Today, when I got home, I discovered a
gristlygrisly, chilling crime scene. I am sorry to inform you of the sad demise of Cletus. He was a good fish. We have one suspect in custody, a male smoke tabby who answers (most of the time) to the name Winston. He appears unrepentant, and when he was asked why he didn't eat the victim, he turned his nose up and asked me if I remembered where Cletus came from*, but he was careful not to admit guilt. He is on timeout until future notice. The only small solace I can offer you and Steve, two of his nearest and dearest, is that you are clearly blameless in this tragic incident.
Sarah, Ben, and Sweeney
*Ben won him at a county fair.