Two Sides to Every Coin
I was tempted to say death and taxes are the two constants in life. But, how do you go from there to a conversation about kids and police? Too macabre for my taste...
Today, we're bringing you a conversation we'd planned to have last week (technical problems -- don't get me started) about how to talk to your kids about the police. Let me say up front I am perfectly aware this conversation is going to push some people's buttons.
On the one hand, some are going to wonder why we are talking to parents about schooling their kids about keeping their cool. Why aren't we talking about how to reign in the police? If the police are wrong, they should be accountable, right?
Some will ask why we aren't talking to parents about keeping their kids out of trouble and teaching them to comport themselves in such a way as to not arouse suspicion? If kids are wrong they should be held accountable right?
Absolutely right on both counts. But then what?
Let me say I have a foot in both worlds, as do most of my guests. I have six police officers in my family; and I am of color; and I am a parent. My husband is a former state and federal prosecutor. Jolene Ivey, our Mochas regular, is a state lawmaker and her husband is a state's attorney (which means he IS a law enforcement officer). He not only deals with the police every day, but he also has the occasion to prosecute the police for wrong doing should the circumstances warrant. Sergeant Rosa Quintana is of course a police officer and a parent. And Kenneth Meeks is a magazine professional and a dad who has written a well-regarded book called, "Driving While Black." Millie's job is not just to be an advocate, but to help the kids she works with learn life skills, including dealing appropriately with authority figures.
The fact is I have yet to meet a minority parent or the parent of a minority child who does not have to deal with this question. There might be some, but I have not met any. I have yet to meet someone of color who has not at some point had to face the issue of being followed around in a store, stopped by the police, and addressed in a manner that he or she found disrespectful ... And let me tell you, that INCLUDES most of the cops in my family who have also been treated in a manner they felt was not consistent with how similarly situated others would be treated.0
I can also tell you that the level of violence and the potential for violence make the need for caution a reality for officers. I think Sergeant Quintana will attest to that.
Recently, we took a family trip to a wonderful aquarium in another city. We were all passed over with a "wand" metal detector, even the kids. Our babysitter, who was with us, found this offensive and asked the security guard why this was necessary. She was told that they had confiscated TEN WEAPONS -- including guns and knives -- that DAY. Was this true? I don't know, but who am I to say? So you can believe it if you want to or not, but this is a real issue. And we have to deal with it.
The Sean Bell case is a reminder that mistakes in some fields are unfortunate, but in law enforcement they can be tragic. As parents, our first duty is to keep our kids alive. And that's what this conversation is about.
And speaking of the police...
There is a very interesting issue of how local law enforcement is being tasked with helping to enforce immigration law. And, there's a case study right in our backyard. Prince William County, Va., recently became one of 47 local jurisdictions to participate in a federal program to deputize local officers to check immigration status. How is it going? Two views...
And, "Now What Do I Do?"
Our monthly visit with members of the O, The Oprah Magazine ethics panel on such crunchy issues as how to deal with a colleague who you think is cheating on expense reports ... a tidbit for you, the Rev. Rudy Rasmuss, a guest on the show who is part of the panel along with column editor Jancee Dunn, is the family pastor for Beyonce Knowles and her family. Were there recent nuptials? He was too ethical to tell me. Damn it!
Michel Martin
10:54 AM ET
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04-15-2008
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