Style commentary from people who have none! And find @waitwait on Twitter, where we'll be following the ceremony.

We're not going to say "Twilight: Breaking Foot." We're not going to say it.

Tommy Lee Jones showed up either to collect a Best Supporting Actor Oscar, or TO FIND GOLD IN THEM THAR HILLS DADGUMMIT!

Joseph Gordon-Levitt looks so cute that girl from Beasts of the Southern Wild is going to make him into a purse next year.

For the first time in history, these words make sense together: Sexy Deep Space Nine.

Little Q could be the first winner carrying a puppy purse since Jon Voight in 1978.

Tim Burton wears his cummerbund as incorrectly as possible.

Katniss's dresses are a lot more beautiful and a lot less burny since she fired Cinna.

Always going above and beyond, Oscars Host Seth MacFarlane drew and animated his parents himself.

We're packing up the 1's and 0's here, and moving all "Wait, Wait...Don't Tell Me" blog things over to tumblr. Right now it's the Internet's #1 source for photographs of Peter Sagal on his motorcycle, but we hope it'll be much, much more (Peter Sagal on his unicycle, hovercraft, pool noodle, etc.). Check it out at wwdtm.tumblr.com.

Sandwich Monday is going to keep living at The Salt. You can find those revolting posts right here.

And you can still find info about our show, tickets to our tapings, past episodes, and all that stuff at npr.org/waitwait.

We're trying a little experiment: Sandwich Monday is going to be hosted by NPR's food blog, The Salt. We noticed they were getting a little skinny over there. You can find this week's post here. And you regulars, try and make the newbies welcome.

You're probably familiar with the term "MRE," Meals Ready To Eat. They're shelf-stable foods meant to last forever—the kind of thing they hand out after a disaster. We got a hold of an MRE Pepperoni Sandwich.

Ian: If they hand these out in the zombie apocalypse, I think I'll just eat brains like everybody else.

Eva: I think you got confused, Ian. "Shelf-stable" refers to the fact this is made from the wood of old shelves and stables.

Ian: This tastes just like that old McDonald's promotional sandwich the McTheRoad.

Robert: I read that when the Allies airlifted these during the siege of Leningrad the Russians threw them back.

Robert: If they wanted to improve on the Pig In A Blanket I think they could have done better than Snake In A Sleeping Bag.

Eva: You guys, look at it. I think we just ate Twinkie's boyfriend.

Leah: These were made to eat after the apocalypse...but I think they might be causing it.

Eva: Is this like gum? Will it live inside my stomach for 25 years?

Robert: I think it's really great that some innovative entrepreneur is finding a use for all that leftover fallout shelter food from 1958.

Eva: If need be, these will also double as bullet-proof vests during combat.

Ian: It says on the package, "the sandwich worth killing Rue for."

Ian: That last joke might make me cry.

[The verdict: really, not very tasty. The apocalypse is going to be way less fun than we thought. Thanks a lot, Mayan calendar.]

We've all encountered loose change, loose teeth, and certainly loose-fitting pants, but only a lucky few of us have encountered the Loose Meat Sandwich. It's an Iowa classic that's basically like a hamburger, except the patty doesn't hold together at all. We picked up a couple from Maid-Rite here in Chicago.

Mike: The meat pebbles make it so much easier to fatten up those hard to reach parts of the body.

Leah: I think you have to have baleen to eat this properly.

Ian: This reminds me of the short-lived Meat Grape-Nuts.

Mike: Who made this burger, George Seurat? (That's a pointillist joke.)

Ian: I'm gonna wash this down with 200 molecules of hydrogen and 100 molecules of oxygen.

Eva: I'd like a refund, because I specifically asked for a thousand tiny buns.

Robert: I tried making these on my backyard grill. Man, what a disaster!

Eva: I think I might be suffering from amnesia, because it looks like I already ate this sandwich.

Ian: These are great if you have kids because if they wander off you can just follow their meat trail.

Robert: The saying "loose lips sink ships" saved countless service men and women during World War II. I think "loose meat you best not eat" could save even more lives.

[The verdict: A great sandwich if you want the ingredients of a hamburger without all the convenience and structural integrity.]

Today, a very special Sandwich Monday: Peter shares the sandwich that made him who he is today.

Every day during the 7th and 8th grade I would go into the lunchroom at Columbia Junior High School in Berkeley Heights, N.J., and unwrap the same sandwich: Hebrew National salami on white bread with sweet pickle relish.

I've been wanting to re-create the sandwich for years. I used Trader Joe's Organic White bread, which is as stiff and crumbly as the bread I remember, but is a little too tasty. Fortunately, pickle relish still tastes like pickle relish.

Peter: Making this sandwich was like a Proustian flashback. I felt suddenly weird, unsure and awkward. Fortunately, my hair also grew back.

Ian: I can't imagine the 13-year-old Peter eating this without also imagining a 20-year-old Carl there, too.

Peter: The salami has changed. It's much blander than it used to be. Back in the day, I remember it being more peppery and redolent of humiliation.

Mike: That's probably the Clearasil.

Eva: I don't know if this is related, but after eating this I suddenly know a lot of Star Trek trivia.

Ian: This is basically a reorganized hot dog.

Peter: I actually like it. I did then, too. It's why to this day I like to go into fine dining establishments and smear pickle relish on everything.

Ian: As bad as this sandwich is, I'm happy to learn the phrase "Sagal Sandwich" does not refer to a wrestling move. Yet.

[The verdict: Well, I liked it, but then again, I always did. You got any Sandwiches Of Your Youth?]

Most of the Sandwich Monday crew is on vacation today, or they're home trying to digest last week's sandwich. We'll be back next week. In the meantime, enjoy this photograph that came up when I searched Getty Images for "sandwich":

A few of us are doing a 5K tonight (burger-themed, of course), and rather than doing any training whatsoever, we're getting ready with our very own Energy Bar Sandwich. Luna Bar bread, a Clif Bar patty, topped with a Powerbar, carbohydrate goo and something called Clif Shot Bloks. It adds up to 1,200 calories, more than twice that of a Big Mac.

Ian: This sandwich tastes like exercise feels.

Eva: It's effective though, because after eating this, the only way to undo the damage is to run a marathon.

Robert: I never thought I'd be able to run a marathon, but after eating this I'm pretty sure I'm going to sink 26.2 miles into the Earth's crust.

Blythe: This reminds me of when I ate an entire turkey before that Turkey Trot.

Ian: This is the perfect thing to eat before my new workout program, "Crossfat."

Ian: Are these Clif Blok things supposed to be like Jello? Somewhere, Bill Cosby is mopping up his tears with a hilarious sweater.

Eva: Does this count as doping? I'm worried someone's going to take away my last place medal if they find out I lost because I ate this.

Ian: The only way to get through this is to Gallow-eat it. One minute of chewing followed by 4 minutes of eating something else.

Blythe: Now I have intestine splints.

[The verdict: Amazingly, this may be the grossest thing we've ever tasted. ]

A recipe for bacon s'mores has been making its way around the Internet today, prompting many people to wonder how they hadn't thought of it before. It was probably like this when a caveman first figured out the wheel and put something about it on his blog.

Robert: I feel really sorry for the pig who was excited about being invited to a campfire.

Ian: He's like "wait ... you're putting s'me in them?"

Mike: When pigs have their own campfires I bet this is the scary story they tell... "and his s'mores were filled with bacon ... and he had a hook for hoof."

Ian: The bacon is like the kid they bring in to freshen up an aging sitcom. It's Olivia on The Cosby Show. Basically what I'm saying is this sandwich is so Raven.

Eva: If I was chocolate, I'd be feeling pretty resentful right now. All those years of melty work, and bacon comes along and just steals the show.

Blythe: I don't get the big deal. This is just adding bacon to my traditional breakfast sandwich.

Ian: Boy Scouts can make these to earn the coveted Obesity Badge!

Blythe: S'mores should be at least six degrees from bacon.

Ian: This proves the old adage: If it ain't broke, you should still try putting bacon on it.

Eva: What happened is whenever bacon hears the word "more," he just assumes his services are needed.

Mike: You know what though? Don't eat the bacon s'mores at the Lord of the Flies campout.

[The verdict: pretty delicious. Takes something good and makes it better.]

It's our intern MacKenzie Van Engelenhoven's last week, and she asked if she could bring in the sandwich on her final Sandwich Monday. We said "of course," because the only thing we love more than sandwiches is having the intern do things we should be doing ourselves.

It's an old Van Engelenhoven family recipe: Make cookies, bake them only four minutes, and freeze them. This maximizes the cookie-dough-ness when you make ice cream sandwiches out of them.

Mike: It's like cookie dough ice cream, reversed. Genius.

Ian: Oh, sure, when MacKenzie's mom undercooks something, it's brilliant. But when I undercook something, everyone gets salmonella.

Eva: This half-dough, half-baked cookie is ideal for the baker who's half-impatient. Or half-depressed.

Peter: It really is just a small step away from eating sticks of butter over the sink.

MacKenzie: Sticks of butter actually have about the same nutritional value, but the cookies also have chocolate.

Ian: If President Obama was here I bet he'd eat the ice cream part with a spoon.

Peter: If Michelle was here she'd weep for us.

Robert: I never realized how much my ice cream needed an exoskeleton.

Peter: I just went back to my desk, and the Olympic feed is showing enormous men competing to see how far they can throw these very sandwiches.

Ian: These frozen cookies are tough.

Peter: Yeah, now I know what rats feel like chewing through a wall. Hard work, but delicious.

MacKenzie: "Van Engelenhoven" is actually Dutch for "jaws of steel."

[The verdict: Delicious. MacKenzie has been a great intern, and in no ways a slow learner, so it is weird that in her many weeks here, she has failed to pick up on the fact Sandwich Mondays are supposed to be disgusting.]

The 2012 Olympic Games are in full swing! None of us here at "Wait, Wait" have any prayer of ever being involved in the Games, unless they make watching the Olympics a competitive sport. We could probably medal in that. So, in honor to obtain the Olympic glory we have always dreamed of, we are forced to create our own games here in the office, with events like....

100-meter sprint to a joke

Ian: What made the Opening Ceremonies so significant is it was the first time anybody had to pluralize "Mary Poppins." Is it Mary Poppinses?

Peter: Mary Poppi.

Mike: It's Marys Poppins, like attorneys general.

Diving into a pop culture story

Peter valiantly fights to not feature Kristen Stewart in Who's Carl This Time? He does not medal in this sport.

Shooting down jokes

Mike: Peter, stop, you're talking in hashtags again!

Rhythmic talking about handball

Whenever the Olympics are mentioned, Peter always pipes up, "There are some really obscure sports out there! Like handball!" Handball is apparently the most obscure Olympic sport Peter can think of. He obviously doesn't realize canoe slalom exists.

TV wrestling

Mike and Ian spend ten minutes fighting, first with each other for the remote, then with the TV trying to tune into the opening ceremonies. When the TV refuses to cooperate, they promptly give up, and call for help. They would not make great Olympians.

British stereotypes relay

When Danny Boyle said that his opening ceremonies would be a celebration of all things British, we spent a good ten minutes listing what things might be featured: marmite, Downton Abbey, rain, the Queen's corgis, fish and chips, and Mr. Bean. At the end, we gave ourselves a medal for not making a single bad teeth joke.

Synchronized eating

Every Thursday, we arrive at the theatre at approximately 7:15, and the show starts at 7:30. Meaning what follows is a contest to see who can snarf down dinner the fastest.

But until they create an Olympics for the extremely unathletic, we will be forced to satisfy our unattainable Olympic dreams by awarding ourselves medals in our own sports. The next two weeks should be exciting – Peter is disqualified for insensitive tweeting, and Carl parachutes in to the show on Thursday.

The Taco Bell Crunchwrap Supreme is, in the words of Taco Bell, engineered "for maximum portability." In truth, their short-lived "Back Pocket Chalupa" was more portable, but also more tragic.

MacKenzie: It looks like a frisbee. Maybe that's what the portability is about.

Robert: They need to make one in boomerang form, for people who don't want to share.

Ian: It has a tostada inside, for structural integrity.

Peter: That's the first time anyone has ever talked about "integrity" describing this food.

Peter: It's a little floppy. Are you sure you didn't get the Taco Bell Limpwrap Supreme?

Mike: You know, its octagonal shape says "stop," but I'm going ahead with this anyway.

Ian: If Taco Bell Crunchwrap Supreme was the first time you heard the word "supreme," you would not understand what the word "supreme" means.

Robert: Diana Ross is already consulting her attorney.

Ian: If they really want to make it portable, it needs a cupholder.

Peter: And little meat wheels.

Eva: I bought one of those arm pouches so I could carry my Crunchwrap while jogging.

[The verdict: It tastes like all other Taco Bell food and is in a different shape.]

Sir Patrick Stewart, when asked what he'd say to the sewing machine repairman, if his sewing machine was broken.

This is a sewing machine. It doesn't sew. Make it sew.

(More Patrick Stewart here).

The Daniel family wrote in to recommend the All-American Burger from Saloon Steakhouse here in Chicago. We're not sure if they were recommending it because they thought we'd like it, or as a vicious plot to put us all in food comas, because as soon as we got to "burger between two grilled cheese sandwiches," we stopped reading and went to go get it.

Eva: It's so annoying whenever I hang out with burger, grilled cheese is ALWAYS there too.

Blythe: I feel like I'm just eating the entire kid's menu in one sandwich.

Ian: You do feel bad for all the unemployed buns out there now though. Standing in the bread line, no doubt.

Blythe: As an indecisive restaurant orderer, this suits me. It's also better than the chicken caesar salad pot pie incident.

Ian: I think we just passed from burger to burgest.

Robert: The other possibility was a grilled cheese between two burgers, but the grilled cheese lost the coin toss.

Eva: So much in there I almost didn't notice the slice of apple pie hidden somewhere between the second slice of bread and the burger.

Robert: Oh look, I found my car keys!

Ian: Grilled cheese, bacon, burger. This sandwich is both like a triathlon and the opposite of a triathlon.

Robert: With all this beef and cheese it almost feels like the bacon is crashing the party. Except bacon is never an unwanted guest.

Eva: This is what happens when cheese demands the limelight.

Ian: Jokes with fruit in them have no place in this blog.

[The verdict: ridiculicious. Very tasty. The grilled cheese, outnumbering the burger 2-1, does dominate the flavor a bit.]

The Illinois Department of Natural Resources has been battling the invasive asian carp species for decades, and they're nasty little buggers. But the DNR had an idea: Free Asian Carp Sliders! They gave them away at an event here in Chicago, and we'll eat anything.

Eva: Pretty gross, but better than the bedbug tacos they offered up last year.

Ian: Why couldn't we have an invasive bacon problem?

Blythe: I just want to know why these carp are taking all our jobs and what the candidates plan to do about it.

Peter: Yeah. Somewhere, there's an unemployed tuna saying "damnit, I should have been ground up, breaded and fried! This used to be my country!"

Ian: They can't really expect we'll eat these. Maybe they're just hoping word will get around to the other asian carp that we're loco.

Peter: I actually like this. I could save an entire riparian ecosystem myself, given enough tartar sauce.

Blythe: Sliders are so 2011. Should have made asian carp macaroons.

Ian: If they want to solve the problem, they need to make it all you can eat. That's how Olive Garden stopped the invasive breadstick epidemic.

Robert: The DNR had such success with this, the highway department will be serving up the Roadkill Hoagie next week.

Eva: It really is invasive. Every time I take a bite, ten new asian carp sliders appear on my plate.

[The verdict: everybody thought it was pretty gross, except for Peter, but I think his sense of duty to the Great Lakes is coloring his impressions a bit.]