Twenty Humble Suggestions For New Cable Network Slogans : Monkey See On a summer afternoon, sometimes a list of improbable but arguably accurate cable network slogans saluting the bad moms and pawn shops of basic cable is just what the doctor ordered.
NPR logo Twenty Humble Suggestions For New Cable Network Slogans

Twenty Humble Suggestions For New Cable Network Slogans

MTV: Hurry Up, Human Cloning! We've Got Plenty Of Snooki's DNA

TLC: Next To These Appalling Moms, That Time You Accidentally Dropped Your Baby Isn't Really That Big A Deal

Lifetime: Still Trying To Fill The Gap Left By Hours Of 'Golden Girls' Reruns

USA: Ha Ha, We Can Make Successful New Hourlong Dramas And You Can't

Bravo: Fighting The Real Enemy, Which Is Horrible Tiny Rich Women With Tans

Spike: We Really Show A LOT Of Wrestling

History: Patriotism, Gun Safety, And Pawn Shops, Pawn Shops, Pawn Shops!

A&E: Two Of The Letters In 'Hoarders'

Food Network: GRILL STUFF LOUD FAST CHEAP RIGHT HERE BOOM SMACKAROONIE CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT

OWN: We're Not Here To Tell Anybody How To Live. Psych, We Totally Are

TruTV: The Highest Percentage Of Squad Car Dashboard Footage Anywhere On Television

FX: So Gritty It Will Polish Your Teeth

WeTV: If We Don't Have It And It's About Absolutely Horrible People Getting Married, You Don't Need It

Animal Planet: We Still Can't Believe We Didn't Think Of Shark Week

SyFy: We Specialize In Shows You Will Hate Us For Canceling

Hallmark: Everything You Need To Know About The World You Wish You Lived In

Oxygen: We Have More Yellow Than That Coldplay Song 'Yellow'

HGTV: Resent Your Surroundings 24 Hours A Day

BBC America: We've Got Swoony Accents. You've Got Anglophilia.

TNT: We Aren't The Ones Who Watched 'Franklin & Bash,' People