She's "worn to the bone." Her "head is spinning." She says she "doesn't want to lose John, but yet sometimes, I can't wait for it to be over." That's how Sasha agonized over her situation yesterday.
Did you feel your stomach tighten? Did that overwhelming emotion of dread creep back into your head? I felt it when I read Sasha's comment. Any of us who have walked in those shoes feel her helplessness.
Sometimes, Death knocks on the door and then steps back. But while it lingers, it causes such anguish in the heart. There were hours when I looked at Leroy and wondered, did I do enough? Did I push him too much? Should I keep trying
now, or is it better for him to slip away under a blanket of morphine, free from the pain?
All the fighting, the treatments, the surgeries, the scans. The cancer had worn down that mighty strength. And that's when the cracks in my armor started to show, too.
Sasha, you are exhausted and you're hurt. You put everything you had into this fight, too, and this nasty disease will still take John's life. How can that be?
For as long as I thought I could do it alone, there finally came a time when I realized I needed some help. Feeling your words, you are there, now. This community is always here to give you support from a distance. If we could spare you this pain, we would. But you need someone to help pull back those covers. John still needs you. It's a very hard time.
Hospice, family, friends. You can't do it alone.
But you can do it.