Of the many things awaiting me at home in West Virginia over the holidays—family, the spirit of giving, the all-you-can-mine coal—there is nothing I look forward to more than daily trips to Tudor's Biscuit World. The chain is mostly unique to West Virginia, but I understand they've expanded to Virginia, which means there is now a reason to visit Virginia.
I picked up the final Tudor's Biscuit of my trip on the way back to Chicago.
REMEMBER: Always keep your hands at 10 and Sandwich.
REMEMBER: Always keep your hands at 10 and Sandwich. NPR
Tudor's sandwiches are variations on this theme: meat of your choice, egg, american cheese, hash brown potato patty, and possibly a layer of lard, on a gigantic biscuit. They're all named after WV sports teams, depending on the meat you choose. The Thundering Herd, for instance, has a sausage patty, the Mountaineer has country ham. I chose the Golden Eagle, which I believe has golden eagle meat.
It may seem as if this sandwich is really well-lit, but it's not. It gives off its own, warming light. Another benefit: the high fat content leaves you feeling like you just put on lip balm. Animal-flavored lip balm.
As you can see, Tudor's recently gave away a truck. It was topped with a hash brown potato patty and served on a warm buttermilk biscuit.
As you can see, Tudor's recently gave away a truck. It was topped with a hash brown potato patty and served on a warm buttermilk biscuit. NPR
I regret that I could not bring along the rest of the Sandwich Monday crew with me to West Virginia, but to make it up to Peter, Eva, Mike, and Robert, I made sure to eat at least one Tudor's Biscuit for each of them. You're welcome, guys. (True story: I once tried to bring home a Golden Eagle and a Mountaineer, but when I reheated them in the microwave, they came out tasting just like peanut butter. I choose not to question what this means.)
Don't worry. Ian's other eye is on the road, we promise.
Don't worry. Ian's other eye is on the road, we promise. NPR
In 2010, West Virginia ranked as the fourth fattest state in the union. On the bright side, my research tells me it ranks as the first most delicious state. Also, after eating there, I, Ian Chillag, now rank as the third fattest state. Watch out, Mississippi! Here I come!
[The verdict: seriously, this is my favorite food in the world. I have considered opening a franchise in Chicago but I do not trust myself to keep from eating the inventory. If you are within an hour of a Tudor's Biscuit franchise, go and get one. I recommend the Golden Eagle, which for the record, does not actually have golden eagle meat. It has Canadian Bacon.]