'Twas The End Of My Career

On today's Talk of the Nation program, host Neal Conan asked for political versions of the Twas the Night Before Christmas poem. Despite the risk to my reputation, I wrote one and read it on the air. And despite popular demand, I'm reprinting it here. (Actually, that last part is not completely true. Ed Weirauch of Leadership Communications in Wilmington, Del., actually asked for the text!)

Here's your chance to listen to my actual reading. Already it is being compared to a combination of Maya Angelou and Shemp Howard. Let me know if you agree.

Meanwhile, here's the text:

Twas the night before Christmas, and we at NPR,

Decided to review the year in politics, near and afar.

It started off clear, so sure were we
The nominees would be Mitt, and perhaps Hillary.

He had the hair and the great wealth.
She had connections, and the program for health.

But then something happened, that ended in surprise
Obama and McCain wound up with the prize.

Barack, he was called, what a strange name,
Not to mention Obama, let alone Hussein.

He was new to the Senate, a new shining light.
But he had his problems; think "Reverend Wright."

And then there was Bill, who for Hillary he made his pitch.
He could do anything he wanted; remember Marc Rich?

The Clintons were tough, there was no question.
But Obama never gave up; it's as if he was destined

He smiled, he reasoned, he spoke out for hope
So what if he spent his college days smoking that dope.

On the GOP side it was another good story
John McCain was on top, but many were worried.

On taxes, on torture, and the immigrant fight
He was not one of them, said the folks on the right.

So what did he do, with his chances a fadin'?
He picked this woman, this Sarah Palin.

She was tough, wore lipstick, and came from Alaska,
Was she going to help John McCain and the Republicans? You betcha!

But then something happened to end their mood euphoric
She had trouble with questions, and one Katie Couric.

Bristol was pregnant, in love thanks to Cupid,
But ultimately, it came down to the economy, stupid.

The collapse of the Dow, the growing unemployment number
Proved more important than John, or Sarah, or Joe the Plumber.

The year of course, was more than just this
And if Neal allows me, I'll continue my list.

Religion was important, and family too,
Just ask Vito Fossella, he had two.

And poor Tim Mahoney, he who replaced Mark Foley
The Florida Democrat had his own sex scandal; holy moly!

Bill Jefferson, his money in the freezer, he couldn't explain how,
No matter, he lost his seat, to a Vietnamese American named Cao.

President Bush, down on his luck,
Went to Baghdad, and managed to duck.

Two shoes were thrown, was the journalist's role
Bush saw the reporter, and looked into his sole.

Caroline Kennedy, as a child there was no one cuta,
Now has to spend her weekends, and Christmas, in Buffalo and Utica.

But if you think campaigning for the Senate is really a bitch
Just think, it could be worse, you could be Rod Blagojevich.

Wanna buy a Senate seat? Do you have money I can keep?
If you don't, then all I can say, is bleep bleep bleep.

I'm sorry for this poem, it is a bit clunky,
But I urge you to read my daily blog, which just so happens can be found at npr dot org slash junkie.

Happy Holidays!

4:09 PM ET | 12-24-2008 | permalink

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