Part of the elaborate burger smuggling operation.
Part of the elaborate burger smuggling operation. NPR
So many great things from California have made their way east: Extra-Large King Size Beds, Talking Raisins, Pizza Kitchens. But the best thing about California — In-N-Out Burger — still hasn't made it to us. Fortunately Blythe brought us some "Double-Double Animal-Style" burgers in an ice-filled cooler. We ate them, roughly 20 hours after they were made.
Blythe: I put them in the overhead compartment on the plane.
Peter: I like to think they would have dropped down in the event of a loss of cabin pressure.
Ian: Place it firmly over your nose and mouth with the elastic band behind your head and inhale. Although the burger does not inflate, meat is still flowing to your face.
The cooler. (Also pictured: the very necessary giant roll of paper towels.)
The cooler. (Also pictured: the very necessary giant roll of paper towels.) NPR
Ian: It really looks like we're getting something from an organ donor. I'm just glad I'm first on the Cheeseburger Transplant list.
Blythe: It would be nice if you received your new lung in a novelty Dodgers bag.
Mike: I'm pretty sure this is the transplant you get before your heart transplant.
Ian: So these burgers were like $2.50. Plus a plane ticket, that's only $302.50.
Blythe: I was keeping an eye on them. So you need to factor in the $10 an hour for Burgersitting.
You call it "a spill." We call it "flavored pants."
You call it "a spill." We call it "flavored pants." NPR
Eva: One day-old In-N-Out burger that's traveled half the country in an overhead compartment and been through an X-Ray Machine and been probed by TSA Agents equals one fresh McDonald's burger in gross factor. But it still surpasses it in flavor.
Peter: Thank god the burgers were in airplane mode, otherwise they would have brought the plane down.
Peter took precautions to make sure no UB (Ultrabeefy) Rays damaged his eyes.
Peter took precautions to make sure no UB (Ultrabeefy) Rays damaged his eyes. NPR
Blythe: I feel like once people find out they transport well, everybody will want to do it.
Ian: You could have a really good career as a Burger Mule.
Mike: Oh god where did you put these?
[The verdict: an excellent burger preserved and transported excellently. Definitely worth the $302.50. But: If someone who steals burgers is called A Hamburglar, what is someone who smuggles burgers called? A Hamburmuggler?]