Maternity leave? 2 months? Ha ha!
I had to go back to work in two months, and it was difficult. She is two now, and it still pains me to leave her every day. But there is no other choice for our family. Ideally, it would be nice to work for half day.

Sent by Lena McLane | 2:48 PM ET | 04-30-2007

If the media would spend more time advocating for better child care options, national health care and higher wages for women and less about the fictional 'mommy wars' perhaps children would really benefit. But there's no cute catch phrase for that. The one thing I and all my other mother friends agree upon it's that women should have choices - that children are happier if their mothers are doing what they want - not what they feel guilted into or financially compelled to do.

Sent by Rosalind Tedford | 2:49 PM ET | 04-30-2007

I work part time because I have to. I joke that I work just enough to keep me from getting the house work done. Seriously, I feel it is more important to feed my kids, than to feed the machines I work for, even they the machine I work for does good deeds.

Sent by kathy dowd | 2:56 PM ET | 04-30-2007

Most of my social circle comprises:

A) Moms who work outside the home because they 1) want to and 2) feel they need to financially.

B) Moms who chose to stay home with their kids and make serious material sacrifices to do so.

C) Moms who work because they really have no choice.

But most of the middle-class moms I know fall into the first two groups. I fall into the second group and my worn jeans and shoes I wear testify to the pennies we pinch to make it possible for me to stay home.

The internal conflict for me lies in balancing time to be a grown up (use my mind and socialize with my peers) and time to spend giving quality to my daughter. My daughter has started school and now I'm addressing some of those issues by working part time. It is immensely liberating.

Sent by Juliet Martinez | 2:57 PM ET | 04-30-2007

I am a single working mom, a mother of a child with special needs, and helping to take care of my mother & grandmother. There are so few options & resources available to me - where do moms like me fit into this picture??!!

Sent by Lisa | 2:59 PM ET | 04-30-2007

Your conversation about the Mommy wars suggested the choice to stay at home is largely economic. That is an imcomplete picture in my opinion. I am an educated woman who stays home with my three young children, accepting a lower standard of living, not because I can't get a job that pays more than child care. But because I believe my children are better nurtured by having me care for them. This is not at all about economics. It is about what I believe is better for my children. I have many many friends who are making the same choice.

Sent by Crystal Coe | 3:03 PM ET | 04-30-2007

My last day as engineer for formitable chip manufacturing was this Monday and I am officially stay at home mom for our first child. Thankfully I am able to do this and was able to be off for 5 months through my company before cutting the ties. The choice was easy to stay at home, the internal change was difficut to wrap my head around. Did not realize the lack of support in public places for caring for your children (i.e. a place to breastfeed). Funny yet sad how I was pulled over at the same parking lot feeding my 4 month old son and a mini-van with mom pulled over to do the same for her 2 month old....better than a nasty public bathroom with no chair.

Sent by Sarah | 3:04 PM ET | 04-30-2007

I unexpectedly lost my spouse while in medical school. The women in my class were completely supportive and so was my school. No one I knew really thought we could do it all, that there wasn't a sacrifice in either going on in medicine or leaving it, as I did. There were no mommy wars among my classmates, only an understanding that every choice has it's rewards and it's losses.

Sent by Eileen Lorber | 3:05 PM ET | 04-30-2007

It never occurred to me before I became pregnant that I might want to stay home full time; however, now that I'm a mom it's very painful to leave my son. It isn't that I don't want to work, it's that I desperately want to be with my baby. He is 4 months old now & I had to go back to work after only 10 weeks. I'm currently taking online courses to work from home. My husband & I are fortunate to have his parents to care for our son; I'll never put him in daycare. I don't feel any animosity towards mothers who wish to work, I only know what works for me. Most of my friends who are moms would rather be home with their kids than work.

Sent by Erin G. | 3:08 PM ET | 04-30-2007

Although my mother was a stay at home mom from a different generation, she stayed at home strictly because of social (religious)pressures.

She had an IQ that was super high, garduated Phi Beta Kappa with a degree in Psychology and had been encouraged by the department to continue towards advanced degrees.

She went slowly insane from the non-challenging environment of managing a household, especially after the kids had become personally responsible. This became acute after my father died at the age of 53 and she was left with enormous amounts of time, NO work experience, and a degree that was hopelessly out of date after 30 years.

And even though she is from another generation, she shares with many women of today the experience of being culturally forced to stay at home.

Sent by william | 3:17 PM ET | 04-30-2007

I wholeheartedly agree that for those moms fortunate enough to have the option to work or stay home - it is still not an easy choice. I happen to work and though I initially did so because I was the main breadwinner, my situation has changed and now I work because I choose to do so. Or do I? My problem is that now, though I work "part time" since the birth of my second child, it is still 50+ hours a week. There are no true part time options for me. Ideally I would take an extended leave for a year or two or three (until my kids are in school), but there very likely would be no guaranteed job upon my return. Absences of that length are difficult to overcome in my field (medicine), and in a small town, such a choice may "burn all my bridges" for the future. In summary, I do not need a stay at home mother to make me feel badly about my decision to work - I do that all by myself.

Sent by Wendy White | 3:30 PM ET | 04-30-2007

I am expecting my first child and am experiencing anguish over whether I should return to work or stay at home with my child.

I feel that no one would give my child more care and attention than I could and yet if I want to return to my employer in my present position I need to do so within five to six months of giving birth. This is generous - by law only 12 weeks leave are mandated.

At this point, the main reason I feel the need to return to work is to save adequately for retirement and my childs' future education and to prevent gaps in my resume that would make it harder for me to resume employment if an unexpected event occurs eg. husband becomes ill or dies. Economic concerns certainly affect more than present conditions and one needs to prepare for unforseen events. Most stay at home mothers who return to work after a few years do so at significantly reduced pay also so I would not be able to offset childcare costs if my income decreased and hence it would force my workforce absence to be longer.

I do feel that I would prefer to stay at home with my child but believe that it is too risky an option because I need to be prepared to be a sole supporter in case something happens. I also feel that it is becoming more difficult for families to save enough for retirement, education, housing etc without having two incomes. Economic security is an important aspect of the future well-being of my child and I can only hope that the childcare I find is high quality.

Sent by Jean | 5:18 PM ET | 04-30-2007

Today is my first day back to work after a 3 month unpaid maternity leave. I work for a company with only 35 employees therefore, they are not required to provide me with any family leave, paid or unpaid or to hold my position. Fortunately, they allowed me to take 3 months off without pay. My husband and I had to prepare financially to be sure that I could be at home to take care of our newborn. For many others, this is not an option.
I would not be back at work today if it weren't for the necessity of my income and more importantly my health care coverage.
If we really want to do the right thing for our children and mothers, we need to be advocating paid maternity leave for all parents. Other countries have seen the importance of mothers being with their newborns and provide as much as 69 weeks paid (Sweden) or 52 weeks with a subsistence allowance (Denmark). If mothers were able to take enough time off to feel comfortable and to have good affordable day care options, our mothers and children would be healthier and happier.

Sent by Mary Beth Peters | 5:29 PM ET | 04-30-2007

I am a stay-at-home Mom by choice. I clocked 7 years on my resume in my 20's and during that time my husband and I came to a decision that one of us would stay home once we had kids. My income was in the six figures and his a little higher and instead of living a higher income lifestyle we choose to pay off debts, save and max our our 401ks during our 20s so we could have one parent stay at home. In the end it worked out that I choose to stay home for a few years, and am now expecting our second child. I realize our economic situation is unique but I think it also shows that family planning can mean more then just birth control.
I realize some women of varying career experiences worry about returning to the career track after staying at home. I challenge all of us to look at the long-term of the job market, especially over the next 5 or 10 years. With baby boomers retiring in droves there will be many more openings then just a few years ago. That coupled with a return to the job market once our baby-rearing days have ended is a reponse to future employers. Legally employers can't ask in a job interview if you have kids but you can always tell them that you've already completed your child-rearing years and your now ready to find a career for the next 20 to 30 years. This should help counter any issues an employer may/may not have about those 'empty spaces' (sad we have to use that term!) on your resume.

Sent by Veronica | 6:00 PM ET | 04-30-2007

I am married, have a bachelors degree, my husband and I work full time, and we cannot afford to have children, or even buy a home. I think this is the new issue. At times I am resentful, but I also know that I am helping everyone else by not adding to global overpopulation, but you would think if you are frugal, hardworking and responsible you could afford to own a home.

Sent by Julie Sincore | 8:24 PM ET | 04-30-2007

The choice of whether to stay at home with a child or work outside of the house is dependant on so many different factors including a family's financial security, the availabiity of quality childcare, the availability of work that allows for flexibility, personal values and even personality types.

Also, the choice of whether or not to return to work after a child is born is dependant on the mother's perception of risk and comfort level with that risk. For example, some view putting their child in day care 40+ hours a week as a significant risk, while others view dropping out of the paid work force for a few years as a significant risk. There is no easy answer; all of us have to do our best to weigh all the possibilites and possible consequences, and make the best choices we can for our our children and our families. As with any difficult choice in life, there is no guarantee that we are doing the right thing; we just have to hope that we are making the right choices, and then do our best to adjust accordingly if we learn that we aren't. Thus, for all of us who have to struggle with this decision of whether to work or stay home, there will also always be some anxiety and insecurity.

The real tragedy in all of this is that for so many years so many writers and so much of the media has exploited and capitalized this sense of insecurity by publishing articles and advertisements which needle and prod this innate insecurity which comes along with raising a family. In this way, it is another sad example of the way in which the desire to profit financially once again leads to the prioritization of money over human beings, in this case, our own children.

The one piece of hope in all of this is that few people bought the two books that were most recently published on this topic of the "Mommy Wars." Thus, if we stop buying and reading the books and articles, perhaps we will finally be left in peace to live, work(in or out of the home), and hopefully enjoy the wonderful gift of the families that we have.

Sent by Becky | 11:06 PM ET | 04-30-2007

I didn't have a feminist bone in my body before I had kids. i took it for granted that as a young educated woman I could do anythaing and have everything I wnated and worked for. That all changed for me when I had my first child. I felt my choices were extremely limited and my anger and frustration has grown w/ each subsequent child (3boys.) The choices for moms are so very limited. My friends all seem to want a balance of part-time fulfilling work and part-time at home with their kids preferably sharing this w/ their partner. Our works force is not family friendly!!! And this government with their rhetoric of family values is laughable.

Sent by April | 7:45 AM ET | 05-01-2007

I think I am a better Mother because I work outside the home. For me it is a balance thing.Each situation is unique and I cannot judge what is best for someone else's family, only my own. I married at 35 and had 2 children by 38. I was very established in my career and I took 6 months off after each birth. I work full time but skewed hours and my husband works from home, so we have some flexibility. I go to work at 5 am and am home shortly after 2. My husband gets the kids ready for 4 hours at daycare takes them and picks them up. I get to spend tht afternoon with them and my husband returns to his work, sometimes having to do a bit after the kids are down for the night.

Sent by Cheryl | 11:31 AM ET | 05-01-2007

Your guest's conclusion that the Mommy Wars are a journalistic fiction--and that the real conflict among mothers, paid and unpaid, is internal--goes only so far to address the real problem underlying this issue, which is that the American workplace indeed American society is hostile to the family. Just read the variety of problems described by the posters to this blog. The majority of mothers, paid and unpaid, are trying to take care of their children the best way they can. In my case, after ten years of full-time work as a lawyer, over four of them as a mother, I was forced to choose between an inflexible workplace and the prospect of having to hire two nannies to cover the long day during which I would have to leave my children. On my government lawyer's salary, this would have been barely possible, but who wants never to see their young children? I had more than my share of childcare crises with one child with two I essentially gave up. I quit and everyone said this was a choice. How patronizing . The community where I live has great schools (partly as a result of an army of highly educated volunteers who made the same choiceI did) but virtually no support for working parents. I feel guilty and resentful that my years of education--much of it on scholarship--and experience are pretty much wasted, even though I have tried over the years to stay current and have chosen volunteer projects relevant to my field before attempting to get back into the workforce. However, the evil resume gap appears to be insurmountable. I wholeheartedly agree that it is the workplace and larger society that have to change to allow for more workplace flexibility and moral if not financial support for parents. Our 24/7 society is shortchanging its families, I believe at our eventual peril.

Sent by Cindy | 1:39 PM ET | 05-01-2007

As a father (and co-parent) of a four year old daughter, I would like to point out that this is not a mother-centric issue. Many fathers who chose to participate in the care-giving responsibilities of their child(ren) faces the same problems; often with an even less sympathetic audience. To call this issue a "Mommy War" ignores the sacrifices fathers (or other caregivers) make for the benefit of their children. Until we as a sociaty can acknowledge that both parents can, and should, care for their children, we will continue to overlook a central problem of being a parent in American society today.

Sent by Douglas Miller | 11:11 PM ET | 05-02-2007