NPR logo How The Vampire Boom Really Began: A Totally Fictional Flight Of Fancy

Culture And Criticism

How The Vampire Boom Really Began: A Totally Fictional Flight Of Fancy

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[As our story opens, the year is 2003.]

To: VampsPR
Fr: Fritz
Re: PR issues

PR Team,

As we talked about last week at the annual retreat, it seems like we haven't made a significant PR push in quite some time. Buffy THE TRAMP LIAR-SAYER has finally gone off the air, but we are at a cultural crossroads. Vampires need to be the "next big thing." Ideas? Thx.

To: Fritz, VampsPR
Fr: Steve
Re: Re: PR issues

Fritzie,

I've heard that an up and coming novelist is planning a romance series (set in the Pacific Northwest, I believe) in which a girl is caught between a werewolf and a clown. I'm wondering whether, with proper outreach, she could be persuaded to replace the werewolf with a vampire. I think a battle for the heart of a young woman between a vampire and a clown could be very compelling and could help change our image with young women. Thoughts?

To: Steve, VampsPR
Fr: Fritz
Re: Re: Re: PR issues

Steve,

Do it. Please report back. Thx.

To: Fritz, VampsPR
Fr: Steve
Re: Discussion w/SM

Fritzie,

Talks went well. Very promising. She's receptive. Interesting twist. She suggests using the vampire in place of the clown instead. Werewolf/vampire face-off. What say you?

To: Steve
Fr: Fritz
Re: Re: Discussion w/SM

Steve,

That's fine if that's what she wants. Vampire/werewolf seems like an unfair fight, as readers cannot be expected to believe a werewolf could compete with the innate sex appeal of a vampire. Clown might seem like more worthy romantic opponent, based on perception (false, in my experience) that clowns have a great sense of humor, but again, if that's what she thinks, it's certainly worth a try. Thx.

To: Fritz
Fr: Steve
Re: Small edit

Fritzie,

As you know, the manuscript we saw last week has been returned to SM with edits. I'm having difficulty selling her on your idea, even though I like it. She seems to think that having the vampire (currently named Booger, but that's not final) sparkle in the sunlight might come across as, as she put it, "over the top." She's also having some trouble shifting entirely away from some of the aesthetics she originally had planned for Booger as far as his look; we are working on it. Still negotiating re: this point.

To: Steve
Fr: Fritz
Re: Re: Small edit

In retrn 4 sparkles, will accept red lipstick orig. 4 clown. Plz change Booger. Thx.

[From my Blackberry]

To: Fritz
Fr: Steve
Re: Book performance

Fritzie,

As you know, the book is now a runaway success. There will be more. Also tentative upcoming HBO show TRUE BLOOD based on those Snookie (?) books your wife likes, and a deal with the CW (it's the "fifth network") for a show called VAMPIRE DIARIES. Sounds super sexy. All looks good.

To: Steve
Fr: Fritz
Re: VERY VERY UPSET

Now seeing ads for Vampires Suck. "Suck"? What's going on in PR? Lead of this movie appears to be takeoff of Edward/Booger character, seems to be making vampires into jokes. VAMPIRES ARE NOT IRONIC, STEVE. Parody/irony are bad for our sense of menace. Also hearing MTV plans new Teen Wolf. Where is our marketing plan? Where is our response? I expect to meet with you and the team in the conference room at 10:30. BRING NEW IDEAS. THX.