Wait Wait ... Don't Tell Me!

The Wait Wait Snack Pack

A weekend installment of the online play-at-home news quiz.

1.) Ex-Godfather's Pizza CEO Herman Cain, the leading GOP presidential contender in some state polls, said that even though "I don't have the facts to back this up," he believed that what?

A) If he were to capture Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner, Geithner would grant him three wishes.
B) The White House is orchestrating the Occupy Wall Street protests to distract attention from its own record.
C) Phil Collins: greatest singer/songwriter EVER.
D) Kittens are the snuggliest.

2.) Zach Martini, a New Jersey sixth-grader, lost his race for student council ... even though what?

A) He received $750,000 in donations from George Soros.
B) He got campaign advice from Gov. Chris Christie himself.
C) He promised his sixth-grade class he would preserve its 100 percent unemployment rate.
D) He is, in fact, a boy wizard.

3.) Concerned about a skyrocketing divorce rate, politicians in Mexico City have put forward a proposal that would allow what?

A) Couples to bring disputes about household chores, movie choices and annoying personal habits to city courts.
B) Temporary marriages, for as little as two years.
C) A law banning sociologists from measuring the divorce rate.
D) Extremely Gay Marriage

4.) ABC, trying to capitalize on the success of its daytime show The View, has announced a new show ... what?

A) The Ewww, featuring the political opinions of Hank Williams Jr.
B) The Hugh, a daily look at the life of Hugh Grant
C) The Chew, a talk/eating show featuring Mario Batali and other foodies
D) The Phew, an hour of peaceful silence broadcast after The View

5.) A British woman, along with her children, was convicted of trying to murder her elderly father ... in part on the basis of what evidence?

A) She put a sign on her front door: "Out to commit murder ... back in 15 minutes."
B) She and her family Googled the phrase, "Easiest Way to Kill An Old person."
C) She told the funeral director, "He should be ready by Friday, depending on how fast he can run."
D) Pretending to be a mugger, she said, "Hand over your money, Dad!"

6.) Starting this week, the New York Department of Motor Vehicles will no longer require vision tests for people who want a driver's license and will instead do what?

A) Open "visually impaired lanes" for drivers
B) Take the drivers' word for it
C) Mandate all vehicles be equipped with bifocal windshields
D) Ban squinting while driving

7.) A new study may hold a key to finally getting men to lose weight. Men eat less when they ... what?

A) Are sleeping
B) Are talking about their fantasy football teams
C) Eat with other men
D) Have just eaten a big meal

8.) Disney is beloved by adults and children alike ... but that's not enough. Now Disney is marketing its magic to whom?

A) Members of Congress
B) Newborns
C) Household pets
D) Plankton

9.) In addition to the more traditional ways of losing money in Las Vegas, visitors can now pay lots of money to play around in what?

A) The Journey Through Celine Dion 3-D Thrill Ride
B) The famous Bellagio fountain
C) Wayne Newton's dressing room
D) An adult-size sandbox

10.) A school in England has revolutionized classroom instruction by banning students from doing what?

A) Raising their hands
B) Answering B on multiple choice quizzes
C) Casting spells. They must wait until they are 18.
D) Speaking in British accents

11.) Viewers of the BBC2 show The Great British Bake Off were shocked to see what during the show?

A) Great British food
B) Full frontal squirrel nudity
C) Elvis Presley
D) Elvis Stojko

12.) After months of focus groups and brainstorming, a consulting firm has freshened up the image of Chattanooga Metropolitan Airport by renaming it what?

A) Chattanooga Not-Choo-Choo
B) The Other LaGuardia
C) Chattanooga Airport
D) Arprt.com

1.) Answer, B: The White House is orchestrating the Occupy Wall Street protests to distract attention from its own record. Cain cheerfully admitted he didn't have the "facts" to back up his accusation but went ahead with it anyway in an interview with The Wall Street Journal. He also indicated that using the same method of reasoning, he would use his presidential powers to declare war on Narnia.

2.) Answer, B: He got campaign advice from Gov. Chris Christie himself. Christie told young Zach to put up cheerful posters, enlist all his friends to help, and demonize the teachers, because it's always worked for him. All Zach got was an electoral loss and four years of detention.

3.) Answer, B: Temporary marriages, for as little as two years. At the end of the agreed-upon period, the marriage can be renewed or it will simply end. Women of Mexico City: Be careful of men in singles bars who are just coming off a lease. You don't know how they've been treated.

4.) Answer, C: The Chew, a talk/eating show featuring Mario Batali and other foodies. An hour of people talking with their mouths full with the worst breach of basic etiquette on network TV since 1973's Leaving the Toilet Seat Up With Walter Cronkite.

5.) Answer, B: She and her family Googled the phrase, "Easiest Way to Kill An Old person." Her family's computer recorded Google searches for the phrases, "Easiest Way to Kill An Old person," "10 easy ways to kill someone with no trace," and "Dangerous drugs for the elderly." And to make it even worse, they then clicked on Google's "I'm Feeling Murdery" button.

6.) Answer, B: Take the drivers' word for it. Why make people come all the way down to the DMV to look at an eye chart when they could just go online and check a box saying "Yep, I see fine"? Or, if they have a bit of trouble seeing the box, checking anywhere on the screen will count.

7.) Answer, C: Eat with other men. The new study in the Journal of Applied Social Psychology finds that men eat an average of 200 fewer calories when eating with men than they do with women. One theory as to why men eat more while around women is that they want to plug up their mouth hole so feelings don't come out.

8.) Answer, B: Newborns. To win brand loyalty from babies as early as possible, Disney is showing up in hospitals and handing out branded onesies and taking photos of moms and newborns ... just like those amusement park photos taken as you shoot down the flume ride ... in this case, it's the birth flume.

9.) Answer, D: An adult-size sandbox. For a few hundred dollars, visitors to "Dig This" can eat all they sand they want and play around with fully operational excavators and bulldozers in a giant box of sand — while their kids stare longingly from the sidelines, drinking coffee and lamenting the passage of time.

10.) Answer, A: Raising their hands. Instead, they're being told to give a Fonzie-style thumbs up. School officials claim hand-raising is both distracting and allows know-it-all-types to dominate the classroom. The Fonzerelli system is less intrusive, but it has thrown the school's film criticism class into chaos.

11.) Answer, B: Full frontal squirrel nudity. Joanne Wheatley's pistachio meringues may have won the bake-off, but all anybody could talk about was the squirrel who wandered onto the outdoor set, stood up, and showed off an impressive set of acorns he hadn't yet stored away for winter.

12.) Answer, C: Chattanooga Airport. They didn't so much freshen up its image as erase part of its name, but according to one airport official, quote: "It's like Chattanooga is getting into the modern era." Other plans to bring the airport into the modern age include getting rid of the airplane conductors with their pocket watches and updating their fleet of horse-drawn planes.

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Wait Wait ... Don't Tell Me!
Wait Wait ... Don't Tell Me!

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