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The Election's Mysterious Ending
by Edna Buchanan
Florida-based crime novelist Edna Buchanan has the answer all America is waiting to know --- how the election between Democrat Al Gore and Republican George W. Bush will turn out. This NPR exclusive, unfolds the answer to our election mystery.
 Listen to the story as heard on Weekend All Things Considered.
A sudden explosion blasts an armored car off a sunny stretch of Florida road and into a ditch. Before the stunned police deputies can react to the direct bazooka hit, aging Spanish-speaking men clad in camouflage gear swarm the car, brandishing guns.
The attackers seize the locked metal box containing the crucial uncounted absentee ballots and flee. Witnesses report seeing a helicopter depart.
TV networks break into national programming. A manhunt is launched, but it's soon clear who is responsible. Veterans of the Bay of Pigs invasion, Brigade 2506, issue a communique to CNN, claiming credit for the commando raid.
They have been driven to action by their women, wives, sisters, the little old ladies in black who still mourn the return of little Elian Gonzalez to Cuba. Betrayed by the US at the Bay of Pigs, the veterans say they were betrayed again when the boy was seized from the home of his Miami relatives.
Their demands are clear. Return Elian to Miami or the true winner of the US presidential race will never be known.
A national emergency is declared. Janet Reno flies to Miami. Angry exiles set a deadline. In 24 hours, absentee ballots chosen at random will be destroyed -- one crucial vote at a time.
As the clock ticks down, word from Cuba stuns the world. Fidel Castro announces that the missing ballots have been spirited to Havana by his spies, who have infiltrated every Miami exile organization. CNN broadcasts footage of Castro posing with
the locked box. Miami exiles roar that the tyrant lies, that they hold the ballots. Castro retaliates by reading return addresses on two ballots, one from a serviceman stationed in Germany, the other a rabbi visiting Israel. Both are instantly confirmed.
In a spirit of goodwill, Castro offers his help. He will fly to Washington to personally deliver the ballots to the American public, but only at the White House, in the presence of the opposing candidates and the President.
Under pressure from a weary nation, wary political leaders agree. Angry exiles riot in Miami as Castro arrives in Washington, delighted again to be front and center on the world stage.
Cameras roll as he enters the White House, wearing his familiar green fatigues. Members of his entourage carry the metal box. Moments later, Gov. George W. Bush, Al Gore, President Clinton, Chelsea and Socks the cat flee the building.
The metal box, it seems, contained weapons. Castro's entourage quickly overwhelmed the White House staff, aided by Cuban spies among Secret Service double agents. The wily Fidel, who has outfoxed Miami's exiles and nine American presidents, has done it again. Cigar smoke emanates from the Oval Office, and Castro declares himself President of the United States. In a seven hour speech to the American public, he points out that the close vote proved that the public never truly wanted either candidate and he pledges free, life-long medical care to all Americans, along with free prescription drugs and a stronger national defense. To seniors, he promises ample supplies of Cuban rum, Havana cigars, and subsidized retirement villages along Cuba's unspoiled white sand beaches. The nation heaves a sigh of relief. The market goes up.
Tell us how you would solve the presidential predicament.
Edna Buchanan is a Pulitzer-prize winning journalist and novelist living in Miami. Her new novel, "You Only Die Twice," will be published in April.
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