Not To Be Confused With the Grocery Lists

"Your turn. What's on your list?"

To not make lists. There are many things I would like to do before I die. Living is the most important thing I think to do whilst I'm on Earth. I don't need a list of things to do before I die. I'll get done whatever I need to get done. Regardless of what that is or whether or not it's on a list.

Sent by ecotopian | 2:50 PM | 8-28-2007

This year I accomplished something I'd wanted to do for years - go surfing in Bali - which was pretty wonderful. I have a life list online [on a website I created to make life lists!] But for some reason I don't have my secret big goal on the list (which now I will share here): One day when there's traffic jam I want to tune the radio to a great dance song, get out and start dancing, and get everyone else to - the kind of thing you'd see in a cheesy romance movie.

Sent by Susie | 3:09 PM | 8-28-2007

From age 15 one of my to dos was to have a lasting marriage - a reaction to parents that divorced in the 1950s - and it's 34 years and counting. The next to do is a trip to Scotland - next month.

Sent by Barbara | 3:18 PM | 8-28-2007

I made a treasure map of my life goals. Then I can look at them everyday, realizing what has already occurred and what I still have to do. The visual helps me because it seems to set those goals in motion. I have travel, love, the amount I want to weigh, pictures of people doing the activities that are on my list. It's a great and fun way to check in with my list daily.

Sent by Jan Weir | 3:20 PM | 8-28-2007

A year ago my list would have looked very different, but as I look into the deep blue eyes of my 2 month old son, the list consists of all the little things I want to teach him. Perhaps the most important one for me is to instill in him the love of books I have had since childhood. I'd like to accomplish this in two ways: by opening my own children's book store and by publishing the three or four children's book ideas floating around in my head. Although significant steps have not been made toward these ends, the stories are be written in my mind and sometimes find their way onto paper.

Sent by Molly Walter - Portland, Oregon | 3:21 PM | 8-28-2007

What if there's nothing left on your life list?

Sent by Metcalf | 3:22 PM | 8-28-2007

Many years ago I resolved at the beginning of each year to do two things I had never done before. I have succesfully accomplished most of my life goals, such as: white water river rafting, freighter voyages around the world, car and train trips across the US and Canada. What's left: I want to do stand-up at a comedy club.

Sent by Jackie Fleming | 3:23 PM | 8-28-2007

I think lists are great and can help us materialize our visions. But I'm surprised there isn't a thought how we can contribute to society and create a harmonious world.

Sent by Jackie Zimmerman | 3:28 PM | 8-28-2007

While there are many things that I'd like to do before I die, only a couple are life-list worthy: get a Ph.D. (third time's a charm!)and write a book that is sold through standard sales channels (i.e., see it for sale on a store's shelf). Everything else is gravy.

Sent by Kerry | 3:29 PM | 8-28-2007

I wrote a list of "100 Things to do Before I Die" when I was 17. Some of them were very unrealistic ("learn to fly") and some I knew I would accomplish ("go to Prom"). I wanted to make sure I could check off some of those things and that even though the more realistic goals weren't as fun, they were still just as important. A few years later I went back and added more - get my degree, get out of debt, find a job as a music teacher, etc. I love looking at the list made when I was 17 and the ammendments I added on a few years later. And I truly love checking items off!

Sent by Meredith Hawkins | 3:29 PM | 8-28-2007

I never really had a life list -- perhaps never had hopes, or dreams -- or even a goal, or agenda, aspirations or ambitions. But, despite suffering from Aspergers Syndrome, I seem to have done pretty well -- without coaches.

Sent by Cooper | 3:29 PM | 8-28-2007

All of the positive thinking and cheerleading and rah rah is a bit scary. I cannot but think that a lot of the "science" behind this is not much more than the systemization of the obvious.

My goal is to keep my goals to a minimum and to live life without to many road maps. Like the poet said: "I learn by going where I have to go".

Sent by George from Oregon | 3:33 PM | 8-28-2007

Superviva.com is one of the pioneer online media experiences with life lists.

Sent by marcio | 3:41 PM | 8-28-2007

My only problem with the to-do list concept, is encountering people that are all about "doing" and "not" about "being" I find them not to be very present in the moment. It kind of feeds into the American concept of the more you do the happier you will be.

Sent by Michael | 3:41 PM | 8-28-2007

Setting goals and accomplishing them is the one true way to feel that your life is all that you want it to be. I have been successful in business, marriage, and life in general but the one goal I hadn't accomplished was getting a higher education. Finally when I was 50 years old I started college with the goal of getting an Associate degree in business. Once I did that my goal changed and I decided I wanted to get a Bachelors Degree in History with a Minor in English. I did that and am now working towards my Master's. So if you let it one goal will lead to another and open more doors and adventures.

Sent by Charlie | 3:49 PM | 8-28-2007

Ever since I made a life list on an online site, I have achieved many of the most important goals. The first big one was to get my Ph.D. Then I tried the Olympic sport of skeleton in Park City.

I'm currently writing from a cafe in the state where I just bought my first house.

Without the presence of the life list, I would never have felt the positive motivation to achieve these goals.

Sent by Bee | 3:51 PM | 8-28-2007

I have a life list that I am not sure can be completed in one life time, but I am doing all I can do at least feel I have accomplished most of it. I would like to live and/or visit every country in the world and learn the local dialects so that I may have a conversations with the people I meet and to better understand their life and their dreams. I want to understand life (mine and others) from first hand experiences rather than those summarized and glossed over from second hand accounts. This goal came to me while I serving in Peace Corps Nepal. I had this amazing experience with this young mother on the side of the street in Kathmandu. She at first tried to sell me some cheap tourist cloth, but what came out of this conversation was a better understanding of her culture and her struggles, especially during the ensuing civil war. We spoke in Nepali and I always think that if I hadn't understood the language, I would have missed so much. We laughed and cried, and when we said goodbye, we hugged. I seek that same connection when I travel even today and it has allowed me to meet some amazing people in my life and to understand better the world I live in. So far, I have lived in 7 countries and visited 3 and have been to 6 of the 7 continents. That's pretty good for reaching my life goal, seeing that I am only 26...

Sent by Lisa Labita | 4:04 PM | 8-28-2007

A book was mentioned during show today that I'd love to buy for a granddaughter to help her set goals as a recent college graduate with no apparent direction. Was it written by a prof from Upenn and three items mentioned. Can you help?

Sent by Janet Kobor | 4:07 PM | 8-28-2007

I was greatly irritated by Caroline Adams Miller's behavior on the show. She shilled her services relentlessly and turned a good segment about an interesting topic into an infomercial. I lost count of how many times she stated that one needs "a professional-- someone trained in this" to help with goal achievement. People have been making, setting, achieving, and not achieving goals since the dawn of time. She is merely doing what many highly paid consultants do-- creating a percieved need and addressing it with "expertise" that bills by the hour and reinforces the suspicion that you are, in fact, incapable of running your own life. I much preferred the stance of the author of the NYT article, who was content to talk about the influence and usefulness of such lists. He never went so far as to imply that professional help is needed to do it well or correctly.

Sent by Robb Gries | 4:11 PM | 8-28-2007

I waited on hold for the show for 30 minutes and was disappointed time ran out before my Neil could get to my call, so I decided to blog it instead. I began my life list at age 14 in a lavendar satin journal with white stars. The list was to be completed before my 30th birthday. When I turned 30, I had only one and half things left to do. I have made subsequent lists, each with a timeline. The next one is before I turn 40, with is five years from now. The first list contained things like, see the rainforest in Costa Rica, Improve my relationship with my dad, eat a hot dog in yankee stadium, graduate from college, climb five 14,000 mountains in Colorado, Climb five 4,000 mtns in New England, become a mother, own land, make a film, publish my writing, see Europe, eat oysters in NOLA, clam chowder in Boston, etc.. There were others as well and all were a mix of travel, adventure, interpersonal, educational, and professional goals. I revisted the orginal list on the eve of my 30th birthday (5 years ago now) and realized that with my first short film in post production, that one counted as half finished. The only one I had not gotten to was owning property. So, I decided I had completely 99% of my "before 30" list and that land ownership could move to my "before 40 list". Since I am five years from that dealine, I have completed many of thie items on it: finish a full length book (I have two), eat my way around the Mediterrian Sea (did that in 2004), complete a Master's(MFA-2005) and a PhD (currently in the program) as well as others. The main difference between the goals I set then and now is that I want my daughter and partner (and the son that is due this winter) to be a part of them. Having this list I think encouraged me to always move forward and not make excuses as to why I can not do them. The first list came after a service learning trip where I worked in food banks and soup kitchens and realized that even though I was from a low-income Mex-American family, I still felt priveleged that I had a home, meals, attended school and had a family who loved me and wanted me to do big things. I knew I would have to work for these things myself and did. The list became more vaulable to me when I was 18 working 3 jobs to earn enough money to volunteer in the rainforest of Costa Rica for a conservation league, when I returned home after spending four months living out one of these 'dreams', I felt that I had proved to myself I was capable of doing anything I set out to do . The next year I had a story published, and then I knew that we can define our lives and alter our own realities. I recently told my nine-year old daughter about my "experience list" and she has begun to make one for herself.

Sent by Michelle Martinez | 4:17 PM | 8-28-2007

I've never written down a life list, though I've often jotted things down in my head. I hope to visit at least 100 countries before I die, and I'm exactly half-way there at the moment. I'm a big history buff, and I've managed to visit a lot of sites that have really interested me over the years - Machu Picchu, the Pyramids, Angkor Wat, Petra....

Apart from travel, I also once set a goal of writing a book before I reached 30. Unfortunately, I missed that deadline, but did manage to make up for it before reaching 35. And now that I've become a dad, I find myself wanting to redo some of the things that were formerly on my list, but now do them accompanied by my daughter. Though at 14 months old, I don't think she's old enough to appreciate the Taj Mahal. Not yet, at least. :-)

Sent by andy carvin | 4:41 PM | 8-28-2007

I created a list of things to do before age 30. The list included run a marathon, complete a triathlon, climb a 14er, own matching luggage and handbag and get my master's degree. I turned 30 in April and the only thing I didn't accomplish on my own was purchasing the luggage, though I did acquire some great luggage through marriage.

Sent by Jen | 6:19 PM | 8-28-2007

I was diagnosed with Stage IIIb breast cancer in 1997 - I have just cleared my 3rd recurrence. My life list consists of life itself. I try to attain the attainable - I wake up each morning grateful that I have one more day. And with that, I have successfully completed the task on my list...

Sent by Cait Boyce | 6:39 PM | 8-28-2007

I never formally had a list, but there were many things I wanted to do before I die, and for the most part I have done them. They were: visit all 50 states (done), run a marathon (ran 3 or 4), complete an ironman (never again); get a doctorate (wow, I am a practicing scientist!); travel to Africa and Asia and do research over seas (Madagascar and Vietnam); have children, some natural, some adopted (have two, a son and an adopted daughter); go to sea. There is not much left on my list. I'd like to live long enough to see grandchildren, I'd like to go to Australia and Antarctica.

Sent by Jacoby Carter | 10:08 PM | 8-28-2007

Wow. The only way to achieve your goals is to write them down, check them off and (a must) hire a coach? How about love and care for your family, participate in your community, try to do no harm, speak up when you see wrong, etc, etc. The idea that your life is not fulfilling unless you write it down is nonsense. If you want to write a list, lovely. You don't need an aggressive "coach" to meet your goals and life a productive and happy life.

Sent by j. Bostwick | 10:28 AM | 8-29-2007

I have no interest in compiling a list, except to live in the moment. My 49 year old wife of 30 years has cancer, which has awakened us to the shortness and uncertainty of human life.

If popular culture tells me to make a list of goals, it will be written from the perspective of standing at death's doors and looking backward, thereby being invited to ask important questions. So, as a Christian, this would be my list: having the testimony of a good conscience, being in communion with God's holy church, possessing the confidence of a certain faith, living in the comfort of a saving hope, in favor with God, and at perfect peace with the world. How those things come to pass are a daily even that unfolds, and no further planning is necessarily necessary, or so I think.

Sent by jfreeham | 10:35 AM | 8-29-2007

I made a list of things to do before I die when I was 15 years-old. The list consists of three things. 1) Meet Dave Matthews 2)Have lunch with Jewel and 3) Marry John Heisler (a boy that I went to high school with). Although I have never completed any of these tasks, nor do I really want to at this point in my life (I'm 26 now), I do look at this list every once in a while and it makes me appreciate how far I have come.

Sent by Michelle Polcaro | 10:39 AM | 8-29-2007

Your program on the bucket list has set a new low for NPR. It amounts to no more than a promo for a movie and a long commercial for life coaching. Shame on Talk of the Nation!

Sent by priscilla dexter | 10:43 AM | 8-29-2007

I can think of little better than pairing food and drink with travel. Thus, on my life list:

* Eat street food in Thailand
* Eat lobster in Maine
* Drink cafe au lait in Paris

Sent by Jen Drake | 11:44 AM | 8-29-2007

The name of the book requested by one of the bloggers is "Authentic Happiness" by Marty Seligman. I love the diversity of opinions about this topic, which can make people quite emotional, and can awaken wonderful longings of all kinds.

Sent by Caroline Adams Miller | 12:34 PM | 8-29-2007

How is learning to fly unrealistic?

Sent by Nerd | 7:57 PM | 8-29-2007

Leading the BOOMERcharge, I retired this summer from fed. gov. My friend and I made a list: " I'll NEVER do That again." [1. work for gov...]

Sent by diannahorne | 9:16 PM | 8-29-2007

I've seen some nasty comments regarding Caroline Miller's appearance on the show. What's wrong with hiring someone to help you achieve the things you've always wanted to do in your life? Personally, I have trouble self-motivating and I know that I'm NOT alone. I don't understand how people can get their jollies by personally attacking someone who dedicates her entire life to helping people! Goal-setting is a profession (a growing one in fact) and anyone who is not open to getting help either does not want to admit they need it or they are really old-fashioned. Thats all!

Sent by CarolineFan1992 | 10:01 PM | 8-29-2007

For the woman wanting a book for her granddaughter, you might also think about Chris Peterson's A Primer in Positive Psychology. It IS a textbook, so it doesn't read like a novel. But it does give a thorough introduction to what's known from positive psychology research -- that is, research into what makes people flourish instead of flounder. Chris has 25 to 30 years teaching undergraduates and has been honored as a teacher at U Mich. So he has a pretty good idea how to write for people in your granddaughter's age range.

Another great book is Jonathan Haidt's The Happiness Hypothesis.

Sent by Kathryn Britton | 10:17 AM | 8-30-2007

There was a lot of discussion about whether or not to make a list when you are young. I don't think there's anything wrong with making a list young, as long as you are flexible enough to step back and evaluate your goals from time to time.

I have had a life list since I was in my mid-teens. I certainly have added to my list many times in the past twenty years, but I've only ever removed one thing: learning to play the guitar! I discovered somewhere along the way that I really didn't want to put in the time required to accomplish that goal.

By the way, my personal life list can be found on my blog at 12amusings.schinker.org. Take a look!

Sent by Debbie | 7:22 PM | 8-30-2007

I'm writing in response to the negative comments written about Caroline Adams Miller's NPR interview in which she mentioned coaching. To start off with, I am a successful psychologist/social worker, who has been in private practice for over 33 years, and I am amazed at some of the negative responses to Caroline's interview. As we all know, psychotherapy has been traditionally based upon a medical model of psychopathology. To say that this has not shaped the way clinicians view their clients speaks to a very narrowly-focused premise. The treatment and interventions of psychologists, social workers and licensed practical counselors have been based upon the premise that something is wrong and needs to be fixed. Coaching, on the other hand, offers a new perspective and a new way of looking at growth. Creating life lists can help people focus, give direction, and create a path towards fulfilling lifelong ambitions and hopes that otherwise could remain in the realm of just "feeling." Coaching can offer the perspective of hope and successful completion of goals without necessarily having to focus on past experiences or feelings that take away from the here and now approach that coaching can offer.

In essence, I am taking about bridging the gap between feeling and action, which is the goal of all psychotherapeutic intervention. It would be heart-warming to see therapists willing to learn from what coaching has to offer instead of feeling threatened about the economic pie being sliced ever more narrowly.

Sent by 32plus | 5:20 PM | 8-31-2007

What is really lame here is that Caroline Adams Miller ripped off 43Things in so many ways. From having a website built around goals to specific details like "cheers". While almost no one uses Caroline Adams Miller's website 43Things has over a million users. Why did Talk of the Nation recruit her?

The topic was great. Too bad your producers nearly blew it.

Sent by Jim Johnson | 8:18 PM | 9-2-2007

Hello,
I actually listened to this segment by podcast while I was on my bike a couple of days ago. My friend and co-founder of our website eLIFELIST are currently in the process of completing one of the major items off of our own lifelist, which is bicycle across the country. We are very close to end of our trip now that we are in California after starting on the coast of North Carolina on June 30th. We are planning on completing the journey in two days on Sept. 5th in San Francisco and have been having an absolutely amazing time.

Both of us have found actually making our lists public and sharing them with our friends has encouraged and helped us to check things off of our lists. The website we created a while back allows you to create, share, post pictures and videos, and browse other lists for any inspiration you may need for your own. We aren't as big as 43 Things but feel that our site is a dynamic way to manage and share your lifelist with your friends.

We find all of the attention lifelists have been getting recently to be really great and hopefully help people to realize some of their dreams that they may or may not have been aware of. We hope our website is just another tool for people to accomplish these things.

Sent by Brent Thomas | 10:09 PM | 9-3-2007