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Next Week: Family, Money and Drama

4:24

April 26, 2007

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What happens when lending or giving to family takes its toll?

Source: -Mandie-

Hey there, my peoples!

I know it's been a while since you've heard (read?) from me, but we've been working our collective fingers to the bone preparing for our REALLY BIG DAY! More to come on this tomorrow...

We want to get you involved in something we're working on. In the works for next week is another segment with one of our amazing coaches. The topic? We're taking on money and the family, baby!

Do you have a family member on the dole?...Where one person (or more) in the family always seems to have a financial crisis? And the other person (or people) -- who just happens to be the most financially stable -- feels they have to support the others? (I'm tempted to write ne'er do wells but I want to avoid the editorial) Does it cause stress in the family, maybe among siblings who think one kid is always taking advantage? We've actually seen this scenario in the movies. Remember Soul Food or Million Dollar Baby? But, really. How many of us have actually talked about this seriously?

So, we ask...can you relate?
Have you been a borrower or a lender in your family?
Have your loved ones ever caused you to secretly regret your own financial success?
Or, have your loved ones ever caused you to feel bad for asking for their help?

Our money coach plans to take the dynamic of the Bank of Dad head on, so...
Have a question or scenario you'd like to discuss?
Want advice?
Drop us a line, and tell us more...

4:24 - April 26, 2007

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My family doesn't have too many financial troubles. However, I do have interesting experience with the dole. When I lived in Australia for about a year and a half, I was amazed at how living on the dole wasn't necessarily looked down upon as nearly as much as here in the United States. In fact, many people tried to find ways to get government assistance for illnesses, etc.

I'm not arguing that it is shameful to live off of the government or not, but it was interesting to see the stark differences between Americans and Aussies.

Sent by Steve Petersen | 12:00 AM ET | 04-27-2007

Yep, I've got a brother who always seems to be losing his job. He's a great worker, does a great job, but he always seems to clash with his bosses. (He can be a hothead.) After a recent firing he eventually ran out of cash and didn't take a job he didn't want though it would have paid him a good salary because he wanted to change careers. So what did he do instead of taking the job when the rent came due? He picked up the phone and called me and my other brothers. Of course, we all sent him some cash and told him he'd better take whatever job he can to cover his bills. He can also "forget" to pay back loans. Once when the topic of an old unpaid loan came up he said, "So why didn't you ask me for it?" "So, it's MY job to remind you to pay me back?" I asked him. Money and family can make things curiouser and curiouser.

I've borrowed (and repaid the debts) from family members too, but it's a rare thing. The thing I sometimes worry about is what will happen when it's time for him to retire? Is he going to be prepared? Or will he have to be working when he's 70?

Sent by Anonymous | 10:33 AM ET | 04-27-2007

Linked to this discussion is financial stability and education. One can argue with a degree more money and stability is not far behind, but what happens when you are the first one in your immediate family to graduate from high school and college? This is a personal challenge that others share. In the aftermath of getting out the slums on Ohio, my immediate family looks to me as a lighthouse for money and other immeasurable support. The hard part is I???m living in poverty. Not poverty of ideas and potential for future earnings, but definitely of the pocket. I live in NYC with two other people because my income is so low, and this seems to make no difference to my family back in Ohio. I am the one that made it and that???s it, end of story. I often feel guilty for even complaining about money to them because I can hear the contempt in their voices. So to answer you question can I relate, in more ways than one!

Sent by Treese | 12:48 PM ET | 05-01-2007

One of the best words I've learned to say is NO. As I've said to some "friends" and family members that I've had to bail out of "situations" a number of times that the word "no" is a complete sentence; no need for an explanation. It took years of getting to that point. Years of putting myself in unwarranted financial distress all for the sake of helping a friend or family member out. They saw I was a highly motivated individual especially been the first woman to ever graduate college in both sides of my family but could care less of what sacrifice it took to achieve the goal and the payback of loans that came afterwards. So it was my right to "help" them. As years went along and deep soul searching I found out that I was more of an enabler than a helper. I wanted to be accepted, to be "real." No matter what I did,I would only be seen as a quick buck to get out of a bind. I've had to part ways with a few friends and as hurtful as it was at that time, I felt a huge sense of relief when then left for their next target.

Sent by Anonymous | 10:33 AM ET | 05-10-2007

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