Sarah Palin: Day 26 and Almost Ready

The Sarah Palin joke must end. Palin herself might be a wonderful person, a great (hockey) mom and a terrific moose hunter. Be that as it may, the Team McCain orchestrated Palin U.N. visit was vintage Saturday Night Live satire except that it was meant to be serious.
The very idea that an hour with this world leader, ten minutes with that one, somehow amounted to substantive foreign affairs-only speaks to the desperation of a candidate at the top of the ticket. A guy who, in the middle of the worst economic crisis in generations flips between stating the economic fundamentals are solid before flopping a mere three hours later with the acknowledgement the nation is in a meltdown.

But I guess, for Sarah, when your only previous foreign relations experience is being able to gander at Russia from your lawn and a single trip abroad, experience by osmosis is not so ludicrous.

Although we can't really be sure.

Pool reporters were supposed to be allowed to take pictures -- just some sweet, little hang-'em-on-the-fridge-photos -- of Sarah's big day with the "old boys club." Only, last minute, Team McCain decides to pull the pool reporters for fear they might accidently hear Sarah speak on something -- to express an opinion that wasn't focus-group tested and talking-point ready.

From the LA Times regarding Palin's sit-down with Afghan President Hamid Karzai:

"The pool of reporters, which was to include a television crew, was supposed to be in the room for a few moments -- just to capture the opening of Palin's meetings. But when the campaign announced that even the pool television producer -- who is charged with capturing editorial content for the five networks -- would not be permitted in the room, the networks threatened to pull their cameras from Palin's events today."

Eventually, the campaign relented and allowed a CNN producer into the room for the meetings. But there were no wire service reporters or print reporters present for the first meeting, with Karzai.

According to the pool report from the CNN producer allowed into Karzai's hotel suite, Palin was seated a few feet from Karzai; seated slightly behind her were foreign policy advisors Steve Biegun and Randy Scheunemann.

Two policy advisers backing her up. She and President Karzai talked about his son.

Well, clearly we're in good hands.

On August 29, John McCain promised us a candidate who was ready on day one to be VP. It's been 26 days and counting and Palin has yet to hold a press conference. This from a presidential candidate who claims his administration will be more open and transparent than the most previous. I think about now Dick Cheney's in his undisclosed secret bunker going: "C'mon, go siddown with Michelle Malkin. She'll give you a foot massage."

But, no, we get nothing from the Alaskan Sphinx. The clock is literally ticking. The conversation about the effectiveness of being a hockey mom VP is fading into so many yesterdays. Like a reveler showing up to the party late, Sarah is just getting up to speed on world affairs and the conversation has already turned domestic.

I image she'll have that the economy down around, oh, Nov. 5 or so.

11:18 PM ET | 09-23-2008 | permalink | trackbacks (0)

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How Bad is 'Uppity'?

Republican Rep. Lynn Westmoreland of Georgia has said he didn't know "uppity" had an offensive connotation.

Pablo Martinez Monsivais/AP

Awhile back I wrote a piece about Karl Rove referring to Barack Obama as "arrogant" and asserted that when the Roves of the world use that word around Obama, what they really mean is "uppity."

As to be expected, there were those who've never had to decode codification who took the stance that sometimes arrogant just means arrogant.

Sure.

And sometimes eggplant just means eggplant.

Be that as it may, the arrogant/uppity debate is now moot, as there seems to be a spate of folks quitting the euphemisms altogether and going straight for the pejorative. Over the few last weeks, we've had U.S. Rep. Lynn Westmoreland, a Georgia Republican, refer to the Obamas — both Barack and Michelle — as uppity, and had Rick Goddard, a GOP congressional candidate in Georgia, use the same word to describe MSNBC reporter Ron Allen. Goddard used the word in reference to a slightly testy interview Allen conducted with Newt Gingrich at the bastion of diversity that was the Republican National Convention.

The word "uppity" has a long and ugly history, and was usually part of a two-word phrase that roughly ran: "uppity n*gger."

Of course, now that the word is out there, uppity's got its defenders, too. They say that since it can be directed toward anyone of any race, it can't be offensive exclusively to people of color. Except, really, how many times do you hear the word used in conjunction with a white person? White people are supposed to have ego and ambition, so they can't possibly be uppity. It's minorities who have the temerity to want to rise above their station.

And it's journalists of color who have the nerve to ask conservatives tough questions.

Though unapologetic for the use of the word, Westmoreland says he didn't know that uppity had an offensive connotation. A difficult claim to believe coming from a 58-year-old man who grew up in the segregated South. I'm reminded of Jesse Jackson's dismay when he was informed that it's inappropriate to refer to New York City as "Hymietown." Who'd have thought?

Westmoreland's final fallback position is the same as most who refuse to either man up and apologize or just get honest and admit they're bigoted: Webster's. Westmoreland says that because there is a dictionary definition for "uppity," people's sensitivity to the word is overdone.

I would point out there are also dictionary definitions for "coon" and "tar baby" and "macaca."

And there is also a dictionary definition for "cracker." So I'm sure neither Westmoreland nor Goddard would take offense if I refer to them as one.

5:00 PM ET | 09-16-2008 | permalink | trackbacks (0)

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One More Thing: Please, Apple, No More Special Events

Except for World War II-era soldiers lost on desert islands and people who think Zunes are the height of cool, I don't have to tell anyone what special events Apple Special Media Events have turned into.

Tech writers are herded like sheep into a Bay Area venue, where they wait for Apple CEO Steve Jobs to bestow upon them some Clarke-ian magiclike scientific device. These events often end with a final tease from Jobs of "One more thing..." before he wows with a last, fantastic toy. Among the gifts handed down from the Infinite Loop Olympus: the amazing iPod and the revolutionary iPhone.

But as fabled as these Special Events have been, they are starting to become decidedly routine. A prime example is Tuesday's Apple "Let's Rock" Special Event that yielded ... not much of anything special: some new iPod Nanos that were most spectacular in that they did a 180-degree from last year's shortened form factor. A slightly updated iTunes music store that debuted an in-house version of the freakishly cool Pandora. And NBC Universal returning to the Apple fold after making a big show of pulling its content from iTunes in favor of the Hulu Web site that it co-owns with News Corp. and that you never heard of before.

And while all that is nifty if you happen to dig Apple products — just to let you know where I stand, I'm writing this on my MacBook Air — none of that is really stop-the-presses material. To the point, before the event Apple was doing some arm twisting with the tech media, trying to get them to "please" come with promises of something truly special to be revealed. I'm guessing more than a few tech writers are feeling a bit played.

The problems with Apple and its Special Events are multiple. Foremost is that Apple is a victim of its own success. Tiny digital media players with full-color screens and accelerometers might be light-years beyond the competition, but for MacAddicts such refreshes have become commonplace. If Apple isn't presenting something on beyond the iPhone, all else seems Dullsville. And Apple's fan base is so, well, fanatic, there are a bunch of Web sites more dedicated to vetting Apple rumors than John McCain was to vetting Sarah Palin. Pictures of the new iPod and specs for Version 8 of iTunes were on the Web days before the event. All of that kinda takes the surprise out of the surprise party.

But more than anything, I for one am becoming Special Event fatigued. After all, if every Apple event is special, how can any of them be unique? When Apple finally comes out with a tablet computer, by all means Special Event away. But in the meantime, I think an old-fashioned press release'll do fine.

One more thing... Considering the recent roll-out issues that Apple's had — the MobileMe fiasco and the iPhone that drops calls more often than [insert pop culture reference here] — I'll take an ordinary event with a product that works over another rushed Special Event any day.

Unless it's an ultraportable tablet. Then just give it to me buggy, and firmware me later.

4:18 PM ET | 09-10-2008 | permalink | trackbacks (0)

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Your Pocket Guide To Speaking Palinguage (Vol. 1)

Up in the Twin Cities, folks are speaking a new language. Or, should I say Palinguage. It sounds sorta familiar because it's Latin based. But different from the plain English we're used to speaking, in Palinguage recognizable words take on new meanings.

Won't you take a moment to learn some Palinguage? Here are some of my helpful tips, a version of which appeared here earlier today.

REPEAT THE FOLLOWING:

If you're a minority and you're selected for a job over more qualified candidates you're a "token hire."

If you're a conservative and you're selected for a job over more qualified candidates you're a "game changer."

If you live in an urban area and you get a girl pregnant you're a "baby daddy."

If you're the same in Alaska you're a "teen father." (Actually, according to your own MySpace page you're an F'n redneck that don't want any kids, but that's too long a phrase for the evil liberal media to take out of context and flog morning, noon and night.)

Black teen pregnancies? A "crisis" in black America.

White teen pregnancies? A "blessed event."

If you grow up in Hawaii you're "exotic."

Grow up in Alaska eating moose burgers, you're the quintessential "American story."

Similarly, if you name your kid Barack, you're "unpatriotic."

Name your kid Track, you're "colorful."

If you're a Democrat and you make a VP pick without fully vetting the individual, you're "reckless."

A Republican who doesn't fully vet is a "maverick."

If you say that for the "first time in my adult lifetime I'm really proud of my country," it makes you "unfit" to be first lady.

If you are a registered member of a fringe political group that advocates secession, that makes you the governor's "first dude."

A DUI from 20 years ago is "old news."

A speech given without proper citation from 20 years ago is "relevant information."

And, finally, if you're a man and you decide to run for office despite your wife's recurrence of cancer, you're a "questionable spouse."

If you're a woman and you decide to run for office despite having five kids including a newborn... Well, we don't know what that is 'cause THAT'S NOT A FAIR QUESTION TO ASK.

Got some Palinguage? Let me know.

9:30 PM ET | 09- 3-2008 | permalink | trackbacks (0)

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