NPR: Two Sides to Every Coin

Two Sides to Every Coin

I was tempted to say death and taxes are the two constants in life. But, how do you go from there to a conversation about kids and police? Too macabre for my taste...

Today, we're bringing you a conversation we'd planned to have last week (technical problems -- don't get me started) about how to talk to your kids about the police. Let me say up front I am perfectly aware this conversation is going to push some people's buttons.

On the one hand, some are going to wonder why we are talking to parents about schooling their kids about keeping their cool. Why aren't we talking about how to reign in the police? If the police are wrong, they should be accountable, right?

Some will ask why we aren't talking to parents about keeping their kids out of trouble and teaching them to comport themselves in such a way as to not arouse suspicion? If kids are wrong they should be held accountable right?

Absolutely right on both counts. But then what?

Let me say I have a foot in both worlds, as do most of my guests. I have six police officers in my family; and I am of color; and I am a parent. My husband is a former state and federal prosecutor. Jolene Ivey, our Mochas regular, is a state lawmaker and her husband is a state's attorney (which means he IS a law enforcement officer). He not only deals with the police every day, but he also has the occasion to prosecute the police for wrong doing should the circumstances warrant. Sergeant Rosa Quintana is of course a police officer and a parent. And Kenneth Meeks is a magazine professional and a dad who has written a well-regarded book called, "Driving While Black." Millie's job is not just to be an advocate, but to help the kids she works with learn life skills, including dealing appropriately with authority figures.

The fact is I have yet to meet a minority parent or the parent of a minority child who does not have to deal with this question. There might be some, but I have not met any. I have yet to meet someone of color who has not at some point had to face the issue of being followed around in a store, stopped by the police, and addressed in a manner that he or she found disrespectful ... And let me tell you, that INCLUDES most of the cops in my family who have also been treated in a manner they felt was not consistent with how similarly situated others would be treated.0

I can also tell you that the level of violence and the potential for violence make the need for caution a reality for officers. I think Sergeant Quintana will attest to that.

Recently, we took a family trip to a wonderful aquarium in another city. We were all passed over with a "wand" metal detector, even the kids. Our babysitter, who was with us, found this offensive and asked the security guard why this was necessary. She was told that they had confiscated TEN WEAPONS -- including guns and knives -- that DAY. Was this true? I don't know, but who am I to say? So you can believe it if you want to or not, but this is a real issue. And we have to deal with it.

The Sean Bell case is a reminder that mistakes in some fields are unfortunate, but in law enforcement they can be tragic. As parents, our first duty is to keep our kids alive. And that's what this conversation is about.

And speaking of the police...

There is a very interesting issue of how local law enforcement is being tasked with helping to enforce immigration law. And, there's a case study right in our backyard. Prince William County, Va., recently became one of 47 local jurisdictions to participate in a federal program to deputize local officers to check immigration status. How is it going? Two views...

And, "Now What Do I Do?"

Our monthly visit with members of the O, The Oprah Magazine ethics panel on such crunchy issues as how to deal with a colleague who you think is cheating on expense reports ... a tidbit for you, the Rev. Rudy Rasmuss, a guest on the show who is part of the panel along with column editor Jancee Dunn, is the family pastor for Beyonce Knowles and her family. Were there recent nuptials? He was too ethical to tell me. Damn it!

Michel Martin

10:54 AM ET | 04-15-2008 | permalink

Comments (Send a comment)

As a law enforcement officer in California I really appreciate Michel Martin's balanced take on the issues of local law enforcement and immigration and also young adults and the police.
Both sides make good points on the immigration issue, but it is my experience that arrangements similar to the one between immigration authorities and the police in Prince William County are actually detrimental to community relations and increase crime. They have essentially created a situation where illegal immigrants fear the police and won't report crimes or cooperate in investigations. It is extremly difficult to bring prosecute major crimes when victims and witnesses will not work with the police for fear of being jailed purely for being an undocumented immigrant. In addition, some criminals prey on these people knowing they will not report it to us.
The segment on youth and law enforcement was a home-run as well. It's important to remember that even though teenagers may be seen as kids or children, they can just as easily injure or kill a police officer as an adult.(http://www.odmp.org/officer/18641-officer-daniel-s.-bessant)
Another important thing for parents to remember is that if a police officer is interacting with your child, don't interfere, just let the officer do his job. We will talk to you at some point, but running up to a cop while he is searching, arresting, or even fighting with your kid is NEVER the right thing to do. I understand that parents are naturally protective and they want to be able to defend their children, but interfering with a law enforcement officer is a crime, even if you believe your kid is being mistreated. It can result in people getting unnecessarily hurt. Police officers don't know who you are and can react by drawing their firearms. (This is all from personal experiences by the way.)
Thanks for another very informative hour of radio Michel.

Sent by David | 9:42 PM ET | 04-15-2008

We, as African-Americans, must realize that too many of our youth are running around with guns and shooting at any and everything sometimes injuring or killing innocent bystanders. How then, can we expect the police not to be suspicious of them when they have to stop them for any reason. Many black youth are seen wearing slouchy clothes, caps and hoods on their heads and big coats, which does nothing to elevate suspicion. I don't condone the clothing because I think it belittles the appearance of our young men and it makes them look suspicious even when they aren't. Police need to be taught to behave within reason but they are human and they value their lives also. Among other things, better parental guidance is needed. From the viewpoint of an educator, our youth seem to respect no one but are always talking about someone disrespecting them. This seems to be one of the things that leads to so much violence. Yes, we need to make sure that police violence is stopped but we also need to clean up our own house.

Sent by M. M. Carney | 5:26 PM ET | 04-16-2008

Send a Comment

Comments are reviewed and edited by NPR prior to display. All comments will be read, but not all will be posted.

NPR reserves the right to read on the air and/or publish on its Web site or in any medium now known or unknown the e-mails and letters that we receive. We may edit them for clarity or brevity and identify authors by name and location. For additional information, please consult our Terms of Use.

E-mail this Page

Recipient's e-mail address:	» Up to twelve addresses, separated by commas.
Your e-mail address:
Your name:
Personal message (optional, 600 characters max):
Your NPR member station:	» List of local stations (PDF)
Are you a member of your local NPR station?	Yes No
Would you like to receive information from your local NPR member station? (see NPR's privacy policy)	Yes No
May we contact you with information about NPR programming and services? (see NPR's privacy policy)	Yes No

(Information collected by NPR will be used solely for internal NPR or NPR member station purposes and only if you selected 'yes' above. See NPR's privacy policy for more information.)

E-mail Updates from the Tell Me More Blog

Share Your Story

What would it take to get your vote? Share text, audio or video.

'Tell Me More' with Michel Martin

"Nothing is assumed." That's the unofficial motto of Tell Me More, the new Monday-Friday talk show with host Michel Martin. Grounded in lively interviewing and compelling storytelling, the program seeks to present diverse new voices, cross borders, challenge conventional wisdom and discover how other people think.