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...Rites of Mourning, Continued
Although these blessings are not in current use, it is worth looking at
them
in order to understand Judaism’s approach to mourning. The first blessing
spoke of the greatness of God and concluded with “Blessed are You, O Lord,
who revives the dead,” the same blessing that appears in the gevorot, the
blessing in the Amida that stresses God’s might and wonders. Thus the
process of healing begins by reaffirming the belief that in some way human
existence continues after death.
Our brothers who are worn out and crushed by this mourning,
let you hearts consider this: this is the path that has existed
from the time of creation and will exist forever. Many have
drunk from it and many will yet drink. As was the first meal, so
shall be the last. Our brothers—may the master of comfort
comfort you. Blessed is He who comforts the mourners.
The act of comforting is performed through helping the mourners realize
that what they are undergoing, terrible and personal as it is, is part of
a
universal process. To know and experience sorrow and loss is part of the
human condition. Death has been part of life since the beginning and will
continue to be part of life until the end of the world as we know it. To
quote
Shakespeare:
Thou know’st ’tis common; all that lives must die,
Passing through nature to eternity.…
But you must know, your father lost a father;
That father lost, lost his.…
From the first corse till he that dies today,
This must me so.
This same sentiment is voiced today when the mourners follow the practice
of walking between two rows of friends upon leaving the grave and again
when
they enter the synagogue for the first time. We say to them, “May God
comfort
you among the mourners for Zion and Jerusalem.” This is also said whenever
one departs from a mourner during the week of mourning.
On the one hand, there is an inclination to say, “What does it matter who
else has suffered a loss? Mine is unique to me.” On the other hand, it may
help
to place one’s sorrow into proper perspective. Certainly the very fact
that
others come to offer words of comfort is helpful. The very stylized words
have
a value in placing what is happening into a ritual framework that elevates
it
from the everyday. Yes, it happens to everyone, but that does not mean
that it
is to be passed over and has no significance.
The third of the ancient blessings addresses itself to those who have come
to comfort:
Our brothers who perform act of loving-kindness,
children of those who perform acts of loving-kindness—
who follow the way of our father Abraham.…
Our brothers—may He who reward goodness reward you.
Blessed are You who rewards deeds of goodness.
One of the basic concepts of rabbinic Judaism is gemilut hasadim,
the
performance of acts of loving-kindness. That which characterizes the Jew
is an
attitude of active mercy, of care for other human beings. Loving-kindness,
the
willingness to help others not only through charity but through personal
concern, is the mark of a descendant of Abraham. Such acts as visiting the
sick, burying the dead, and comforting the mourner are classified as
gemilut
hasadim. This blessing stresses that value concept and takes the
opportunity
to emphasize the importance of the help that the community is offering to
the
mourner. Thus people are encouraged to go and comfort the mourner so that
this important practice will not be abandoned.
Judaism is not a solitary religion. It places the experiences of life
within a
context of living in a community. These blessings are evidence of that.
The
community comes together at this time of personal loss in order to affirm
its
belief, and to speak words of consolation to the bereaved, putting the
sorrow
into a universal context, demonstrating the concern of all for the
suffering of
each one, and praising those who fulfill this act of kindness.
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