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A Budweiser sign sits atop one of the buildings at the Anheuser-Busch brewery in St. Louis.

The Belgians own Bud. What's next?

Jeff Roberson/AP

As a native of Milwaukee, Wis. -- the beer capital of America -- and as a former employee of the Miller Brewing Co., I think I can unilaterally declare I have a unique perspective on InBev (could it sound more Belgian?) buying up Anheuser-Busch (could it sound more American? I mean, really, for this piece I wish it sounded more American).
Satirical, hyperbolic headlines aside -- and apart from my belief that guys named some variation of Bush always end up smelling like a rose -- the $52 billion InBev/AB deal, while massive, is about the least consequential thing going on in the world that doesn't involve the Jonas Brothers.

Seriously, does it matter who's "controlling" -- the media's throwing around that word a lot -- the beer Bubba chugs while he's getting sloshed at the infield of a NASCAR ... race, meet, game ... whatever it's called while screaming, "I love you, Travis Kvapil! I loooove you!" And, no, I'm not an arrogant elitist.

Still, the mortgage crisis continues. The war in Afghanistan is heating up. Favre may come back to the Pack. But with all that going on how much you wanna bet the day won't pass before some junior representative from Missouri introduces a non-binding resolution condemning the sale of our good American beer to those Belgians. Were they even in the Coalition of the Willing, or did they just let us go off and fight the War on Terror(ism) while they plotted to make an international beer run.

Again, satire.

Except for that non-binding resolution part.

I swear by my flag lapel pin somebody's gonna make this deal into a populist war cry, mount up some Clydesdale and ride to economic war to protect "the little guy" from having his brew stolen. I can imagine Lou Dobbs slipping into his chain mail now.

It ain't pretty.

Now, AB isn't the first major American brewery to get snatched up by "foreigners." Over the years Miller's been swapped around like an empty can among South African Breweries before finally teaming up with some Canadians to form a joint venture called MillerCoors. Now, recall ... this past July 4th, was your patriotic binging at all affected by this multinational distribution of booze power, or did you just come around to an all-American Mother of all Hangovers?

So, go on Mr. Small District government representative. Go on and get your 15 minutes of C-SPAN fame blustering on this one. But save your truly righteous indignation for something worthy of ... getting indignant about.

One day they will come for our Lunesta. That is when we will have to stand and fight.

6:10 - July 14, 2008

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