Ten Things People Say Right Before Being Punched On St. Patrick's Day

A green felt hat, coins, and a clover. i
A green felt hat, coins, and a clover.

1. "Pink hearts, yellow moons, orange stars, green clovers — and blue diamonds! Ha ha ha!"

2. "I very much admire your people. I love golf."

3. "Look! I'm the Lord Of The Dance! Look! Ya-dee-dee deedle-dee ya-dee-dee deedle-dee..."

4. "Yeah, yeah, gimme ... gimme one more green beer. Naw, shuddup, I'm fine. I SAID SHUDDUP, I'm not drivin'. So no, no, wait, so lemme get back to that thing I was sayin' about the Red Sox, 'cause I don't care how big you are, I'm gonna tell YOU a few things."

5. "Arrrrrrr! I'll make ya walk the plank! ...What?"

6. "Hey, babycakes, show me a little of your Erin Go Bragh. Get it? Get it? Braaaaaaagh. Get it? ... It sounds like 'bra.'"

7. "Did you lose your pot of gold? Do I get wishes? Heh-heh. ...No, I don't know what a haymaker is, short stuff. You gonna show me?"

8. "I love Irish music. Like, the really, really authentic, traditional stuff. I'm totally old school, back to the basics, doing the classics the way they would have been done a couple hundred years ago. Do you know Celtic Woman?"

9. "Everything I know about the Irish, I learned from Tom Cruise's accent in Far And Away."




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