We gathered our esteemed panel of fashionistas and fashionistos to critique the spectacular costumes of the figure skaters in Vancouver. First up, Johnny Weir:
Doug Berman: It's working. The outfit is distracting them from his mullet.
Ian: It looks like a My Little Pony did stomach surgery on The Crow.
Mike: No, someone Tauntauned Edward Scissorhands.
Peter: No, the pink thing is a parasitical fungus that whispers encouragement to him, in return for getting to ingest thrown teddy bears.
Next up, Japan's Takahiko Kozuka...
Eva: Canadian customs will let anything through.
Peter: I also own that shirt.
Ian: And you look good in it. But this is going to end badly when Takahiko thinks he can fool actual tigers into thinking he's one of them.
Intern Christine: He's making that face because he's being eaten by a python, skate-first.
Now, the Swiss pairs team, Antoine Dorsaz and Anais Morand...
Ian: I bet they were really embarrassed when they both showed up wearing that.
Eva: Somewhere, there's a suspender-shaped hole in somebody's Burberry drapes.
Peter: Who cares about the plaid suspenders?? What's really weird is her skates seem to be growing directly out of her feet.
Ian: That's how she knew she should be a skater, Peter.
Next, Samuel Contesti, of Italy...
Ian: I'd heard a lot of male figure skaters were hobosexual.
Mike: Granny said Jethro would hit the big time if he could just land that quad.
Peter: Somewhere, a farmer is slopping the hogs while wearing a chartreuse body stocking.
And finally, Belgium's Kevin van der Perren...
Eva: Black is slimming. So are skeletons.
Mike: For Halloween he was Elvis Stojko.
Ian: Wait, this is just a still from "The Karate Kid on Ice."
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