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Inside Out: Umbrellas Gone Wild

by Claire O'Neill

  • Hurricane Sandy's winds are already picking up in Cape May, N.J. Kim Vo (right) captures a Kodak moment of her friend, Lisa Cellucci.
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    Hurricane Sandy's winds are already picking up in Cape May, N.J. Kim Vo (right) captures a Kodak moment of her friend, Lisa Cellucci.
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    Mark Wilson/Getty Images
  • A storm called Kyrill sweeps through Germany with hurricane-strength winds in 2007.
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    A storm called Kyrill sweeps through Germany with hurricane-strength winds in 2007.
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    Michael Gottschalk/AFP/Getty Images
  • Hurricane Isaac wins in New Orleans, 2012.
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    Hurricane Isaac wins in New Orleans, 2012.
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    Eric Gay/AP
  • And Hurricane Isaac wins again.
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    And Hurricane Isaac wins again.
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    Eric Gay/AP
  • Tiffaney Battle (perfect last name) and her dog, Zach, versus Hurricane Isabel, Alexandria, Va., 2003.
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    Tiffaney Battle (perfect last name) and her dog, Zach, versus Hurricane Isabel, Alexandria, Va., 2003.
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    Alex Wong/Getty Images
  • Hurricane Wilma takes on New York City, 2005.
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    Hurricane Wilma takes on New York City, 2005.
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    Timothy A. Clary/AFP/Getty Images
  • Umbrella attack during Hurricane Wilma in New York City, 2005.
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    Umbrella attack during Hurricane Wilma in New York City, 2005.
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    Timothy A. Clary/AFP/Getty Images
  • Kyrill in Germany, 2007.
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    Kyrill in Germany, 2007.
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  • A man in Germany gets no sympathy during Emma — another storm with hurricane-strength winds, in 2008.
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    A man in Germany gets no sympathy during Emma — another storm with hurricane-strength winds, in 2008.
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    Sean Gallup/Getty Images
  • New Yorkers brace against winds from Hurricane Gloria, 1985.
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    New Yorkers brace against winds from Hurricane Gloria, 1985.
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    Rick Maiman/AP
  • Kayla Mejia of Annapolis, Md., struggles again winds from Hurricane Irene, 2011.
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    Kayla Mejia of Annapolis, Md., struggles again winds from Hurricane Irene, 2011.
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    Susan Walsh/AP

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Here's one thing that continues to elude me: the fact that we humans have literally been using umbrellas for centuries — and we've still yet to engineer a windproof rain-shielding device. And even though we know this, we continue to buy, and use, and break them. Constantly.

Or, giving the masses the benefit of the doubt: Maybe the nefarious umbrella manufacturers realize that we will keep buying crappy contraptions because we have no choice.

But in the battle of umbrella versus storm, umbrella clearly doesn't stand a chance.

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