Happy Valentine's Day! NPR
Tomorrow is Valentine's Day, and if your Valentine really loves you, you'll be opening up that heart-shaped box to reveal a Valenburger.
Beef is yummy
Buns are too
So get ready Valenburger,
For my hunger is true!
Kate: This is way better way to celebrate a holiday than the time we tried to cut a burger into the shape of a firework. Or Lincoln's head.
After a lifetime of eating his Valentine's Day cards, Peter was happy to find one that was actually edible.
After a lifetime of eating his Valentine's Day cards, Peter was happy to find one that was actually edible. NPR
Peter: You had me at mayo. You had me at mayo!
Ian: You: complete meat.
It's both disturbing and touching that Robert turned pink in honor of Valentine's Day.
It's both disturbing and touching that Robert turned pink in honor of Valentine's Day. NPR
Dear Valentine, If I were John Montague, the 4th Earl of Sandwich, and I were up late gambling so intently that I had no time for a meal, I would not instruct my servants to bring me slices of cold roast meat placed between two pieces of bread... I would ask them to bring me you, between two slices of bread. But I also would not stop gambling. Happy Valentine's Day!
How do I eat thee? Let me count the ways.
Oh, just the one. Through my mouth.
Shall I compare thee to a bacon double cheeseburger?
Though art more tasty, with less added trans fats
With less call to take ipecac, or some other purger
Making me throw it all up with a unpleasant splat
Mike: We're doing poems now? I've got a great one from e.e. coli.
It's supposed to say "Chews Me" but Ian is bad at ketchup painting.
It's supposed to say "Chews Me" but Ian is bad at ketchup painting. NPR
Robert: Valentine, be my thrombosis of love!
Eva: I feel sorry for that poor kid who doesn't get as many valenburgers as the other kids in class. That poor, poor, thin kid.
Peter: I remember trying to given Ellen Greenberg a valenburger in the 7th grade, and she told me she wasn't hungry. Later, I saw her eating a hot pocket from Scott Bradshaw. Heartbreaking.
[The verdict: Really, really romantic.]