...HOSPICE HANDS CONTINUED
Decreased Socialization
The person may only want to be with a very few or even
just one
person. This is a sign of preparation for release and
affirms from
whom the support is most needed in order to make the
appropriate
transition. If you are not part of this inner circle at
the end, it does
not mean you are not loved or are unimportant. It means
you have
already fulfilled your task with your loved one, and it
is the time for
you to say Good-bye. If you are part of the final inner
circle of
support, the person needs your affirmation, support,
and permission.
Unusual communication
The person may make a seemingly out of character or non
sequitur
statement, gesture, or request. This indicates that he
or she is ready
to say Good-bye and is testing you to see if you are
ready to let him
or her go. Accept the moment as a beautiful gift when
it is offered.
Kiss, hug, hold, cry, and say whatever you most need to
say.
Giving Permission
Giving permission to your loved one to let go, without
making him or
her guilty for leaving or trying to keep him or her
with you to meet
your own needs, can be difficult. A dying person will
normally try to
hold on, even though it brings prolonged discomfort, in
order to be
sure those who are going to be left behind will be all
right.
Therefore, your ability to release the dying person
from this concern
and give him or her assurance that it is all right to
let go whenever he
or she is ready is one of the greatest gifts you have
to give your
loved one at this time.
Saying Good-bye
When the person is ready to die and you are able to let
go, then is
the time to say, Good-bye. Saying Good-bye is your
final gift of
love to your loved one, for it achieves closure and
makes the final
release possible. It may be helpful to lay in bed and
hold the person,
or to take his or her hand and then say everything you
need to say.
It may be as simple as saying, I love you. It may
include recounting
favorite memories, places, and activities you shared.
It may include
saying, I 'm sorry for whatever I contributed to any
tension or
difficulties in our relationship. It may also include
saying, Thank you
for...
Tears are a normal and natural part of saying,
Good-bye. Tears do
not need to be hidden from your loved one or apologized
for. Tears
express your love and help you to let go.
How Will You Know When Death Has Occurred?
Although you may be prepared for the death process, you
may not
be prepared for the actual death moment. It may be
helpful for you
and your family to think about and discuss what you
would do if you
were the one present at the death moment. The death of
a hospice
patient is not an emergency. Nothing must be done
immediately.
The signs of death include such things as no breathing,
no heartbeat,
release of bowel and bladder, no response, eyelids
slightly open,
pupils enlarged, eyes fixed on a certain spot, no
blinking, jaw
relaxed and mouth slightly open.
A Hospice nurse will come to assist you if needed or
desired. If not,
phone support is available.
The body does not have to be moved until you are ready.
If the
family wants to assist in preparing the body by bathing
or dressing,
that may be done. Call the funeral home when you are
ready to have
the body moved, and identify the person as a Hospice
patient. The
police do not need to be called. The Hospice nurse will
notify the
physician.
Thank you
We of Hospice thank you for the privilege of assisting
you with the
care of your loved one. We salute you for all you have
done to
surround your loved one with understanding care, to
provide your
loved one with comfort and calm, and to enable your
loved one to
leave this world with a special sense of peace and
love.
You have given your loved one one of the most
wonderful, beautiful,
and sensitive gifts we humans have to offer, and in
giving that gift
have given yourself a wonderful gift as well.
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