My Way or the Highway

I have a zillion cousins, each more interesting than the last. It's a family tree too complicated to elaborate on, but suffice it to say I got to spend a lovely morning with about a dozen cousins from three generations on Saturday, and we had a great conversation about motherhood and careers. Sure, it's well-trod territory, but it's particularly interesting right now. Not to me personally -- don't worry, there are no buns in this oven --, but my best friend has a new son, and I know she and her husband have had to work out a solution for their family, and that what felt like a good strategy yesterday may not today. My cousins have all seemed to reach various happy mediums, and what's so interesting to me is that there is so much gray now. When I was growing up, either your mom stayed home or she worked. Dad worked. Period. My mom stayed home, and then volunteered in our schools as we aged. So that's the model I grew up with, but I'm not sure it'll be right for me. Nowadays women can work nontraditional schedules if they need or want to stick with their careers, and since women make up so much more of the workforce these days, some workplaces are actually changing to accommodate "off-ramping" moms. Whatever I decide when my day comes, you can bet my decision will be met with strong opinions. Think we've evolved past the "staying home is anti-feminist"/"working is child abandonment" debate? Think again... and if you're unconvinced, take a look at the message boards for TLC's new reality program, The Secret Life of a Soccer Mom. Chilling. Clearly, how you choose to raise your children is one of the most personal and important decisions a person ever makes, and that decision is bound to be wrapped up in passionate opinions. But why do others feel so free to critique that decision? And why can't we talk about it nicely? So, in an effort to be constructive instead of de-, what's the best advice you received when you were making this decision?

Sarah Handel

Tags: careers | child care | children | parenting | women