NPR: Taking on the 'Mochas'

Taking on the 'Mochas'

Producer Douglas Hopper is still in Mexico at the International AIDS Conference, and I expect we'll hear from him soon.

Our show Director Rob Sachs comes from Philadelphia, and as you might guess, brought us today's story about the battle over homelessness in the Rittenhouse Square park. Rob has some more background for you, we'll hear from Rob and Douglas a bit later.

But first, I have got to share some of the comments that have been rolling in about the Mocha Moms. Yesterday, we shared some listener letters about the concept behind the segment. One letter writer (ok, these were all e-mails) called the weekly segment "elitist" and "separatist," "too racial" in focus.

I asked the Mochas to give their take on this, to talk about why they feel that it is justified and worthwhile to have a segment that addresses the concerns of parents in general, but then also focuses on issues of particular concern to parents of color.

I am amazed. First I want to say that I appreciate all the comments -- even the nasty ones -- because you've all taught me something. I appreciate those of you who told us you understand what we're trying to accomplish -- creating a space to talk about the issues that touch us to our core, but which we often do not get a chance to hear reflected in the media discourse. And those of you who offered thoughtful critique, I appreciate you and I hear you.

One woman wrote to say it is wrong to assume that white is proxy for privileged. Lots of white people are struggling, too, and with many of the same issues people of color are facing.

A fair point.

Another dad wrote in to say single dads may get more love and approval than single moms do, but it's still hard for them! Don't get it twisted.

We hear that, too.

Here's one of my favorites:

You women are nauseating. All this blah, blah, blah, about being a black mother. Thank god I can switch over to the BBC when you are on.

Can you hear me laughing my head off?

Can I Just tell you?

I have never once received a letter from a mom or dad complaining that we spend too much time on stories about the history of the Pakistani Army, the violence in Zimbabwe, or the ongoing Presidential campaign -- things we talk about almost everyday -- and asking why we aren't spending more time on parenting issues. Not once.

And I have to tell you, I have eclectic interests, but there are a couple of shows at NPR that just do not interest me at all, but never would I say that these shows do not have a right to exist.

But somehow, there are people out there who think that spending a grand total of 17 minutes a week to talk about parenting issues is somehow too much, and that just because a subject does not interest them, no one has the right to hear it, or talk about it?

What's going on here?

Is the idea that the work of the home or of child-rearing just does not deserve our considered attention? Or is this about a deeper entitlement -- that only certain people's issues and concerns deserve our respect?

Whatever the issue is, don't get confused. The Mochas will be back next week ...

Michel Martin

3:09 PM ET | 08- 6-2008 | permalink

Comments (Send a comment)

I think the problem is that often it comes across as so much navel-gazing, an epidemic among certain middle-class folk of all stripes. I'm glad no one complains about spending too much time on Pakistan -- Americans need to be more involved in the world. They don't need more encouragement to create obsessive, misguided, child-centered lives.

Remember, "parenting" didn't even used to be a verb. Folks raised their kids without analyzing it to death and got on with it. Not perfect, but ....

Sent by Manythings,motherjustone | 7:32 PM ET | 08-07-2008

This attack, or criticism, on why Black Moms do not deserve a venue to vent on parenting issues kills me. I'm a Black Mom, a stay-at-home Mom in the San Fernando Valley, A dues paying Mocha Mom, in fact!!! -- And I've been chewing over these criticisms (fuming) ever since I discovered the show and read through the comments.

I mean, I grew up in what is considered the whitest, most middle class part of the Valley here in Los Angeles. I went to University, I've worked, I'm married. I had an eclectic set of friends all through my 20's & 30's - a' la "all the world is equal and should be color blind". And yet the moment I had to set up playdates for my 3-year-old son I was reminded to keep to my place in society.

No matter HOW much money my husband makes, or how alike my home is decorated to my neighbors, I am reminded DAILY that I am not the same. The whites don't approach you because they're confused if you're the nanny, or the doubt you may be educated enough to follow a conversation. This is UN-politically correct BUT - The Mexicans and Various Asian Moms have biases against blacks that almost cast us in a who's the most downtrodden minority contest. So ridiculous! There are many cultural racisms against Blacks, too, that immigrants carry over from their home countries. We have a huge Israeli community here in the Valley that treat Black People like a nuisance messing up the otherwise pleasant environment.

When my son was a toddler I could scarcely find any playmates for him. From the Parks to School. People are either pre-judging you, or subtly reminding you that you don't belong. (Ironically, in a community I Grew Up In!!!)

Tell me, how do you explain to a 5-year -old why he is not welcome for playdates or parties, when You don't really know why yourself???

Educated, appreciative and empathetic of any human condition, not merely my own, I was shocked! Then deeply, deeply sorrowful. But I was not defeated. I got tired of feeling alienated and isolated in my own community, in an area I actually chose to live in because of the cultural diversity! So, I turned to my own community for friendship & solace. My reasoning: if the Mexicans have the commonality of a language, a place of origin. If the various Asian groups have food and close community ties. If all these groups which are excluding me and my children have a little piece of something that is their own, why--in heavens name--not turn to my own community and find friends for my children that look like them, and form friendships with women that understand African American History & plight?

If you are constantly being excluded from the party, why is it more proper to sit and sulk and feel bad about this? Or to deny your heritage altogether so you can assimilate, running in a race you can never catch up in? I mean, GOOD GRIEF!!!

It's a Parenting Show! For people who have certain characteristics in common. If you are not Black, why not listen to the show so you can learn from it and feel empathy for the Africans American you encounter in your own communities? Maybe there's more in common there than you think. And if Parenting bores you, you are correct to turn to the BBC. I love the BBC! I listen to it all the time. But I need to listen to Folks talk about Parenting Issues just as much,(sometimes specifically Black parenting issues!!!) so I can navigate the community I live in as best as I can.

Sent by Ellen in Van Nuys | 1:18 PM ET | 08-08-2008

Wow, I'm really amazed that some one can really be offended by a 17 minute weekly parenting segment.

But of course that coincides with the quintessential American attitude that we only need to be educated about those things in which we already know. People need to do more reflecting on their parenting -- many are just doing; and not doing a good job. Thus, we have a generation of children with no interest in broadening their horizons.

I don't have any children, but this show makes me reflect on issues that my parents had to deal with and that I will probably have to deal with as a HUMAN! People should focus on the content, rather than the name of the segment.

I doubt that the 17 minutes you spend discussing parenting issues are disturbing the universe's equilibrium, but probably educating and blessing the radio audience with strategies and methods for raising educated and adept children.

Keep doing what you are doing Mocha Moms. And using one of the great colloquialisms of the 21st century -- "brush them haters off!"

Sent by Elan | 5:55 PM ET | 08-14-2008

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