On the off chance you'd like it open-faced.
On the off chance you'd like it open-faced. NPR
Arch West, creator of Doritos, died last week at the age of 97. His family will reportedly toss Doritos over his funeral urn before covering it with dirt. In acknowledgment of Mr. West and his great invention, we thought we'd devote today to the Doritos Sandwich. There are a number of recipes out there — one calls for peanut butter, jelly, and Doritos — but we went with the simpler Doritos and Miracle Whip on Wonder Bread.
Eva: The Miracle Whip makes it horrible.
Peter: It's not the Doritos' fault. It's never the Doritos' fault.
Ian: Yeah. Just think, without Arch West, we'd just be eating Miracle Whip on white bread right now.
Mike: Here's the thing about Doritos: if all you have in your house is Doritos and white bread, you don't make a sandwich. You just eat Doritos.
Robert: And use the white bread as a coaster.
Ian: I'm guessing if all you have in your house is Doritos and white bread, you're not a coaster person.
Eva sculpts the mysterious Doritos Sandwich Ball.
Eva sculpts the mysterious Doritos Sandwich Ball. NPR
Eva: One recipe says you can just mash it into a ball, if you need to take it to go.
Mike: It looks like a Doritos Pod. Is this where Doritos come from?
Ian: Finally, a ball for people who aren't good at sports.
A look inside the mysterious Doritos Sandwich Ball.
A look inside the mysterious Doritos Sandwich Ball. NPR
Eva: It's got a great crunch, but it's still horrible.
Peter: It's the Marni Nixon of sandwiches. Nobody wants to look at it but it sounds great.
Robert: I'd like to thank Arch West for all these memories and empty calories.
Mike: I guess you could say what lies before us are his crumb-ains.
Ian: Ashes to ashes, orange dust to orange dust.
[The verdict: as a sandwich, it's not the best. This proves, I like to think, that Arch West created something that couldn't be improved upon: it's best in its essential form. It may also prove that Miracle Whip is kind of gross, but that's for another day.]