My best friend was murdered on his 21st birthday. Although the man who did it was caught and is now serving life in prison, 12 years later I am still living with questions. Knowing why this man took my friend's life wouldn't change anything, but I believe it might bring me and my friend's parents a little bit of peace.

Sent by Lori Taylor | 3:12 PM ET | 04-30-2007

I missed some of what has been said. It seems that Cheryl is more forgiving of the males who have attacked her as opposed to females -- maybe this comes into play with her abuse from her father.

Perhaps the woman who did not follow through had a much more threatening man over her?

I'd like to understand this.

Thanks!

Sent by Georgean Johnson-Coffey | 3:23 PM ET | 04-30-2007

I appreciate this concept of restorative justice. To me, it is a more mature, comprehensive approach than just dealing with the criminals. You've opened my eyes a lot as to how this could help the victims, in addition to the perpetrators. Thank you.

Sent by Jeff Jacobson | 3:28 PM ET | 04-30-2007

My wonderful 22 year old son, my only son, moved to Columbus, OH 3 1/2 years ago. Three men broke in with guns to rob his roomates. One of them killed my son and his two roomates. Two of the prepetrators were just there for the burgulary, and testified against the shooter.

I will never, ever forgive this putrid piece of trash for what he did. He is not human. I sat in the same court room with him. He is a cold, dark, blackhole of evil. He should have gotten the death penalty, but got 3 life sentences instead. I want him to suffer in this life, then burn in hell for eternity.

The shooter has never asked for my forgiveness, even GOD requires that a sinner asks first, before he will forgive. Maybe he will ask GOD, and GOD will forgive him, I will not.

Please withhold my name.

Sent by Bob Hlass | 3:41 PM ET | 04-30-2007

I have read and heard that a very great percentage of people imprisoned are there on drug charges. How would one address "restorative justice" with these offenders?

Sent by Albert John Smith | 3:47 PM ET | 04-30-2007

how can the criminal justice system be held more accountable for their closed mindedness?

Sent by Kimberly Gibbs | 3:51 PM ET | 04-30-2007

I have a problem using the word "forgive" for essentially two different things. I don't believe you can forgive someone unless they ask for it. But you can let go, put the incident behind you. I think that's what the guest was seeking.

Sent by Chris Hayes | 3:52 PM ET | 04-30-2007

Five years after my brothers violent murder I am still trying to recover not only from his death, but the criminal trial that followed. We were victimized by the crime, and further victimized by the legal system. Sitting in a court room while the perpetrator and his laywer deny responsibility and denigrate the victim is not at all healing. The scars run deep. I do not think forgiveness is possible but it is possible to learn to live with the scars.

Sent by Angie Krivchenia | 4:39 PM ET | 04-30-2007

Hello everyone,
I was heartened to hear this show while driving home from a mediation. I am a Clinical Social Worker in a private mediation and therapy practice in Bethesda, Maryland. I have worked pro bono for many years with a restorative justice organization here in Maryland. We offer Community Conferencing for teens who have committed their first offence. Just as the people on air said, this process can work wonders for both people who have been harmed and the kids who have committed the harm In most cases the kids have never given a thought to whom they are harming when they go out to commit a crime. Facing their victims across a circle can dramatically touch them in a way that I think nothing else can. They are truly being asked to take emotional responsibility for the harm they have caused - something that doesn't happen in the Juvenile Court. RJ is also very useful for the victims as they have a chance to ask WHY and a myriad of other questions about what happened. This information, and their role in participating in having the victim do something to restore harmony to the community, often can allow victims to let go of their fear and anger. It really isn't about forgiveness - necessarily. Although, any one person MAY choose to forgive, and that is up to them and for their own peace of mind. Countless people enter an RJ process and do not forgive, but they never-the-less find it extremely beneficial - if only to let the perpetrator know the harm that was caused.

Sent by Mary Edwards, LCSW-C | 5:19 PM ET | 04-30-2007

It seems reasonable to believe that those who commit crimes and then meet with their victims may well consider the consequences before they commit future crimes. Having coming face to face with his victim and demonstrated remorse (perhaps for the first time), the felon who placed his foot on his victim's back and held a gun to her head may well never do something as ruthless again. Any measures that lead to rehabilitation would further juctice and may help deter commission of future crimes. That is a good outcome.

Sent by richard jones, KY | 5:58 PM ET | 04-30-2007

We invite everyone to join us at a National Conference on Restorative Justice at Schreiner University in Kerrville, Texas on June 24-27,2007. Keynote speakers include Howard Zehr, Mark Umbreit, Gordon Bazemore, Kay Pranis, Judge Janine Geske and many more. The conference website is www.restorativejusticenow.org.

Sent by John W. Byrd | 10:17 AM ET | 05-01-2007

As a result of home invasion, I came home from work and met the intruder upon entering my front door. After fighting off his attempt to pull me into the living room I slipped in the entrance hallway and he proceeded to beat me in my head demanding "Where's the money?"
Because I had left my front door open, neighbors heard me screaming and came to my rescue. The invader ran after beating me in my face and head to the extent that I had a concussion and serious facial bruising.
During my period of recuperation, I felt compelled to forgive this unknown person so that my healing could progress. Forgiveness enables healing and one's ability to move forward. It's not immediate, in fact, it's a process but it is an act that must be carried out to the end. I forgave him and with forgiveness, God restored me with the understanding that I'm blessed to be alive.

Sent by Denise | 5:37 PM ET | 05-01-2007

A great many criminals will view this touchy-feely movement as a way to further there advantages over the system. These are criminals: humans bent on lies, deception and subterfuge. Deception is just one of many natural traits humans poses and will be employed liberally by most of these criminals. The APA sees most of these offenders as non-treatable and this movement seeks to "fix" these criminals? Most Neurologists says criminals lacking in frontal lobe development or have damage in that area will most likely never be fixed. But you seem to know better or is it Stockholm syndrome? Maybe the Perpetrators are just playing your organization. Telling you what you want to hear, hoping to lessen the sentence or garner better conditions.
You're just affording them more luxuries, ones they will exploit! Make no mistake, a human capable of rape, murder or other violent crimes will always have that capability, especially if the circumstances are right-being in a position where they might be able to get away with it. Much like trying to forget a traumatic experience, when those neural pathways are built and the relational models coalesce it takes almost infinite amounts of therapy and redirection to remove them. Sure the criminals will play the theatrics game of I'm better now but that ends when the laws lets them go. If nothing else they have now learned how to NOT get caught when pursuing there illegal activities. Your going to get all of us raped. I do not wish that for my family. Analyze yourself to the core and find the true reasons for this endeavor.

Sent by eric jenkins | 3:20 PM ET | 05-02-2007

Im in the process of wondering if I should write a letter to the murderer of my sister. It happened 30 years ago but the man basically got off free since he was under age.
I just want to know why he did it. What was going on in his head. What has he done with his life.

Sent by clint | 12:38 PM ET | 07-15-2007