Transformers: Revenge Of The Fallen: See how mad this guy looks? He's not going to get any happier when he sees what Roger Ebert said about his movie.
What's a good way to start the day? With a joyfully terrible review from Roger Ebert, who is an absolute champ when it comes to annihilating a movie without seeming nasty so much as happily provoked by the challenge of trying to quantify its awfulness.
This time, what's ricocheting around the Internet is his takedown of Michael Bay's Transformers: Revenge Of The Fallen. Here's how it starts:
Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen is a horrible experience of unbearable length, briefly punctuated by three or four amusing moments.
Aside from the fact that A Horrible Experience Of Unbearable Length should absolutely, positively be the title of Dave Eggers' next book, it's an admirably meaty, straightforward, and yet scrupulously fair opening.
He goes on to say, among other things:
There are many great-looking babes in the film, who are made up to a flawless perfection and look just like real women, if you are a junior fanboy whose experience of the gender is limited to lad magazines.
It's all just genius. There's a good reason this is the guy who has, probably more than anyone, popularized thoughtful, reliably accessible, condescension-free film criticism — and, I think you can argue, the entire idea that even if your interests run largely to popular entertainment, you can and should read criticism and think about what you're watching.
(And when you're done, be sure to compare it to Nathan Lee's review here at NPR.org, which notes, "Never have such quantities of money, hardware, technology and fathomlessly complicated logistics been marshaled to produce and experience so fleeting and ephemeral." Hmm, I don't think he liked it either.)