A weekend installment of the online play-at-home news quiz.
1.) Gov. Rick Perry, attempting to regain his footing as a Presidential candidate at the GOP Debate on Tuesday night in Hanover, N.H., asserted that America is what?
A) "One of the top 5 countries in North America."
B) "Just like Texas, only bigger. Also with more trees."
C) "Clearly the place where domestic energy needs to be produced from."
D) "Not just a rest stop between Mexico and Canada."
2.) Herman Cain, the GOP frontrunner in some national polls, has pushed his "9,9,9" plan. He and his advisers came up with it ... when?
A) During an intensive seminar on taxes and tax policy at Yale University
B) During a long plane flight
C) After a convincing visit from The Ghost of Tax Policy Future
D) While being repeatedly told "no" by a pack of German tourists
3.) Also at the GOP debate, some observers noticed that Rep. Ron Paul seemed to be losing his what?
D) Right eyebrow
4.) According to testimony heard at the trial of accused terrorist Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab, crew on his flight last year were first made aware of the threat he posed when a passenger shouted ...
A) "Dude, your pants are on fire!"
B) "Everybody who's not a terrorist, stand up!"
C) "Do I smell Semtex?"
D) "That guy over there has a devious look!"
5.) British soldier Nigel Ely, who served in the early days of the Iraq War, is now auctioning off what piece of war memorabilia?
A) His "Between Iraq and a Hard Place" T-shirt
B) A portion of Saddam Hussein's backside
C) Forty pounds of collected shrapnel
D) An eight-year-old MRE Lasagna
6.) According to a report in The New York Times, middle school locker decoration has gone to such extremes that stores are having trouble keeping what in stock?
A) Tiny oil paintings
B) Mini-doghouses for locker pets
C) Locker chandeliers
D) Solid gold textbook covers
7.) For the first time in more than 20 years, Girl Scouts is updating its badges ... now girls can earn a badge for what?
A) The most unsold cookies
B) Good credit
C) Weight loss
D) Computer hacking
8.) A company called Paulee CleanTec has developed a new device that gets rid of your dog's poop for you, how?
A) It cremates it.
B) It blows leaves on top of it.
C) It pretends it never happened.
D) It turns it back into kibble.
9.) Dr. Pepper has come out with a new diet soda that is different from regular diet soda because it is what?
A) A certified medical doctor
B) Just bottled water
C) Only for men
D) Meant to be eaten with a knife and fork
1.) Answer, C: "Clearly the place where domestic energy needs to be produced from." He also said, in a debate on economic policy, that we shouldn't be focused on "whether or not we are going to have this policy or that policy."
2.) Answer, B: During a long plane flight. They also used solved our national defense policy using SkyMall: hide the country under one enormous fake rock so enemies can't find it.
3.) Answer, D: Right eyebrow. It looked as if all the momentum from frowning at the Federal Reserve caused his eyebrow to detach and head to the ground. A spokesman angrily denied the charge of fake eyebrows, blaming the phenomenon on "a high pollen count."
4.) Answer, A: "Dude, your pants are on fire!" And they were: Abdulmutallab confessed to being "The Underwear Bomber." Note for people who like upgrades: after his pants bomb failed to explode, he got to spend the rest of the flight in first class. For free!
5.) Answer, B: A portion of Saddam Hussein's backside. He pried the bronze backside off the famous statue of Saddam Hussein when it was pulled down in Mansour Square in 2003. Experts say it might break the record set at auction for the large metal body part of a former dictator set by Marshall Tito's silver pancreas in 1974.
6.) Answer, C: Locker chandeliers. Locker decor is an industry, with companies like LockerLookz selling locker shag carpets, magnetic leopard-print wallpaper, and little locker chandeliers, powered by tiny batteries. This means that instead of stuffing nerds into your locker, you'll install them as butlers instead.
7.) Answer, B: Good credit. It's one of many Financial Literacy badges Girl Scouts of the USA has created to help prepare young girls in the off chance there are jobs for them when they grow up. The problem is once Girl Scouts learn financial literacy badges, they'll realize the only way to get ahead is to outsource Do-Si-Do production to Thailand.
8.) Answer, A: It cremates it. The device, called the AshPoopie, scoops the droppings and incinerates them, turning them into little piles of ash. Of course, some people are sentimental and have taken to disseminating their Ashpoopie ashes at the seashore. "Poop always liked coming here," they say.
9.) Answer, C: Only for men. The ads for Dr. Pepper Ten explicitly state it's "Not for Women." DP10 tastes sweeter and manlier than regular diet soda, because it contains both real sugar and mashed up footballs. It will also come with a gun with which to shoot it open.