NPR: Top 10 Signs the Fellow at Your Door Is a Zombie

Top 10 Signs the Fellow at Your Door Is a Zombie

Torn clothes, drool... It might be a zombie.

iStockphoto

I usually try to open each blog day with the most pressing, useful information I can find on the whole wide Web. It's clearly a Friday in August. So here goes:

An artist at Ask MetaFilter wants to know how to depict a zombie. The answers?

1. Deeply sunken bloodshot eyes.
2. Rotting flesh.
3. Slack mouth.
4. Asymmetrically balanced posture.
5. Lack of steamy breath on cold days.
6. Torn clothes. Their shoelaces would be untied as well, since they lack the motor skills or inclination to tie them up again.
7. Emerging from a covered grave. That would probably be a pretty good tip-off.
8. Emaciated, although nothing is creepier than an obese zombie.
9. Low, throaty growl. Imagine Stevie Nicks first thing in the morning.
10. Drool.

I expect this to appear in the next press release from the Department of Homeland Security. Add your own zombie warning signs in comments.

- Robert Smith

9:25 AM ET | 08-10-2007 | permalink

Comments

Not sure how to depict it visually but I'm pretty sure the smell of a zombie would be pretty foul (esp given #2).

Sent by T Kunkel | 9:32 AM ET | 08-10-2007

For the past 12 months, the guru's in the financial markets have been saying the worst is over for the sub-prime market. How would they know? Hundreds of thousands of suspect mortgages are still floating out there and the markets are now just realizing that this is 'worse-than-we-thought'!!!! Until the last foreclosure occurs as a result of these sham loans, this fiasco will drag on for several years. It doesn't take a genius to figure out that all the bad loans weren't handed out at once. The worst part about this are homeowners are suffering while the financial guru's are still counting their money at the bank.

Sent by Andrew Schenk | 10:18 AM ET | 08-10-2007

Let's not forget that shuffling gait. Or the repeating of the mantra "BRAINS!" in a desperate, whiny tone.

Sent by andy carvin | 10:23 AM ET | 08-10-2007

Love the comment about obese zombies.
Spinning class could be a bit of a problem for these "folks" though.

Sent by L. Dunn | 11:18 AM ET | 08-10-2007

It's easy to get a Zombie ON an excerise bike, but their legs keep getting pulled off before they can "feel the burn". Plus, their heart-rate never gets into the cardio zone. Or any zone for that matter.

Sent by Robert | 11:33 AM ET | 08-10-2007

Don't zombies sort of walk around in an aimless, wandering way as they search for those brains?

Sent by Erica Ryan | 5:18 PM ET | 08-10-2007

Contrary to popular belief zombies do not desire brains. The brain is too hard to get to, and the intestines and muscle are a greater source of zomboid nutrition.

This list also excludes an easy zombie visual que: eggshell blue skin hue.

Sent by Jody Sol | 8:51 PM ET | 08-10-2007

Well that explains the behavior of my housemate. I thought he was just sick. No wonder the kitchen is such a mess. He keeps leaving the meat grinder out.

Sent by John R. Otten | 2:52 PM ET | 08-13-2007

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