Cutting Room Floor

It's Taser Time!

Tasers have been on my mind lately; on the train the other day a woman was shrieking into her cell phone while the guy across the aisle blasted his iPod so loud I was subconsciously humming along to Journey. Oh, if only I had a Taser! And before you accuse me of being some sort of sadist or lacking humanity, let me pass the buck on to Rex Huppke. I blame his op-ed in the Chicago Tribune over the weekend for putting me in the mood to Tase (is that a word?).

I have a confession to make: When I saw a group of campus cops in Florida take a Taser to a vociferous 21-year-old student who was spouting off at a John Kerry Forum, I smiled.
I smiled a broad, uninhibited smile, one free from the constraints of political correctness and common human decency. And then I thought, "Hah! That mouthy, self-righteous twit had it comin'."
It was then I realized that, when it comes to certain people, I'm unabashedly pro-Tasering. And before you judge me, look inward. There's bound to be one person in your life, or at least someone in the news, who you'd love to see Tasered.
Maybe it's that relentless suck-up co-worker everyone gripes about. ZAP!
Or, perhaps, Kevin Federline. ZAP! ZAP! ZAP! ZAP!

Rex indulges his "inner mean streak" and comes up with some other good ideas on who'd he Taser at the Trib's site. And come on now, if we put aside all our righteous indignation for a few minutes, and realize that we're not talking about really hurting anyone, this could be a therapeutic (read: fun) exercise... There must be SOMEONE you think deserves a 50,000-volt wake up call?

Comments

 

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I hope the author of this is kidding. I couldn't quite tell. The whole situation wasn't funny and anyone who derives pleasure from watching our country devolve into a police state needs their head examined.

Asking a question, no matter how loud or obnoxious the question may be, is protected by our constitution as free speech.

Most of the people who laugh at it would be up in arms if the person had a point of view similar to theirs. For example, a pro lifer being tasered for protesting outside an abortion clinic, or gay rights marcher tasered in a parade. All these and the student asking a question are examples of free speech and police have no right to silence someone. So pardon me if I don't laugh with you.

Sent by notfunny | 5:04 PM | 9-25-2007

notfunny:
I think most everyone would agree with you 100% on the real-life Taser incidents. But, if there was any way I could have gotten my tongue any further into my cheek on this I would have done it. Rest assured, the Huppke piece is very much satire... and funny, too.

Sent by Scott, TOTN | 3:27 PM | 9-26-2007

I thought tasers were supposed to be used instead of lethal force. Now the cops are tasering people in handcuffs, people in wheelchairs, and pregnant women. Some people who are tased die. It's the cattle prod of the 21st century. Just think, they probably would have tased Rosa Parks.

Sent by Constance | 12:54 AM | 1-28-2008