John Thank for your last 2 blogs. My interpretation of both issues, when can men cry and valuing humans more than animals, is that these are not issues of skin color but rather common issues to all humans. Thank you again for putting my thoughts into your words. To be sure my brief email is interpreted correctly, you have a fan in me.

Sent by Mark Siehling | 7:12 AM ET | 11-01-2007

does every damn thing have to be about being black? why can't you and your sons be "strong MEN"? Why do you have to make it about being black? It sounds segregationist to me? Why is it that the "black" middle class seems to want to perpetuate separateness from whites? Is it to perpetuate their own place in the hierarchy?

Sent by a guy | 7:14 AM ET | 11-01-2007

Thanks for turning a good story into one about strong, black men and for alienating this "white" father and listener.
Jacksonville, FL

Sent by Karey | 7:38 AM ET | 11-01-2007

Yes, a story like this was needed. This week was a tough one for one's that I could point to and say "see we are more than just thugs!" These important black mens time has just ran out. The economy is anyones guess. I encourage all americans to at least "thumb through" an issue of Black Enterprise to see what a lot of us are up to. I challenge African Americans to get a subscription. It'll change your outlook.

Sent by Kevin L. Johnson | 8:03 AM ET | 11-01-2007

Driver is every man's example. Black, white, or whatever, that piece should be seen by young males everywhere.

Sent by Jim Roloff | 8:55 AM ET | 11-01-2007

This point of view is really getting old, I felt like I was listening to the racist tavis smiley. So what if they are black, praise him or her for what you think they did right because they did it, not because they are black.

Sent by Chrsitopher | 9:00 AM ET | 11-01-2007

I was hurt and jolted when I heard this comment this morning: "Raised by a single mother, he makes some mistakes ... some serious mistakes." My son was raised by a single mother without the help of grandparents, aunts, uncles or other relatives. His dad was in a different state. He became an Eagle Scout, National Merit Scholar and is currently a 19-year-old college senior. Being raised a single parent is not necessarily a guarantee to problems in life as is suggested by that sentence.

Sent by Betty | 9:09 AM ET | 11-01-2007

It is so sad in this country when a strong black men like Densel Washington are only recognized when they play a thug bad cop. White man with all the ownership of production, publishing, and almost all television is still playing the game to their little children and ours that "black man" is a cursing thug. Notice all the movies where a black man may have an impressive role, they are the first to curse or get violent. They portray that blacks also lead the role in obesity, that we are ugly. Commercials, "very impressive communication" show blacks in this way, if they are beautiful, they are told not to look into the camera, only because they may land a role in a real movie. I can go on for days with "racist stuff" that the average black america looks over, but white america steadily work on all day.

Sent by Wille Mae Riddle-Wilson | 9:17 AM ET | 11-01-2007

Marlo Thomas' record album and book - Free To Be ... You and Me features a song called "It's All Right To Cry" - Music and Lyrics by Carol Hall, Performed by football hero Rosey Grier. The song tells little boys (of all ages): it is ok to express your feelings with tears and wash away the pain provoking those tears. Parents need to acknowledge and respect those feelings
to enable children to grow up being aware of their own feelings (not denying them) so the children will be adults who understand and manage their own feelings in a healthy way. Rosey Grier is no sissy when he tells us this.

[spelling corrected]

Sent by Len Finn | 9:22 AM ET | 11-01-2007

I listened to this entry on NPR a few minutes ago, I had to come check it out online. Mainly for the writing is style. I'd like to mimic this on my blog so that folks will take me for one of the smart types. LOL. Great entry.

Sent by Andrew | 9:26 AM ET | 11-01-2007

Great article.

Sent by Ann Nelson | 9:39 AM ET | 11-01-2007

John Ridley and his sons may want to read "Beat of a Different Drum: The untold stories of African Americans forging their own paths in work and life" by Dax-Devlon Ross. Not about strong sports figures-just "regular" people.

Sent by Susan Scott | 9:44 AM ET | 11-01-2007

Sadly, John Ridley is only feeding into the American mythos of machismo "real men don't cry"
There is absolutely nothing wrong with men of any color showing tears of profound sadness or joy at the appropriate time. It doesn't make them "whiners" or wimps or complainers. It makes them expressive humans.

Sent by Fred | 10:50 AM ET | 11-01-2007

Not only that, but a really *really* strong black man thinks about how he might be observed displaying emotion by children who don't understand about the whole family thing. So even though it's about his family, and he is tempted to permit himself a tear like some hysterical woman, he keeps himself from crying. That's real, real strength in anyone's book.

Sent by David Raine | 11:13 AM ET | 11-01-2007

Thank you for sharing that incredible moment between father and son, and for making this Strong White Woman cry.

Sent by Renee Marchese | 11:32 AM ET | 11-01-2007

I am looking for a link to the piece done on Donald Driver on ESPN. Can you help me with this and give me the link where I can find this?

Sent by William T. Cutts | 11:36 AM ET | 11-01-2007

Our country needs to hear this.
Simply put - thank you.

Sent by Mr.D | 11:43 AM ET | 11-01-2007

Mr. Ridley,
This is the first time of consciously heard one of your commentaries and I truly enjoyed it. We actually need some strong men AND women of any color these days, to shift us from our culture of entitlement to a culture of gratitude. I've forwarded the post to my son, who has a little boy of his own and another expected in a few weeks.
Many thanks.

Sent by Anne McCarthy Kennedy | 11:48 AM ET | 11-01-2007

Great column! Thanks so much!

Sent by Brandi | 12:06 PM ET | 11-01-2007

Yes, but how many of those positive, well-to-do, strong Black men are married to Black women? NOT MANY!! Perhaps their self-hatred has contributed to their falls from grace. Hmmmm...

Sent by BlackfemaleMD | 12:29 PM ET | 11-01-2007

Huh?

What's so weak about a man crying in public?

What's so strong about hiding your pain from others?

I know that you only have a limited amount of time to write each entry and I understand that whining isn't very proactive or effective, but making a blanketed statement like "Strong black men don't cry" is amazingly wrong-headed and unrealistic. In order for that statement to be true, you'd have to assume that every black man is a clone of one "strong" (?) black man who doesn't cry (or may be incapable of crying thanks to years of being told that it's not okay to cry...unless he's a "really" strong black man; that's okay according to the response you gave your son. good save!) unless it has to do with family.

Bare in mind I'm not a very strong black man myself.

I cried at a scene in the movie "Wit". The main character was left in her hospital bed with only her pain from her cancer and her fear of being (and dying)all alone; when she burst in to tears and pulled the covers over head because it was the only thing she could do to feel some sense of security/hide her shame, I lost it!

I cried again when I watched "Spike Lee's When the Levees Broke".

Please excuse my weakness but I was just wondering when can ANY MAN cry and still keep his masculinity in tact?

How about during an Opera?
A sunset?
How about when a man finally overcomes a personal hardship?
Tears of joy?
The realization that your dreams have been deferred?

Again, I wish to reiterate, I understand the gist of your message, "don't cry...unless you're in real pain", that being said, I really and truly hope that you expounded upon the overwhelming evidence that men, can and do in fact cry about a lot of things, and that it may appear that you're less of a man if you do cry, but it is also a hell of a lot more human to do so.

Sent by Tony Edwards | 12:38 PM ET | 11-01-2007

Thank you for relating that story about Donald Driver. Inspiring stories bring a tear to my eye, too.

And don't worry if your sons react a little tearfully to pain. They'll take their cues from you -- from your actions -- and be strong black men. My father (I'm white) didn't say a lot but demonstrated more strength in his hard, laboring man's life than I realized until I was much older. But I learned from it nonetheless. Not that you aren't a great dad. It is clear that you are.

Sent by Dan Hortsch | 12:58 PM ET | 11-01-2007

Great story...but couldn't be better? I won't re post the transcript of this story, but what I did, is remove the word "black", which including the title, is mentioned eight times. I also removed "brothers", "racial" and "Jena-six type", and then read it to my sons, and gave it to several other Fathers. My point is not to bring a racial point into light, but to remove one. We don't need emphasis on "Strong black men". We need emphasis on "Strong men". I don't want to encourage my son to be, "The best black man he can be", I want to encourage my son to be, "The best man he can be". I won't be-labor this point, but each time we teach our children courage and strength, we need to forge ahead the courage and strength of our nation. We do this by removing the forerunner of race, and teaching our sons not to be "Strong black men", because they are so desperately needed, but to be, "Strong Men", because they are so desperately needed.

Sent by Abijah Queen | 1:11 PM ET | 11-01-2007

Why is it acceptable to be a 'Strong black man' yet I would be villified for encouraging my son to be a 'Strong white man'.
Racism is racism whichever race is being elevated. You should be ashamed and so should NPR for portraying such beleives in a positive light.
Will I have to listen to positive commentary from David Duke now as well?

Sent by John Higgins | 1:18 PM ET | 11-01-2007

Is it only a black man who can be strong when crying about the hardships experienced by his family? Does that mean that if a white man or a Hispanic man or an Asian man likewise cries when discussing the travails of his family, he or they are not strong? Is masculine strength to be found only through the lens of race in how it applies to teaching our youth how to be responsible and compassionate men? John Ridley's comments to his son would have him lose sight of the fundamental thing that binds us all--our human condition. It would be a far better lesson if Ridley taught his son that strength comes through dealing with harships that are part of the universal human condition for both men and women in all sizes, shapes, and colors.

Sent by John Hummer | 1:57 PM ET | 11-01-2007

Thank you. As the white parent of an adopted black child, now 5 y/o, I view your comments as cautionary advice. Ironically I too brush off little bumps and scrapes but did so in the hopes my son will come to understand that life is full of little bumps and bruises and that we all must get up brush off and go on. Thanks to you spot-on insights I now see my actions in a far more important light.

Sent by Rick Kraske | 2:57 PM ET | 11-01-2007

Just a comment for the "white listener" and others like him who were offended or unhappy with your emphasis on ethnicity. Yes, it is a little tiring that so many things are given a racial spin in this sad world of ours. However, African-Americans do not have the luxury of finding racism superfluous. It is a part of reality that often impinges negatively on their lives daily. I think many people would love for ethnicity to be unimportant, but at this point in time it's not. It's another frustrating side effect of human society, we don't trust people who are "different" from us. Society is changing but very slowly, our ability to change is our one saving grace. Just for the record, I am not Black, I am Eurasian, but mostly I'm just another foolish human.

Sent by Anita Randall | 3:03 PM ET | 11-01-2007

A sports guy - what a weak model! As bad as praising the Duke queen of fraud and giving her a scholarship like one political figure did. What happened to praising folks who got an eduction and used it? John McWhirter, Walter Mosely? 99 percent of the young black students in school today will get ahead with street and school smarts not their backs in sports. Man what a oversite!

Sent by youngm | 3:43 PM ET | 11-01-2007

After reading the previous posts, I wonder where some of these listeners live. Everyone that read this article knows, whether you admit it or not, that black men have a collective bad image in this country. So for John Riddly to tell his young BLACK men not to cry at every little thing or to highlight a positive image of a BLACK man is needed. Things have not gone that far where we can ignore race in every day life. When you have hatemongers like Bill O'Reily and the increasing number of people who feel free to use a racial slur in public or leave a noose on someone's door, we still need to be reminded that African Americans male and female are productive, contributing, members of society. Some of these listeners need to get out of the dreamland they are in.

Just because you haven't experience discrmination does not mean is doesn't exist. An African American's reality is inherently different than a white Amercian's reality no matter how much money or education is involved.

Sent by Yolanda | 3:48 PM ET | 11-01-2007

Wow...what to say, what to say.... Mr. Ridley this is my first time writing a blog and so I'll give my first response...it was a great article! After reading the other blogs, my viewpoint has been challenged...not about your article, but moreso about African-Americans continuing to segregate themselves from other Americans. Whether we distinguish ourselves or not, will racism ever end, probably not, but I think that if we (African Americans) did more as "American" citizens the wall would begin to come down. In essence, we don't have to tell people...Hey! I'm black and I'm successful... We're the only ethnic group that does that as if we want the world to see our achievement. Confident people don't go around saying what they did...they just do it. There are confident African Americans that are doing just that...doing good things and not just in the name of being an African American.

Sent by April Ware | 4:46 PM ET | 11-01-2007

Many of you who read this column and listened to this story missed the point completely. Donald Driver's story is an inspirational one, and the author was merely pointing out that there are inspirational stories to be told. It is touching that you and your son were able to share a moment with your son. It is interesting to see people 'hating' on the story because Donald Driver is an athlete, the point of the story is not that he is an athlete, but that he was able to move out of adversity and succeed. The point of the relating story with Mr. Ridley and his son was not to tell you that he thinks real men don't cry unless they are talking about their families, but that real men do cry when they talk about moving out of adversity and providing for the families they love.

Don't just tune in/read the story ... think about it and then write down your comments ... think about them again ... then type them up and send them in. Thanks for the story.

Sent by Jennifer | 7:02 PM ET | 11-01-2007

I would like to thank you for writing this piece and I would like to thank NPR for airing it.
I understand some people's dislike of the use of "black man" and other "black" references but what they fail to realize is that being black is just like being Chinese or Arabic or Italian. Being black is being part of a culture.
I am a single mother myself of a young black boy and that is all I want him to be is strong, because whether people want to admit it or not...there is still racism today. Because they are of Caucasian decent or have a light skin complexion they do not feel the stings of racism and do not understand what is means to be black, especially to be a black man. Just read the short narrative "Black Men in Public Spaces" and it could be understood what a black man has to go through.
I thank you again for your piece and thank NPR again for recognizing that their audience is as diverse as the cloth of this nation.

Sent by Ashley Casey | 7:07 PM ET | 11-01-2007

Thank you John for your story. I listened to Morning Edition this morning as I drove into work. The story inspired me so much, as a multi-racial, single female, that I forwarded this onto my black and african male friends in my life circle thanking them for being in the world and in my life.

Sent by Amy K | 10:49 PM ET | 11-01-2007

Dear John,

You're article about Donald Driver was on the front page, and being a Driver fan myself, I had to check it out. I loved the article, and, despite the fact that I have a Spanish Midterm tomorrow, read for another hour and a half. I loved everything you wrote. Great reporting, a smooth read, and, most importantly, spot-on opinions. Keep up the great work!

PS - I read some of the comments on this article, and please do ignore all the morons who criticize you for calling Driver a strong, black man. Being black yourself, I see exactly why you clarified Driver as a black man and how it is necessary to the article. And, being white myself, it certainly does not alienate me or make me appreciate the article any less.

Sent by Max | 2:47 AM ET | 11-02-2007

I am very disappointed that NPR would broadcast such a commentary. To expect certain behavior based on race is called racism. To teach your child this is very wrong.

Sent by Rick | 8:22 AM ET | 11-02-2007

It seems the consensus here is "strength is strength". Agreed. Black, white, or otherwise. I took, as a black man would like to do away with black prefaces. However, we live in a time where young black men walk around with their pants drooping around their asses and their minds not too far behind that. They need to know there are strong blackmen out here reppin. Idealistically it doesn't matter what color a man is, especially not to the educated reader or poster on a blog like this. Yes, unfortunately we still need days like black history month etc. There is still a gap that needs to be filled. To ignore that gap will hasten the divide.

Sent by Kevin L. Johnson | 10:03 AM ET | 11-02-2007

I agree that boys should be helped to grow into strong men - which does not mean being a shallow feelingless cave man. Strong men, black, white, any race, or faith, should also not be afraid to cry when there is a damn good reason...As many men are.
One pet peeve I have is to hear the "raised by a single mother" line to denote one who had nothing, as if the two are synonymous, and either (amazingly!) made it, or as a way to
make an excuse for why someone is an abject failure. What about the criminals, failures and worthless bums who had two parents ? We dont look to them and that sole fact in amazement. What about the regular people, men in particular, who had just a mother, did just fine, and have nothing but a normal life to show for it ? I am a single mother of a fine young man, a regular guy. I take no special credit, nor do I blame that fact excessivley. Of course there was an impact, but it
has not, nor should ever define the man.
Tweefie Millspaugh, Baltimore MD.

Sent by Tweefie Millspaugh | 3:02 PM ET | 11-02-2007

I have two comments.

First, why a strong black man? Why not a strong man? Moral and emotional strength is needed by all men, and all young men need such role models.

Second, there is nothing weak about tears. In teaching that emotions must be suppressed, you are laiding the foundations for some serious issues to occur later in life.

Sent by Pandab | 3:19 PM ET | 11-02-2007

I think what John is saying is that as a black person you are going to encounter bumps and slights along the way. Some intentional because you are black, some unintentional(slips of the tounge or mind), and some misconstrued. You need to be tough skinned to know what about to fight (or cry). Life is tough. We all have our walks but my walk as a "white" man(although half-Korean) is much easier, all things being equal, than if I were not "white". Hmm is that a racist comment? The spectre of racism is pervasive regardless or your personal beliefs. So all you "reverse racism" claimers(I think reverse racism is racism or something) or "I don't see color, blah blah blah" get real. Stop lying to yourself. Live in the tension, don't deny racism and don't use it as an excuse or a way of life. John is and will always be a black man, he has a perspective that is different than mine and what's so wrong with that.

Sent by Tom Fullmer | 4:26 PM ET | 11-02-2007

Would the author have pointed out the strength in character of Donald Driver to his children if this player were white? If not, why not? Character has nothing to do with race, gender, social economic status or belief. I want my children to understand that they have the choice in how they respond to what ever circumstance that they find themself in. Who they are is located in their heart not their skin color.

Sent by Jane Blumer | 5:50 PM ET | 11-02-2007

I enjoyed John Ridley's comments on the Donald Driver interview. Driver sounds like a postive role model for any father to share with his son, black or white.

This brings me to my point. Why is it necessary to qualify a comment on what a strong man does by specifying whether he is black or white. I would never consider telling my son, "Son, a strong white man never beats a woman." If I did he would hear the implication that other men did indeed beat women. I think the modifier diminished the point of the commentary; which was that a true man protects and provides for his family and that it is ok for him to be emotional about it.

Sent by John Whipple | 11:57 PM ET | 11-02-2007

Truly, honestly, if I reported that I told my sons that "Strong white men don't cry", there would be a reaction. I am raising my children to believe that people are all the same, with different perspectives based on our life experiences. If John Ridley's sons choose to believe that they are no different from anyone else based on their skin color, it will be by denying their father's point of view.

Sent by Ron | 11:27 AM ET | 11-03-2007

You are completely backwards -- just perpetuating the culture of prowess that we see every day in black culture. The fear of being perceived as physically weak is paramount in a culture that puts a premium of strength. When a culture finds no strength in expression of emotion that culture is trapped. Trapped by a sense of self that includes the fear of being perceived as weak.

I witness to the fact that we in America have differing cultures that are delineated on racial lines -- my advice to cultures of any color -- you will finally be strong when you no longer fear what others think of you. I cry when I am moved, when I am sad and sometimes when I get a particularly bad scrape. I also know I am strong because no one's perception of me, be they black or white matters to me.

I pity your child -- because you will raise him to fear his own emotions.

My pop tried to do the same to me, it did not work.

Sent by Greg Tavares | 5:44 PM ET | 11-03-2007

Yes it is a great story. But, as long as black parents remind their children that they are different from everyone else then they always will never be a part of society.

Sent by Tom Gillis | 9:32 AM ET | 11-04-2007

Having just listened to John Ridley's commentary on strong black men I just had to write.

I am a 47-year-old black man, I am deeply distressed to hear that people are STILL passing these sorts of messages along to thier male children. I can say without reservation that being a "strong black man" has nothing to with my having an occasional good cry at the movies.

Until this morning I had admired Mr. Ridley's rye observations, but this peak under his curtain has altered my thinking.

Let's put aside for a moment the notion that children are autonomous persons entitled to develop their own emotional life shaped partly by the values of their parents. Let's also put aside the fact that this creaky idea of the unemotional male is a leftover of a patriarchal society. A patriarchy responsible for among other things having created the notion of racial superiority and an intractable system that insists that men and women occupy rigid roles.

The most damaging component is the emotional shaming that many men work their adult lives to overcome. After all, "Men don't cry" lives right next door to "men don't feel...too much, or too strongly."

I believe that the vitally important human tools from which strength is derived are compassion, empathy, and self-acceptance.

These better gifts to pass on to one's children instead of saddling them with their father's hang-ups about his own masculine identity.

Sent by reggie | 2:41 PM ET | 11-06-2007

Delete all references to race, ethnicity, etc. and you have a good story.

Sent by kevin | 10:53 AM ET | 11-07-2007

It's incredibly depressing to me that you as a father choose to tell your little boys that crying when they're hurt is weak, but it's okay to shed a single tear when they're talking about their wives and children.

Are you kidding me? What do you think you're doing to your sons, man? You think they're going to thank you for this? They're going to grow up and be 36 and crying on some shrink's couch about how their marriage just fell apart because they were clinically unable to show any emotion.

I find it shocking, horrifying, heartbreaking that you're *proud* that you're doing this to your baby boys.

That's not good parenting. Sorry to judge you flat-out like that. But it's not.

Sent by Emma | 9:01 PM ET | 11-07-2007