Many moons ago, I went to Juilliard, a performing arts school for dance, drama (was there ever), and music. I was there for music, but I lived with mostly dancers for the two years I spent in the dorms. I've always been a petite person -- not tall, not particularly curvy -- but I've never been so aware of my weight as when I spent time with my sylphlike roomies, not to mention so aware of food, its pleasures and pains. I began to imitate their eating habits -- which was a continuum ranging from "kinda screwy" to "disordered eating." (That, if you're curious, ranges from an awful lot of Tasti D-Lite, to cigarette lunches, to ipecac. Don't ask.) In fact, one more stupid reason for me to keep smoking for an absurd number of years almost certainly had to do with how little food I needed as a smoker. Not an eating disorder, but not exactly healthy behavior. A British documentary chronicled the search for size zero -- and today, we're talking with the journalist that attempted it. How far have YOU gone toward slim? How far is too far?
Blog of the Nation
The irony of ultra-skinny women is, it has nothing to do with being attractive to men. This is a competition between women. Men do not find the ultra-skinny model attractive. A healthy, shapely figure -- not an emaciated one -- is attractive.
I have an older sister who is recovering from an eating disorder, and she will be the first to tell you that it still controls her life. She is constantly on the lookout to find flaws in other people's looks so she feels better about herself and she is on the verge of not eating enough to keep her weight down. She constantly compares herself to models in magazines and wonders why, no matter what she does she cannot look like them. Those forms of media are completely toxic and they instill false senses of reality for all readers about what real people look like and it is frustrating to me that my beautiful, smart, kind, and talented sister can only see that her tummy isn't flat enough.
Hi Neil - one solution to being obsessed with yourself, your looks and your weight is to ban women's magazines from your life and keep your daughters away from Disney programming. Magazines manipulate women into buying products they don't need by preying on people's insecurities and Disney creates the same illusion about what it is to be a successful girl - full of make up and impossibly perfect.
So stay away from the illusion of advertising and fashion and go out and live a healthy life -
Harvard medical studies indicate that low caloric intake increases longevity as well as other studies indicate that starvation or extremely low caloric intake for a period of time increases HDL cholesterol levels.
to the caller who is a bicyclist--
you clearly are not going about it correctly. i find that by eating properly and riding four, five hours a day, i can lose all the weight i want, and eat virtually all i want, or at least my reasonable fill.
and i'm no twenty-something--my racing age is 55, i'm a cat1, and have been racing since 1983. the only weight issue i experience is when, as now, i am recovering/healing from a crash that left me with a broken clavicle, and my mileage goes down, but my intake remains the same. but i know that when i can resume riding, the weight will come right off.
this caller really has his diet ALL screwed up. i eat a hearty breakfast ALL the time, and eat several times daily.
poor guy. he's gonna hurt himself.
I spent decades yo-yo dieting. My mother put me on my first diet when I was 12 years old, back in the 70's. I was able to successfully lose weight only with draconian measures. I finally chose mental health over physical health and quit dieting forever. I'm happier at 250 lbs, than I ever was at 140.
I heard about the child at 6 interested on going on a diet. I am very conscious about eating habits but I still like to eat everything even sweets. The more informed the kids are about nutrition the better the choices will be later like with anything else. So my concern now is to teach them that it's ok to eat a burger or a cake, but the first have to look where it comes from and the ingredients. Cookies with 5 ingredients don't have the same effect as cookies with 20 ingredients. I also talk about the different oils and sugars. So I do tell them that paying attention is important. The amount and eating habits is also important. So a good quality pound cake or a pint of ice-cream can last 3 days. If I decide not to eat cake I tell them because I don't want to eat sugar. But I never use the word diet because I think nobody really knows what it means. If one day my child would come home saying she wants to diet, I won't ignore it and say she looks beautiful. First I will look for the reason and then I will probably talk about things we could change together to make things healthier. I think ignoring this will make her go in a direction alone and probably go into mistakes. Like with sex and many other things about a culture, food is just as powerful of a tool. It's not a sin to talk about it with kids. It's reality.
My mother-in-law put a printed "diet" on my plate for Thanksgiving dinner and decided to tell everyone at the table what I cannot eat, but everyone else can. You know those homemade brownies have too much lard for me. My husband was silent and even worse I am a completely weight healthy woman with a normal BMI who has a rare neurological disorder and not suppose to lose weight until my body is stable cardiovascularily. Her daughter is smaller than a size four and I am a size 8... I guess double the "good looking" size. Well, since my husband refused to say anything, I told many other women in the family. So, over Christmas, I got the sorry-for-what-I said supposed compliment, "you look like you have lost weight". I came back with no I have not lost weight and I am not suppose to lose weight anger retort. What is a woman, wife, mother, daughter-in-law suppose to do to stand up for herself and for the real issue - we need to be healthy and we want to be loved?
I have two daughters entering teen years, so I am extremely interested in this topic. I hope that girls/women remember how dangerous this is for their health, for example internal organ damage due to continued liquid diets and not getting proper nutrition, not to mention the mental anguish. I am trying to instill healthy eating habits and postive self image in my girls... I hope the current mainstream society "must be skinny" ideals do not influence them. It's not easy.
I read labels, avoid msg, salt & corn syrup, sugar, sucrose, and transfats. I don't for example buy peanut butter, it has corn syrup and salt in it. I buy peanuts that aren't salted, and when I need a peanut taste, I pop a hand full of peanuts. I have south korean friends and in their church, each Sunday they have dinners that are wonderful, but few deserts, almost no sugars, they have a garden out behind their church, none of them are fat. They eat a lot, but not much in the way of wheat products--no yeasty breads. It's usually rice products. I once joined weight watchers, and I lost weight, but I starved the week day I was to weight in, and when I went off the weight watchers diet, i gained weight. My weight now, is considered very good, excellent blood pressure, and other vitals--I'm 69 years old, still ride bicycles, still walk a lot, do not keep soda pop in my home, do not keep high sugar, salt products in my home.
My five year old daughter and her five year old girlfriend were in the backseat of the car as we drove into town. Along the road we passed an overweight woman out jogging. Immediately the girls started in: She's fat. She needs to go on a diet. She's ugly. As the daughter of an anorexic, I know I had never mentioned the word diet, or fat, in front of my daughter. Our culture is permeated. This week's People magazine has an article about Miss America's fight with anorexia followed a few pages later by a story about stars who've lost weight.
It's crazy making.
It seams to me that the irony is not that the emaciated look is attractive, but that the emaciated look is really unattractive. Why do we keep saying it is attractive?
I work in the fitness industry as a personal trainer and I meet women all the time wanting lose weight. I try to teach them that its not about being skinnier but being stronger, healthier and being in control with their lives. Women need to appreciate themselves beyond the mirror. Understand your body and how food effects it. Food is nourishing for our body and mind and we need it to thrive. Combine with exercise and a postive outlook and you can find happiness.
I remember going on a particular diet one time and being very happy with the results. I lost a few pounds that were noticeable to my husband and I loved fitting into those small clothes that had always been hanging in the back of my closet.
Unfortunately, I had to spend almost all of my time and energy just sticking to the diet. As a result, I didn't get much done at work. I was always planning out every half hour of my day to see how much weight I could lose, and I was always thinking about how hungry I was and waiting for my next meal.
Point is, is that it took up my whole life! I didn't have time or energy for anything else if I wanted to be successful.
I started out as a normal kid - a normal relationship to food, normal size - With pressure to lose weight at puberty from my family (and a subscription to Seventeen magazine), I started dieting at 11- which led to fasting, diet pills, bulimia at 12, then binge eating.
So much of my mental time was devoted to obsessing over my size, appearance, controlling my weight, calories. The more I tried to control my weight, the worse it became,
for the last 8 years, I have been in a 12 step program for food, food addicts in recovery anonymous, based on alcoholics anonymous. I have heard so many tragic stories of how people have tried to lose weight, from bariatric surgery to having one's jaw wired shut. Worse than the physical damage done to one's body is the terrible mental obsession.
I lost 50 pounds, and have been at a normal size for 8 years now, but more importantly, the mental compulsion has lifted.
Wish men had been mentioned in this discussion. It's just one other issue gay have to deal with.
I used to be 240 pounds, decided I needed to do something. I started doing Kickboxing and Tae Kwon Do. It soon became an obsession, getting up 3 hours early to take dog for walk, workout then go to work. At lunch, I'd workout, then workout again after work. Granted, I lost 66 pounds and 8 inches in 7 months, but I looked horrible. I started out with a 40 inch waist, I ended up a 33 inch waist and 165 pounds. W I kept myself to a combo of South Beach and a Diabetic diet.
as it worth it? NO.
Some years ago I had malaria while overseas and lost a lot of weight I didn't need or want to lose... I would complain of being tired for no reason, and those around me would remind me of something I had done the day before that was in fact still making me tired in my weak state. None of my clothes fit and I felt I looked absurd. Imagine my surprise when I returned to the US and received compliment after compliment about how 'great' I looked. Many were surprised when I expressed my disappointment with being bony and all were incredulous when I said I was trying hard to gain weight and get back to normal. Our cultural ideal is to look quite unhealthy, which is not a good thing for a body or a mind....
I agree with Rob that ultra skinny is not attractive. I speak from personal experience -- I became depressed and lost about 40 pounds when I went through a divorce. I'm 5'4" tall and I weighed 95 lbs. I wore Size 0 jeans.
Physically I felt OK, did aerobics classes every day. I was totally gaunt. No tits. No ass. No curves. Who wants to look like that? Not me.
This topic is fascinating to me as well and I just finished a four page article on the subject. I'm still trying to figure out why. Why this is so ingrained in us, this ideal of ultra skinny and why we have all been so duped by it. Its deep.
I know it has a lot to do with the images we see all around us but something tells me its more than that.
My parents didn't do so much to dissuade me from that sort of behavior, but the few things that ensured that I never fell into that hole? A tabloid cover, with an emaciated old hag of 18 (I wouldn't have guessed!) and the caption reading "48 lbs... and I'm still WAY TOO FAT!" That made an impression on me that I'm not likely to forget anytime soon. The other thing? There's a "set point" where everybody is tuned to stay at a particular weight level; people who try to diet and end up ricocheting up and down (yo-yo dieting) just seem to have a stronger set-point control than others. Just as well, because some people aren't like that; the skinny girl at the office may just have a lower set-point for weight.
Hmmm. I'm listening to the program now.
Two years and two months ago, I was given six months to live. I was starving myself to death, literally. It had nothing to do with looking good to men (being a lesbian, I can say that with some certainty) and very little to do with how others saw me. It had everything to do with how I saw myself and whether I felt I deserved to eat, to be happy. Though I don't remember model-envy being a major factor in my developing eating disorder as a teen, I certainly remember looking at pictures of models, comparing myself to them and so on.
Anorexia Nervosa takes such a hold on your life... during my ED (eating disorder) years often 90% or more of my thoughts, without hyperbole, were devoted to food, weight, body image and related issues. The obsession took control of my life to the point where I was running 10-15 kilometers 2-4 times a week. I remember running a 5k race once after a 24 hour fast during which I ate nothing and drank only water and diet soda. Before the race began, I had a cookie and a protein bar. I performed miserably, of course.
Today I own a small petsitting business and support myself. As I post this I am eating a chocolate cookies and some crackers. I still often struggle with eating, but I've been able to maintain a relatively stable, if low, weight. Of course, eating properly can't repair the damage I did to my body. At 24 years of age I have osteoporosis, nerve damage, chronic vitamin deficiency, a diabetes-like condition which causes chronic low blood sugar and constant fatigue and weakness. Of course, I'd rather have all these diagnoses than the mental hell which is anorexia... For me it took three months hospitalized and years of therapy to overcome my disease. I only hope others can make it through as well.
Kate Spicer mentioned judging women who didn't have the will power to be as skinny as she was becoming. Perhaps these women are not lazy at all but simply far too busy to be absorbed with a starvation diet. My wonderful relationship with my husband, my healthy and happy children, and my career as a consultant are far more important to me than any diet. I wouldn't trade these baby-holder hips, stretch marks, or gray hairs for the perfect body any day. Kate Spicer's interview didn't make me a bit envious. Instead I looked around me and realized how full (albeit flabby) my wonderful life already is.
I find it interesting that men often make women's eating disorders about themselves. To me, this isn't about being attractive to men, and it's not about competing with other women, either. Assuming women are doing this to be more attractive or to be better than other women is disrespectful and disregards the possibility of a serious psychological problem.
I agree with the first poster. Being ultra-skinny is a turn-off for me.
Women today don't seem to realize what numbers DO matter (IQ, blood pressure, heart rate, LDL, HDL, BMI).
Thats too complicated! Instead, they assume (incorrectly) that their self-image is the value of a single number.(usually a single digit)
I wish more effort was put into middle school/high school education about this.
Healthy living leads to a lifetime of good health. Remember THAT when your 70!
I believe when Kate Spicer was speaking about other women "lacking the will power," it was the disease taking hold of her mind. People with Anorexia Nervosa can't think clearly and are constantly focused on food and image, so this comment Kate made fits right into the mindset of the disease. I also don't believe she was trying to make anyone envious, but was exposing the powerful control an eating disorder has on the mind. I applaud Kate for exposing a topic that doesn't get enough attention, I just wish she wouldn't have had to battle the demons of anorexia to do this.
I've been overweight as long as I can remember and I've been hassled about my weight by my family since I was about 6 or 7 years old. I can't even begin to describe how scarred I became by the hassling and I think it made me develop an eating disorder on the other extreme. For a while, I would sneak food and binge eat, of course making me gain weight and depressed which in turn made me eat more. It's a vicious cycle that I only started to get out of once I graduated college. (I'm 22 right now) Now I'm losing weight in a healthy way and for the first time I can say that I'm doing it out of my own free will. But it really sucks to be fat and be hassled about it as it's your fault and a consequence of some weakness of character. It actually made my weight problems worse. Its also awful for people that are actually overweight like me to see super skinny women that are obsessed with losing even more weight. There is definitely something wrong with our society and it's not helping the overweight lose weight or our society become any healthier.
I am actually struggling with this right now. I don't diet to look good for my husband. I am not trying to look like a model. I really don't think I can blame the media for this. I am 43,BTW. About three years ago I went on a very normal, cut back a little on the carbs and sweets diet. As I lost weight, it felt good to be getting thinner. I felt better working out, more energetic. (I started out at about 140 - 5'6"). Then, due to one of my dieting rules - no eating two hours before bedtime- and a busy schedule of taking my boys to baseball, tae kwon do, etc. I missed some suppers and I lost more weight. It felt even better! I gave up a real lunch too - just an apple or some grapes and mostly salad for dinner. Last year my family and friends started to tell me I looked ill. But this has become a lifestyle for me now. I weigh about 102-104. That may be as far as I go, but I can't seem to let myself put on any weight and I look forward to occasions where I can be out and about and unable to eat for some reason or another. I don't know why I am like this. I do identify with the control issue. I do seem to have pride that I am able to pass up desserts. I know this is wrong thinking. Crazy thinking! I used to look at women who were thinner than I am and think, "she's better than me. I'll bet she can pass up the chocolate chop cookies." Now I look at women who have curves and a little extra weight (the way I used to be) and think maybe they are probably more healthy than I am. I know there shouldn't be comapring myself to anyone. Anyway the crazy thoughts are my thoughts. I am addicted to losing weight.
This obscene obsession with women's weight is pervasive in our culture. It really came home to me when I had an infant daughter, after having three infant sons.
When my daughter was an infant, she had sturdy, substantial thighs. Some comments included terms like "pudgy." These comments offended me, but nothing disturbed me as much as what both her father and pediatrician said. They both said that she had better lose those chunky legs by the time she grows up. To both of them, I replied, "it is no wonder that girls develop anorexia and Ophelia complexes by the time they are eleven when they are told that they are fat as infants." And I forbid both the doctor and her father from every making such an inappropriate comment about her weight like that again.
My daughter has three older brothers. One was such a roly poly that he looked like a set of balls put together. He was adorable. Never was a comment made about his weight. Another had infant legs and thighs just like she had. Nearly everyone commented that with legs like that he would be a good athlete, especially in football.
As it happens, she can slug a softball far into the outfield assuring at least an RBI; she is a wonderful catcher, and can throw the ball across the field with accuracy.
Comments
Please note that all comments must adhere to the NPR.org discussion rules and terms of use. See also the Community FAQ.
You must be logged in to leave a comment. Login | Register
More information needed to participate in the NPR online community.. Add this information