at you, you took a little step into your future! You're going to make it! We take one step forward, two steps back, three steps forward, one step back....
but we have to just KEEP GOING!
We meet with the dr. today to hear the results of my husbands PET scan, done Monday, to hear what the 'squamous cells' are doing to his body. Moving slow? Moving ahead fast?
We are scared, nervous, but hopeful.
Maybe WE will take one step forward today also. But either way we will keep moving, living, treasuring each moment of each day.
Laurie, you are an inspiration to so many.
I thank you for your strengths and the courage to share your weaknesses.
Share your beautiful smile with this world today.....we certainly need more smiles in this old world!
You're in our prayers.

Sent by Deborah R. Smith in Idaho | 9:08 AM ET | 10-01-2008

G-d bless you Laurie, put last night's date down as the day that you knew you would return to YOUR life! Will you continue to miss Leroy? OF COURSE. Will his chair always make you think of him? OF COURSE. You will return and be different - G-d bless you and he is giving you the strength! Be well and take care.

Jan

Sent by janice goldberg white | 9:13 AM ET | 10-01-2008

"Way to go, Laurie." Leroy is proud. Friends are one of the best gifts life gives us.
Charlotte in Rural Ridge, PA

Sent by Charlotte Kewish | 9:19 AM ET | 10-01-2008

Ditto!! "Way to go, Laurie."
The strong, mighty oak--Leroy--still has it! And so do you.
Sending love to you today Laurie, Linda

Sent by Linda Lee | 9:21 AM ET | 10-01-2008

Way to go, girlfriend.

Sent by Dianne (DC) | 9:22 AM ET | 10-01-2008

WAY TO GO, LAURIE!!!

His chair may be empty, but his spirit is there and remains to encourge your courage in "getting out there" and going on.

Ever lifting,

Peggy

Sent by Peggy | 9:30 AM ET | 10-01-2008

Laurie,

Good for you! You really do find out what friendship means in these times. I'm glad you have such friends. So do I and they're priceless.

This for K,

I know that I don't have to speak for Laurie--she's more than capable.

But it's still very fresh and new for her so forgive her if she doesn't answer. Because it's been 3 years after my husband Pat's passing, I can answer.

I knew there would be a point in Pat's life that, between the pain and the difficulty of breathing, that I didn't want him to be horribly uncomfortable. Because I had to make the same decision with my mother 6 months earlier, Pat and I had talked about the right time to 'drug' her/him up. We had said everything we needed say to each other; all that was needed was a peaceful passing. And that's what happened. Both my mom and Pat just slipped away. One moment she/he was breathing, then not.

With my mom, Hospice had told me not to massage my mom's arms or anything; that would stimulate her and it wasn't what SHE needed. I held her hand and talked about everything she and I ever did that we loved -the trips, the adventures we had together.

I was talking about the trip to Florida when I ran over the tail of a crocodile in the middle of the night when she actually stopped breathing. (Of course I'm crying now. Man, I miss my two best friends!)

When my husband was diagnosed with lung cancer, my mom had said that we'd see it through together. She didn't know at the time but she had the same darned lung cancer that Pat had. She died 6 months before Pat. I now realize that she showed me what it looked like to die of lung cancer. I was SO afraid of Pat not being able to breathe, but, K, it wasn't awful. I held her hand and she truly just quietly slipped away. God bless her, she let me know that I didn't have to be afraid for my husband. It wouldn't be this awful struggle for breath. And it was true; it was all right for Pat. I snuggled in bed with him and he really just slipped away.

There really is such a delicate, small line between breathing and not...

I haven't talked about this a lot, but I hope that I've helped you face whatever is in front of you.

Again Laurie,

I hope I didn't over step my bounds. I haven't cried this much in a while. This was hard to say but I didn't think you could say it yet. Hopefully, I'm lifting...

Love, Kathy

Sent by Kathy Barney from MI | 9:31 AM ET | 10-01-2008

Isn't it wonderful how the threads and strands of our lives gradually weave our lives into a unique, colorful pattern? The events, good friends, andbits and pieces of your experiences with Leroy are formng this comforting, colorful"Security blanket" for you to bundle up in with all your wonderful memories! Is it making more sense Laurie? What a lovely fabric it is weaving.

Sent by J C R | 9:31 AM ET | 10-01-2008

"Way to go Laurie"!!! We are all proud of you! One day at a time- one hour, or minute at a time - when necessary. But slowly and surely Life will pull you back up and in and out. We only have to be willling to heal. Peace

Sent by Kathleen ( Northern NJ) | 9:43 AM ET | 10-01-2008

Good for you, Laurie! I spent the weekend with a niece and her family who did not know my brother well. I told stories about him and made them laugh and it felt good to finally be able to talk about him without crying or feeling so sad. I loved letting someone else know what a cool big brother he had been to me.

Sent by glenda | 9:45 AM ET | 10-01-2008

Laurie,

That you can embrace life while your heart shelters such loss is, truly, to honor Leroy.

Yes! "Way to go, Laurie."

From Maureen in Arlington, VA

Sent by Maureen Doallas | 9:46 AM ET | 10-01-2008

Lori,

I hope you know that Leroy may have been whispering it but thousands of the rest of us were yelling "Way to go, Lori!" while we were cheering you on. I know life goes on but you are so fortunate to have so many friends by your side trying to bring a bit of normalcy back into your life. May each day shed a little more light for you and may each night become a little bit more bearable. You are always in my prayers. Today I pray for His love to continue to fill the void in your heart...a little bit at a time.

Sent by Ed Brown | 9:53 AM ET | 10-01-2008

Laurie you are doing such a wonderful and brave job of communicating with us no matter how you are feeling. Thank you.

I really miss the "Leroy moment" of every morning when he would tell us straight out, and often with a wry kind of humor, of all he was going through. I'm having an MRI this week of the spine and have (based on nothing at all) fears of what "they" might find. I'm sure it'll be okay. But it makes me think of all those spinal interventions that Leroy tackled head on - of how he opened up a door that makes it much easier for me to think about what I'd do "if..." It seemed as if he really sought those approaches that gave him the greatest liklihood of survival, no matter what the cost in side effects and pain. His zest for life so very impressive.

I guess there is enough to discuss politically lately !!!! I'm glad you had a good night out.
Nancy O

Sent by Nancy Oliveri | 9:55 AM ET | 10-01-2008

Baby steps girlfriend.
Peace and love to you

Sent by fay gilbert az | 9:58 AM ET | 10-01-2008

Please hug those good friends twice for us all, for facilitating a night when you recognized some time apart from grief, all the while acknowledging your loss, but immersing yourself in passionate political discussions and knowing that your Leroy was cheering you onward as you keep extending your range. you GO Girl! There are many vicissitudes yet to be lived, but now you know firsthand, that life after grief is very real and very possible. Thank you so much for sharing this experience with us. You are a remarkably present human being and we are enriched by your engagement with us all.

Sent by Sarah | 9:58 AM ET | 10-01-2008

Oh YOU GO GIRL!! Good for you - and don't feel guilty about it either (at least try your best) because you know Leroy would want you to have these moments. Hopefully they will come more often, but as we've blogged about before - that's in your time, not ours or anyone elses. Good for you Laurie!

1-2-3 LIFT!

Sent by Dannielle Higgins in Traverse City, MI | 9:59 AM ET | 10-01-2008

Way to go, indeed, Laurie. When I read those last words, I couldn't help but smile.
It does take a day at a time, as many of us who've 'been there' have noted on a daily basis. It's just one more hurdle, one more turn on the road of life, one more step taken as you begin to heal. It's not easy, but you really only have one direction to go...
Last night I watched the video of Leroy's memorial; I had listened to it a couple of weeks ago. It was a wonderful tribute to him and to all of you who were his nearest and dearest.
All the best, Laurie, as you forge ahead. It does get easier, believe me. One day, one encounter, one holiday, one special anniversary, at a time...

Sent by Jan Richardson, Olympia, WA | 10:00 AM ET | 10-01-2008

I am not a regular poster, but am a regular reader. I just wanted to say, "Way to go, indeed." I think he would be proud of you.

Sent by Jennifer | 10:09 AM ET | 10-01-2008

Way to go Laurie!

One step... one day at a time

Though it is not exactly the same... I lost my mother on Monday... and so begins the road for me............

Sent by Ron Bye (NH) | 10:13 AM ET | 10-01-2008

I bet that fourth chair really wasn't empty. That is great that you have friends like that. They really care. One step at a time. Baby steps.

Sent by Dee | 10:22 AM ET | 10-01-2008

Good for you getting out there and not curling up in a ball. I guess you can curl every now and then.

Sent by Lisa | 10:30 AM ET | 10-01-2008

That is a great statement "Way to go, Laurie". Your Leroy will always be there by your side in all that you do. Hope your day is filled with sunshine.

Sent by Teresa in WV | 10:34 AM ET | 10-01-2008

Dear Laurie,
Even though this blog was belonging to Lorey, I still think "Lorey" does not have to be the sole theme of this blog. One day, I hope you will be able to talk something... without thinking of him. That's when you have discovered your new strength and new focus in life. I believe that's where Lorey wants you to be.

Sent by DingDang | 10:37 AM ET | 10-01-2008

Yeah. What he said!

Sent by Jane Snell Copes | 10:40 AM ET | 10-01-2008

Good for you Laurie, No doubt Leroy was missed but I'm sure he was with the 3 of you - proud and comforted.

Sent by Jeanne Stevens | 10:40 AM ET | 10-01-2008

That is fantastic Laurie!!!! I'm so proud of you for stepping out with comfortable friends and finding a moment of piece from your grief. Although we all know it is still there, a nice break is welcome.

Have a wonderful day and may you have more moment like that.

Sent by Alexis Redmond | 10:46 AM ET | 10-01-2008

That's WONDERFUL, Laurie... Yes, Leroy would be very happy.. One day at a time...

1 2 3 4 LIFT
FROG

Sent by Patsy Elmore from Knoxville, TN | 10:49 AM ET | 10-01-2008

I read a book a long time ago, so long now that I can't remember the title or the author. But I remember the part of a young girl, after losing her mother, who went to the movies and laughed out loud during an amusing scene. She went home and felt guilty for weeks.

Sometime we are so linear that we forget that enjoying one thing doesn't mean forgetting something else. Way to go, Laurie. You are allowed to have a real life.

Sent by Cory From Cowboy Country | 11:03 AM ET | 10-01-2008

I'm so glad for you. The process of grieving is so all encompassing that it becomes difficult to believe that there is a world outside of it. Thank God for friends with whom you can truly lay it all out.

Sent by Lisa | 11:03 AM ET | 10-01-2008

Dear Laurie,
You brought tears flowing with that one, girl. I'm sure you're right about Leroy.
-- Debbie

Sent by Debbie Carlson | 11:03 AM ET | 10-01-2008

Hello Laurie, I love the way you describe "immersed in life" and agree that Leroy would be cheering you on. From what I've read here, he was definitely the immersed-in-life kind of person. What a blessing to have such constant friends who also move into new conversation directions with you.

Sent by Sally in Spokane | 11:17 AM ET | 10-01-2008

Way to go, Laurie!

Sent by Frances Price | 11:21 AM ET | 10-01-2008

Good Day Laurie:

You are describing friends you will have for life. I have been following this Blog since its beginning. Thank you for continuing to post to us, your admirers.
John O'Rourke
are

Sent by John O'Rourke | 11:26 AM ET | 10-01-2008

How absolutely wonderful! Joyce

Sent by Joyce Hughes | 11:30 AM ET | 10-01-2008

Good for you, Laurie! You're on your way...

Sent by Marilyn Trujillo | 11:31 AM ET | 10-01-2008

I will also echo Leroy--good on you, girl. Way to go. ;-)
Shift is hard, and best done in small bits. But you'll get there, Laurie. Strong thoughts.

Pat
http://gaelenscafe.blogspot.com/

Sent by Pat Steer | 11:36 AM ET | 10-01-2008

Good on you, Laurie - I am sure Leroy was there too, smiling at you and enjoying the conversation.

JCR - what a beautiful way to describe the events and memories of our lives that is being woven into a warm, safe blanket. Your words brought me comfort too.

Sent by Tina from Alton, IL | 11:40 AM ET | 10-01-2008

We're certainly all saying "Way to go, Laurie!". You're clearly not alone in this long road called grief; and so many people you've never met are sending their strength to you for your journey.

Sent by Jennifer | 11:40 AM ET | 10-01-2008

Laurie:

I can hear Leroy telling you what a wonderful time he had knowing that you were reaching out to friends. I know he wants you to become free of all the pain you went through the past years and is happy to know it has started. There will still be those down days, but there will be more good ones, too.

To Kathy Barney: As a regular member of this blog, I don't feel you have gone out of bounds by telling us your feelings. We have all been there and I think this blog is a good place to talk about your losses. You have to talk to someone, several times in fact, before you can start healing.

There are days I'm a little reluctant to come listen, especially now that time is moving on and I like the comfort of the distance that has grown between me and Cancer, but there were so many others who listened to me and helped me so much. I come to see if I can repay the favor. I hope today's blog has helped you in some small way.

love always,

Nikki

Sent by Nikki in Kansas | 12:03 PM ET | 10-01-2008

For Kathy Barney, Thanks for using Laurie's and Leroy's blog to speak of your pain; how difficult it must be to describe those final hours of your beloved. May you experience some relief in the telling. You have kept them to yourself for a long time.
It is surely a certainty that Laurie feels grateful for your having the ability to answer the questioner, however painful it was for you. Joyce

Sent by Joyce Hughes | 12:44 PM ET | 10-01-2008

Laurie, I'm sure that you'll find that over time, more and more periods will go through when you're back in the flow of regular ol' wonderful life. Hours may go by when you don't think of Leroy, his illness and death. Some people are upset by these times, feeling somehow disloyal for not being miserable all of the time. I am sure that you are much wiser than that. I suppose that the best way of healing back into life is to keep saying "yes", even when perhaps it'd be much easier to say "no".
Consider yourself hugged....and lifted.

Sent by Nancy K Clark | 1:16 PM ET | 10-01-2008

Yes indeed way to go Laurie - I choked up as soon as I read your words this morning. He is with you every step of the way.

Take care,

Brin

Sent by Brin | 1:25 PM ET | 10-01-2008

I am smiling right now knowing you are on your way! Enjoy every minute of every day!

Sent by Kimberly, Houston | 1:26 PM ET | 10-01-2008

Nikki and Joyce,

Thanks for your kind thoughts. The reason I wrote about Pat's actual act of dying is that at the end of yesterday's comments, some one named 'K' had asked Laurie some really tough questions. She said she didn't want to be morbid, but she wondered about Leroy's last moments, comments, feelings, etc. As hard as it was for me to write about, I thought Laurie shouldn't have to share that with anyone yet, if ever.

I don't know why 'K' wanted to know--I don't know what's going on in her or his life, but if I could help, I wanted to. There have been many people here to help me with my journey so if I can give back a little, like you, Nikki, I'm glad to do it.

Kathy

Sent by Kathy Barney from MI | 1:29 PM ET | 10-01-2008

No matter the food, it always tastes better when shared with good friends. Leroy will always be there with you, with or without an empty chair. ODAT

Sent by Lucy Groh | 1:30 PM ET | 10-01-2008

Hi- I just came on line again and viewed the "added comment" Seems as though somemone must have stepped out of bounds with their comments. I am not suprised because this ole world has become very cruel with it's Blog comments. Sure hope no one has hurt you or Leroy, Laurie. This blog has been a human, heartfelt experience for quite a few years now and I am hesitant about changes. Will there be any other explanations forthcoming?.

Sent by J C R | 1:37 PM ET | 10-01-2008

The Dream of Now, by Wm. Stafford

"When you wake to the dream of now
from night & its other dream,
you carry day out of the dark
like a flame.
When spring comes north, and flowers unfold from the earth and its even sleep,
you lift summer on your breath
lest it be lost ever so deep.
Your life you live by the light you find
& follow it on as well as you can,
carrying through darkness wherever you go
your one little fire that
will start again."

With love,

Sent by Kim Forester, Pullman WA | 2:05 PM ET | 10-01-2008

It was like that for me too Laurie. Just like grief came in waves so did the return of life force - that sense of being simply immersed in life. Both kinds of waves tended to come unbidden, unexpected.

Sent by Victoria Hendricks | 2:18 PM ET | 10-01-2008

Good for you Laurie--any day that grief takes a holiday is a good day for you and for Leroy

Sent by Martha C. | 2:19 PM ET | 10-01-2008

Dear Laurie,

That's the weirdest part, i.e., that first "life does go on" experience, despite the crushing grief. Good for you and thank God for your wonderful friends.

Still lifting!

Sent by Janice J. , Los Angeles | 2:22 PM ET | 10-01-2008

I've not been commenting the last few weeks, but I've been reading everyday. I so appreciate you sharing parts of your journey through the land of grief. Thank goodness for BFF's, if I might put it in such a trendy way.

Sent by Susan | 3:10 PM ET | 10-01-2008

Laurie - this was a good thing. And to be able to speak from your heart to friends who are willing to take it all in is a wondrous thing, really. They are a treasure! Kathy from MI - what a brave and wonderful post, because I think K is perhaps facing this. A lot of people don't want to face their own mortality, hell, even I don't! But your description of your mom's and husband's last moments was eloquent. I too had that experience. I was lucky enough to have his two kids (whom he hadn't seen in 20 years!) and our beloved niece (who's mom, joe's sister, died of ovarian cancer 10 years ago) be by my side as we all held on to him. I felt his spirit leave him, but it was so peaceful, I will never ever forget it. What a brave woman you are to share! Thank you, Marsha

Sent by marsha bacenko | 3:46 PM ET | 10-01-2008

Laurie you are an incredible inspiration. My husband followed Leroy's blog and identified closely with him. Although their journeys started very differently, the progression of cancer to the spine and brain brought many of the same problems. As I sit here next to my husband's hospital bed watching him in his last hours/days of this life, I am overcome by waves of grief and sadness. However I expect this is just a hint of the anguish I will experience once he passes and I no longer have the distractions of caring for him protecting me.
Deneen
http://kevspost.blogspot.com/

Sent by Deneen | 4:11 PM ET | 10-01-2008

Laurie and others - I am saying goodbye to all of you today. I have thought about this now for quite some time and now I see the blog is changing and so I think it is time for me to go. You on here and this blog have helped me so much in the past couple of years. I don't know what I would have done without the encouragment from others and without Leroy's daily writings thru the cancer world. Laurie you are in my shoes as I have traveled down your path with losing my husband. God will give you the strength you need to carry you thru. I feel it is time though for me to end my journey with you and the others. I want everyone to know that my thoughts and prayers will be for each and every one of you as you travel down this path. With the changing of the blog - I just feel for me it is time to say goodbye. So from Big Rapids Michigan - GOODBYE TO ALL MY FRIENDS ON THIS BLOG. God be with each and every one of you.

Sent by Deb from Michigan | 4:14 PM ET | 10-01-2008

Laurie, I am so glad you had a moment of just immersed aliveness without the grief holding on to you so closely.

Ron, I'm sorry you lost your mother Monday. I hope some of the comments here to Laurie are of help to you too.

Sent by N.R. | 4:43 PM ET | 10-01-2008

I found the most beautiful song last night. It's by a guy named Jonathan Coulton, called "When You Go." There's a link in his blog (see below) that will let you hear it. it's a capella, and I'll warn you, you probably will cry.

http://www.jonathancoulton.com/2006/04/07/thing-a-week-28-when-you-go/

Sent by Bruce | 4:45 PM ET | 10-01-2008