NPR: Consider this My E-Card

Consider this My E-Card

Thanks again to Cheryl Corley for holding it down so I could get myself back from Chicago and get the kids situated. They actually came with and took mad advantage of all Chi-town has to offer. But the usual horror story getting back here: a 90-minute flight stretched into five hours. It was not cute. Thank goodness for the apples I threw into my bag at the last minute from the hotel front desk. Yes, that is how we were living.

So the question is: should I send Cheryl a thank you note? Does this blog entry count?

I ask because the Mochas had a HOT conversation about the need/importance -- or lack thereof -- of sending thank you notes for kids' gifts in these modern, high-pressure, no-time-for-myself times. We got the idea from our friend Jeff at DC Urban Moms and Dads, who was a guest on our father's day show. He said it caused quite a ruckus on the site -- and quite a ruckus with the Mocha Moms. Guest mom Karen Grigsby Bates is going to tell us more in a minute...

We also took on illegal immigration -- the ongoing battle over whether local counties should enforce federal law and how far is too far. And we heard about a remarkable documentary, and got an all too brief update on the situation in Zimbabwe. I hope I wasn't too herky jerky ... a lot to think about...

Karen? What would you want to add? And do I have to send you a thank you note for coming on....

Michel, I'd say we communicate enough on a regular basis that you can scratch a thank-you note for sitting in with you this morning off your list! (Especially after a five-hour struggle to return home...)

I wanted to emphasize a few points after this morning's conversation. Some of the Mocha Moms seemed to think that Thank Yous could only be written on expensive, personalized stationery, and that was a reason for not sending them. Please. Some of the most cherished ones I have come from children with whom I've volunteered over the years. They didn't come from fancy families, there certainly wasn't a copperplate-engraved, personally-monogrammed card on deckled stock anywhere in sight. They're ratty pieces of lined paper ripped out of a notebook and written, with various degrees of legibility, in pencil. They might have a little drawing in the corner. And they say things like, "Dear Ms. Bates: Thank you for helping us with our newspaper. I think it looks better now. Come see us again! Your friend, Tasha."

Yes, I still have them. They mean that much.

Well, to rip off my elegant host: Can I just tell you? Thank you notes aren't a quaint relic from the Victorian past. Saying thanks on paper, even as children -- maybe especially as children --- teaches them to be mindful of others' feelings, reminds them to be grateful for the kindnesses shown to us, and (fringe benefit!) encourages the development of their self expression. I clearly remember sitting at the kitchen table writing thank-yous for birthdays and Christmas as my mother supervised while she ironed. Okay, I'm old and permanent press has pretty much relegated the ironing board to an occasional necessity in most houses, but thank you notes never go out of style. Especially to the elders. When Jolene Ivey said she'd raised five boys and taught them all to write thank-you notes, I immediately thought, she has raised kindly, considerate men and somewhere down the road are five young women who are going to get splendid husbands.

Here's how to make it simple: buy a box of cards and a roll of stamps. Put them in your desk drawer. When a Noted Occasion pops up, take them out, help your child write a couple of lines (or write them for them), sign, stamp, mail. Done.

As our girl Mary J liked to say, No More Drama.

Thanks Karen.

Michel Martin

1:03 PM ET | 07-29-2008 | permalink

comments | | e-mail

1:03 PM ET | 07-29-2008 | permalink

Comments

View all comments »

Add a Comment

Please note that all comments must adhere to the NPR.org discussion rules and terms of use. See also the Community FAQ.

Re: Thank you notes

With the environmental issues we face today, I feel that the traditional thank you cards/notes are environmentally irresponsible. Try a thank you email, phone call or voicemail instead.

Sent by Jena Misterka | 2:49 PM ET | 07-29-2008

Hey Mocha Moms: I too grew up in an immigrant culture when you could say thank you face-to-face. But now we live 3000 miles from family and I get tired of sending presents and I am not even sure they have arrived ( I have had packages stolen via the mail) or if the person liked it. Sending a note confirs its arrival and appreciation for the effort. And yes, children should greet adults - it is polite to be friendly!

Sent by Eileen | 2:54 PM ET | 07-29-2008

Thank you for the story on the deWolf family's legacy on enslavement.

I am a white woman who ancestors arrived post-enslavement. Usually, this group distances themselves from the reparations issue.

I, however, support reparations to be made to African American institutions from the US government and corporations such as Aetna Insurance, Fleet Bank (current holders of it), and CRX (transportation), and other companies who continue to profit on the capital accumulated on the backs of enslaved people.

Yes, the issue is complicated, but issues of justice and injustice in our nation are.

Representative John Conyers advocates a commission to study this issue. Isn't it time?

Sincerely, Tricia Mullen

Sent by Tricia Mullen | 4:58 PM ET | 07-29-2008

I have to weigh in on the "thank you notes" issue. My wife (luckily for me) is big on the thank you notes and has imparted that habit into our 6-year old daughter. For a period of time, she would not speak the words "thank you" to people outside of the immediate family. Now, to us that was quite unacceptable. No rude children in MY house, don't you know. :-)
Well, after digging a little deeper, I found out that my daughter was extremely nervous about saying thank you in front of her mother & I, but was very grateful for those kindnesses and if we turned away and didn't look, she would do it every time. In the interem, though, she was very quick to write very nice (and even elaborate) thank you notes for every gift and outing, including more than one to her kindergarten teacher. These simple common courtesies made all the difference. And to Jena, just buy note cards made with recycled paper.

Sent by JR in Cincinnati | 10:21 AM ET | 07-30-2008

My mom taught me to always say thank you and send thank you cards to relatives who send gifts. She says people like to feel appreciated when they give you something. If too much time passed before I sent a card, she threatened to call my relatives and tell them not to give me anything again.

Sent by JD | 12:09 PM ET | 07-30-2008

In recent years, I have mailed high school graduation gifts and never received a thank you note. My own nephew never said a word after I gave him a quilt I made. I brought it to the attention of my brother, but I don't usually make an issue of it. If they can take the time and expense to send invitations (solicting a gift) they should take the time and expense to send a thank you card/note. I blame the parents for not training the children properly---if the kids don't send the cards, the parents should. This happens with young people and their weddings as well. I think it shows selfishness on the part of the receiver of the gift, when they don't take the trouble so send a thank you.

Sent by Glenda | 3:02 PM ET | 07-30-2008

I am "pro" Thank you note. I have, on occasion gone through boxes of old mementos and whenever, I find one, (even from long ago) I smile whenever I think of the person who took the time to send it.

Sent by Nardeeisms | 9:53 AM ET | 07-31-2008

Thank you cards have been on my mind lately. I was raised to always send one for gifts (wedding, baby showers, etc.), but now in my professional life I'm also feeling that it would be "proper" to send a note of thanks. I think if you feel compelled, they are appropriate. If you don't, then don't bother with insincerity.

Sent by A. Hartmann | 4:41 PM ET | 08-01-2008

E-mail this Page

Recipient's e-mail address:	» Up to twelve addresses, separated by commas.
Your e-mail address:
Your name:
Personal message (optional, 600 characters max):
Your NPR member station:
Are you a member of your local NPR station?	Yes No
Would you like to receive information from your local NPR member station? (see NPR's privacy policy)	Yes No
Please send me updates from NPR.	Yes No

(Information collected by NPR will be used solely for internal NPR or NPR member station purposes and only if you selected 'yes' above. See NPR's privacy policy for more information.)

E-mail |
Print

E-mail Updates from the Tell Me More Blog

'Tell Me More' with Michel Martin

"Nothing is assumed." That's the unofficial motto of Tell Me More, the new Monday-Friday talk show with host Michel Martin. Grounded in lively interviewing and compelling storytelling, the program seeks to present diverse new voices, cross borders, challenge conventional wisdom and discover how other people think.