Your Mother's Yearbook Called, And It Wants Its Hair Back : Monkey See Ladies and gentlemen: Big hair can be yours. While you are swimming. Curious? Read on.
NPR logo Your Mother's Yearbook Called, And It Wants Its Hair Back

Your Mother's Yearbook Called, And It Wants Its Hair Back

I saw this commercial go by on the entirely real television last night, and I couldn't help sharing it. The moderately insane fad beauty product hasn't been as in vogue recently as it was for a while (where have you gone, Topsy Tail?), and I was sort of thrilled at the suggestion that you should purchase a giant piece of plastic to help you look more like Audrey Hepburn.

Just look at the gallery! Look at the giant hair! The Bump-It is appropriate, the above commercial swears, for tennis! The pool! The red carpet!

It occurred to me that this might kind of a ridiculous idea, but then it occurred to me that I wear an awful lot of sweatshirts. So I went to an expert: Jessica Morgan of Go Fug Yourself, the brilliantly funny and multiple-award-winning home of red-carpet fashion joy and puzzlement.

Jessica was somewhat less intensely weirded out by the Bump-It than I: "As someone who loves big hair, I have to admit that I'm sort of dying to try it myself," she spilled. As for the red carpet, she points out that using forms to create giant red-carpet hair isn't that unusual, particularly in the creation of things like beehives — "I sort of wish the beehive would come back," she noted — even though properly motivated celebrities can perfectly well get their giant hair "using back-combing and extensions, like a normal person." Jessica suspects that, in fact, if a professional used a Bump-It or something like it in a red-carpet do, you might never notice it, let alone think it looked as freakish as some of the pictures appear.

But she backed me up on my first fashion-ignorant guess: "That said, SWIMMING seems like a HUGE MISTAKE. Who needs big, giant hair whilst swimming?"