Dear Brett Favre,
Signing with the Vikings after your second retirement, from the Jets? What the heck is wrong with you?! I thought we'd been through this already! Since you clearly missed my last missive to you on this account, let me refresh your memory:
Let me put it to you this way: As a kid, I was a huge Michael Jordan fan. I had Michael Jordan t-shirts, Michael Jordan books, and even got to see him play versus the Washington Bullets (it was amazing -- he had a perfect, length-of-the-court breakaway slam dunk that I'll never forget, though it was just another day at the office for Air Jordan!). When he retired, I mourned. But when he came back (I don't count his baseball year -- I mean in 2001) -- to Washington, no less? I despaired. Comebacks are rarely pretty. And Brett, if MJ can't do it, neither can you.
See that last bit? "Neither can you?" Do you doubt me? How did it work out for ya in New York (Jersey)?
Listen, Brett, I'm being nice! If you need some tough love, turn to Pete Prisco at CBS Sports to get compared to a cockroach and a pimple. Or maybe head over to Gary Myers' take for the New York Daily News --
I'm tired of Favre's act. In a way, I also feel sorry for him, not that he needs anybody's pity as he's about to make a reported $10 million-$12 million. He just can't let go of football and get on with his life. He can't find anything else that excites him. You can only ride the lawnmower on the ranch so long, I guess.
It's probably too late for you to call out "April (August) fools!" but boy do I wish this was a prank.
No really, I mean it this time, NO MORE UNRETIREMENTS,