THE issue of super smart people in
the field of science and mathematics
can never bridge the gap due to
the grand Canyon of doubt.IF I am
beyond Calculus and Algebra and she has mainstream mathematical wisdom, the conflict is levels of mathematics
which is literally the Grand canyon
with doubt being finding the parts
to bridge this divide.Discussion on this topic is the key, but ignoring
this issue, widen this gap greater.

Sent by jerry a. Myers | 3:49 AM ET | 07-23-2008

Dear Farai,

It's my opinion that the biggest impediment to finding a solution to your problem, is that you frame your problem within the context of Race. In doing so, you imply, and seem to accept, that there are obstacles to relationships between women and men that are inherent to one's Race.

It is not my intent to upset you but, this is a racist notion!

All of us, women and men of all cultural backgrounds, have the capacity to develop lasting, meaningful relationships... regardless of our race, if we are willing to put the needs of another above our own. Once you embrace this notion for the objective truth that it is, you will be well on your way to understanding that the most dynamic impediment remains... the differences between the sexes!

In this regard... we're all in the same boat!

Best of luck! And remember always... love!

Sent by Jon | 10:41 AM ET | 07-23-2008

Why does everyone seem to forget that Obama is not only black, but white as well. He was raised by a single, white mother.

Sent by Kristine | 1:55 PM ET | 07-23-2008

"That's a bittersweet assertion ... I personally don't think black love is as endangered as headlines make things out to be."

Farai,

Ok, I agree with the above statement to some extent. But the way I see it is why does love have to come only in the "black" box?

Also, to those "four great single black women in their thirties," you mentioned, I'll say why not try something new - expand your playing field. Guys from other races can find them equally attractive as their black counterparts.

Sent by Moji | 4:05 PM ET | 07-23-2008

This appears to be one of the unfortunate byproducts of the transition of African Americans into the "middle class mainstream." Not everyone transitions at the same rate, and many people are still left behind.

Sent by J. Powers | 6:00 PM ET | 07-23-2008

Everyone doesn't transition at the same time. And time does not wait or go backwards for the slow adapters. Personally this Judeo-Christian ethic about ALL being 'delivered from bondage at the same time in one swoop is a fantasy.

The women's movement re-examined & evolved female roles in isolation, with no examination of male roles, assuming they'd just stay the same, 'bread-winner' and even though this relationship is a few centuries old, there'd be no chain reaction. And therein lies the problems for ALL modern day relationships. But that's not the fault of women, it's on men to insist that our roles be examined too, for more freedom from traditional male roles if you will.

But to the issue at hand. Much too much is made about this. First it seems to come across from a certain class of women (and they always preference with how well they're doing) that somehow they are entitled, because of their status, more deserving and should be accommodated or something 'needs to be done. A few myths to dispel, nobody is guaranteed a mate, nobody is entitled to a mate. There is no such thing as 'our men' or 'taking our men', convenient & self-serving but no proprietary ownership exist...a brotha's life is for him to lead.

So there is ONLY one option and it is a simple solution. Take politics out of love. You will have to do 2 things. Compete...it isn't the days of segregation where you had sole access to a pool of men. 2nd open you options and consider all men..yes, you'll have to eat a certain amount of crow because of all the shit you've talked and how judgmental you've been.
Bu the Jeannie isn't going back into the bottle, the more people have access and proximity to each other the more they will hook up based on their interest (as it should be) and it's trending towards more of the same. The dating/mating scene is like the economy, gone global.

You have no choice but to adapt..besides ALL the number suggest that it's your only option. Even in the most utopian sense there aren't enough Black men, period.

Better accept this reality, beat the clock is a more practical game than hard to get..waiting for that 'right' brotha.

Sent by Jon J | 2:14 PM ET | 07-24-2008

"But how would you approach bridging the gap between smart black folks, who have seen a little too much disappointment, to form partnerships without a struggle?"

Therein lies the problem....the desire to bridge 'without a struggle'. Sorry but this is the proverbial and literal 'hard work' tha healthy successful relationships demand. The false assumption is that when you meet the right person the pixie dust should make 'happily ever after' easy. Nothing could be further from the truth. There are a number of important considerations that have to explored, discussed, resolved, adopted and for which accountability and responsibility have to be encouraged. My wife and I have been exceptionally happily married for nearly 10 years (dated several years before that) and it's because we proactively work at our relationship and have firm and mutually fair foundational values and principles that guide us.

Sent by Whole9 | 12:00 PM ET | 07-25-2008

pssst! Quiet as it's kept, not all women seek hetero or government-sanctioned, traditional relationships. Those black women in their 30s may not be "married" but they may be in long term domestic partnerships, same-sex relationships, or even prefer to live alone and maintain multiple partners at their leisure. We need to expand the scope of our lens and the assumptions we make about sexuality, desire, and what it means to be "single." Being unmarried does not always equate to being without a fulfilling sex life and/or life partnership.

Sent by Marlon | 2:37 PM ET | 07-27-2008