Sandwich Monday

Sandwich Monday: The B50 Burger

The B50 Burger — as in, you won't live to be 50. i i

The B50 Burger — as in, you won't live to be 50. NPR hide caption

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The B50 Burger — as in, you won't live to be 50.

The B50 Burger — as in, you won't live to be 50.

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Ever since Eli Whitney invented the Beef Gin in 1793, hamburgers have basically been the same: an all-beef patty, eaten as quickly as possible. But now, new technologies are allowing burgerologists to expand the medium. Chef's Burger Bistro in Chicago has created the B50 Burger, with a patty that's 50 percent ground beef, 50 percent ground bacon. And then there's a fried egg thrown on top, just for fun.

Miles: This is the hoofed animal's answer to the turducken.

Ian: I really do feel like we're witnessing the beginning of something big. One small step for man ... OK, gimme a sec, I need to sit down.

Eva: Does this mean burgers are now 50 percent appropriate for breakfast? Good enough for me!

An optimist says this burger is half bacon. i i

An optimist says this burger is half bacon. NPR hide caption

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An optimist says this burger is half bacon.

An optimist says this burger is half bacon.

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Peter: If I eat enough of them, then I, too, will be 50 percent bacon, and then I, too, will be delicious.

Miles: Fifty percent beef and 50 percent bacon means I'm 100 percent ready for a nap.

Ian: It smells like a campfire inside my body right now.

Vitamin B50 is not part of a healthy breakfast. i i

Vitamin B50 is not part of a healthy breakfast. NPR hide caption

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Vitamin B50 is not part of a healthy breakfast.

Vitamin B50 is not part of a healthy breakfast.

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Peter: It's weird to eat something that tastes so strongly of bacon and yet has no visible bacon. I imagine this is what it's like to just eat a pig.

Ian: This is amazing. I give conventional burgers three years 'till extinction.

Robert: I give myself about three minutes.

Sandwich Monday Environmental Fact: If the Toyota Prius were a 50 percent car, 50 percent bacon hybrid, more people would eat one. i i

Sandwich Monday Environmental Fact: If the Toyota Prius were a 50 percent car, 50 percent bacon hybrid, more people would eat one. NPR hide caption

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Sandwich Monday Environmental Fact: If the Toyota Prius were a 50 percent car, 50 percent bacon hybrid, more people would eat one.

Sandwich Monday Environmental Fact: If the Toyota Prius were a 50 percent car, 50 percent bacon hybrid, more people would eat one.

NPR

Robert: Delicious, but the punch line falls flat. A cow, a pig and a fried egg walk into a bar. And I eat them.

Ian: This is so good it's distracting me from the World Cup distracting me from work.

Miles: I'm just glad we finally ordered from Dr. Moreau's Burger Bistro.

Note how the burger and the soccer ball are entering their respective goals at the same time. i i

Note how the burger and the soccer ball are entering their respective goals at the same time. NPR hide caption

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Note how the burger and the soccer ball are entering their respective goals at the same time.

Note how the burger and the soccer ball are entering their respective goals at the same time.

NPR

Ian: Now I understand what happened to that weird animal at the farm that kept saying Mooink.

Soccer Announcer Guy: GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOACON.

Miles: They make a vegetarian version, too. It's half black-bean patty, half bitter envy at not being able to eat this burger.

[The verdict: This is what's been missing from your burgers all your life. Fantastic.]

Sandwich Monday is a satirical feature from the humorists at Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me!

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